…or fully guilty of taking half-steroids, whichever way you want to look at it. Bottom line is, the California State Athletic Commission just reduced his one-year suspension for testing positive for Nandrolone to six months. Not exactly sure what the CSAC’s reasoning behind this one is — maybe they figured that being on a little bit of ‘roids isn’t that big of a deal? Anyway, Sherk is basically getting time served; he’ll be eligible to fight again in January. If the term of his suspension goes until exactly six months from his last fight, he’ll be all-clear on 1/7, which is actually before B.J. Penn and Joe Stevenson fight for the interim title at UFC 80. So, a Sherk/Penn unification bout is still a possibility, which is wonderful because they really seem to hate each other.

By the way, Hermes Franca — Sean Sherk’s opponent at UFC 73 who also tested positive for steroids after the match — had his one-year sentence upheld at his hearing in August. Not to get all political, but has the California justice system ever given a Brazilian a fair shake?

UPDATE (From The Stephen Quadros Show via Five Ounces of Pain):
Sean Sherk isn’t letting this one slide. He still claims he is 100% innocent, and plans to continue to fight the suspension, no matter how much money or time it takes. According to his own research*, urinalysis is the worst way to test for Nandrolone. His suspension ends on January 5th, and he’s still salty about this whole “interim title” thing.

* The mental image of a labcoat-and-safety-goggles-clad Sean Sherk urinating into beakers and marking things on a clipboard is making me giggle right now.

Also, he’ll be returning to the Octagon in May.

In an interview with MMA Weekly, Ortiz said:

“My last fight, before I fought Rashad (Evans), I wasn’t 100%, and I just wanted to make sure if I ever fight again I’m going to be 100%. The back injury that I sustained kind of hindered me for fight time. Now it’s a lot better…I spoke to Lorenzo (Fertitta), and it looks like in May. They’re going to wait until May, so the next Cinco de Mayo weekend will be Tito Ortiz’ next fight.”

Ortiz’s opponent has not yet been named, but it’s unlikely that the fight will be a re-match with Rashad Evans. Though Ortiz expressed interest in facing the winner of UFC 78′s Evans/Bisping match, MMA Fightline reports that UFC matchmaker Joe Silva has advised both Rashad Evans and Michael Bisping to drop down to middleweight. (This would also affect the possibility of a future Bisping/Hamill rematch.) In any case, with only one fight remaining in his current UFC contract, Ortiz better make his next appearance a good one, or Dana White will fire his ass faster than Trump.

The UFC digs the gems out of the year that was(n’t), starting at 9 p.m. ET/PT. If you want to save yourself some time, just watch the clip below — it won’t get any better than this.

(Matt Serra vs. Georges St. Pierre, UFC 69, 4/7/07)

In his meeting with Dana White last Tuesday, Randy Couture turned down a proposed title defense against Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira at UFC 81. Most likely, Nogueira will instead face Tim Sylvia for the UFC’s vacant heavyweight title.

Man, fuck you Randy. I know it’s not totally your fault that the UFC’s heavyweight division is so thin that Tim Sylvia — a guy who nobody likes to see on fight cards — gets so many goddamned title shots. But this is not helping. You have one more fight left on your contract. One. Suck it up. Or, you can just play with your stupid little puppy all day and squander the golden years of your fighting career on an acting boondoggle, and eventually fall into obscurity. You know, whatever’s best for the fans.

I just felt like posting a video of Rich Franklin actually winning a fight, so here y’go. Let’s not take anything away from the moment by pointing out that Ken was about eight years past his prime at this point, and couldn’t stay on his feet to save his life. That part at the 4:06 mark where he basically falls into Franklin’s fist? Genius.

(Rich Franklin vs. Ken Shamrock, TUF1 finale, 4/9/05)

“I wouldn’t say it’s encouraged, but [the producers] told us how extreme we could go. They just didn’t want us breaking windows or burning down the house or anything like that. I don’t understand all the negative attention about it, honestly. I see a lot of people complaining. Some of these guys on the show were even saying it’s disrespectful and things like that. In the back of my head, I’m like, ‘What are you talking about?’ People build houses 10 times the size of that house just to blow it up for movies and stuff. This is a TV set. This is how we look at it. This isn’t someone’s house. As long as it’s fixable, it’s not really a big deal. You put 16 fighters in one house with nothing to do — and then they give us alcohol after losing fights and stuff? Well, stuff’s going to happen. Most times it isn’t done to entertain the people watching at home. It’s done to entertain ourselves because we have absolutely nothing to do in that house.”

