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Tag: War Machine

Stories from the Trenches: The Ultimate Prison Champions

By Aaron Powers (Jawbreaker_46)
(What the hell is ‘Rampage’ doing in this photo?)

I have been a correctional officer for five years now, and it would be an understatement to say that I’ve seen some crazy shit.

The institution I work at, which shall remain nameless, specializes in mental health. Think half psych-ward, half prison. There are inmates and patients who eat their shit, throw their shit, and smear their shit. Once an inmate shoved a pencil in his pee hole and about half way down the shaft, poked it out through the top and ripped it out, slitting his unit up the middle so it looked like a micro-waved hot dog.  There is a patient who, every month or so will bash his head on the wall to get Satan to stop talking to him. His forehead looks like that old In Living Color skit where the family had asses on their heads… and they couldn’t figure out where the whistling was coming from on the roller coaster…. You don’t remember that one? Trust me it happened. So yeah like I said, crazy shit.

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War Machine’s Big House Blog Fans Rejoice; Jon Koppenhaver Is Headed Back to Jail for a Year


(Covering up that neck tattoo before going to court would have been a good idea.)

If you’ve been missing War Machine’s acclaimed Big House Blogs, you’re probably the only group that is going to be happy about this news.

According to the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver, he has been sentenced to another year in jail in Las Vegas for an old charge, forcing him to withdraw from Bellator’s season six welterweight tournament that gets underway in March. He indicated on Twitter that he will begin serving his sentence in two weeks and that, as per usual, he isn’t happy with the system.

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Bellator Season 6 Update: War Machine Gets His First Opponent, Maiquel Falcao Joins Middleweight Tourney


(War Machine poses with the kids’ MMA class that he is somehow allowed to teach. Props: @WarMachine170)

Two interesting updates to Bellator’s sixth season, which begins March 2nd…

— After signing to the promotion in December, War Machine has secured his quarterfinal opponent for Bellator’s upcoming welterweight tournament. As he wrote on Twitter yesterday, “Fuck ya its on! My first fight in @BellatorMMA tournament will be March 30th vs. Karl Amoussou!! Gonna send him back to France in peices!!” It will be Machine’s first appearance since his impressive post-prison win against Roger Huerta in November.

Karl “Psycho” Amoussou (13-4-2, 1-1 in Bellator) is indeed French, and has also competed for M-1, Strikeforce, DREAM, and Pancrase. The Haute Tension product most recently scored a first-round TKO over Jesus Martinez in a 175-pound catchweight bout at Bellator 59 in November. Bellator’s Season 6 welterweight bracket will include Bryan Baker, Brian Foster, undefeated triangle-choke specialist David Rickels, and Season 5 tournament finalist Ben Saunders. War Machine is already looking forward to an emotional reunion with his TUF 6 castmate.

In other news…

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War Machine Re-Signs With Bellator; May Compete in Season 6 Welterweight Tournament


(“I’ve turned over a new leaf, Fujiko. So no funny stuff this time. Just a normal Swedish massage and asshole wax, please.”)

War Machine‘s career comeback is picking up steam. After his third-round TKO victory against Roger Huerta last month — War’s first match after spending a year in prison for assault — the previously-troubled welterweight has announced his signing with Bellator: “So it’s now official public knowledge. I signed with Bellator and will be in the next welterweight tournament. [I] can’t wait to be back fighting on live television with the big boys.”

Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney confirmed the signing, though not War Machine’s participation in the next welterweight bracket; his debut date and opponent is yet to be announced. As Rebney told MMAJunkie, “Jon’s not had an easy road. And there’s no doubt he’s made some poor choices, but after having had conversations with him since his release, he really seems to understand where and why things went wrong and wants to make them right…I hope he’s able to turn this second chance into something positive.”

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War Machine TKO’s Roger Huerta in Post-Prison Debut [VIDEO]

[VIDEO REMOVED BY REQUEST.]

After a year in the pokey, War Machine finally returned to competition Saturday night at Ultimate Warrior Fighting 1 in Pharr, Texas, where he faced off against former UFC lightweight darling Roger Huerta in the event’s welterweight headliner. And even though prison ring-rust has to be the worst kind of ring-rust — nutraloaf and sandwich masturbation don’t exactly make for an ideal fighter lifestyle — Mr. Machine handled himself admirably, out-hustling Huerta in a gritty back-and-forth scrap.

Unfortunately, Huerta broke his rib during a scramble in round three, seemingly when War sneaks in that knee at the video’s 15:10 mark. War Machine took advantage of Huerta’s weakened state and laid on punches from the top until the match was stopped. And so, War Machine writes the first chapter of his unlikely comeback story, while Huerta picks up the fifth loss in his last six attempts.

