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Tag: War Machine

Back By Popular Demand, It’s a Fresh Batch of War Machine Prison Blogs


(WORST. ROLE MODEL. EVER.)

You’ve been clamoring for them, Potato Nation, so we figured we might as well deliver. Perhaps no man in MMA has had a more compelling uplifting interesting story than that of War Machine. The TUF 6 alum’s travels have taken him from the great bays of San Diego to the seedy underbelly of Las Vegas, and have seen him do battle with the mighty Krave club bouncers, the mightier Thrusters Club bouncers, California’s most physically fit citizens, and the country’s most upstanding adult films stars.

But, as with the tale of John Carter, which War Machine has chosen to mold his life after, adversity would not keep a good man down. To keep us entertained whilst in prison, Machine released a series of prison blogs that discussed everything from his squabbles with cellmates to his desire to fornicate with a bologna sandwich. After being released from prison last August, the fighter formerly known as John Koppenhaver proved that Floyd Mayweather was just a big pussy by scoring arguably the biggest victory of his MMA career by TKO’ing former UFC superstar Roger Huerta in the third round of their scrap just a few months later. Unfortunately for the Machine, he was informed that he would be headed back to prison to serve time for one of the various assaults he has committed over the past couple of years.

So, without further introduction, may we present you with the first group of War Machine’s prison blogs, which details both his newfound affection for Kendall Grove and his ability to travel to other dimensions while meditating. Don’t worry, more are surely to come.

Week 3

Just got back from court… We were attempting to withdraw my plea so I could take this B.S. to trial, win, and go home. Should have done that in the first fucking place and would have if I knew the judge was gonna fuck me. Funniest part about the hearing – when some glitch or something came up on their computer and made it appear as if I had something else pending, the judge said, “I wouldn’t want to SPECULATE but might be some kind of trouble he’s gotten into while in custody.” Umm… isn’t that SPECULATING right there? How about at sentencing when she SPECULATED, actually ACCUSED, me of taking steroids? LOL! Fucking Kangaroo Court! Anyway, that is that! Buckling in to do this time now. My last recourse is gonna be a request/application to do house arrest instead of this crap, that’d be a lil’ better. At least then I could make $ and eat real food. I hope all of you learn from my mistakes.

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[VIDEO] – War Machine’s Final 48 Hours of Freedom


(Well, at least the guy knows how to go out in style.) 

After a year long prison sentence training camp helped propel John Koppenhaver War Machine to a brilliant third round TKO over Roger Huerta last November, it saddened the world to find out that the former UFC fighter, TUF 6 star, and short lived pornstar would headed back to jail for another year, despite already being released some 8 months ago.

The unfortunate announcement came shortly after War Machine snagged a place in Bellator’s season 6 welterweight tournament, and appeared to be at least attempting to turn his life around. Needless to say, War Machine was pissed.

And now that War Machine’s days are truly numbered, he decided to sit down with MMA Uncensored Live for a lengthy interview, which will air this Thursday at 11 p.m. on Spike TV.

Check out a video preview of the interview after the jump.

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Eight MMA Fighters Who Have Done Porn


(Jenna Haze: Pound-for-pound G.O.A.T.)

Yes, friends and neighbors, there’s a fighter on the upcoming season of The Ultimate Fighter who has done porn — and not the normal kind, either. Since it’s a slow news week, this TUF 15 sub-plot has blown up to monumental proportions on MMA forums, but let’s put this in perspective: Dakota Cochrane isn’t the first MMA fighter to pick up some extra cash by appearing in adult films, and he probably won’t be the last. Send the kids out of the room, and follow us on a journey through the porn/MMA continuum…

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Stories from the Trenches: The Ultimate Prison Champions

By Aaron Powers (Jawbreaker_46)
(What the hell is ‘Rampage’ doing in this photo?)

I have been a correctional officer for five years now, and it would be an understatement to say that I’ve seen some crazy shit.

The institution I work at, which shall remain nameless, specializes in mental health. Think half psych-ward, half prison. There are inmates and patients who eat their shit, throw their shit, and smear their shit. Once an inmate shoved a pencil in his pee hole and about half way down the shaft, poked it out through the top and ripped it out, slitting his unit up the middle so it looked like a micro-waved hot dog.  There is a patient who, every month or so will bash his head on the wall to get Satan to stop talking to him. His forehead looks like that old In Living Color skit where the family had asses on their heads… and they couldn’t figure out where the whistling was coming from on the roller coaster…. You don’t remember that one? Trust me it happened. So yeah like I said, crazy shit.

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War Machine’s Big House Blog Fans Rejoice; Jon Koppenhaver Is Headed Back to Jail for a Year


(Covering up that neck tattoo before going to court would have been a good idea.)

If you’ve been missing War Machine’s acclaimed Big House Blogs, you’re probably the only group that is going to be happy about this news.

