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Tag: War Machine

Bellator 96 Recap: King Mo and War Machine Score First-Round Wins, Babalu Sobral Announces Retirement Following Loss


(Like I said, betting money on Petruzelli would be a *terrible* idea. / Photo via Facebook.com/BellatorMMA)

Bellator’s 2013 Summer Series kicked off last night in Thackerville, Oklahoma — population: 404 — with the semifinals of the promotion’s latest light-heavyweight and heavyweight tournaments. The televised card was an overall success, featuring fast action, brutal stoppages, and much-needed wins for a pair of marquee names. But it didn’t go well for everybody. Here are the important points…

War Machine Is Back in General Population
In a non-tournament bout that opened the broadcast, charmingly outspoken welterweight War Machine returned to competition for the first time since his latest stint in jail, facing journeyman Blas Avena. Machine appeared to be in fine form, putting Avena on his back in the second half of the opening round, trapping his arm, and slugging Avena with left hands until the match was stopped at the 3:55 mark. Random thought: War really needs to be a coach on season 2 of Fight Master. You want drama? There’s your drama.

Heavyweights Gonna Heavyweight
Both of the heavyweight tournament semi-finals resulted in gnarly first-round knockouts. During the prelims, Ryan Martinez — who came in as a short-notice replacement for the injured Vinicius Queiroz — slugged out Richard Hale with punches from the top. And on the main card, undefeated Russian prospect Vitaly Minakov needed just 32 seconds to beat the crap out of Ron Sparks. Minakov is now 11-0, with six of those wins coming in the first minute of the fight. He and Martinez will now face each other at Bellator 97, July 31st in Albuquerque.

Farewell, Sweet Babalu

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Ranking the 10 11 Most Insane Tweets From War Machine’s Latest Hate-Fueled Twitter Tirade


(Blatantly contradicting yourself in less than 150 characters? Dear lord, how we’ve missed this man.) 

It seems like it’s been an eternity since we’ve checked in with our buddy War Machine, peddler of all things conspiracy and sexer of all things bologna. After a nasty ACL tear and a couple rough stints in the clink, the mixed martial artist formerly known as Prison Mike John Koppenhaver is finally set to make his Bellator debut on June 19th at Bellator 96. Perhaps to boost some awareness of his return, or perhaps because he is crazier than a shithouse rat, Machine has once again taken aim at one of his enemies using the power of the Internet. No, not President Obama, we’re talking about tightwad MMA sponsors, obviously.

In any case, Machine has been tweeting up a storm as of late, and his tweets contain the usual mix of hilarious ignorance and self sabotage that we have come to expect from the porn world’s most notorious bad boy. We’ve compiled our top 10 favorites (via @WarMachine170) for your viewing pleasure below. Welcome back, old friend.

10. A WAR MMA Main Event in the Making

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War Machine to Make Bellator Debut on June 19th, Unless Something Crazy Happens


(They can put you behind bars. They can fire you for being an idiot. But damn it, they’ll never take your sense of joy.)

On June 19th, War Machine (formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver) will finally make his Bellator debut, when he faces WEC veteran Blas Avena at Bellator 96. The fight will come four-and-a-half years after the short-fused welterweight was first signed by Bellator back in early 2009. Let’s just say their schedules haven’t matched up since then.

First, Machine was fired by Bellator for suggesting that President Obama — and every president after him — should be assassinated. Then, he embarked on a brief but rewarding career in porn which ended in a punch-up at a birthday party. Then, he spent a year in jail for one of his various assault charges. Then he had to go back to jail for one of his various assault charges, which led to the cancellation of a scheduled fight against Karl Amoussou. Then, he had to pull out of his next scheduled fight against Paul Daley due to a partially torn ACL, which pretty much takes us to the present day.

Now that War Machine is all healed up, he’ll allegedly be making his Bellator debut on the promotion’s 2013 Summer Series premiere on Spike TV, assuming he doesn’t beat up another civilian, or sustain another training injury, or get cut again for simply expressing his honest thoughts. Machine hasn’t competed since his TKO win over Roger Huerta in November 2011, while Avena recently snapped a two-year winless streak by TKO’ing Lenny Lovato at Bellator 91 in February.

Can War Machine rebuild his career in the #2 MMA promotion? And what the hell kind of name is “Blas,” anyway?

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Friday Link Dump: MMA Staredowns That Got Physical, Chris Weidman’s Bold Statement, WSOF’s New TV Show + More


(This “20 Staredowns That Got Physical” video conveniently cuts off before Ricardo Mayorga flash-KO’s Din Thomas with a karate chop to the neck. Props: MMADigest)

War Machine on Fallon Fox: ‘Any Show That Signs Her Is a Piece of S*** Show’ (BleacherReport)

Georges St-Pierre Says He Weighed 170.4 Pounds at UFC 158 Weigh-Ins (MMAFighting)

Nick Diaz Weigh-In Video Returns to Youtube After Copyright Claim Is Reversed (BloodyElbow)

Chris Weidman Says Anderson Silva Is the Best Fighter of all Time, But He’s Just a Little Better (MiddleEasy)

TUF 17 Finale: Top 10 Facts You Need to Know (FightDay)

TUF 17 Finale: Miesha Tate vs. Cat Zingano Video Preview (YouTube.com/UFC)

Jon Jones Looks Really Out of Place Next to Those Two Gangsters (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

World Series of Fighting: Future Champs Series Furthers WSOF and NBC Sports Partnership (MMAWeekly)

Refined Sugar: Paying for Love in 2013 (MadeMan)

10 of the Most Hilarious Conspiracy Theories (Break.com)

Her Most Secret Desires: 15 Things She Wants You to Do for Her in Bed (MensFitness)

The 20 Most Beautiful Female Celebrities Without Makeup (WorldwideInterweb)

Top 3 Weird and Awesome TV Remote Controls for Men (DoubleViking)

How to Avoid Being “That Guy” at the Party (EgoTV)

The Oral History of Freaknik (Complex)

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And Now He’s Fired: Paul Daley Released From Bellator Roster Following Bar Fight Assault Charge [UPDATED]


(And to think, if only Big Dan was at Paul’s side, this whole situation might have been avoided.) 

Good morning, Potato Nation. How was your Christmas? I see that at least a few of you spent it here, arguing about racism, or incomprehensibly ranting about women’s rights, and we thank you for the repeated page views. But if you think you were the only ones whose stockings were stuffed with a bit of vitriol this holiday season, think again, because UFC castaway and all around good guy Paul “Semtex” Daley apparently spent his beating the Christmas spirit out of some local bar patrons.

Sound familiar? According to ESPN’s Josh Gross, Daley has not only been arrested on assault charges stemming from a recent bar fight in his native London, but has been barred from entering the United States until the situation is resolved. This of course means that he will not be participating in Bellator’s upcoming welterweight tournament, although his original opponent, War Machine, had already suffered a leg injury that forced him to postpone their scheduled fight 4 to 6 months. We would say that this is a rather unfortunate turn of events for Bellator, but shit happens when you stack your roster with ex-cons and guys who were thrown out of the UFC for being hotheaded sore losers.

Daley — who could face up to two years in prison if convicted — has yet to make an official statement on the issue, but simply posted the following on the UG:

Rumours. However it seems my next fight will not be for Bellator.

And indeed, Daley has already been booked in the headlining matchup of Cage Contender 16 in Dublin, Ireland on February 23rd. An opponent has yet to be named.

[UPDATE]

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Dan McGuane Removed from Bellator 81 for Being a Deplorable Scumbag


Dan’s opponent for Bellator 81, Mike Mucitelli, who is now waiting for a new fight. Taken directly from bandanmcguane.com

It isn’t often that the booking of an undercard fight can cause controversy, but Bellator recently found itself in hot water when they booked Dan McGuane on the undercard of this week’s Bellator 81. Bellator booked a fight between McGuane and 3-0 Light-Heavyweight Mike Mucitelli, ignoring the fact that Dan McGuane was convicted of manslaughter in 2005. No big deal, it was just self-defense, right? Unfortunately, no. Not even close.

Recently, a website BanDanMcGuane.com popped up after the webmaster had learned that Bellator had signed the fighter. According to reports, McGuane and his twin brother beat an eighteen year old, one hundred and fifty-five pound man named Kelly Proctor to death after Dan’s brother thought he heard Kelly say something. I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m not. After the jump, the grisly details, courtesy of the website (they’ve since been removed):

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Bellator Premieres “Vote for the Fight” for Spike Debut Featuring War Machine, Ben Saunders, Douglas Lima, and Paul Daley

Although the UFC has easily secured the top position for “Most Interesting News of the Day,” their rivals over at Bellator have recently revealed a pretty unique feature of their own for their upcoming season on Spike TV. Besides the fact that they are completely exploiting War Machine’s less than positive personal history as a hype tool for his promotional debut*[AWESOME], Bjorn and the boys have debuted an interactive web series dubbed “Vote for the Fight,” which allows you to, wait for it, vote for the very first fight of their 2013 season on Spike TV.

Fans will be given the option to match up any of the following four fighters: Ben Saunders, Paul Daley, Douglas Lima, and our boy War Machine. In addition, Spike TV will be airing a new episode of the web series — which will provide some background and behind-the-scenes info on each of the participants — each Thursday.

Part 1 is above and Part 2 awaits you after the jump.

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Back By Popular Demand, It’s a Fresh Batch of War Machine Prison Blogs


(WORST. ROLE MODEL. EVER.)

You’ve been clamoring for them, Potato Nation, so we figured we might as well deliver. Perhaps no man in MMA has had a more compelling uplifting interesting story than that of War Machine. The TUF 6 alum’s travels have taken him from the great bays of San Diego to the seedy underbelly of Las Vegas, and have seen him do battle with the mighty Krave club bouncers, the mightier Thrusters Club bouncers, California’s most physically fit citizens, and the country’s most upstanding adult films stars.

But, as with the tale of John Carter, which War Machine has chosen to mold his life after, adversity would not keep a good man down. To keep us entertained whilst in prison, Machine released a series of prison blogs that discussed everything from his squabbles with cellmates to his desire to fornicate with a bologna sandwich. After being released from prison last August, the fighter formerly known as John Koppenhaver proved that Floyd Mayweather was just a big pussy by scoring arguably the biggest victory of his MMA career by TKO’ing former UFC superstar Roger Huerta in the third round of their scrap just a few months later. Unfortunately for the Machine, he was informed that he would be headed back to prison to serve time for one of the various assaults he has committed over the past couple of years.

So, without further introduction, may we present you with the first group of War Machine’s prison blogs, which details both his newfound affection for Kendall Grove and his ability to travel to other dimensions while meditating. Don’t worry, more are surely to come.

Week 3

Just got back from court… We were attempting to withdraw my plea so I could take this B.S. to trial, win, and go home. Should have done that in the first fucking place and would have if I knew the judge was gonna fuck me. Funniest part about the hearing – when some glitch or something came up on their computer and made it appear as if I had something else pending, the judge said, “I wouldn’t want to SPECULATE but might be some kind of trouble he’s gotten into while in custody.” Umm… isn’t that SPECULATING right there? How about at sentencing when she SPECULATED, actually ACCUSED, me of taking steroids? LOL! Fucking Kangaroo Court! Anyway, that is that! Buckling in to do this time now. My last recourse is gonna be a request/application to do house arrest instead of this crap, that’d be a lil’ better. At least then I could make $ and eat real food. I hope all of you learn from my mistakes.

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[VIDEO] – War Machine’s Final 48 Hours of Freedom


(Well, at least the guy knows how to go out in style.) 

After a year long prison sentence training camp helped propel John Koppenhaver War Machine to a brilliant third round TKO over Roger Huerta last November, it saddened the world to find out that the former UFC fighter, TUF 6 star, and short lived pornstar would headed back to jail for another year, despite already being released some 8 months ago.

The unfortunate announcement came shortly after War Machine snagged a place in Bellator’s season 6 welterweight tournament, and appeared to be at least attempting to turn his life around. Needless to say, War Machine was pissed.

And now that War Machine’s days are truly numbered, he decided to sit down with MMA Uncensored Live for a lengthy interview, which will air this Thursday at 11 p.m. on Spike TV.

Check out a video preview of the interview after the jump.

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Eight MMA Fighters Who Have Done Porn


(Jenna Haze: Pound-for-pound G.O.A.T.)

Yes, friends and neighbors, there’s a fighter on the upcoming season of The Ultimate Fighter who has done porn — and not the normal kind, either. Since it’s a slow news week, this TUF 15 sub-plot has blown up to monumental proportions on MMA forums, but let’s put this in perspective: Dakota Cochrane isn’t the first MMA fighter to pick up some extra cash by appearing in adult films, and he probably won’t be the last. Send the kids out of the room, and follow us on a journey through the porn/MMA continuum…

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