regret gifs
15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: War Machine

Friday Link Dump


(King Mo tries, unsuccessfully, to get Mousasi to do something interesting.)

– Strikeforce: Nashville weigh-in results. (Heavy)

– Kurt Pellegrino’s guide to getting autographs from fighters. (UFC.com)

– Dana White, BJ Penn at odds over new book. (The Rumble)

– War Machine not fighting this weekend, and the promoter is pissed. (TMZ)

– Mousasi re-signs two-year deal with Strikeforce. (Sherdog)

– Ben Askren’s funky finish. (Fight Magazine)

– The first pictures of Shinya Aoki in EA Sports MMA. (Middle Easy)

– Shields ready to let his fighting do the talking. (Cagewriter)

– 10 fighters who could drop a weight class. (Bleacher Report)

– Phillies fan makes a great catch. (Total Pro Sports)

– 5 favorite GIFs for a Friday afternoon. (Maxim)

– Police officer in Roethlisberger case resigns. (Scores Report)

– Church erects Jesus painting with foot-tall penis. (Asylum)

– A detective film at its finest. (Ask Men)

– 25 insane book covers. (Holy Taco)

– 10 films begging for a sequel. (Screen Junkies)

– 6 literary heroes you should know. (Made Man)

– Samsung 500 odds. (All Left Turns)

– Crazy opening day fight at Dodgers-Marlins game. (Nothing Toxic)

Read More DIGG THIS

Yep, War Machine Got Arrested Again


(War Machine is the guy under the ‘spit bag.’ Not a place you ever really want to be unless you’re a weirdo performance artist.)

There comes a time when you have to look at the choices a guy makes and shake your head slowly while saying: God. Dammit. For the former UFC fighter and porn actor known as War Machine, that time is now. TMZ reports that Mr. Machine was arrested for assault yet again last night in San Diego, and this time there may have been a “deadly weapon” involved.  This follows a violent episode at a porn party in November, and an arrest outside a gay club in Las Vegas in February of 2009.  Are you beginning to see a pattern of behavior emerge?  

There’s no word yet on what the weapon might have been, or what exactly happened in Thrusters Lounge that led to War and another person fighting with bouncers when police pulled up to the scene, but Machine reportedly fled from police before being tracked down and covered up with one of those fun little spit bags. You know, like in “Con Air.”

What makes this recent arrest even more disappointing/sadly predictable, is that War Machine just finished telling MiddleEasy.com that he had decided to stop being “a wild man” and get his act together. And when we say ‘just finished,’ we mean two days ago:

Read More DIGG THIS

CagePotato Comments of the Week

Miesha Tate MMA fighter sexy ass
(We weren’t sure what to put up at the top of this post, so we figured, hey, Miesha Tate’s ass, right guys? Photo courtesy of Fight! Magazine.)

Praise Crom it’s Friday! Time to shout out our favorite members of the peanut gallery… 

chamby on "War Machine Returning to MMA in April, Still Out His Damn Mind": I wish that grenade on his neck would blow up already

Aptninja on "Photo Gallery: 17 Amazing MMA Event Posters"(@skeletor) Sperm sometimes move toward an egg rather than the space bar.

ReX13 on "Heads-Up: Win a $200 MMA Warehouse Gear Package in This Week’s FightPicker Prize Pools"(@JoseMonkey) Don’t think i won’t put on this entire outfit and run errands, including stopping at the bank, where i will refuse to take out my mouthpiece while i converse with the tellers. Despite the fact that i have hands so dimunitive that i refuse to go to Burger King, i will not remove my gloves. I will grasp the pen-on-a-chain with an overhand stabby grip and scrawl an approximation of my name, and mumble about "fucking staph" while they count out stacks of ones, per my request. When i am bid a good day, i will grunt the words "protein", "gym", "train", "appreciate your help and have a lovely afternoon", or some combination of preceding, and i will stalk out. I hope the rash guard won’t cover the awesome tribal armband i have planned. If you want to quit being a pencilneck, feel free to come by my gym, Keyboard Warrior, and ask for a free month’s membership (promotional code: Tap, Nap, or Snap).

Goog on "Tito Ortiz Rumorwatch: Now It’s a Neck Injury": "I tattooed my fathe, beat the pith out of Robin Giventh, and thquandered over 300 million dollarth and I’m thtill not the biggest douchebag in thith photo."

If your name has been called, please send your real name, address, and shirt size to feedback@cagepotato.com, and we’ll send you a CagePotato.com Devil Horns tee to you at some point in the near-to-distant future. 

Read More DIGG THIS

War Machine Returning to MMA in April, Still Out His Damn Mind


(Fuck a period of quiet reflection.)

Just a quick note to alert those of you who live in or around Duluth, Georgia that your local crazy quotient may see an alarming spike about a month from now. The fighter/pornographic thespian known as War Machine is going to be taking on Aaron “Tex” Johnson at Wild Bill’s Fight Night on April 17. Before we could even wonder how his training for this fight is progressing, Mr. Machine filled us in via his Twitter: “Hmm…maybe I should train a lil’ for the fight huh? I wonder if I could win if I don’t train…Hmmmm….what if I just dream of training?”

As you see, War is the same as he ever was, and his Twitter account confirms that his mental unraveling is still ongoing. For example, in the last 72 hours he’s posted about what a “bitch” Jamie Varner is, claimed to have gotten drunk and carved his fiancé’s initials into his arm (an update that ended with “Fcuk it so drunk!”), declared “Fuck the US!”,“Fuck Haiti!”, and, in a screed not directed at any particular person, dropped this little Twitter gem:

Read More DIGG THIS

The 25 Most Essential MMA Twitter Feeds

Arianny Celeste bikini UFC ring girl
(Arianny Celeste self-shot bikini pics: The reason why Twitter was invented. Photo courtesy of twitpic.com/photos/ariannyceleste.)

There was a time when you had to be a well-connected MMA journalist to keep tabs on where fighters were training and who their next opponents would be. Now you can do what we do — stay in bed with your laptop all day and follow them on Twitter. We call that progress. In case you’re not as tweet-obsessed as us, or if you’re simply too old to understand what the social-networking site is — ‘sup, dad — here’s what to do: Start an account, follow twitter.com/cagepotatomma, then start adding the pages below, which represent the 25 most informative and entertaining MMA-related Twitter feeds currently in operation. Your life will change in ways you never expected. And so, in alphabetical order…

twitter.com/allelbows
Bio: "mma shooter"
Known for her artfully crafted action shots and revealing portraiture, Esther Lin might be the greatest MMA photographer working today. Lately she’s been juggling gigs for MMAFighting, Strikeforce and Showtime, and the best of her work can always be found on her website, allelbows.com. Follow Esther’s tweets for photo updates and observations from her life behind the lens.
Sample tweet: "Fighters Are Dirty: the toilet in my hotel photoshoot room has pee all over it! Guys! Lift up the seat or aim better!"

twitter.com/amirmma
Bio: "Winner of The Ultimate Fighter 7"
It turns out that Amir Sadollah‘s awkward brand of ultra-dry humor is perfectly suited to short bursts of 140 characters or less. Like most UFC fighters, he spends a lot of time tweeting about publicity appearances and food. Unlike most UFC fighters, he somehow manages to make it all genuinely entertaining.
Sample tweet: "Yes Macs are expensive. But you can’t get a virus with them so I save money on condoms."

twitter.com/AriannyCeleste
Bio: "im not that cool. lover not a fighter."
Thanks to Twitter, stalking hot chicks has never been easier! UFC ring-girl goddess Arianny Celeste takes the guesswork out of our unhealthy obsession with her by generously sharing details about where she is, who she’s with, and what she’s doing, pretty much at all times. Also: Bikini pics and bikini pics and bikini pics. Why go anywhere else?
Sample tweet: "http://twitpic.com/112o0r – On my way 2 see an agency. Hope they like me, if not I’ll kick them in the groin area n give em stank eye."

