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Tag: video blogs

Why Can’t War Machine Just Get a Motherf*ckin Slurpee? [VIDEO]

(Warning: Language is waaaaaay NSFWProps:

Along with his recently launched Alpha Male Shit clothing line, War Machine‘s media empire now includes a YouTube channel where he rants in his car about strangers who he would have beaten up if he wasn’t on probation. War’s latest video blog is above, and it officially places him in the pantheon of batshit car-rant Hall of Famers like Dan Quinn and Nick Diaz.

Here’s the basic premise: WM goes to a 7-11 to satisfy a Slurpee craving, and the clerk on duty immediately asks him to lower his hoodie, since that’s become a rule in places that are often robbed. Not a huge fan of rules in general, War Machine refuses, and literally uses the phrase “I thought this was America.” Another 7-11 worker threatens to call the cops, so War Machine dumps his Slurpee on the floor in protest — you know, like a child would — then leaves. Re-telling the story fills War Machine with the kind of barely contained rage that Werner Herzog should be narrating over.

War Machine gets himself scarily amped up to obtain a Slurpee at a different 7-11 location. He leaves his phone in the car, still recording (“I don’t want evidence in case I freak out”), and then disappears for an agonizingly long two minutes. Anything could be happening in those two minutes. When he returns with his Slurpee, it’s a relief for everyone. The guy who sold War Machine that Slurpee didn’t know how close he came.


‘WTF?’ of the Day: Kimo Leopoldo is Alive and Well and Belly-Flopping Three Stories Into Motel Pools

(Props: THEkimoleopoldo via HammerFisted)

Kimo Leopoldo — everybody’s favorite officer-impersonating, meth-possessing death-hoax victim — may be long out of the MMA game, but he hasn’t stopped living, you dig? dug up the above video, taken this summer, which shows Kimo ascending a staircase at some sort of motel or apartment complex or assisted living facility, then diving into a pool from three stories up. Well, "diving" might be an overstatement. He basically falls into the water in the most painful-looking way possible.

But as we’ve learned in the past, Kimo Leopoldo is indestructible. He will remain above-ground even after War Machine dies of syphilis, even after Dan Quinn drives into an oncoming semi while shouting down Fred Reeva in his final video blog. Kimo gets out of the water, shouts "Awright," demands to know how the splash was, and explains "I hadda like, not let my second-guess guess me on that one." We’d say that’s good advice for anybody…


Can Anybody Explain What the F*ck Gabriel Gonzaga Is Talking About?

(Props: gonzagabjj via butcher4)

Putting a video camera in your car and speaking in bizarre stream-of-consciousness may look easy — see esp., Quinn, Diaz — but as Gabriel Gonzaga proves in this video (titled "Joke you are a bad"), not everybody can pull it off. Especially if your grasp on the English language is slippery, to say the least. Basically, Gonzaga says you shouldn’t laugh about bad jokes about people’s problems, because it makes you a bad person. I’m paraphrasing, here. But then he flips the entire script by saying that he also laughs at a lot of bad jokes. In other words, we are all one. For more of Napao’s deep thoughts, we also recommend you check out "This car don’t have a key" and "Big tv in Vegas." Gonzaga will return to the Octagon against Brendan Schaub at UFC 121.


Penn vs. Edgar Rematch Already in the Works


While on a media tour promoting his new book Why I Fight, former (!) UFC lightweight champ BJ Penn took 18 seconds out of his day to announce that an immediate rematch with Frankie Edgar is in the works. Nothing is set in stone yet, but the UFC wants the fight, and BJ wants the fight, and all of BJ’s fans want the fight, so there you go.

Of course, this opens up a debate about whether BJ Penn deserves a chance to reclaim his belt right away. Immediate title rematches are a tricky thing. When Machida vs. Rua II was set up directly after their first meeting, it made sense because there was a general uproar about the decision unfairly going to Lyoto, who seemingly only won because leg kicks don’t count. But what can you really say about Penn vs. Edgar at UFC 112, other than it was a close fight that was difficult to score (particularly for the judges)? Edgar was never put in serious danger, and he would actually be the clear winner under the Unified Rules of Stockton, in which the loser is the guy who looks more fucked up afterwards, and the winner is the guy who was kicking more ass at the end.

BJ Penn is a more popular star than Frankie Edgar, so the UFC is using the "close fight" angle to try and get one of their golden boys back on his throne, rather than sending in Gray Maynard as Edgar’s first belt defense. (Admittedly, Edgar vs. Maynard sounds like pay-per-view poison.) Do you accept this as just part of the fight business, or should BJ have to knock off another contender first to prove that he’s still the same old killer, and his passionless performance last Saturday really was due to illness?


Thiago Alves’s Brain Surgery Video-Blog Thankfully Avoids the Gory Parts

(Props: ATTMain)

When we first came across this clip, we immediately got bad flashbacks to Miguel Torres‘s reconstructive forehead surgery video, expecting basically the same thing but with exposed brain. Don’t worry, you’re not going to see the actual procedure here. It’s just Thiago Alves heading to the hospital on Wednesday, clearly a little nervous, and waking up later completely lucid and with no obvious signs that his skull was removed while the doctors fixed whatever was wrong with him. Actually, this Sherdog report informs us that the procedure was done to mend a malformation in the left hemisphere of his brain, and they basically went in through his groin. [Ed. note: *barfs*] Said ATT coach Ricardo Liborio: "He is really excited to get back to training and I think it is going to be hard to keep him from trying to get back too fast."


UFC 111 Video Blog Shows Us What It’s Like to Be on a Plane With Dana White


Good news: The Danavlog is back, baby. Bad news: It might be the worst one yet. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for a full seven minutes of Dana White busting the balls of Marty Cordova, who forgot his passport on the way to Canada. Seriously, the whole thing takes place in the cabin of their private jet, and that’s all that happens. Luckily, we can hit the pause button as soon as the bullying insult-routine becomes too grating; unfortunately, Dana’s employees can’t hit pause on their own lives. One of these days, Marty or that "Morzo" guy behind him is going to snap and tell Dana to go fuck himself, and Dana is going to be dumbfounded, and Lorenzo Fertitta will be cracking up, and through his laughter Lorenzo will ask Dana if he’s going to take that from an employee, and Dana will take his shock pen and shock Marty (or whoever) to death, and then he and Lorenzo will have to bury the body somewhere, and at that moment Lorenzo will realize that Dana can’t be controlled, even if he’s just a minority owner on paper, and no that’s not a subplot from Goodfellas, that’s a completely original scenario that I just made up, so suck it.

Semi-related: After a brief period of reconciliation, the UFC has indefinitely denied press credentials to Dana’s old rival, When asked by Josh Gross to explain the reason for the re-ban, Dana White responded, "none of your [expletive] business." 


UFC 108 Danavlog #1: Meet Gilbert Yvel


Gilbert Yvel’s UFC debut against Junior Dos Santos is only five days away, and Dana White is pumped. To introduce the infamous Dutch striker to any dumbass noobs who’ve never heard of him, DW brought his video-blog operation over to Modern Martial Arts to watch Yvel work out. The gym is run by John Lewis, Dana’s first (and only) jiu-jitsu instructor, who went 1-1 in the UFC about ten years ago. Lewis complains to Dana that all he ever sees on UFC Unleashed is him getting tooled by Jens Pulver. To make it up to him, Lewis’s nasty stoppage of Lowell Anderson at UFC 22 is at the end of this video blog. Anyway, Yvel looks to be in fine form, but Dos Santos can bang too, and if he can get Hurricane Yvel to the ground it might be a wrap, son.

After the jump: Paul Daley discusses his God-given ability to knock people out; he’ll be taking on submission prodigy Dustin Hazelett at #108.


Dana White Continues to Struggle Against Media Tyranny

(‘You pussies better not be writing any of this down.’)

Poor Dana White.  He can’t catch a break.  After being persecuted for his choice of words in the infamous ‘Other F-Word Blog,’ he’s still being victimized by the media.  As he explained to Neil Davidson of the Canadian Press, his vitriolic response to Loretta Hunt was little more than him taking advantage of the voice granted him by the powerful forces of the information age:

"Back in 1987, if the media wrote something about you, you were screwed," he said. "You had no voice, you couldn’t say anything back. Well now with the Internet, you can. You can come back. Yeah, did I go a little over the top? Absolutely, but that’s me. I am over the top and I was so pissed off about it. …"

Exactly.  Just one more reason why 1987 sucked compared to 2009.  The difficulty in acquiring pornography without leaving the house?  That’s another reason.  White also claims that the mainstream media outlets that rarely cover the UFC but picked up this bit of salacious news “used me,” which is true in a way.  It’s also true that the UFC uses the media to tell stories, hype fights, sell tickets and pay-per-views — and none of this is anything new.