Source: MMA Junkie

MMAPayout has a great summary/analysis of the latest developments in the UFC’s looming network television deal. Among the revelations:

— CBS’s discussions with the UFC began prior to the writer’s strike, and the deal is not dependent on the strike’s outcome. NBC’s interest, on the other hand, is directly dependent upon the strike; specifically, NBC is interested in MMA as a replacement for Saturday Night Live‘s timeslot if the writer’s strike continues. NBC has also met with M-1, EliteXC, and the IFL.

— CBS is interested in UFC 80 as a taped prime-time special.

— NBC is reportedly unwilling to pay rights fees, instead offering half the advertising inventory and NBC’s prestige and exposure. This is apparently what sunk their talks with the IFL, whose CEO Jay Larkin said, “[P]eople have been giving away this MMA product for so long that it’s very difficult to put on the brakes and say it’s no longer free, we have to get some of these costs covered…Going forward we have to stop giving this product away. It has enormous value….We have to start getting an appropriate license fee arrangement with whoever uses this show.”

— The UFC’s financially shaky and setback-filled year has damaged their bargaining power.

I think it’s safe to say that a major network TV deal is the only thing that will stop the UFC’s bleeding after a year marked by dull PPV cards, costly acquisitions/expansions, fluke upsets, and the “resignation” of one of their biggest stars. But being that you only get one shot to make a first impression, maybe UFC 80 isn’t the best way to debut the brand to an unfamiliar viewership. Though the Penn/Stevenson and Gonzaga/Werdum fights should be exciting, their names are meaningless to those who don’t follow the sport. It seems like Dana White and the Fertittas are panicking and trying to make a big move as soon as possible, when they should wait an extra two weeks to capitalize on the hype of Brock Lesnar’s debut at UFC 81.

Still, it would be nice to have the UFC fill the SNL spot for a while, if only for the possibility of post-fight interviews being handled by Fred Armisen…

On last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter, Tommy proved once again that it’ll take a lot more than geyser-like cuts and fully executed submission holds to make him tap. After a dominating win over Ben Saunders last night, Tommy’s persona went from “strong farm boy” to “invincible cyborg,” and all of a sudden he’s a dark-horse candidate to win it all.

So first of all, the upper-deck thing, which resulted from Troy, War Machine, and Richie sitting around drinking instead of going to practice. After some time spent destroying the house, Troy and War get the idea to poop in the tank of Team Hughes’s shitter. (For the record, it was War’s poop, and Troy handed him the toilet paper.) Billy Miles discovers the prank and tells his teammates; Jared freaks out, kicks down a door and confronts War with the repeated question of “Who shit in our toilet, dog?” When he doesn’t get a satisfying answer, he knocks off War’s hat. War responds by tackling Jared, and a brawl ensues. Luckily, nobody is injured, and those responsible for the upper-decker are ordered to clean the toilet. It is the first — and possibly last — time a toilet is ever cleaned in the TUF house.

Of course, the real excitement comes from the fight between Tommy and Ben, who enter the Octagon somewhat less than 100%. Tommy’s still-wrecked face looks like it could split open at any moment, and Ben wakes up sick on the day of the fight (maybe from the fecal particles floating in the air from the upper-decker?). Round one starts with Ben securing a thai clinch on Tommy and working him over with knees to the body. Tommy takes Ben to the mat, but finds himself being assaulted from the bottom. Ben takes Tommy’s arm and rolls over into an arm-bar that would make Richie Hightower yelp for mercy:

You know how a prank goes too far on tonight’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter? Well, MMA Junkie has revealed that the prank in question is the dreaded “upper-decker.” I’ve changed my mind about these MMA fighters — they’re nothing but mindless animals.