Read More DIGG THIS

The 9 Most Embarrassing MMA Moments of 2009

MMA had more than its share of unforgettable moments this year — though many of them were unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. With 2009 drawing to a close, we’ve collected and ranked the year’s lowlights. Now let’s never speak of these things ever again…

#9: The "Hello Japan!" incident at DREAM.7 (3/8/09)

Fighting in the Saitama Super Arena must be an incredible experience. There you are, surrounded by 20,000 eerily quiet Japanese people who all seem to appreciate the intricacies of the sport. During his match against submission wizard Shinya Aoki at DREAM.7, American journeyman David Gardner tried to honor the occasion by waving to the crowd and saying "Hello Japan!" The problem was, Aoki had his back at the time, and as soon as Gardner’s hand went up, Aoki whipped his arm under Gardner’s neck and sunk in a rear-naked choke. "Oh my God it is so dumb," Bas Rutten lamented in the broadcast booth. Dumb is an understatement. Even "Wouldn’t Get Up From Butt Scoot" is a more respectable way to lose a fight. Way to represent the Red, White & Blue, Dave.

#8: Chuck Liddell dances with the stars (9/21/09-10/13/09)

When Dana White temporarily retired Chuck Liddell following his knockout loss to Mauricio Rua at UFC 97, few could have guessed that the Iceman’s next move would be an appearance on a dance-competition show that no red-blooded MMA fan in their right mind would ever watch. Liddell joined the ninth season of Dancing With the Stars with no formal dance training to speak of, and despite his best efforts he didn’t fool any of the judges, who called him everything from "graceless" to "gentle neanderthal." After four weeks of low scores and fruity costumes, Liddell was sent packing. On the bright side, Chuck expanded his fanbase on network television, outlasted fellow competitor Tom DeLay, and probably wound up banging his redheaded dance partner. Still, Tito Ortiz’s stint on Celebrity Apprentice now seems like the most badass thing in the world by comparison.

Read More DIGG THIS

It’s a Thin Line Between Fun and Assault at Porn Star Parties


(War Machine’s struggle to learn appropriate ways of showing affection continues. Courtesy of EMMReport.com)

When it comes to choking people, there’s ‘fun choking’ and then there’s ‘charges pending choking.’  The trouble, at least for some people, is that they have a hard time differentiating between them until it’s too late.  Watch Kalib Run got ahold of some pre-brawl pictures of War Machine joking around with his porn star buddies at Brooke Haven’s birthday party, and while he does not seem to be on the verge of punching anyone in the face just yet, he also doesn’t come off as the kind of guy you’d want to invite to your sister’s graduation party.  But you knew that already, didn’t you?

On a related note, the birthday girl at the disastrous aforementioned party offered a public apology via Twitter to the people injured by Mr. Machine’s outburst at her celebration, and said she was "ready to testify if this goes to court."  So yeah, this ain’t going away.  Our only hope is that War Machine’s trial, complete with a litany of porn starts testifying for the prosecution, will turn out to be the unintentionally hilarious circus that we truly believe it can be.

Read More DIGG THIS

War Machine’s Porn Career in Jeopardy After Allegedly Assaulting Girlfriend, Agent, and Several Terrified Partygoers

War Machine twitter MMA porn assault

So did you guys do anything crazy this weekend? Like, maybe beat the shit out of half the guest-list at a porn star’s birthday party? No? Well, you’ll never believe this, but that’s exactly what MMA tabloid hero War Machine did on Saturday night. Multiple reports are coming in, so we’ll try to piece this together from what we have…

— On Saturday night, Machine heads out to a b-day party for adult film actress Brooke Haven, held at a porn studio in Van Nuys. He appears to be in good spirits, though he was reportedly pissed off that his agent, Derek Hay (aka "Ben English"), wasn’t getting him enough work.

— Things quickly turn south when War allegedly punches his girlfriend, Alanah Rae, then drags her outside. This part of the story is hazy because although Terez Owens reports that Rae personally confirmed with him that War Machine decked her, she later went on Twitter to deny it. Still, there seems to be no difference in opinion over what happened next…

Read More DIGG THIS

PSA: War Machine Is Losing It

War Machine twitter

Read More DIGG THIS

What’s Seen Cannot Be Unseen Alert: Promotional Still From War Machine’s First Porno

emergency eye wash station
(Make sure you have one of these nearby before you proceed.)

Through the whole War Machine turns to porn saga, we’ve been holding onto a scrap of hope that this is all just crazy-talk, like when War said he was going to move to the Philippines because he was under the impression that aggravated assault was legal there. Oh, if only. Waiting for you after the jump is photographic proof that the man-child formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver is officially an adult film actor. And now, a moment of silence for our collective innocence…

Read More DIGG THIS
CagePotatoMMA