Hey everybody, look who has a sense of humor!  Responding to renewed Lubrigate allegations, Georges St. Pierre admits that he did cheat, only not by greasing up his body.  Instead, he hired some long-hair to kiss B.J. Penn on his way down to the Octagon and sap all his strength before the fight even started.  That devious French-Canadian.

GSP also insists that his best revenge against B.J. Penn now would be to "’elp Kenny Florian to kick ‘ees ass.”  Or maybe he can just keep Penn tied up in hearings and out of the gym all the way to fight time.  Although judging from how he talks about the outcome of this week’s hearings, it seems as if GSP is under the impression that he won.  I guess that’s kind of true, in the sense that he didn’t lose.  Maybe his legal representatives are giving GSP a simplified account of what happened at the NSAC.  That’s probably for the best.  The guy doesn’t want to hear all the back and forth.  Just tell him ‘we won!’ and he’ll sleep better.

(If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.)

B.J. Penn brought the big guns to today’s hearing with the Nevada State Athletic Commission.  Not only did the Hawaiian have his lawyer on hand to go over his twenty-page complaint, Penn’s mother, Lorraine Shin, got up and read a statement that, according to MMA Weekly, “accused the Commission of not doing its duty to protect fighters.”

That’s right, Penn brought his mother.  And she was allowed to deliver a statement for some reason.  Apparently someone was worried that this whole greasing scandal thing hadn’t gotten ridiculous enough yet.  Problem solved.

(The greasing heard ’round the world. Photo courtesy of NBC Sports.)

Following repeated arguments from BJ Penn that Georges St. Pierre‘s cornermen improperly used vaseline during their UFC 94 fight in January, the Nevada State Athletic Commission will meet today in Las Vegas at 9 a.m. PT to discuss what action, if any, should be taken against Phil Nurse and Greg Jackson.

Though Penn wants the fight to be changed to a no-contest, that scenario is unlikely; as NSAC executive director Keith Kizer explained to Sherdog, an MMA bout in Nevada can only be ruled a no-contest after the fact if scorecards were added incorrectly, if a referee or judge was paid off to influence the fight, if the referee misinterpreted a rule that effected the fight’s outcome, or if there was the use of non-approved drugs or steroids. Kizer explained that the actual purpose of today’s hearing was to prevent controversial greasing situations from happening in the future:

(‘Don’t even come in here with your faulty premises and negative proof fallacies, dude.  Just don’t.’)

In a response to B.J. Penn’s request for the Nevada State Athletic Commission to investigate Georges St. Pierre’s use of Vaseline in their main event bout at UFC 94, the Jackson camp has fired back with an exhaustive argument refuting any accusation of wrongdoing.  

As reported by Sherdog and the L.A. Times (which has a PDF of the full response), the Jackson camp provided seventeen pages of documents explaining what happened, why it wasn’t an intentional attempt to cheat, and why it had no bearing on Penn getting his ass handed to him.

A statement signed by Greg Jackson and Phil Nurse details the breathing technique used on St. Pierre between rounds and insists that video evidence shows only a “scant amount of Vaseline” ever found its way to GSP’s body.  It also lays out four recommendations for improving the NSAC’s policies to avoid the greasing question in the future, including wiping down fighters before every round and using a “touch test” to see if they are unnaturally greasy.  And of course they conclude by referring to Penn’s griping as “a desperate attempt to protect [Penn’s] reputation and commercial value after being totally dominated by a superior athlete.”

Oh.  Snap.

(Props: BJPenn.com)

As part of his one-man Warren Commission on that unfortunate UFC 94 greasing scandal, BJ Penn has released a highlight video of sorts, intended to prove exactly why Georges St. Pierre is a dirty, rotten, no-good cheater. I don’t know if Penn hired the same team responsible for putting together UFC Primetime, but this is a first-class production, all the way. Imagine if Genghis Con was a crybaby bitch who couldn’t accept that fact that he got crushed by GSP — this is the kind of video he’d make.

Oh, I kid the proud Hawaiian. To be honest, Penn presents a compelling case, and it does seem mighty suspicious that Sean Sherk, Matt Hughes, and Jason Miller all came up with the same excuse as to why they couldn’t handle St. Pierre. As the saying goes, where there’s smoke, there’s a hot pre-fight bath followed by a baby-oil rubdown. Also, the video’s use of "Tom Sawyer" by Rush? A very subtle dig at GSP’s Canadianism. Where’s your mean, mean pride, Georges?

(Say what you will about Big John, he could rock the black track pants and latex gloves with the best of them.)

