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Tag: War Machine

On This Day in MMA History: War Machine Ruins a Porn Star’s Birthday Party


(Photo via emmreport.com, obviously.)

On This Day in MMA History” pays tribute to some of the more bizarre and infamous news stories of MMA’s past. The fiasco described below took place on November 28th, 2009, exactly four years ago today; the following post was published two days later. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

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So did you guys do anything crazy this weekend? Like, maybe beat the shit out of half the guest-list at a porn star’s birthday party? No? Well, you’ll never believe this, but that’s exactly what MMA tabloid hero War Machine did on Saturday night. Multiple reports are coming in, so we’ll try to piece this together from what we have…

— On Saturday night, Machine heads out to a b-day party for adult film actress Brooke Haven, held at a porn studio in Van Nuys. He appears to be in good spirits, though he was reportedly pissed off that his agent, Derek Hay (aka “Ben English”), wasn’t getting him enough work.

— Things quickly turn south when War allegedly punches his girlfriend, Alanah Rae, then drags her outside. This part of the story is hazy because although Terez Owens reports that Rae personally confirmed with him that War Machine decked her, she later went on Twitter to deny it. Still, there seems to be no difference in opinion over what happened next…

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Bellator 104 Recap: Hawn Decisions Weedman, War Machine Takes a Nap, Notable UFC Vets Grove and Sass Victorious


(Spoiler alert: The guys on the left beat the guys on the right.)

By Matt Saccaro

Bellator 104 was one of the promotion’s most stacked cards this season. When Bellator mainstay Karl Amoussou and three UFC vets (Paul Sass, Rob Emerson, and Paul Bradley) are relegated to the prelims, there’s some good or at least decent fights on the main card.

The prelims were exciting and had a few notable happenings.

Cliff Wright vs. Derek Loffer was a thrilling back-and-forth match that saw Wright win via armbar late in the second round.

After that, Brandon Girtz pulled a Chris Leben. No, he didn’t urinate in a bed or fail a drug test. He fought twice in two weeks and won both matches like Leben did back in 2010. Girtz submitted Poppies Martinez and Mike Estus at Bellator 102 and Bellator 104, respectively. And these weren’t Hail Mary submissions; Girtz controlled both guys before torquing their arms.

Then, Rob Emerson—wife stealer and one of a select few men to defeat the next Anderson Silva—heel hooked Jared Downing in under two minutes.

Paul Sass, too, won in short order, this time with a toe hold. His opponent Rod Montoya was seemingly ignorant of the fact that Sass has an amazing guard since he kept taking Sass down. Surprise, surprise, Montoya was submitted.

Unfortunately, Karl Amoussou vs. Paul Bradley couldn’t live up to the exciting standard set by the night’s previous bouts. Bradley won a unanimous decision that saw him lay in a gassed Amoussou’s guard for two out of three rounds.

That ended the prelims and brought us into the main card on Spike, which started with *gulps* a Bellator heavyweight fight between Eric Prindle and Peter Graham. It started out alright enough, with Graham nearly finishing Prindle, but then it quickly descended into the usual Bellator heavyweight routine: Heavy breathing, long periods of inactivity, and looping, exhausted punches. At the last second, Graham hit Prindle with a front kick to the face that floored him. Graham won via unanimous decision.

Read the recap for the Bellator 104 main card after the jump.

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Bellator 100 Results & Videos: War Machine Marches On, Saunders Is Damn Near Decapitated


(Douglas Lima vs. Ben Saunders. KO at 11:04)

Friday night’s Bellator 100 card main event saw Douglas Lima earn another welterweight title shot with a second round-knockout of Ben Saunders in Bellator’s Season 8 Welterweight Tournament Final. In the first round, both men went hard on the feet with Saunders also seeking unsuccessfully to take the fight to the ground.

In the second stanza, Lima found his range and began to take it to Saunders, dropping him to the mat with a right hand. Saunders was cut badly by the shot but survived until the final thirty seconds of the round when Lima connected with a right kick to the head that put the “Killa B” out for good.

Deja vu alert: Lima and Saunders had previously squared off at Bellator 57 back in November 2011, with Lima scoring a second-round KO in that fight as well, to win Season Five’s Welterweight Tournament. Last night’s stoppage, however, was twice as ugly. Check out the video above to see what we mean.

Bellator 100 also featured the quarterfinals of the Season Nine Welterweight Tournament (confused yet?), with War Machine and Vaughn Anderson engaging in a ground war for two rounds before the troubled TUF veteran finished it with a rear naked choke.

War Machine took Anderson down early in the first but was swept. From there, WM attempted a couple triangle choke attempts that were shrugged off by Anderson. The round ended with WM back on his feet. In the second round, WM again took Anderson down, securing a crucifix position and landing strikes.

