Alex Trujillo — Clay Guida’s coach and owner of the Midwest Training Center — does the best Mike Goldberg impersonation I’ve ever heard. He has it all just right. The hyperbolic enthusiasm, the local news weatherman voice inflection, the whole package.

“Coming up next!” Trujillo shouts in his Goldberg voice, and it’s enough to get the whole dressing room cracking up. You can see how it helps to have guy like Trujillo around when you’re trying to stay relaxed before a fight. Soon the talk turns to what it would be like if Goldberg did commentary for porn movies. The consensus opinion? It would be awesome.

This is just part of what I was treated to last night as I shadowed Guida before and after his fight for this Si.com article. It was, to say the least, a unique experience. There are the guys who say that they just love to fight, and then there are the guys for whom it is obviously true. Clay Guida is the latter. Throughout his preparation there was never a hint of anxiety. Little leaguers have more nerves stepping up to bat.

As Guida sat in his dressing room having his hands taped referee Yves Lavigne came by to go over some basics. Just to clarify, Lavigne took out a sheet of paper that he had folded into thirds and held it up against the back of his own head to show Guida where not to strike. Through it all Guida could barely keep from smiling.

(No, they aren’t posing. That’s just how they kick it.)

I’m not sure if I love the Diaz brothers in spite of their behavior, or because of it. I’m leaning toward the latter, if only because the more I see of them, the more I become convinced that they may be the most genuine people in all of MMA. All the yelling and swearing and flippin’ the bird? The posturing that reminds you of a fourteen-year-old kid who’s just grown his first facial hairs and is feeling like a man with the constant need to prove it? That’s them. That’s just how they are. Ultimate Fight Night was just one more example.

Not only is Nate Diaz a near mirror-image of his brother in the cage, he also mimicks his interview style. At least, that’s what people tell me. I couldn’t make out most of what he said after his win over Josh Neer last night. I caught the word ‘motherfucker.’ I believe the phrase ‘weak-ass punk’ was peppered in there, as well as the obligatory mention of the 209. Other than that, it was tough to decipher. I had hoped we’d get more in the post-fight press conference, but the Diaz brothers had other ideas.

Nate Diaz had barely taken his seat for the impromptu session with the press when Nick drew the attention to himself by shouting profanities at, well, someone. It was hard to tell who he was yelling at or why. The UFC PR staff seemed at their wits end, and they appealed to Nate to help them restore order.

Nate responded by saying, “I’m out,” and leaving the press conference altogether. Nick was still yelling as the two of them walked off down the hallway.

Say what you will about them, but they always come to fight and they know how to make an exit.

(The head kick. Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly)

You didn’t see it on Spike TV last night, but the undercard bouts for Ultimate Fight Night 15 were worth showing up for all by themselves. Yours truly was Octagon-side for the whole thing, and when I wasn’t hanging out in Clay Guida’s dressing room (more on that later), I was busy being impressed by some UFC newcomers.

Dan Miller def. Rob Kimmons via submission (rear naked choke) at 1:27 of round one

This one was quick, with only sporadic fits of action. Miller jumped to Kimmons’ back almost immediately. Kimmons tried to defend and dump him off, but Miller wasn’t having it. After about a minute of absolutely no movement, Miller locked in the choke and Kimmons fell backwards ala Frank Trigg against Matt Hughes, then tapped meekly while the ref took his time about stopping it.

Mike Massenzio def. Drew McFedries via submission (kimura) 1:26 of round one

New Jersey’s Mike Massenzio was particularly impressive in his first-round submission win over Drew McFedries. He put his wrestling skills to good use right away, shooting in on McFedries and getting side control in the ensuing scramble. After McFedries recovered his guard and attempted a triangle choke, which Massenzio shrugged off, it was countdown to kimura time. Massenzio got to north-south and extended McFedries’ arm, forcing him to tap.

Alessio Sakara def. Joe Vedepo via KO (kick) at 1:27 of round one

The most brutal finish of the night also came in the prelims, as Alessio Sakara put his shin directly on Joe Vedepo’s chin early in the first. Vedepo was looking for the takedown from the start, but Sakara’s defense looked much improved. When Vedepo couldn’t get him down he consented to stand and trade. That’s about when the high kick landed with a vicious crack that elicited ‘ooohs’ from the crowd. Vedepo stiffened up and keeled over backwards. Sakara moved in to finish, but it was — to put it mildly — unnecessary.

(Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

The BF half of the Cage Potato duo is in Omaha for tonight’s Ultimate Fight Night event. If you’re headed to the Civic Auditorium later this afternoon for the event, keep an eye out for the handsome devil with the laptop. I’ll be sitting behind that guy, scribbling my thoughts on a wax tablet. What? I just think all this new technology is a fad. It’ll blow over.

But if you can’t get to the fights tonight but want to find a way to make yourself sweat over the results anyway, allow me to suggest gambling. BestFightOdds.com has compiled all the lines for tonight’s event, and here’s what it’s looking like at the moment:

Nathan Diaz (-200) vs. Josh Neer (+200)
Clay Guida (-121) vs. Mac Danzig (+125)
Houston Alexander (-212) vs. Eric Schafer (+215)
Ed Herman (-220) vs. Alan Belcher (+215)
Joe Lauzon (-675) vs. Kyle Bradley (+500)
Drew McFedries (-200) vs. Mike Massenzio (+210)
Wilson Gouveia (-350) vs. Ryan Jensen (+326)
Alessio Sakara (-115) vs. Joe Vedepo (+128)
Jason Brilz (-209) vs. Brad Morris (+215)
Dan Miller (-110) vs. Rob Kimmons (+105)

Some thoughts…

(Photo courtesy of MMA Weekly.)

Ah, beautiful Omaha, Nebraska. Where any mention of the Cornhuskers is enough to work a crowd into a frenzy. I just returned from the Ultimate Fight Night 15 weigh-in, which was fairly uneventful except for the odd fact that every single fighter weighed in precisely on the mark. Every middleweight hit 185 on the button. Every lightweight, 155 exactly. You get the picture. It was eerie. Makes you wonder if the athletic commission here isn’t just phoning it in. One guy who seemed a bit nervous about the whole thing was Clay Guida, who stepped on the scale as if he were trying to sneak up on it. Maybe his brother’s troubles have him worried.

But the most interesting thing to happen at the weigh-in had nothing to do with the fighters on Wednesday night’s card. Before things got underway, Matt Hughes answered questions from the fans who arrived early. He talked at length about how good Robbie Lawler is, how he wouldn’t advise Lawler to fight Anderson Silva, but would like to see him face Georges St. Pierre, whose stand-up game is not as good as Lawler’s, according to Hughes.

“I know I want to see that fight,” he said. “I wouldn’t even want to corner Robbie. I’d just want to sit on the side and watch.”

But then, when the Q&A session was over, Hughes asked for a couple extra minutes on the mic. He said that he often gets asked about his most memorable story in the fight game, and then proceeded to share, unprompted, a tale from his “pre-Christian” days.

It seems Hughes was down in New Orleans and on Bourbon Street with Pat Miletich and some of the boys after a fight. He and Miletich got into a drinking contest, chugging beers out on the street with both fists. They had just finished slamming a couple and were walking down the street when Miletich stopped and bent over to puke in the street. Then he walked a couple steps, puked some more, then kept going, stopped, and puked some more. At some point, Miletich looked over at Hughes and pointed to the gaping space where his false teeth should be. Pat Miletich, MMA great, had just realized that he puked out his false teeth.

So what did he do? He walked back and sifted through each pile of vomit until he found them. And when he found them? He poured beer on them, put them back in his mouth, and kept going.

If you still care about the official weigh-in results after that, they’re after the jump:

(‘I came to chew bubblegum and represent the 209. I am all out of bubblegum.’)

No one can see the future, but as long as we’re going to speculate as to how things will turn out in Omaha on Wednesday (and let’s face it, we are), we might as well go all the way with predictions so specific they can’t possible come true….or can they?

