(Blatantly contradicting yourself in less than 150 characters? Dear lord, how we’ve missed this man.) 

It seems like it’s been an eternity since we’ve checked in with our buddy War Machine, peddler of all things conspiracy and sexer of all things bologna. After a nasty ACL tear and a couple rough stints in the clink, the mixed martial artist formerly known as Prison Mike John Koppenhaver is finally set to make his Bellator debut on June 19th at Bellator 96. Perhaps to boost some awareness of his return, or perhaps because he is crazier than a shithouse rat, Machine has once again taken aim at one of his enemies using the power of the Internet. No, not President Obama, we’re talking about tightwad MMA sponsors, obviously.

In any case, Machine has been tweeting up a storm as of late, and his tweets contain the usual mix of hilarious ignorance and self sabotage that we have come to expect from the porn world’s most notorious bad boy. We’ve compiled our top 10 favorites (via @WarMachine170) for your viewing pleasure below. Welcome back, old friend.

10. A WAR MMA Main Event in the Making

(They can put you behind bars. They can fire you for being an idiot. But damn it, they’ll never take your sense of joy.)

On June 19th, War Machine (formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver) will finally make his Bellator debut, when he faces WEC veteran Blas Avena at Bellator 96. The fight will come four-and-a-half years after the short-fused welterweight was first signed by Bellator back in early 2009. Let’s just say their schedules haven’t matched up since then.

First, Machine was fired by Bellator for suggesting that President Obama — and every president after him — should be assassinated. Then, he embarked on a brief but rewarding career in porn which ended in a punch-up at a birthday party. Then, he spent a year in jail for one of his various assault charges. Then he had to go back to jail for one of his various assault charges, which led to the cancellation of a scheduled fight against Karl Amoussou. Then, he had to pull out of his next scheduled fight against Paul Daley due to a partially torn ACL, which pretty much takes us to the present day.

Now that War Machine is all healed up, he’ll allegedly be making his Bellator debut on the promotion’s 2013 Summer Series premiere on Spike TV, assuming he doesn’t beat up another civilian, or sustain another training injury, or get cut again for simply expressing his honest thoughts. Machine hasn’t competed since his TKO win over Roger Huerta in November 2011, while Avena recently snapped a two-year winless streak by TKO’ing Lenny Lovato at Bellator 91 in February.

Can War Machine rebuild his career in the #2 MMA promotion? And what the hell kind of name is “Blas,” anyway?

(This “20 Staredowns That Got Physical” video conveniently cuts off before Ricardo Mayorga flash-KO’s Din Thomas with a karate chop to the neck. Props: MMADigest)

War Machine on Fallon Fox: ‘Any Show That Signs Her Is a Piece of S*** Show’ (BleacherReport)

Georges St-Pierre Says He Weighed 170.4 Pounds at UFC 158 Weigh-Ins (MMAFighting)

Nick Diaz Weigh-In Video Returns to Youtube After Copyright Claim Is Reversed (BloodyElbow)

Chris Weidman Says Anderson Silva Is the Best Fighter of all Time, But He’s Just a Little Better (MiddleEasy)

TUF 17 Finale: Top 10 Facts You Need to Know (FightDay)

TUF 17 Finale: Miesha Tate vs. Cat Zingano Video Preview (YouTube.com/UFC)

Jon Jones Looks Really Out of Place Next to Those Two Gangsters (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

World Series of Fighting: Future Champs Series Furthers WSOF and NBC Sports Partnership (MMAWeekly)

Refined Sugar: Paying for Love in 2013 (MadeMan)

10 of the Most Hilarious Conspiracy Theories (Break.com)

Her Most Secret Desires: 15 Things She Wants You to Do for Her in Bed (MensFitness)

The 20 Most Beautiful Female Celebrities Without Makeup (WorldwideInterweb)

Top 3 Weird and Awesome TV Remote Controls for Men (DoubleViking)

How to Avoid Being “That Guy” at the Party (EgoTV)

The Oral History of Freaknik (Complex)

(And to think, if only Big Dan was at Paul’s side, this whole situation might have been avoided.) 

Good morning, Potato Nation. How was your Christmas? I see that at least a few of you spent it here, arguing about racism, or incomprehensibly ranting about women’s rights, and we thank you for the repeated page views. But if you think you were the only ones whose stockings were stuffed with a bit of vitriol this holiday season, think again, because UFC castaway and all around good guy Paul “Semtex” Daley apparently spent his beating the Christmas spirit out of some local bar patrons.

Sound familiar? According to ESPN’s Josh Gross, Daley has not only been arrested on assault charges stemming from a recent bar fight in his native London, but has been barred from entering the United States until the situation is resolved. This of course means that he will not be participating in Bellator’s upcoming welterweight tournament, although his original opponent, War Machine, had already suffered a leg injury that forced him to postpone their scheduled fight 4 to 6 months. We would say that this is a rather unfortunate turn of events for Bellator, but shit happens when you stack your roster with ex-cons and guys who were thrown out of the UFC for being hotheaded sore losers.

Daley — who could face up to two years in prison if convicted — has yet to make an official statement on the issue, but simply posted the following on the UG:

Rumours. However it seems my next fight will not be for Bellator.

And indeed, Daley has already been booked in the headlining matchup of Cage Contender 16 in Dublin, Ireland on February 23rd. An opponent has yet to be named.

[UPDATE]

Dan’s opponent for Bellator 81, Mike Mucitelli, who is now waiting for a new fight. Taken directly from bandanmcguane.com

It isn’t often that the booking of an undercard fight can cause controversy, but Bellator recently found itself in hot water when they booked Dan McGuane on the undercard of this week’s Bellator 81. Bellator booked a fight between McGuane and 3-0 Light-Heavyweight Mike Mucitelli, ignoring the fact that Dan McGuane was convicted of manslaughter in 2005. No big deal, it was just self-defense, right? Unfortunately, no. Not even close.

Recently, a website BanDanMcGuane.com popped up after the webmaster had learned that Bellator had signed the fighter. According to reports, McGuane and his twin brother beat an eighteen year old, one hundred and fifty-five pound man named Kelly Proctor to death after Dan’s brother thought he heard Kelly say something. I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m not. After the jump, the grisly details, courtesy of the website (they’ve since been removed):

Although the UFC has easily secured the top position for “Most Interesting News of the Day,” their rivals over at Bellator have recently revealed a pretty unique feature of their own for their upcoming season on Spike TV. Besides the fact that they are completely exploiting War Machine’s less than positive personal history as a hype tool for his promotional debut*[AWESOME], Bjorn and the boys have debuted an interactive web series dubbed “Vote for the Fight,” which allows you to, wait for it, vote for the very first fight of their 2013 season on Spike TV.

Fans will be given the option to match up any of the following four fighters: Ben Saunders, Paul Daley, Douglas Lima, and our boy War Machine. In addition, Spike TV will be airing a new episode of the web series — which will provide some background and behind-the-scenes info on each of the participants — each Thursday.

Part 1 is above and Part 2 awaits you after the jump.

(WORST. ROLE MODEL. EVER.)

You’ve been clamoring for them, Potato Nation, so we figured we might as well deliver. Perhaps no man in MMA has had a more compelling uplifting interesting story than that of War Machine. The TUF 6 alum’s travels have taken him from the great bays of San Diego to the seedy underbelly of Las Vegas, and have seen him do battle with the mighty Krave club bouncers, the mightier Thrusters Club bouncers, California’s most physically fit citizens, and the country’s most upstanding adult films stars.

But, as with the tale of John Carter, which War Machine has chosen to mold his life after, adversity would not keep a good man down. To keep us entertained whilst in prison, Machine released a series of prison blogs that discussed everything from his squabbles with cellmates to his desire to fornicate with a bologna sandwich. After being released from prison last August, the fighter formerly known as John Koppenhaver proved that Floyd Mayweather was just a big pussy by scoring arguably the biggest victory of his MMA career by TKO’ing former UFC superstar Roger Huerta in the third round of their scrap just a few months later. Unfortunately for the Machine, he was informed that he would be headed back to prison to serve time for one of the various assaults he has committed over the past couple of years.

So, without further introduction, may we present you with the first group of War Machine’s prison blogs, which details both his newfound affection for Kendall Grove and his ability to travel to other dimensions while meditating. Don’t worry, more are surely to come.