Anderson escaped that hold only to give up his back. WM got hold of his neck, sunk in a rear naked choke and forced Anderson unconscious, at which point the referee stepped in and called a halt to the fight. War Machine is now 2-0 since his last jail stint, and advances to the Season Nine Welterweight Semi-Finals on October 18th.

Full card results and more fight videos after the jump!

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Friday Link Dump: Jones vs. Gustafsson Extended Preview, Nerdiest UFC Fighters, Touchdown Celebration Fails + More


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

TUF 18 Interview: Going 1-on-1 With Jessamyn Duke After Episode 1 (BleacherReport)

And the Latest War Machine Tweet That Might Get Him Fired Is… (MMAFighting)

Report: Johny Hendricks Has Yet to File VADA Paperwork (BloodyElbow)

Jade Bryce always knows how to brighten our day. (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

Mayweather Guaranteed $41.5 Million for Canelo Fight (MMAPayout)

GRAPHIC: Australian Muay Thai Fighter Breaks Leg After His Kick Is Checked (MiddleEasy)

The UFC’s Five Nerdiest Fighters (MMAConvert)

Heidi Klum’s Hottest Instagrams (MadeMan)

The 25 Worst Touchdown Celebration Fails (Complex)

Strength Training for Marathon Runners (MensFitness)

Must See: 8 Strange and Hilarious Craigslist Ads (DoubleViking)

Scary Video: Elephant Rams Car (EgoTV)

Broncos Cheerleader Gives America a Show (Break)

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War Machine Makes Twitter Rape Jokes, Bellator Gives Him A Not-So-Stern Talking To


(Posting this image alone seems inappropriate enough given the “context” of this article, but we’ll get to that in a minute.) 

The man formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver but now spoken only of in terrified whispers as “War Machine” just can’t stop making himself look like an absolute dipshit. Or won’t stop.

The twice imprisoned Bellator welterweight has been fired in the past for making his insane thoughts public, to the point that he is currently the face of the “Think Twice, Then Type” campaign on the social networking site. His most recent remark, also on Twitter, may be his worst to date. However, it does not appear that his employer cares in the slightest.

Just raped @ChristyMack She tried to make me wait until “after errands” As if! =p” War Machine tweeted August 10th.

Christy Mack, of course, is his adult film actress girlfriend.

Koppenhaver went on to declare that, “Real men rape. (Their GF’s and wives, not strangers, don’t get your panties in a bunch.)” Yes, Mr. Machine, let us not jump to conclusions when judging your moral turpitude.

As one would expect, Machine’s latest musings were not received without criticism. Thankfully, we can all rest assured knowing that Machine’s thoughts — which he typed himself, mind you — were taken out of context.

“Apparently you idiots didn’t read my tweet prior to the one y’all are crying about, it puts it in the right context. Sensitive ass bitches,” he scribed, likely while wearing an ascot and smoking a corncob pipe. “Context is the word…y’all motherfuckers just love to take what I say out of CONTEXT and then attempt to demonize me with it. #DIESLOW.”

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Photo of the Day: War Machine & Christy Mack Validate Their Relationship With Matching Ink


(Two tattoos, zero real names. Photo via War Machine’s Twitter.)

According to our poll, a staggering 55.3% of you believed that former TUF star and current Bellator badass War Machine had the hottest pornstar girlfriend of them all in Ms. Christy Mack (to the 2 people who suggested “our mom,” that doesn’t even make sense. To the man/woman who suggested GSP & Dakota Cochrane, bravo.). Clearly, Mr. Machine agrees with this sentiment, which is why he and his significant other got coordinating tattoos over the weekend. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned about a pornstar’s love, it’s that it’s forever.

On the heels of a first round TKO over Blas Avena in his Bellator debut, it appears that War Machine is riding pretty high these days. Gone are the days of assaulting his pornstar girlfriends at parties and, well, assaulting the patrons of Vegas gay clubs. Nowadays, a humbler, simpler War Machine can be found “crucifying” his pornstar girlfriend (his words, not ours) on Twitter when he’s not giving Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu lessons to children whose parents have clearly never visited BeenVerified.com. It’s the American dream, really, and we wish these two kids the best of luck.

-J. Jones

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CagePotato Poll: Which MMA Fighter Had the Hottest Porn Star Girlfriend?


(Contestant 1: Christy Mack. In case you’re new to the Internet, you can see lots more of her on Google or her twitter page. Above image via Ranker)

Earlier this month, Bellator welterweight/retired porn-actor War Machine confirmed that he is in a romantic relationship with Christy Mack, a porn actress with a punk-vibe who has appeared in such flicks as Tattooed Anal Sluts and Trashy. How you react to this news depends a lot on your personal relationship with porn, and specifically with the porn featuring Christy Mack. For the record, Christy seems like a super lady, and we think the tattoo of the tall ship on her back is unique and eye-catching.

So, for those of you who care: Where does War Machine’s romance with Christy Mack rank in the short list of MMA fighters who have dated porn stars? Check out our quick rundown below, then vote in the SurveyMonkey widget at the end of page 2. Results will be collected and perhaps revealed if tomorrow turns out to be a really slow news day.


(Contestant 2: Jayden Jaymes)

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Bellator 96 Recap: King Mo and War Machine Score First-Round Wins, Babalu Sobral Announces Retirement Following Loss


(Like I said, betting money on Petruzelli would be a *terrible* idea. / Photo via Facebook.com/BellatorMMA)

Bellator’s 2013 Summer Series kicked off last night in Thackerville, Oklahoma — population: 404 — with the semifinals of the promotion’s latest light-heavyweight and heavyweight tournaments. The televised card was an overall success, featuring fast action, brutal stoppages, and much-needed wins for a pair of marquee names. But it didn’t go well for everybody. Here are the important points…

War Machine Is Back in General Population
In a non-tournament bout that opened the broadcast, charmingly outspoken welterweight War Machine returned to competition for the first time since his latest stint in jail, facing journeyman Blas Avena. Machine appeared to be in fine form, putting Avena on his back in the second half of the opening round, trapping his arm, and slugging Avena with left hands until the match was stopped at the 3:55 mark. Random thought: War really needs to be a coach on season 2 of Fight Master. You want drama? There’s your drama.

Heavyweights Gonna Heavyweight
Both of the heavyweight tournament semi-finals resulted in gnarly first-round knockouts. During the prelims, Ryan Martinez — who came in as a short-notice replacement for the injured Vinicius Queiroz — slugged out Richard Hale with punches from the top. And on the main card, undefeated Russian prospect Vitaly Minakov needed just 32 seconds to beat the crap out of Ron Sparks. Minakov is now 11-0, with six of those wins coming in the first minute of the fight. He and Martinez will now face each other at Bellator 97, July 31st in Albuquerque.

Farewell, Sweet Babalu

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Ranking the 10 11 Most Insane Tweets From War Machine’s Latest Hate-Fueled Twitter Tirade


(Blatantly contradicting yourself in less than 150 characters? Dear lord, how we’ve missed this man.) 

It seems like it’s been an eternity since we’ve checked in with our buddy War Machine, peddler of all things conspiracy and sexer of all things bologna. After a nasty ACL tear and a couple rough stints in the clink, the mixed martial artist formerly known as Prison Mike John Koppenhaver is finally set to make his Bellator debut on June 19th at Bellator 96. Perhaps to boost some awareness of his return, or perhaps because he is crazier than a shithouse rat, Machine has once again taken aim at one of his enemies using the power of the Internet. No, not President Obama, we’re talking about tightwad MMA sponsors, obviously.

In any case, Machine has been tweeting up a storm as of late, and his tweets contain the usual mix of hilarious ignorance and self sabotage that we have come to expect from the porn world’s most notorious bad boy. We’ve compiled our top 10 favorites (via @WarMachine170) for your viewing pleasure below. Welcome back, old friend.

10. A WAR MMA Main Event in the Making

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War Machine to Make Bellator Debut on June 19th, Unless Something Crazy Happens


(They can put you behind bars. They can fire you for being an idiot. But damn it, they’ll never take your sense of joy.)

On June 19th, War Machine (formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver) will finally make his Bellator debut, when he faces WEC veteran Blas Avena at Bellator 96. The fight will come four-and-a-half years after the short-fused welterweight was first signed by Bellator back in early 2009. Let’s just say their schedules haven’t matched up since then.

First, Machine was fired by Bellator for suggesting that President Obama — and every president after him — should be assassinated. Then, he embarked on a brief but rewarding career in porn which ended in a punch-up at a birthday party. Then, he spent a year in jail for one of his various assault charges. Then he had to go back to jail for one of his various assault charges, which led to the cancellation of a scheduled fight against Karl Amoussou. Then, he had to pull out of his next scheduled fight against Paul Daley due to a partially torn ACL, which pretty much takes us to the present day.

Now that War Machine is all healed up, he’ll allegedly be making his Bellator debut on the promotion’s 2013 Summer Series premiere on Spike TV, assuming he doesn’t beat up another civilian, or sustain another training injury, or get cut again for simply expressing his honest thoughts. Machine hasn’t competed since his TKO win over Roger Huerta in November 2011, while Avena recently snapped a two-year winless streak by TKO’ing Lenny Lovato at Bellator 91 in February.

Can War Machine rebuild his career in the #2 MMA promotion? And what the hell kind of name is “Blas,” anyway?

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