“So then I said to Dana, I said, ‘Look, big guy, you take that check, and you roll it up real tight…’”

With the UFC’s current deal with BFF network Spike set to run out at the end of the year, Zuffa has been looking at other options on television, including buying a stake in cable network G4. It’s been fertile ground for all manner of rumors, but one piece of speculation that kept popping up was that Zuffa may be looking at buying Bellator Fighting Championships. This is not really a new idea, and it’s understandable given Zuffa’s demonstrated willingness to swallow its competition, but it ain’t happening.

Sure, Zuffa has pockets deep enough to write a check for the young up and coming promotion, but would they actually be interested in doing so? What would such an acquisition do for the UFC? Could they convert Bellator’s circular steel to Zuffa’s angular cage? Do they need Bjorn Rebney to come up and teach the finer points of running tournaments? Are guys like Eddie Alvarez, Ben Askren, Joe Warren, and Hector Lombard valuable enough to justify a takeover?

Well, short answer: no. Everyone knows that you can’t octagon a circle, so Zuffa would likely have a handful of round cages with nothing to do with them. Who wants a cage that doesn’t reflect your company’s logo? Come on, people, that’s just elementary.

Come on in past the jump and we’ll lay out our case, woefully uninformed though it may be, as to why Zuffa will not be buying Bellator anytime in the near future. We’ll even open up the floor for comments, if you jerks think you know better than we do. Just remember, if you make us look silly, we’re completely capable of doing humorous things to your log-ins, like adding links to diaper fetish sites and penis pump vendors. You’ve been warned.

(Now we know how the void left by All My Children going off the air in the fall will be filled.)

The Wall Street Journal is reporting that the UFC is currently in negotiations with NBCUniversal to purchase a majority stake of its G4 network.

According to the report, (which quotes different sources who have claim that negotiations are in the beginning and midway points and others who say that the story is just smoke, but no fire as the UFC is talking with several networks to get an idea of what options are available), the deal would provide the promotion with a new home for its programming when its current deals with Versus and Spike TV conclude at the end of this year. Apparently Spike has made initial high monetary contract demands of the UFC to renew a deal with the specialty channel whose growth can be attributed in large part due to runaway success of The Ultimate Fighter.

G4′s asking price and the percentage of ownership the UFC is looking for are not yet known.