Week 3

Just got back from court… We were attempting to withdraw my plea so I could take this B.S. to trial, win, and go home. Should have done that in the first fucking place and would have if I knew the judge was gonna fuck me. Funniest part about the hearing – when some glitch or something came up on their computer and made it appear as if I had something else pending, the judge said, “I wouldn’t want to SPECULATE but might be some kind of trouble he’s gotten into while in custody.” Umm… isn’t that SPECULATING right there? How about at sentencing when she SPECULATED, actually ACCUSED, me of taking steroids? LOL! Fucking Kangaroo Court! Anyway, that is that! Buckling in to do this time now. My last recourse is gonna be a request/application to do house arrest instead of this crap, that’d be a lil’ better. At least then I could make $ and eat real food. I hope all of you learn from my mistakes.

(Well, at least the guy knows how to go out in style.) 

After a year long prison sentence training camp helped propel John Koppenhaver War Machine to a brilliant third round TKO over Roger Huerta last November, it saddened the world to find out that the former UFC fighter, TUF 6 star, and short lived pornstar would headed back to jail for another year, despite already being released some 8 months ago.

The unfortunate announcement came shortly after War Machine snagged a place in Bellator’s season 6 welterweight tournament, and appeared to be at least attempting to turn his life around. Needless to say, War Machine was pissed.

And now that War Machine’s days are truly numbered, he decided to sit down with MMA Uncensored Live for a lengthy interview, which will air this Thursday at 11 p.m. on Spike TV.

Check out a video preview of the interview after the jump.

(Jenna Haze: Pound-for-pound G.O.A.T.)

Yes, friends and neighbors, there’s a fighter on the upcoming season of The Ultimate Fighter who has done porn — and not the normal kind, either. Since it’s a slow news week, this TUF 15 sub-plot has blown up to monumental proportions on MMA forums, but let’s put this in perspective: Dakota Cochrane isn’t the first MMA fighter to pick up some extra cash by appearing in adult films, and he probably won’t be the last. Send the kids out of the room, and follow us on a journey through the porn/MMA continuum…

By Aaron Powers (Jawbreaker_46)
(What the hell is ‘Rampage’ doing in this photo?)

I have been a correctional officer for five years now, and it would be an understatement to say that I’ve seen some crazy shit.

The institution I work at, which shall remain nameless, specializes in mental health. Think half psych-ward, half prison. There are inmates and patients who eat their shit, throw their shit, and smear their shit. Once an inmate shoved a pencil in his pee hole and about half way down the shaft, poked it out through the top and ripped it out, slitting his unit up the middle so it looked like a micro-waved hot dog.  There is a patient who, every month or so will bash his head on the wall to get Satan to stop talking to him. His forehead looks like that old In Living Color skit where the family had asses on their heads… and they couldn’t figure out where the whistling was coming from on the roller coaster…. You don’t remember that one? Trust me it happened. So yeah like I said, crazy shit.

(Covering up that neck tattoo before going to court would have been a good idea.)

If you’ve been missing War Machine’s acclaimed Big House Blogs, you’re probably the only group that is going to be happy about this news.

According to the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver, he has been sentenced to another year in jail in Las Vegas for an old charge, forcing him to withdraw from Bellator’s season six welterweight tournament that gets underway in March. He indicated on Twitter that he will begin serving his sentence in two weeks and that, as per usual, he isn’t happy with the system.

(War Machine poses with the kids’ MMA class that he is somehow allowed to teach. Props: @WarMachine170)

Two interesting updates to Bellator’s sixth season, which begins March 2nd…

— After signing to the promotion in December, War Machine has secured his quarterfinal opponent for Bellator’s upcoming welterweight tournament. As he wrote on Twitter yesterday, “Fuck ya its on! My first fight in @BellatorMMA tournament will be March 30th vs. Karl Amoussou!! Gonna send him back to France in peices!!” It will be Machine’s first appearance since his impressive post-prison win against Roger Huerta in November.

Karl “Psycho” Amoussou (13-4-2, 1-1 in Bellator) is indeed French, and has also competed for M-1, Strikeforce, DREAM, and Pancrase. The Haute Tension product most recently scored a first-round TKO over Jesus Martinez in a 175-pound catchweight bout at Bellator 59 in November. Bellator’s Season 6 welterweight bracket will include Bryan Baker, Brian Foster, undefeated triangle-choke specialist David Rickels, and Season 5 tournament finalist Ben Saunders. War Machine is already looking forward to an emotional reunion with his TUF 6 castmate.