According to the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver, he has been sentenced to another year in jail in Las Vegas for an old charge, forcing him to withdraw from Bellator’s season six welterweight tournament that gets underway in March. He indicated on Twitter that he will begin serving his sentence in two weeks and that, as per usual, he isn’t happy with the system.

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Bellator Season 6 Update: War Machine Gets His First Opponent, Maiquel Falcao Joins Middleweight Tourney


(War Machine poses with the kids’ MMA class that he is somehow allowed to teach. Props: @WarMachine170)

Two interesting updates to Bellator’s sixth season, which begins March 2nd…

— After signing to the promotion in December, War Machine has secured his quarterfinal opponent for Bellator’s upcoming welterweight tournament. As he wrote on Twitter yesterday, “Fuck ya its on! My first fight in @BellatorMMA tournament will be March 30th vs. Karl Amoussou!! Gonna send him back to France in peices!!” It will be Machine’s first appearance since his impressive post-prison win against Roger Huerta in November.

Karl “Psycho” Amoussou (13-4-2, 1-1 in Bellator) is indeed French, and has also competed for M-1, Strikeforce, DREAM, and Pancrase. The Haute Tension product most recently scored a first-round TKO over Jesus Martinez in a 175-pound catchweight bout at Bellator 59 in November. Bellator’s Season 6 welterweight bracket will include Bryan Baker, Brian Foster, undefeated triangle-choke specialist David Rickels, and Season 5 tournament finalist Ben Saunders. War Machine is already looking forward to an emotional reunion with his TUF 6 castmate.

In other news…

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War Machine Re-Signs With Bellator; May Compete in Season 6 Welterweight Tournament


(“I’ve turned over a new leaf, Fujiko. So no funny stuff this time. Just a normal Swedish massage and asshole wax, please.”)

War Machine‘s career comeback is picking up steam. After his third-round TKO victory against Roger Huerta last month — War’s first match after spending a year in prison for assault — the previously-troubled welterweight has announced his signing with Bellator: “So it’s now official public knowledge. I signed with Bellator and will be in the next welterweight tournament. [I] can’t wait to be back fighting on live television with the big boys.”

Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney confirmed the signing, though not War Machine’s participation in the next welterweight bracket; his debut date and opponent is yet to be announced. As Rebney told MMAJunkie, “Jon’s not had an easy road. And there’s no doubt he’s made some poor choices, but after having had conversations with him since his release, he really seems to understand where and why things went wrong and wants to make them right…I hope he’s able to turn this second chance into something positive.”

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War Machine TKO’s Roger Huerta in Post-Prison Debut [VIDEO]

[VIDEO REMOVED BY REQUEST.]

After a year in the pokey, War Machine finally returned to competition Saturday night at Ultimate Warrior Fighting 1 in Pharr, Texas, where he faced off against former UFC lightweight darling Roger Huerta in the event’s welterweight headliner. And even though prison ring-rust has to be the worst kind of ring-rust — nutraloaf and sandwich masturbation don’t exactly make for an ideal fighter lifestyle — Mr. Machine handled himself admirably, out-hustling Huerta in a gritty back-and-forth scrap.

Unfortunately, Huerta broke his rib during a scramble in round three, seemingly when War sneaks in that knee at the video’s 15:10 mark. War Machine took advantage of Huerta’s weakened state and laid on punches from the top until the match was stopped. And so, War Machine writes the first chapter of his unlikely comeback story, while Huerta picks up the fifth loss in his last six attempts.

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The Eight Greatest Pranks in ‘Ultimate Fighter’ History

In the early days of The Ultimate Fighter, simply spraying water on a sleeping person was considered a brilliant prank. But after 14 seasons, the bar has been steadily raised for in-house trickery, to the point where even the coaches are now gleefully stripping cars of their tires. We thought we’d pay tribute to the TUF prank tradition by running down the most infamous pranks of the show’s history. Enjoy, and let us know if we’ve left out any of your favorites…

The Pink Room (Season 10)

See, this is what I’m talking about. Any moron can piss on a bed — but it takes a man to spend all afternoon painting walls pink and arranging stuffed animals in vaguely sexual poses. The best moment is at the very end, when Rashad Evans comes to the realization that the pacifier he’d been sucking on had definitely been up Tiki’s ass at some point.

See also: The Chickenmobile, The Team Portrait

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War Machine vs. Gideon Ray Scrapped Due to Injuries; Sean McCorkle Steps in as CCC 4 Headliner


(Still got it.)

Another super-fight, up in smoke. Chicago’s MMA informs us that War Machine‘s post-prison return fight against Gideon Ray has been scratched from the main event of Chicago Cagefighting Championship 4 (October 15th; Villa Park, IL). From a press-release sent out by the promoter:

Over the weekend Gideon informed Chicago Cagefighting that he had suffered an injury to his hand and would not be able to compete. To compound problems, War Machine suffered a cut to his chin during training and is not able to train for at least a week. When a suitable replacement for Gideon could not be found, we made a tough decision. With only three weeks to the event we were forced to cancel the entire bout.

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