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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: War Machine

Friday Link Dump: Jones vs. Gustafsson Extended Preview, Nerdiest UFC Fighters, Touchdown Celebration Fails + More


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

TUF 18 Interview: Going 1-on-1 With Jessamyn Duke After Episode 1 (BleacherReport)

And the Latest War Machine Tweet That Might Get Him Fired Is… (MMAFighting)

Report: Johny Hendricks Has Yet to File VADA Paperwork (BloodyElbow)

Jade Bryce always knows how to brighten our day. (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

Mayweather Guaranteed $41.5 Million for Canelo Fight (MMAPayout)

GRAPHIC: Australian Muay Thai Fighter Breaks Leg After His Kick Is Checked (MiddleEasy)

The UFC’s Five Nerdiest Fighters (MMAConvert)

Heidi Klum’s Hottest Instagrams (MadeMan)

The 25 Worst Touchdown Celebration Fails (Complex)

Strength Training for Marathon Runners (MensFitness)

Must See: 8 Strange and Hilarious Craigslist Ads (DoubleViking)

Scary Video: Elephant Rams Car (EgoTV)

Broncos Cheerleader Gives America a Show (Break)

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War Machine Makes Twitter Rape Jokes, Bellator Gives Him A Not-So-Stern Talking To


(Posting this image alone seems inappropriate enough given the “context” of this article, but we’ll get to that in a minute.) 

The man formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver but now spoken only of in terrified whispers as “War Machine” just can’t stop making himself look like an absolute dipshit. Or won’t stop.

The twice imprisoned Bellator welterweight has been fired in the past for making his insane thoughts public, to the point that he is currently the face of the “Think Twice, Then Type” campaign on the social networking site. His most recent remark, also on Twitter, may be his worst to date. However, it does not appear that his employer cares in the slightest.

Just raped @ChristyMack She tried to make me wait until “after errands” As if! =p” War Machine tweeted August 10th.

Christy Mack, of course, is his adult film actress girlfriend.

Koppenhaver went on to declare that, “Real men rape. (Their GF’s and wives, not strangers, don’t get your panties in a bunch.)” Yes, Mr. Machine, let us not jump to conclusions when judging your moral turpitude.

As one would expect, Machine’s latest musings were not received without criticism. Thankfully, we can all rest assured knowing that Machine’s thoughts — which he typed himself, mind you — were taken out of context.

“Apparently you idiots didn’t read my tweet prior to the one y’all are crying about, it puts it in the right context. Sensitive ass bitches,” he scribed, likely while wearing an ascot and smoking a corncob pipe. “Context is the word…y’all motherfuckers just love to take what I say out of CONTEXT and then attempt to demonize me with it. #DIESLOW.”

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Photo of the Day: War Machine & Christy Mack Validate Their Relationship With Matching Ink


(Two tattoos, zero real names. Photo via War Machine’s Twitter.)

According to our poll, a staggering 55.3% of you believed that former TUF star and current Bellator badass War Machine had the hottest pornstar girlfriend of them all in Ms. Christy Mack (to the 2 people who suggested “our mom,” that doesn’t even make sense. To the man/woman who suggested GSP & Dakota Cochrane, bravo.). Clearly, Mr. Machine agrees with this sentiment, which is why he and his significant other got coordinating tattoos over the weekend. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned about a pornstar’s love, it’s that it’s forever.

On the heels of a first round TKO over Blas Avena in his Bellator debut, it appears that War Machine is riding pretty high these days. Gone are the days of assaulting his pornstar girlfriends at parties and, well, assaulting the patrons of Vegas gay clubs. Nowadays, a humbler, simpler War Machine can be found “crucifying” his pornstar girlfriend (his words, not ours) on Twitter when he’s not giving Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu lessons to children whose parents have clearly never visited BeenVerified.com. It’s the American dream, really, and we wish these two kids the best of luck.

-J. Jones

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CagePotato Poll: Which MMA Fighter Had the Hottest Porn Star Girlfriend?


(Contestant 1: Christy Mack. In case you’re new to the Internet, you can see lots more of her on Google or her twitter page. Above image via Ranker)

Earlier this month, Bellator welterweight/retired porn-actor War Machine confirmed that he is in a romantic relationship with Christy Mack, a porn actress with a punk-vibe who has appeared in such flicks as Tattooed Anal Sluts and Trashy. How you react to this news depends a lot on your personal relationship with porn, and specifically with the porn featuring Christy Mack. For the record, Christy seems like a super lady, and we think the tattoo of the tall ship on her back is unique and eye-catching.