In other news…

(“I’ve turned over a new leaf, Fujiko. So no funny stuff this time. Just a normal Swedish massage and asshole wax, please.”)

War Machine‘s career comeback is picking up steam. After his third-round TKO victory against Roger Huerta last month — War’s first match after spending a year in prison for assault — the previously-troubled welterweight has announced his signing with Bellator: “So it’s now official public knowledge. I signed with Bellator and will be in the next welterweight tournament. [I] can’t wait to be back fighting on live television with the big boys.”

Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney confirmed the signing, though not War Machine’s participation in the next welterweight bracket; his debut date and opponent is yet to be announced. As Rebney told MMAJunkie, “Jon’s not had an easy road. And there’s no doubt he’s made some poor choices, but after having had conversations with him since his release, he really seems to understand where and why things went wrong and wants to make them right…I hope he’s able to turn this second chance into something positive.”

[VIDEO REMOVED BY REQUEST.]

After a year in the pokey, War Machine finally returned to competition Saturday night at Ultimate Warrior Fighting 1 in Pharr, Texas, where he faced off against former UFC lightweight darling Roger Huerta in the event’s welterweight headliner. And even though prison ring-rust has to be the worst kind of ring-rust — nutraloaf and sandwich masturbation don’t exactly make for an ideal fighter lifestyle — Mr. Machine handled himself admirably, out-hustling Huerta in a gritty back-and-forth scrap.

Unfortunately, Huerta broke his rib during a scramble in round three, seemingly when War sneaks in that knee at the video’s 15:10 mark. War Machine took advantage of Huerta’s weakened state and laid on punches from the top until the match was stopped. And so, War Machine writes the first chapter of his unlikely comeback story, while Huerta picks up the fifth loss in his last six attempts.

In the early days of The Ultimate Fighter, simply spraying water on a sleeping person was considered a brilliant prank. But after 14 seasons, the bar has been steadily raised for in-house trickery, to the point where even the coaches are now gleefully stripping cars of their tires. We thought we’d pay tribute to the TUF prank tradition by running down the most infamous pranks of the show’s history. Enjoy, and let us know if we’ve left out any of your favorites…

The Pink Room (Season 10)

See, this is what I’m talking about. Any moron can piss on a bed — but it takes a man to spend all afternoon painting walls pink and arranging stuffed animals in vaguely sexual poses. The best moment is at the very end, when Rashad Evans comes to the realization that the pacifier he’d been sucking on had definitely been up Tiki’s ass at some point.

See also: The Chickenmobile, The Team Portrait

(Still got it.)

Another super-fight, up in smoke. Chicago’s MMA informs us that War Machine‘s post-prison return fight against Gideon Ray has been scratched from the main event of Chicago Cagefighting Championship 4 (October 15th; Villa Park, IL). From a press-release sent out by the promoter:

Over the weekend Gideon informed Chicago Cagefighting that he had suffered an injury to his hand and would not be able to compete. To compound problems, War Machine suffered a cut to his chin during training and is not able to train for at least a week. When a suitable replacement for Gideon could not be found, we made a tough decision. With only three weeks to the event we were forced to cancel the entire bout.

(Image via @warmachine170)

After all the ink we gave to War Machine‘s deep thoughts about D.I.Y. asshole-plucking and bologna sex fantasies while in prison, it only seems fair that we should keep you updated on his actual MMA career. (Ed. note: zzzzzzz) The eccentric UFC veteran has been a free man since July, and his fall dance card is starting to fill up.

On Saturday, October 15th, War Machine will headline Chicago Cagefighting Championship 4, which goes down at the Odeum Expo Center in Villa Park, IL. His opponent will be TUF 4 castmember and “local fan favorite” Gideon Ray, who hasn’t competed since last July. The card will also feature Carson Beebe, Josh Shockley, and Chico Camus. Tickets start at just $20.