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The Eight Greatest Pranks in ‘Ultimate Fighter’ History

In the early days of The Ultimate Fighter, simply spraying water on a sleeping person was considered a brilliant prank. But after 14 seasons, the bar has been steadily raised for in-house trickery, to the point where even the coaches are now gleefully stripping cars of their tires. We thought we’d pay tribute to the TUF prank tradition by running down the most infamous pranks of the show’s history. Enjoy, and let us know if we’ve left out any of your favorites…

The Pink Room (Season 10)

See, this is what I’m talking about. Any moron can piss on a bed — but it takes a man to spend all afternoon painting walls pink and arranging stuffed animals in vaguely sexual poses. The best moment is at the very end, when Rashad Evans comes to the realization that the pacifier he’d been sucking on had definitely been up Tiki’s ass at some point.

See also: The Chickenmobile, The Team Portrait

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War Machine vs. Gideon Ray Scrapped Due to Injuries; Sean McCorkle Steps in as CCC 4 Headliner


(Still got it.)

Another super-fight, up in smoke. Chicago’s MMA informs us that War Machine‘s post-prison return fight against Gideon Ray has been scratched from the main event of Chicago Cagefighting Championship 4 (October 15th; Villa Park, IL). From a press-release sent out by the promoter:

Over the weekend Gideon informed Chicago Cagefighting that he had suffered an injury to his hand and would not be able to compete. To compound problems, War Machine suffered a cut to his chin during training and is not able to train for at least a week. When a suitable replacement for Gideon could not be found, we made a tough decision. With only three weeks to the event we were forced to cancel the entire bout.

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War Machine Booked Against Gideon Ray in October, Agrees to Fight Roger Huerta in November


(Image via @warmachine170)

After all the ink we gave to War Machine‘s deep thoughts about D.I.Y. asshole-plucking and bologna sex fantasies while in prison, it only seems fair that we should keep you updated on his actual MMA career. (Ed. note: zzzzzzz) The eccentric UFC veteran has been a free man since July, and his fall dance card is starting to fill up.

On Saturday, October 15th, War Machine will headline Chicago Cagefighting Championship 4, which goes down at the Odeum Expo Center in Villa Park, IL. His opponent will be TUF 4 castmember and “local fan favorite” Gideon Ray, who hasn’t competed since last July. The card will also feature Carson Beebe, Josh Shockley, and Chico Camus. Tickets start at just $20.

But a bigger fight looms on the horizon…

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Wednesday Morning MMA Link Club

Fedor Emelianenko Strikeforce backstage post-fight Dan Henderson MMA photos
(Fedor Emelianenko, immediately after his loss to Dan Henderson on Saturday night. Photo via Darren Shuster, PR Representative for Dragon Door/RKC)

Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere. E-mail feedback@cagepotato.com for details on how your site can join the MMA Link Club…

- Dan Henderson Gets Caught on National Television Spanking Dat Ass at a Cardinals Game (MMA Mania)

- Herb Dean Defends Controversial Stoppage in Fedor Emelianenko vs. Dan Henderson Fight (5thRound)

- After Release from Prison, War Machine Looking for Fresh Start (MMA Fighting)

- Leonard Garcia out of UFC Live 5 With Injury; Jim Hettes to Replace Against Alex Caceres (Five Ounces of Pain)

- UFC’s Rich Franklin Discusses Career, Life and Fans Asking for His Underwear (BleacherReport.com/MMA)

- Photo Gallery: Vitor Belfort Prepares for UFC 133 Bout With Yoshihiro Akiyama (LowKick)

- Video: 20 of the Most ‘WTF?’ Moments in UFC History (MiddleEasy)

- A Conquistador Story: Looking Back on Jorge Rivera vs. Travis Lutter (MMA Convert)

- Dan Henderson’s Win Over Fedor Builds Momentum for TRT Usage/Acceptance (FightOpinion)

- Ben Askren on Season Five of Bellator, Nate Marquardt and Fight With Hector Lombard (TheFightNerd)

- Following Burger King Deal, Anderson Silva Inks Sponsorships With Nike and Brazilian Soccer Club (MMAPayout)

- What’s Next for ‘Fedor vs. Henderson’ Winners and Losers? (NBC Sports MMA)

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War Machine Explains Himself


(“I call this sub ‘The Prison Rape.’”

War Machine is out of jail which is sad for us fans of his Big House Blogs, but on the bright side we’ll be reading a lot more interviews from the man formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver.

USCombatSports.com snagged War’s first post-prison interview and let’s just say that it didn’t disappoint.

Check out some of the highlights after the jump.

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