So, for those of you who care: Where does War Machine’s romance with Christy Mack rank in the short list of MMA fighters who have dated porn stars? Check out our quick rundown below, then vote in the SurveyMonkey widget at the end of page 2. Results will be collected and perhaps revealed if tomorrow turns out to be a really slow news day.


(Contestant 2: Jayden Jaymes)

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Bellator 96 Recap: King Mo and War Machine Score First-Round Wins, Babalu Sobral Announces Retirement Following Loss


(Like I said, betting money on Petruzelli would be a *terrible* idea. / Photo via Facebook.com/BellatorMMA)

Bellator’s 2013 Summer Series kicked off last night in Thackerville, Oklahoma — population: 404 — with the semifinals of the promotion’s latest light-heavyweight and heavyweight tournaments. The televised card was an overall success, featuring fast action, brutal stoppages, and much-needed wins for a pair of marquee names. But it didn’t go well for everybody. Here are the important points…

War Machine Is Back in General Population
In a non-tournament bout that opened the broadcast, charmingly outspoken welterweight War Machine returned to competition for the first time since his latest stint in jail, facing journeyman Blas Avena. Machine appeared to be in fine form, putting Avena on his back in the second half of the opening round, trapping his arm, and slugging Avena with left hands until the match was stopped at the 3:55 mark. Random thought: War really needs to be a coach on season 2 of Fight Master. You want drama? There’s your drama.

Heavyweights Gonna Heavyweight
Both of the heavyweight tournament semi-finals resulted in gnarly first-round knockouts. During the prelims, Ryan Martinez — who came in as a short-notice replacement for the injured Vinicius Queiroz — slugged out Richard Hale with punches from the top. And on the main card, undefeated Russian prospect Vitaly Minakov needed just 32 seconds to beat the crap out of Ron Sparks. Minakov is now 11-0, with six of those wins coming in the first minute of the fight. He and Martinez will now face each other at Bellator 97, July 31st in Albuquerque.

Farewell, Sweet Babalu

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Ranking the 10 11 Most Insane Tweets From War Machine’s Latest Hate-Fueled Twitter Tirade


(Blatantly contradicting yourself in less than 150 characters? Dear lord, how we’ve missed this man.) 

It seems like it’s been an eternity since we’ve checked in with our buddy War Machine, peddler of all things conspiracy and sexer of all things bologna. After a nasty ACL tear and a couple rough stints in the clink, the mixed martial artist formerly known as Prison Mike John Koppenhaver is finally set to make his Bellator debut on June 19th at Bellator 96. Perhaps to boost some awareness of his return, or perhaps because he is crazier than a shithouse rat, Machine has once again taken aim at one of his enemies using the power of the Internet. No, not President Obama, we’re talking about tightwad MMA sponsors, obviously.

In any case, Machine has been tweeting up a storm as of late, and his tweets contain the usual mix of hilarious ignorance and self sabotage that we have come to expect from the porn world’s most notorious bad boy. We’ve compiled our top 10 favorites (via @WarMachine170) for your viewing pleasure below. Welcome back, old friend.

10. A WAR MMA Main Event in the Making

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War Machine to Make Bellator Debut on June 19th, Unless Something Crazy Happens


(They can put you behind bars. They can fire you for being an idiot. But damn it, they’ll never take your sense of joy.)

On June 19th, War Machine (formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver) will finally make his Bellator debut, when he faces WEC veteran Blas Avena at Bellator 96. The fight will come four-and-a-half years after the short-fused welterweight was first signed by Bellator back in early 2009. Let’s just say their schedules haven’t matched up since then.

First, Machine was fired by Bellator for suggesting that President Obama — and every president after him — should be assassinated. Then, he embarked on a brief but rewarding career in porn which ended in a punch-up at a birthday party. Then, he spent a year in jail for one of his various assault charges. Then he had to go back to jail for one of his various assault charges, which led to the cancellation of a scheduled fight against Karl Amoussou. Then, he had to pull out of his next scheduled fight against Paul Daley due to a partially torn ACL, which pretty much takes us to the present day.

Now that War Machine is all healed up, he’ll allegedly be making his Bellator debut on the promotion’s 2013 Summer Series premiere on Spike TV, assuming he doesn’t beat up another civilian, or sustain another training injury, or get cut again for simply expressing his honest thoughts. Machine hasn’t competed since his TKO win over Roger Huerta in November 2011, while Avena recently snapped a two-year winless streak by TKO’ing Lenny Lovato at Bellator 91 in February.