Nate Diaz vs. Josh Neer

Despite his impressive performances since coming off “The Ultimate Fighter,” the UFC doesn’t seem interested in moving Diaz up in competition. Instead they move him laterally, pitting him against the journeyman Neer, who Nate’s big bro already beat. It’ll be no easy task for Diaz to top his double-birdie performance against Kurt Pellegrino, but he’s a showman. Diaz will get bullied around the Octagon by Neer early on, but at some point he’ll remember he’s the better submissions fighter. The thought will dawn on him all at once and he’ll jump on Neer’s back, lock in a standing rear-naked choke, and extend his middle fingers on either side of Neer’s head as he submits.

When will it happen: 3:17, round two.

What to watch for: the look on Joe Rogan’s face when he has to interview Diaz after the bout and ask him to talk us through the Bud Light replay. What isn’t bleeped out will be completely unintelligible.

Mac Danzig vs. Clay Guida

This is the kind of fight worth getting excited about. The stoic, cerebral Danzig takes on Enkidu, the wild man of the woods (officially known as Clay Guida). It’s the classic highly-technical vegan vs. tough-but-crazy caveman battle. Danzig will start overly cautious and be initially overwhelmed as Guida wades into him with reckless abandon. But as the fight wears on Danzig will start to figure things out, striking and circling and wearing Guida out with knees to the body. Then Guida will freak out, charging right into a triangle choke, and his face will be blocked by his hair as it changes colors before he finally consents to tap.

When will it happen: 2:03, round three.

What to watch for: Guida’s brother, who failed to make weight for his first “Ultimate Fighter” bout and was reportedly kicked off the show for it, will appear on camera at some point looking sad and not eating.

“UFC Fight Night: Diaz vs. Neer” goes down this Wednesday at the Omaha Civic Auditorium in Omaha, Nebraska. You can watch the action on Spike TV beginning at 8 p.m. ET/PT — conveniently, right before the premiere of The Ultimate Fighter: Team Nogueira vs. Team Mir. To begin the psyche-up process, here are the fighters from the card’s three key fights, discussing their matchups. Diaz/Neer is above, Danzig/Guida and Alexander/Schafer are below; props to BloodyElbow. The full lineup for the event is after the jump.

(Kurt Pellegrino proudly shows off his new battle wound, a hole where his teeth broke through his mouth.)

Well, at least it was free. Tonight’s Ultimate Fight Night broadcast was marked by two savagely boring three-rounders, including the main event, where Mike Swick avoided takedown attempts for 15 minutes en route to a decision victory. “Quick” it was not; if anything, the fight proved that the emaciated-looking Swick may have been a lot more powerful at 185. First, the quick results for the televised card:

(Lightweights) Nate Diaz def. Alvin Robinson via triangle choke submission at 3:39 of the first round
(Lightweights) Thiago Tavares def. Michihiro Omigawa via unanimous decision
(Middleweights) Patrick Cote def. Drew McFedries via TKO (punches) at 1:44 of the first round
(Lightweights) Kurt Pellegrino def. Alberto Crane via TKO (punches) at 1:55 of the second round
(Welterweights) Mike Swick def. Josh Burkman via majority decision

Full breakdowns after the jump…

The UFC’s Ultimate Fight Night 12 goes down in Las Vegas tonight, and though our minds are too preoccupied with the matchups for UFN 13 to pay much attention to this one, Joanne from the MMA Girls cares enough to give her take on the four headlining fights that will be broadcast live on SpikeTV starting at 9 p.m. ET. In particular, she sees Mike “Quick” Swick coming out with a W in his welterweight debut, and Nate Diaz beating Alvin Robinson; we’ve learned not to doubt her Magic Eight-Ball and all-seeing/all-knowing teddy-bear, so we’ll go with those picks too. Watch the video, and if you need to throw in your $0.02, go for it.

Building on an already impressive card that includes fights between Stephan Bonnar and Matt Hamill, as well as Kenny Florian versus Joe Lauzon, the word is that April 2′s Ultimate Fight Night 13 will include the first post-TUF appearance by finalist Tommy Speer. He’s expected to fight Anthony “Rumble” Johnson (4-1, 1-1 UFC), a 23-year-old Californian whose last fight was a submission loss to Rich Clementi at UFC 76. Similar to the Alexander/Irvin situation, this matchup seems set up to develop Speer and get the farmboy an impressive win. Johnson has never won a fight by submission, and shouldn’t throw Speer anything on the ground that he can’t handle.

Elsewhere in the UFC…