But a bigger fight looms on the horizon…

(Fedor Emelianenko, immediately after his loss to Dan Henderson on Saturday night. Photo via Darren Shuster, PR Representative for Dragon Door/RKC)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

- Dan Henderson Gets Caught on National Television Spanking Dat Ass at a Cardinals Game (MMA Mania)

- Herb Dean Defends Controversial Stoppage in Fedor Emelianenko vs. Dan Henderson Fight (5thRound)

- After Release from Prison, War Machine Looking for Fresh Start (MMA Fighting)

- Leonard Garcia out of UFC Live 5 With Injury; Jim Hettes to Replace Against Alex Caceres (Five Ounces of Pain)

- UFC’s Rich Franklin Discusses Career, Life and Fans Asking for His Underwear (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Photo Gallery: Vitor Belfort Prepares for UFC 133 Bout With Yoshihiro Akiyama (LowKick)

- Video: 20 of the Most ‘WTF?’ Moments in UFC History (MiddleEasy)

- A Conquistador Story: Looking Back on Jorge Rivera vs. Travis Lutter (MMA Convert)

- Dan Henderson’s Win Over Fedor Builds Momentum for TRT Usage/Acceptance (FightOpinion)

- Ben Askren on Season Five of Bellator, Nate Marquardt and Fight With Hector Lombard (TheFightNerd)

- Following Burger King Deal, Anderson Silva Inks Sponsorships With Nike and Brazilian Soccer Club (MMAPayout)

- What’s Next for ‘Fedor vs. Henderson’ Winners and Losers? (NBC Sports MMA)

(“I call this sub ‘The Prison Rape.’”

War Machine is out of jail which is sad for us fans of his Big House Blogs, but on the bright side we’ll be reading a lot more interviews from the man formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver.

USCombatSports.com snagged War’s first post-prison interview and let’s just say that it didn’t disappoint.

Check out some of the highlights after the jump.

(Video courtesy of YouTube/WEEZER)

It’s a bittersweet week for both fans of War Machine and fans of War Machine’s Big House Blogs. The fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver is set to be released from jail on Friday, which means the only blogs we’re going to get from here on out (unless of course he ends back in the clink) will be about his training regimens, his married life and thoughts on the world. Something tells me that being behind bars contributed to how deranged some of his deep thoughts were the past year and it’s likely that being on the outside will change all that.

Let’s hope I’m dead wrong.

Until he proves me wrong, go ahead and savor your last instalment of War Machine’s Big House Blogs after the jump.

Our favorite MMA convict, War Machine is a free man in just under a month and when he gets out, the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver wants all of us to know that even though his Big House Blogs will cease, he plans on continuing to entertain us with an autobiography he has been penning the past few months behind bars.

You know you’ll read it, especially if he details his short-lived porn career and his multiple brushes with the law.

Check out what he had to say about his tome and his final weeks in jail in his two latest blog entries after the jump.

(Spit-bags: The sure sign of a bad time. Photo courtesy of TMZ.)

By Ben Goldstein and Jason Moles

The rule applies in any profession: For every law-abiding nice-guy, there’s an unstable son-of-a-bitch who you’d never want to leave your kids alone with. In honor of Breaking Bad: The Complete Third Season being released on DVD and Blu-ray, we decided to take a ride through MMA’s shadowy history of assault, robbery, vandalism, drug-smuggling, and other nasty behavior — the most infamous examples of fighters living dangerously and paying the price…

For more thrills, check out the latest Sony Action Unleashed DVDs!

#16: Jeff Monson
Arrested for: First-degree malicious mischief; assault on a female and injury to real property

It’s never a good idea to have evidence of your law-breaking published nationally. In a bizarre lapse of judgment, heavyweight veteran Jeff Monson was busted after he allowed ESPN the Magazine to photograph him spray-painting an anarchy symbol on the Washington state capitol building. Though the charge packed a maximum sentence of 10 years in prison, the Snowman was able to plead down to three months. Just days later, Monson was arrested again when a domestic dust-up with one of his many love-interests resulted in an overturned grandfather clock and a fist-shaped hole in the wall; those charges were later dismissed.

#15: Kim Couture
Arrested for: Domestic violence

(If he only knew then what he knows about ‘gay hippy shit’ now…)

Well, War Machine has finally realized what most second graders already know- ‘reading is great’. To think, it only took him being exiled from the UFC, failing at a career in porn, and being sent to jail for felony assault to discover the joy of books.

Below you’ll learn that War doesn’t get down on all of that made-up organized religion crap, preferring to root his beliefs in more time-tested scientific certainties like interdimensional yogis and reincarnation. The good news? While he’s out zipping around through space and time, he totally doesn’t mind if you bone his wife.