Can War Machine rebuild his career in the #2 MMA promotion? And what the hell kind of name is “Blas,” anyway?

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Friday Link Dump: MMA Staredowns That Got Physical, Chris Weidman’s Bold Statement, WSOF’s New TV Show + More


(This “20 Staredowns That Got Physical” video conveniently cuts off before Ricardo Mayorga flash-KO’s Din Thomas with a karate chop to the neck. Props: MMADigest)

War Machine on Fallon Fox: ‘Any Show That Signs Her Is a Piece of S*** Show’ (BleacherReport)

Georges St-Pierre Says He Weighed 170.4 Pounds at UFC 158 Weigh-Ins (MMAFighting)

Nick Diaz Weigh-In Video Returns to Youtube After Copyright Claim Is Reversed (BloodyElbow)

Chris Weidman Says Anderson Silva Is the Best Fighter of all Time, But He’s Just a Little Better (MiddleEasy)

TUF 17 Finale: Top 10 Facts You Need to Know (FightDay)

TUF 17 Finale: Miesha Tate vs. Cat Zingano Video Preview (YouTube.com/UFC)

Jon Jones Looks Really Out of Place Next to Those Two Gangsters (Facebook.com/CagePotato)

World Series of Fighting: Future Champs Series Furthers WSOF and NBC Sports Partnership (MMAWeekly)

Refined Sugar: Paying for Love in 2013 (MadeMan)

10 of the Most Hilarious Conspiracy Theories (Break.com)

Her Most Secret Desires: 15 Things She Wants You to Do for Her in Bed (MensFitness)

The 20 Most Beautiful Female Celebrities Without Makeup (WorldwideInterweb)

Top 3 Weird and Awesome TV Remote Controls for Men (DoubleViking)

How to Avoid Being “That Guy” at the Party (EgoTV)

The Oral History of Freaknik (Complex)

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And Now He’s Fired: Paul Daley Released From Bellator Roster Following Bar Fight Assault Charge [UPDATED]


(And to think, if only Big Dan was at Paul’s side, this whole situation might have been avoided.) 

Good morning, Potato Nation. How was your Christmas? I see that at least a few of you spent it here, arguing about racism, or incomprehensibly ranting about women’s rights, and we thank you for the repeated page views. But if you think you were the only ones whose stockings were stuffed with a bit of vitriol this holiday season, think again, because UFC castaway and all around good guy Paul “Semtex” Daley apparently spent his beating the Christmas spirit out of some local bar patrons.

Sound familiar? According to ESPN’s Josh Gross, Daley has not only been arrested on assault charges stemming from a recent bar fight in his native London, but has been barred from entering the United States until the situation is resolved. This of course means that he will not be participating in Bellator’s upcoming welterweight tournament, although his original opponent, War Machine, had already suffered a leg injury that forced him to postpone their scheduled fight 4 to 6 months. We would say that this is a rather unfortunate turn of events for Bellator, but shit happens when you stack your roster with ex-cons and guys who were thrown out of the UFC for being hotheaded sore losers.

Daley — who could face up to two years in prison if convicted — has yet to make an official statement on the issue, but simply posted the following on the UG:

Rumours. However it seems my next fight will not be for Bellator.

And indeed, Daley has already been booked in the headlining matchup of Cage Contender 16 in Dublin, Ireland on February 23rd. An opponent has yet to be named.

[UPDATE]

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Dan McGuane Removed from Bellator 81 for Being a Deplorable Scumbag


Dan’s opponent for Bellator 81, Mike Mucitelli, who is now waiting for a new fight. Taken directly from bandanmcguane.com

It isn’t often that the booking of an undercard fight can cause controversy, but Bellator recently found itself in hot water when they booked Dan McGuane on the undercard of this week’s Bellator 81. Bellator booked a fight between McGuane and 3-0 Light-Heavyweight Mike Mucitelli, ignoring the fact that Dan McGuane was convicted of manslaughter in 2005. No big deal, it was just self-defense, right? Unfortunately, no. Not even close.

Recently, a website BanDanMcGuane.com popped up after the webmaster had learned that Bellator had signed the fighter. According to reports, McGuane and his twin brother beat an eighteen year old, one hundred and fifty-five pound man named Kelly Proctor to death after Dan’s brother thought he heard Kelly say something. I wish I were exaggerating, but I’m not. After the jump, the grisly details, courtesy of the website (they’ve since been removed):

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