The Junkie has also learned that “for unexplained reasons, and not necessarily health-related reasons…one semifinal qualifier will not be able to compete in next week’s fights, which allows one of the eliminated cast members to step in for a shot at the finals.” I’m putting my money on John Kolosci to come back, based on the fact that TUF.UFC.com originally forgot to put his headshot in black-and-white (it was in color as of Monday). Tune in tomorrow morning for the episode recap…

As you may have heard, the UFC is releasing a 392-page coffee-table book called Octagon. Limited to a run of just 600 copies, weighing over 50 pounds, and coming with a price tag of $2,500 (or $3,500 for the Deluxe Collector’s Edition), the book collects five years worth of portrait and action photography of UFC fighters shot by Kevin Lynch. In this video, Lynch gives some insight on the project’s creation and his attention-getting “Before and After” pictures:

To check out photos from the book — and you might as well, considering you’ll never, ever own this thing — go to Octagon-Book.com.

— Audio from yesterday’s UFC conference call with Matt Hughes, Georges St. Pierre and Dana White is at the OC Register. Hughes said he would have much rather faced Serra “because of all the built up anger.” Dana White still hasn’t met with Randy Couture to discuss Couture’s future with the UFC.

— According to MMA Payout, the S&P downgraded Zuffa‘s credit rating from BB to BB- today, due to a “weaker than expected performance in the third quarter, marking the second consecutive disappointing quarter.” BB ratings indicate “Bonds with speculative fundamentals. The security of future payments is only moderate.”

— Newly formed Japanese MMA promotional outfit World Victory Road, Inc. announced its first event, “Sengoku,” which will take place in Tokyo on March 5th, 2008, and will feature Hidehiko Yoshida, Sanae Kikuta, Makoto Takimoto, and Ryo Kawamura. More info can be found at Suki MMA.

— UFC 81 has been named “Breaking Point.”

— Chuck Liddell wants you to join his cute little social networking site.

Hey guys, you know who isn’t a prostitute? Paulo Filho. But do you know who quite possibly might have been one in the past?

According to FightLinker.com and this reliable forum thread on MyTerb.com (a review site devoted to Toronto hookers), new French-Canadian UFC ring girl Edith Larente used to be employed by both Eleganza Escorts and Devilish Escorts (“All our Girls are Guaranteed to be GFE or PSE!!!![?]“). As the MyTerb thread goes:

“Let’s play guess teh agency she worked at. Man oh man did she really make it. I have seen at least 4 x in Montreal she was one of the best escorts. Word at the strip clubs talking with some HA is that she met and fucked Dana White when he went out to hammer out GSP’s contract. WORD!!! Kind of sucks that these bald, fat Americans took one of ours. One of the best.”

Incriminating! (Though, for the record, who the hell knows.) Click here for a sort-of NSFW trailer of Edith (aka “Anabelle”) from FlashyBabes.com and check out more pics of Edith after the jump.

If you were avoiding computers and televisions as much as I was since Wednesday, you may also be unaware of the following:

— Josh Koscheck has been scheduled to fight at UFC 82 (which, as previously reported, will be headlined by a championship match between Anderson Silva and Dan Henderson). Koscheck’s last fight was a unanimous decision loss to Georges St. Pierre at UFC 74 in August. Though follow welterweight contender/American Kickboxing Academy teammate Jon Fitch is also scheduled to be on the UFC 82 card, the two are not expected to face each other.

— Matt Arroyo and George Sotiropoulos advanced to the semi-finals on The Ultimate Fighter, sending home Troy Mandaloniz and Richie Hightower, both via armbar. Matt Serra’s retarded logic principles prevented him from cornering his fighters during the matches, but he showed up to beat Hughes in the coaches’ challenge, out-bowling his rival in the final frame. In a heartbreaking display, Mandaloniz broke down in tears before his fight, then marched out to the ring wearing a t-shirt that said “I CAN”; unfortunately, he couldn’t. Richie shaved off his stupid mall-punk hair, and looked surprisingly tough in his match with George; instead of sobbing in his bunk bed a la John Kolosci, Richie actually looked encouraged after his loss. On the next episode, Ben Saunders takes on Tommy Speer, and a prank goes too far!

— Four bouts were made official for the TUF finale’s undercard.

— The IFL World Grand Prix Finals on 12/29 will air live on HDNet, as part of a new agreement that will have HDNet broadcasting IFL events starting next year.

