UK

(Props: Spike.com. Click the image to see the video.) 

Spike TV has released a new preview clip for The Ultimate Fighter: United States vs. United Kingdom (premiering April 1st at 10 p.m. ET/PT), in which UFC prez Dana White arrives at Wolfslair to check out the British hopefuls during the elimination round. We learn that before their fight at UFC 93, Rich Franklin and Dan Henderson both had to fly to England to assess the talent, just in case, and we get a taste of the first indecipherable British accent when Gary Kelly pronounces "my record" as "me lachoad." Unsurprisingly, Gary is the brother of Paul Kelly, who has already become infamous for his post-fight interviews. Where the hell are these two from, anyway? Mushmouth-upon-Tyne?

(Props: MMA Fanhouse.)

I admit it, after watching the above promo video for season nine of Spike TV’s “The Ultimate Fighter,” I’m excited.  Maybe the hokey “It’s U.S. Against Them” tagline is working on me, or maybe (probably) I’m just a sucker for The Sex Pistols.  

Regardless, the part of me that wants to believe fighters when they blame positive steroid tests on totally legit nutritional supplements also wants to believe that TUF can be fun again.  And who knows, maybe exploiting nationalistic loyalties and hilarious cultural differences (just wait until the first time a Brit fighter talks about smoking fags) is the perfect solution for the stale formatting and predictable antic-heavy presentation.  With that in mind, here are the five things I’d like to see from “The Ultimate Fighter” this time around:

1. Don’t Make Me Feel Bad About Myself For Watching This

Look, Spike TV producers.  I’m a male between the ages of 18-34, but that doesn’t mean I want to watch grown men drink one another’s urine.  In fact, when I find myself watching a show that is ostensibly about fighting, and yet the bulk of the episode is dedicated to the ingestion of bodily fluids, I start to question some of the decisions I’ve made that have brought me to this point.  It’s the same with property destruction.  We’ve seen it.  There isn’t any new ground to break (pun intended).  Please, let’s grow up a little and move on.

(Photo courtesy of SI.com)

Another UFC event is in the books, which means it’s time again to see who’s up and who’s down according to the Potato Index’s arbitrary numerical rankings system.  It’s kind of like Bob Reilly’s poll, only we admit it’s total bullshit.  And at least this particular brand of bullshit is more fun.

Diego Sanchez +123

“The Nightmare” proved he can cut almost forty pounds and still go three rounds at a steady pace.  That could be bad news for some other lightweight contenders, though it would still be interesting to see how he stacks up against one of the better wrestlers in the division.  Sean Sherk’s not too busy, is he?

Joe Stevenson -88

Another disappointing performance for Stevenson leaves us wondering where he can possibly go from here.  He just doesn’t seem to have enough in his toolbox to hang with the top fighters, and secluding himself in Victorville, which is not known for its elite training facilities, certainly isn’t helping.

Demian Maia +204

If you’re going to do only one thing, you’d better do it extremely well, and Maia does.  He forces another quality opponent to fight on his terms and puts him away with impressive ease.  Is there any middleweight not named Anderson Silva who can pose a significant threat to him at this point?

Dan Hardy made a successful UFC debut against journeyman Akihiro Gono at UFC 89, and now he moves up to the main card to take on Miletich camp slugger Rory Markham at UFC 95 this Saturday.  In this exclusive interview “The Outlaw” discusses his strategy for avoiding Markham’s big bombs, the U.K. MMA scene, and the trademark Mohawk that he sports in honor of his nation’s punk rock pioneers.

CagePotato.com: Thanks for talking with me, Dan.  What are you expecting out of Rory Markham on Saturday, and what’s your gameplan for dealing with him?

I expect him to come to try and knock me out.  I don’t think it’s any secret what his gameplan’s going to be.  My gameplan is going to be to stay out of the way of his punches and land my own strikes and wear him down.  I think I’ve got the endurance advantage.  I’ve been the distance in a few of my fights and he’s never experienced the end of that third round.  I think I’ve got the advantage in conditioning and I’ll be able to drag the fight on a little longer until I get the chance to knock him out.

(Photo courtesy of Zoo Magazine.)

Man, Daniel Radcliffe is going to be pissed.  According to the readers of Britain’s Zoo Magazine, the UFC’s Michael Bisping is the U.K.'s "coolest" man of the year.  Upon hearing the good news, Bisping described himself as “shocked.”  

You know who else is shocked?  Bear Gryllis.  That bad-ass survivalist dude from the Discovery Channel.  He finished seventh in the voting.  Seventh!!!!  And he drank elephant poop!  Hell, Noel Gallagher from Oasis was third.  Sup with that, Brtiain?  You guys feeling okay?

When it came to analyzing the meaning of these results, Zoo’s editor chalked it up to the “growing influence that UFC is having on young men in Britain,” as well as a changing economic and cultural climate. 

Other notables on the list:

4. Jason Statham (that guy)
5. Daniel Craig (James Bond)
12. Christian Bale (effing Batman, yo)
24. Ricky Gervais (this dude)
33. Simon Cowell (just stop)
36. Morissey (I thought you said “coolest?”)
60. Paul McCartney (he’s still British?)
86. Sacha Baron Cohen (if this isn’t cool, what is?)

In other Bisping news, the Wolfslair fighter tells MMA Bay that he’s not concerned about a potential bout with submissions grand wizard Demian Maia, because: