War Machine

(Make sure you have one of these nearby before you proceed.)

Through the whole War Machine turns to porn saga, we've been holding onto a scrap of hope that this is all just crazy-talk, like when War said he was going to move to the Philippines because he was under the impression that aggravated assault was legal there. Oh, if only. Waiting for you after the jump is photographic proof that the man-child formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver is officially an adult film actor. And now, a moment of silence for our collective innocence...

(The most compelling reason yet to keep your daughters out of the porn industry.)

By now you have finally begun to recover from the shock and trauma of seeing War Machine get his ass literally waxed in anticipation of his porn debut and you’ve gotten to the point where you’re beginning to ask some questions as part of the healing process.  Chances are you’re wondering things like, Is he actually getting paid for this? What safeguards are in place to ensure that he does not accidentally breed?  Does this mean War Machine already has or will soon develop a cocaine problem?

According to a recent interview, he’s not only totally serious about transitioning to an actual career in the field of fornicating on camera, he wants to be the very best on-camera fornicator, even if it means taking a step back from MMA:

My priority right now is to make good money and feed the War Machine. I've been fighting for seven years and MMA, I make a living but I don't make enough money to save. I'm never going to be able to have enough to buy a house or buy a cool car. Right now, my main priority is making money. I want to do my best in the porn industry and I want to try to be one of the top, top porn guys, you know what I mean? So right now, porn is more important than MMA at the moment. I love to fight and I'm always going to fight, regardless of what happens.

Well, this new development is appropriately terrifying for Halloween.  War Machine, the fighter formally known as Jon Koppenhaver, has decided to do away with any lingering shreds of dignity that might have been clinging to him without his knowledge, and has officially become a porn star.  The video above shows him receiving his first ass waxing to make his butt camera-ready, and while it probably wasn't necessary for him to post that to YouTube he did perform a public service by letting all the kids out there know that life as a porn star isn't all glamour and lube.  There's actually some unsavory elements to it.  Who knew?

He says he shot his first scene with Riley Steele and described it as "fucking awesome," before explaining that he took the gig because fighting wasn't paying the bills and he refuses to work for a living.  It's like I've always said, when life gives you lemons, make a video of you having sex with those lemons and put it on the internet.

Related:
- War Machine: "F@ck an Obama"
- War Machine Arrested in Vegas
- War Machine Apologizes for Ridiculous Behavior

Shawn Tompkins talks training, future stars - Watch more Funny Videos

I stopped in to Xtreme Couture while I was in Las Vegas last week and in addition to hearing Jan Nortje get yelled at I also got to sit down for a talk with renowned trainer Shawn Tompkins, which I captured in all its low quality glory on my Flip Mino camera.  Here’s a few minutes from our conversation where we discussed Wanderlei Silva and Brazilian time, why Mark Coleman’s always broke, and who Tompkins has really been impressed by in the gym lately.  The answer to that last question might surprise you.  I know it shocked the hell out of me.

(Props: MMA Linker)

To everyone who thought War Machine would self-distruct and disappear after being kicked out of the UFC, fired from Bellator, and arrested following a fracas at a gay club — well, allow him to grab his crotch in your direction. On Saturday night, the always outspoken, rarely coherent TUF 6 vet won for the third time since his UFC exit, putting away opponent Reshad Woods via second-round rear-naked choke at an Ultimate Warrior Challenge event in Fairfax, Virginia.

Say what you want about this retard, but he does know how to put on an entertaining fight...