(Little known fact: War’s mother’s name is Game Machine.)

War Machine’s latest big house blog is up and according to the incarcerated fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver, pretty much everything we think we know is a lie.

The TUF 6 vet is gearing up for his final few months behind bars in county jail, and as such, has brushing up on his current events in the news. According to the beleaguered fighter, everything that he’s read lately, from Barry Bonds’ steroid trial to Bin Laden’s alleged death  is carefully propagated government bullshit.

Check out the latest instalment of Deep Thoughts with War Machine after the jump.

(There better be a follow-up series of blogs that follow War AFTER he’s released so we can see how disconnected from society he’s become.)

If you’ve been following the trials and tribulations of War Machine in county jail, you know that his friend on the outside who was posting his blogs let them lapse for a while and is now playing catch-up. Well, the blogs are finally up to date and unfortunately for fans of the weekly journals of one of the greatest minds of our generation, the fighter formerly known as Jon Kopenhaver only has 12 weeks remaining on his one-year sentence for assault.

Rather than post the remaining few entries verbatim, we’ve decided to print just the meat and potatoes of the blogs to get you up to date with the shenanigans WM has gotten into the past few weeks.

Check out the highlights after the jump.

Jobbi.com announced today that it has formed a partnership with Zuffa to help the parent company of the UFC and Strikeforce recruit fighters.

According to the company’s co-founder Lawrence Vaughan, applicants will receive feedback from members of the job search hub which will help improve their standing on the site and may lead to them gaining the attention of UFC brass.

“Together with the UFC, we’ve created a streamlined process that makes it simple for new fighters and UFC management to connect with each other. There is also a social component that makes it easy for general public to get involved. People can talk with fighters, watch videos of applicants, and show their support for their favorite fighters,” explained Vaughan. “It is an exciting, ongoing process to determine who will ultimately get their dream job fighting for the UFC.”

(Leg kicks, why have you forsaken me? / Photo courtesy of allelbows.com)

Today, as you know, is Easter — a day in which Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, three days after his crucifixion. To commemorate the holiday, we’d like to take this time to remember notable resurrections in the sport of mixed martial arts. (Because we’re respectful like that.) There’s nothing more incredible than watching a dude get the living crap beaten out of him for minutes at a time, and then somehow, miraculously, finding the strength to knock his opponent dead before the last bell. So without further ado, here are 11 of our favorite “Back From the Dead” MMA fights of all time…

(War has really grown up in prison.)

We know they say that being in prison can screw with a man’s head and we know it’s hard to believe that War Machine could say, do or write anything stranger than he already has, but let’s just say what you’re about to read will likely make you ask, “What the fuck is wrong with this guy?”

Nothing we can say about his latest big house blog will be any funnier than the tragic comedy-reality of the situation, so go see what kind of wackiness the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver got into recently in solitary.

A word of advice: Don’t read it on your lunch or dinner break at work.

(This is the look that sends cons running for a new cell? Really? PicProps MMAMania)

Well, now that War Machine’s friend on the outside has figured out how to post his blogs again, the jailhouse ramblings of the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver have been coming fast and furiously the past week.

Judging by his references to missing Christmas and to GSP and Danzig winning (they both fought and won at UFC 124) these entries are about four months behind, which makes sense considering that’s when War’s blogs went MIA.

Apparently someone alerted WM about the MMA media’s fascination with his life behind bars and he’s not impressed. If I was a private and upstanding citizen like he is, I’d be pissed too that the media was critical of me

Check out what shenanigans War Machine got into last year after the jump.

 
("Maybe if I give myself a black eye nobody will notice.")

I gotta be honest, War Machine’s blogs are starting to seem a bit halfhearted these days.

Maybe we need to get someone on the inside a la Michael Scofield to shake things up a bit. Do we have any unemployed  members of the Potato Nation in San Diego with eight months to spare who are looking to make a few bucks?

I don’t know if I can stand to read about War’s herpes outbreaks and the number of continuous push-ups he can do for the next eight months, so we would make it worth your while.

Here’s the latest, and arguably the most disinterested prison journal entry to date by the fighter once known as "little Jonny Koppenhaver" after the jump.