— Chuck Liddell filmed this ridiculous/brilliant commercial for Dell:

According to MMAJunkie.com, Houston Alexander is already back in the gym with his coach Mick Doyle, trying to figure out what the hell went wrong on Saturday night and how to prevent it from ever happening again. They’ll surely be watching this video on repeat, which shows just where things fell apart. Instead of coming out swinging in his usual wildman style, Alexander calmly stalked Thiago Silva at the start of the first round before falling into a clinch. From there, Silva’s Chute Boxe jiu-jitsu skills take over, and Alexander is brought to the mat and mounted. Referee Dan Miragliotta steps in when Alexander seems to lose consciousness, but lets Silva haul off a few more times just to be sure. Not that I blame him — I certainly wouldn’t want those Jersey savages hounding me about an early stoppage…

Like King George III and Hugh Grant before him, Michael Bisping is quickly establishing himself as a Brit who Americans love to hate. During a post-fight press conference, Bisping was asked how he felt about the way the crowd reacted to him during UFC 78. His witty response: “They can all go to hell.” Listen to the audio here. As Mr. Sunshine reports, “it did put a slight grimace on the face of UFC president Dana White, who was standing behind Bisping.” Though we imagine if Dana was in Bisping’s shoes, he’d probably say something more along the lines of “Basically, Jersey can go fuck itself.”

If you were bummed that Octagon Girl Ali Sonoma was M.I.A. during UFC 78, prepare to be even more bummed — the 23-year-old model has put down her ring cards for good. According to a blog entry on her MySpace page:

“I am no longer a ring girl for UFC…I am proud to say I am moving up to bigger and better things. There is always a time when you get comfortable at a job…you seem to lose focus on what your main goal is…I guess I got a little comfortable myself, of course, I loved the fights, loved the experience, but my real dream is to actually speak on camera, to act, not just shake my booty for the crowd. (even though it was a lot of fun while it lasted and I met some amazing people)”

This is truly a somber day. Let us celebrate Ali’s memory by gawking at some of her pictures, after the jump…

Steroid accusations aside, Sean Sherk has had one of the most dominant careers in MMA. In 34 professional fights, he’s only lost twice, against superstars Matt Hughes and Georges St. Pierre. This fight from UFC 56 in November 2005 is Sherk’s only loss by stoppage, and his second-to-last appearance as a welterweight. As for St. Pierre, in two more matches he would be the UFC’s welterweight champion…

Pictured: Akihiro Gono’s pretzel-like armbar of Tamdan McCrory at UFC 78. The foot up the shorts is just there for added humilation.

In an announcement that almost makes up for how weak “Validation” was, former PRIDE champ / current UFC contender Dan Henderson has decided to drop down a weight division and face Anderson Silva for the UFC’s middleweight title; the long-rumored fight will be the main event of UFC 82, which goes down March 1st at Columbus, Ohio’s Nationwide Arena.

Henderson’s last fight (and first UFC fight in nine years) was a unanimous decision loss to light-heavyweight champ Quinton Jackson. According to Henderson, “Dana wanted me to drop down to 185 pounds, so I’ll have a few fights in that division but I think I’ll eventually get back up to 205.”

You know a UFC card is dull when John McCarthy, Herb Dean, Steve Mazzagatti, and Mario Yamasaki all have better things to do. No knock on the reffing abilities of Dan Miragliotta and Kevin Mulhall — or the lovely state of New Jersey — but nearly everything about UFC 78 was substandard, and every fighter proved that they weren’t quite ready for the big show. Let’s get through it…

“If you give me another hickey, I’ll choke the shit out of you.”

…and in this dream, Rashad Evans beat Michael Bisping in the first round, via TKO due to strikes. So, that will be my official prediction for their fight tonight.

It’s totally healthy that I dream about this stuff now, right?

If you need any more hype, get it here.