The Los Angeles Times takes a look at various cheating methods in combat sports today, from the illegal substance in Antonio Margarito’s glove to the Vaseline on Georges St. Pierre’s body.  The message here is that cheating, or “gamesmanship,” as Bert Sugar charitably tags it, is nothing new.  

But of interest to MMA fans are remarks from former UFC referee “Big” John McCarthy, which suggest that greasing problems have persisted for some time now, and that it’s no big secret, either:

"Guys will push the envelope in every way possible," former UFC referee "Big" John McCarthy said of mixed martial arts fighters. "Vaseline has always been an issue in MMA. It’s a real problem."

McCarthy has seen MMA fighters come into the octagon after taking a bath filled with soapy water or even baby oil. "You can’t notice it when they’re dry, but when they get on the ground and start to sweat, it starts to come out of their pores," McCarthy said.

(Go ‘head and tell Matt Hughes he don’t know the difference between sweat and grease.  Wish a motherf*cker would.)

As sick as we all are about the Georges St. Pierre greasing allegations (and we are…seriously) Matt Hughes has more to say on the subject.  More accurately, he has the same thing to say about them as he said originally, he just wants you to know that he really meant it and wasn’t simply piling on for the hell of it.

On a post to his blog today Hughes wrote:

I usually don’t do this, but I will this time.  When I talk about a topic one week, it usually doesn’t get brought up again.  I think a lot of people need to go back and reread last week’s blog, including GSP.  At no point did I accuse Georges of putting grease on himself.  All I said was that he felt slick.  I’ve wrestled over a thousand matches, fought 50 opponents, all I’ve ever done in life is wrestle and compete with other people.  With all that experience, do you think I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between sweat and something else?  Last week when I got to Florida, I was in the elevator with Robbie, I said “Robbie did you hear about GSP?”  He said, “No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  I then said that BJ accused him of being slippery, Robbie looked right up at me and said, “That’s what you said after Anaheim.”  Also, I’ve had several people close to me around my town who have come up to me and said the same thing.  I’ve nothing against GSP, I even think he’s somewhat a likable guy.  Some people are trying to say that I’m making this personal and that’s just not true at all.  The reason I didn’t bring this up before was because I didn’t know there was anything to him being slick.  With all the other guys coming out and saying the same thing, I just wanted to be true to myself, and to everybody else, and say that there could be some validity there.  –matt

So, things we should take away from this latest missive…

(Ah, the good old days…)

New rules regarding cornermen and the application of Vaseline will be on display at tonight’s UFC Fight Night 17, and they’re thought to be permanent.  If anybody doesn’t like it they have George St. Pierre’s crew to blame.  

MMA Weekly reports that the UFC has decreed “that cornermen associated with the fighters will no longer be allowed to handle the Vaseline used in between rounds to treat and prevent cuts.”  Instead, the UFC will provide a cut man to each corner, and he’ll be the only one allowed to apply Vaseline or work on a cut.  

Since only two people are allowed in the Octagon at a time, one of a fighter’s trainers has to stay out if they need the UFC-sanctioned cut man to do his work.  And since you pretty much always want to put Vaseline on your fighter’s face between rounds, the effect of this new rule will probably be to limit corners to one trainer inside the cage.

Two things on this new rule…

The boys from “MMA Live” break down UFC 94, which, of course, includes a thorough look at LubeGate (or as some of you would rather call it, LubriGate).  Franklin McNeil is quick to dismiss it as no big deal, but Kenny Florian makes mention of a “select few” who do make use of greasing agents.  It’s almost as if he has someone specific in mind.  Someone he’s personally faced, who was “slippery,” and who had also trained with one Georges St. Pierre at various points.  Hmmmm….

(Props: MMA Videos)

Internet conspiracy theorists/video editors comb through GSP’s body of work, so to speak, in order to find evidence of past greasing.  The Zapruder film it ain’t, but still worth a look.

(Props: literally dozens of you)

Hey Potato Nation, how’s it going?  This greasing scandal got you down?  Yeah, it just keeps going, getting bigger and meaner every day.  Like that chick on “The View.”  We thought maybe we could cheer you up.  Here, look at this teddy bear, The 15” Ultimate Lover.  We’ll wait for your immature giggles to stop…  

He thinks you’re a knockout, and he even comes in a variety of different colors (we’re partial to the amethyst).  He’s made by the Vermont Teddy Bear Company, which, oddly enough, sponsors UFC Fight Night 17 participants Matt Grice and Josh Neer.  You remember Neer and his recent DUI, hit-and-run arrest.  Cuddly, no?  And this little guy is just $69.95.

Now that we think about it, maybe these people can even help put an end to LubeGate if only GSP would shell out for one of these…

(‘Okay…this is…way worse…than I…expected.’)

After deciding not to lodge a formal complaint against Georges St. Pierre and his cornermen over UFC 94’s greasing incident, B.J. Penn’s camp has sent a letter to the Nevada State Athletic Commission formally requesting an investigation, according to NBC Sports:

The letter was sent by Penn’s lawyer Raffi Nahabedian to Nevada state athletic commission executive director Keith Kizer. In the correspondence, which was given by the commission to NBCSports.com, Nahabedian states that the letter is not a formal complaint, but asks the commission to ensure that St. Pierre and his cornermen are "properly dealt with."

Consider this the Penn camp’s way of saying, ‘We don’t want to look like whiners complaining about this, but we don’t want to let GSP off the hook, either.’  And just when you were hoping this thing would die down and we could all move on to other topics.  Sorry.  This is only getting started.

On a related note, Dana White spoke with our friend MDS over at MMA Fanhouse about the incident, and summed it up thusly:

(‘An opportunity to criticize GSP, you say?  Count me in!’)

Well, LubeGate has officially run the gauntlet.  Matt Hughes is the latest former opponent of Georges St. Pierre to add fuel the greasy fire.  In a blog post to his website today, Hughes had this to say:

I’m not the only one who has said that GSP felt greasy during a fight. I know Matt Serra has mentioned it and, even in their first fight, I think BJ said something. I’m not saying GSP did something wrong and I’m not saying that it would have changed any outcomes of any fights; but what I am saying is, for my last two fights against Georges, he felt greasy.

Weird, he felt greasy in those last two fights?  As in, the two that Hughes lost?  Interesting.

Having more opponents jump on this bandwagon doesn’t help GSP’s case any, but what I’m wondering is, if he’s been greasing himself up for years why hasn’t he been caught before now?  The boys from the NSAC jumped all over him when they saw it at UFC 94.  How has he managed to apply Vaseline to his body in front of cameras and athletic commission observers for so long?  Is he taking a Vaseline supplement that makes it come out of his pores?  

(Noogie!)

The more Georges St. Pierre talks about his strategy for B.J. Penn, the more I’m struck by how scientific it sounds.  Usually when you hear fighters talk about their gameplan it’s vague classics like ‘push the pace’ or ‘take the fight to him.’  Basically, it’s stuff that is one step up from an inspirational slogan.

But GSP?  He practically steals your medical records in order to figure out how to beat you.  Just look at what he told SI.com about Penn’s physical strengths and weaknesses:

B.J. Penn, you were talking about his guard, he has very flexible legs. Another thing is, because he has very flexible hips, it made his thoracic cage more susceptible to being weak. That’s why I was working a lot of elbows to the body. On the ground I was putting my elbow in his stomach to make him tired. And a lot of knees. It was my game plan.

[…]

I know a lot of doctors. It’s a fact. When somebody has flexible hips, normally he has a weak thoracic cage. His bones are weaker. It’s science. And with B.J., that’s the case. He has very flexible hips, so his core is weaker than somebody who has normal hips. That’s why I was attacking the body a lot. People, when they fight B.J., they try to hit the head. But B.J. has very thick skin and he moves his head very well and his reaction time is very fast. He can move his head standing up, but his body never moves. I was targeting the body a lot.

As for allegations that he was greased up in the fight, GSP says he “cant’ believe” the Penn camp considered filing a formal complaint (though word now is that they’ve decided against it), that he’s not a cheater and will prove it in court if he has to, and also that it wasn’t any artificial substance that thwarted Penn’s high guard:

(Image courtesy of BloodyElbow) 

Despite rumors that BJ Penn was considering retirement directly before or after his brutal, slippery loss against Georges St. Pierre on Saturday, BJ Penn has updated his Facebook page with a message that he’ll "for sure" be facing Kenny Florian in his next fight, possibly in June. (This follows a previous Facebook comment where Penn wrote "gsp was a bit greased but that takes nothin away from him at all he was the better guy!") Florian last fought at UFC 91 in November, where he scored a first-round submission victory over Joe Stevenson. So, he’ll have to make a choice that’s now all-too-familiar — take a long layoff and wait for BJ to be ready in the summer, or risk his #1 contender status with another place-holder bout.

And just to keep you up to speed on "Lubegate"…

 
(Props: CagePotato reader Chris R.)

BJ Penn‘s trainer Rudy Valentino to InsideFighting (via Fightlinker):

St. Pierre‘s trainer Greg Jackson claims the back-greasing was completely unintentional, and was actually the result of another bizarre Jackson camp ritual. As he told MMA Weekly: