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Tag: War Machine

War Machine’s Big House Blog: Musings on Reincarnation, Open Relationships, and His Plan to Save the World

(If he only knew then what he knows about ‘gay hippy shit’ now…)

Well, War Machine has finally realized what most second graders already know- ‘reading is great’. To think, it only took him being exiled from the UFC, failing at a career in porn, and being sent to jail for felony assault to discover the joy of books.

Below you’ll learn that War doesn’t get down on all of that made-up organized religion crap, preferring to root his beliefs in more time-tested scientific certainties like interdimensional yogis and reincarnation. The good news? While he’s out zipping around through space and time, he totally doesn’t mind if you bone his wife.

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War Machine’s Big House Blog # 41: Steroids Are Safe, Bin Laden’s Alive and the Yakuza are Causing Natural Disasters in Asia


(Little known fact: War’s mother’s name is Game Machine.)

War Machine’s latest big house blog is up and according to the incarcerated fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver, pretty much everything we think we know is a lie.

The TUF 6 vet is gearing up for his final few months behind bars in county jail, and as such, has brushing up on his current events in the news. According to the beleaguered fighter, everything that he’s read lately, from Barry Bonds’ steroid trial to Bin Laden’s alleged death  is carefully propagated government bullshit.

Check out the latest instalment of Deep Thoughts with War Machine after the jump.

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War Machine’s Big House Blogs Are All Caught Up and They’re as Crazy as Ever


(There better be a follow-up series of blogs that follow War AFTER he’s released so we can see how disconnected from society he’s become.)

If you’ve been following the trials and tribulations of War Machine in county jail, you know that his friend on the outside who was posting his blogs let them lapse for a while and is now playing catch-up. Well, the blogs are finally up to date and unfortunately for fans of the weekly journals of one of the greatest minds of our generation, the fighter formerly known as Jon Kopenhaver only has 12 weeks remaining on his one-year sentence for assault.

Rather than post the remaining few entries verbatim, we’ve decided to print just the meat and potatoes of the blogs to get you up to date with the shenanigans WM has gotten into the past few weeks.

Check out the highlights after the jump.

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Want to Be a UFC Fighter? Send an Application to Jobbi.com and Keep Your Fingers Crossed

Jobbi.com announced today that it has formed a partnership with Zuffa to help the parent company of the UFC and Strikeforce recruit fighters.

According to the company’s co-founder Lawrence Vaughan, applicants will receive feedback from members of the job search hub which will help improve their standing on the site and may lead to them gaining the attention of UFC brass.

“Together with the UFC, we’ve created a streamlined process that makes it simple for new fighters and UFC management to connect with each other. There is also a social component that makes it easy for general public to get involved. People can talk with fighters, watch videos of applicants, and show their support for their favorite fighters,” explained Vaughan. “It is an exciting, ongoing process to determine who will ultimately get their dream job fighting for the UFC.”

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Easter Sunday Video Tribute: ‘Back From the Dead’ Fights

Robbie Lawler Melvin Manhoef Strikeforce MMA photos
(Leg kicks, why have you forsaken me? / Photo courtesy of allelbows.com)

Today, as you know, is Easter — a day in which Christians celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, three days after his crucifixion. To commemorate the holiday, we’d like to take this time to remember notable resurrections in the sport of mixed martial arts. (Because we’re respectful like that.) There’s nothing more incredible than watching a dude get the living crap beaten out of him for minutes at a time, and then somehow, miraculously, finding the strength to knock his opponent dead before the last bell. So without further ado, here are 11 of our favorite “Back From the Dead” MMA fights of all time…

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War Machine’s Big House Blogs Just Jumped the Shark, If That’s Even Possible


(War has really grown up in prison.)

We know they say that being in prison can screw with a man’s head and we know it’s hard to believe that War Machine could say, do or write anything stranger than he already has, but let’s just say what you’re about to read will likely make you ask, “What the fuck is wrong with this guy?”

Nothing we can say about his latest big house blog will be any funnier than the tragic comedy-reality of the situation, so go see what kind of wackiness the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver got into recently in solitary.

A word of advice: Don’t read it on your lunch or dinner break at work.

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War Machine’s Big House Blogs Number 21, 22, 23 and 24: Who Says You Need University to Be An Expert on Sociology?

(This is the look that sends cons running for a new cell? Really? PicProps MMAMania)

Well, now that War Machine’s friend on the outside has figured out how to post his blogs again, the jailhouse ramblings of the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver have been coming fast and furiously the past week.

Judging by his references to missing Christmas and to GSP and Danzig winning (they both fought and won at UFC 124) these entries are about four months behind, which makes sense considering that’s when War’s blogs went MIA.

Apparently someone alerted WM about the MMA media’s fascination with his life behind bars and he’s not impressed. If I was a private and upstanding citizen like he is, I’d be pissed too that the media was critical of me

Check out what shenanigans War Machine got into last year after the jump.

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War Machine Big House Blog 13: Guard Beatings, Herpes and Pirates

 
("Maybe if I give myself a black eye nobody will notice.")

I gotta be honest, War Machine’s blogs are starting to seem a bit halfhearted these days.

Maybe we need to get someone on the inside a la Michael Scofield to shake things up a bit. Do we have any unemployed  members of the Potato Nation in San Diego with eight months to spare who are looking to make a few bucks?

I don’t know if I can stand to read about War’s herpes outbreaks and the number of continuous push-ups he can do for the next eight months, so we would make it worth your while.

Here’s the latest, and arguably the most disinterested prison journal entry to date by the fighter once known as "little Jonny Koppenhaver" after the jump.

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The Tuesday Afternoon Rumor Funhouse

Chuck Liddell Tito Ortiz UFC MMA
(Ortiz and Liddell will settle their grudge once and for all on New Year’s Eve…OR WILL THEY?? / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle)

One of my weekly MMA must-reads is the "Sunday Morning Rumor Mill" column on MiddleEasy, which features a bunch of juicy stories that just might be true. In homage to our pals, we’d like to start a similar feature on CagePotato — except ours will work a little differently. Of the eight items you see below, seven have been pulled directly out of our asses. The other one is absolutely, positively, 100% true, and has been confirmed by inside sources. Which one is it? We’d rather not say, due to legal reasons. You’ll have to figure it out yourself…

– Vinicius Quieroz wasn’t the only fighter who was caught by the UFC’s independent drug-testing at UFC 120. There was a second guy who pissed hot for the same steroid, but the company decided to let him off with a private (but very stern) warning. Hint: Main card, but not main event.

Arianny Celeste has been dating a former UFC fighter for the past year, but has kept the relationship hidden from the public, in order to protect the fantasy that she’s "available" to her fans. We can’t reveal her boyfriend’s name, but his initials are Tiki Ghosn.

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War Machine Big House Blogs 11 and 12: Hating on Brock, Hanging with Dana and Killing time in the Clink


(War and his cellmate "Dana White" pose with a fellow inmate at the prison prom.)

Time sure flies when you’re not behind bars.

Here we are already at month four of War Machine’s county jail journey.

It seems like only yesterday, he was on the outside bar brawling and tweeting about his views of the world.

Now he spends his days reading, masturbating and playing scrabble with imaginary incarnations of UFC fighters and personalities.

Without giving away too much from the latest releases from his memoirs, War’s reaction to a victim of suicide he mentions in one of his two latest blogs was a bit off, but what else can be expected from a dude who tweets Dana White that he’s imagining him in his cell just before he rubs one out?

And we thought we were going to have a hard time getting back in The Baldfather’s good books.

Here’s what the new age philosopher formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver got into the past two weeks after the jump:

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