(Ed Herman)

CBSSports.com has a great preview of Saturday’s UFC card, where all of the match-ups (including the ones in the undercard) are analyzed by MMA writers Denny Burkholder, Sam “WAMMA” Caplan, Todd Martin and Ben Fowlkes. If you have some free time, check it out. If not, we’ll summarize:

— Nobody thinks Michael Bisping stands a chance against Rashad Evans.
— Ditto for Thiago Silva against Houston Alexander.
— Even though Joe Doerksen beat him when they met at SF 7 in 2004, Ed Herman gets the edge in their rematch tomorrow.
— Todd Martin calls a Karo Parisyan victory over Ryo Chonan his “lock of the night.”
— Sam Caplan predicts Edgar/Fisher will be the best fight of UFC 78.
— Thiago Alves, Joe Lauzon, Marcus Aurelio and Akihiro Gono will be sure things in their respective fights. (Man, it’s like these MMA writers share a brain…)

That ESPN.com profile of Houston Alexander has inspired me to track down his fight against Keith Jardine from UFC 71 and post it for y’all in its entirety. Check out Houston springing up from a knockdown and dirty-boxing Jardine into unconsciousness. If he can operate on this level on Saturday, Thiago Silva doesn’t stand a chance. Two more things to keep in mind:

1) If it wasn’t obvious during his fight with Chuck Liddell, this video makes one thing abundantly clear — Keith Jardine is one awkward-ass fighter. He basically limps out to meet Alexander, and shakes his arms at eye level in what Joe Rogan describes as “the chimpanzee approach.”

2) That last knee from Houston? Quite illegal. But hey, Jardine was probably going to lose anyway…

So, big news — a group of fighters, journalists and promoters held a press conference yesterday to announce the creation of a new MMA sanctioning body called the World Alliance of Mixed Martial Arts (WAMMA), which would rank the top ten fighters in nine different weight divisions and arrange cross-promotional fights to recognize unified champions. Involved in this pipe dream noble undertaking are MMA guru Pat Miletich, UFC legend Don Frye, ex-wrestler/commentator Bill Goldberg, and ProElite.com/FiveOuncesofPain.com’s Sam Caplan, who will chair the rankings committee. WAMMA’s president and CEO will be Dave Szady, a former FBI assistant director with no MMA credentials; the guy doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page. Speaking of which, I’d include a link to WAMMA’s official website, but I couldn’t find it. WAMMA.com doesn’t work, and WAMMA.org really, really doesn’t work (trust me).

(Before we delve even further into this thing, I’d like to point out that the image at the top of this post is not there because of my own laziness; I didn’t do a google image search for “rainbow gloves unity six fingers” and take the first result. That’s the WAMMA’s actual, official logo, which was designed by LeRoy Neiman, who your grandfather might be familiar with. It’s a little lightweight, if you ask me, and not in a juiced-up Sean Sherk kind of way. At any rate, Neiman does have a Wikipedia page.)

Moving on…

UFC 78 is only two days away (!), and ESPN.com is doing its part to pump it up. Check out these videos on some of the night’s key fighters and get psyched.

(“I think I do just about everything better than Bisping.”)

In last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter, the quarterfinal matches were announced, Mac Danzig upsets the entire animal kingdom, Ray Longo turns out to be one of those guys who pronounces “penalized” as “peenalized,” and Jon Kolosci goes out like a punk. Read on, if you dare…

Adam Carolla, who we’ve idolized since his Loveline days, had Dana White as a guest on his radio show this morning to plug UFC 78 (you can listen to the audio here). We were particularly surprised by the following:

— Dana White and the Fertitta brothers bought the UFC for $2 million in 2001 and then proceeded to lose $44 million over the next three years.

— Though he didn’t say anything during the segment, Danny Bonaduce is apparently Adam’s sidekick on the show. Good for you, Danny!

The UFC held a media conference call yesterday to pump up UFC 78, and since I wasn’t around to liveblog it — I know, disappointing, right? — you’ll have to settle for this recap. Dana White, Michael Bisping, Rashad Evans, and Houston Alexander were in attendance, and the audio from the call can be heard here.

Among the revelations…

— Dana White has officially offered Randy Couture a title defense against Antonio Rodrigo “Minotauro” Nogueira. The match would fulfill the last fight on Couture’s UFC contract; he isn’t technically in violation of that contract unless he turns the fight down. Couture texted White on Sunday and they are planning to discuss it next week. Nogueira is a former PRIDE heavyweight champion who won his first UFC fight in July via unanimous decision against Heath Herring. Never, ever do a Google Image Search for “Nogueira.”