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Tag: War Machine

The 9 Most Embarrassing MMA Moments of 2009

MMA had more than its share of unforgettable moments this year — though many of them were unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. With 2009 drawing to a close, we’ve collected and ranked the year’s lowlights. Now let’s never speak of these things ever again…

#9: The "Hello Japan!" incident at DREAM.7 (3/8/09)

Fighting in the Saitama Super Arena must be an incredible experience. There you are, surrounded by 20,000 eerily quiet Japanese people who all seem to appreciate the intricacies of the sport. During his match against submission wizard Shinya Aoki at DREAM.7, American journeyman David Gardner tried to honor the occasion by waving to the crowd and saying "Hello Japan!" The problem was, Aoki had his back at the time, and as soon as Gardner’s hand went up, Aoki whipped his arm under Gardner’s neck and sunk in a rear-naked choke. "Oh my God it is so dumb," Bas Rutten lamented in the broadcast booth. Dumb is an understatement. Even "Wouldn’t Get Up From Butt Scoot" is a more respectable way to lose a fight. Way to represent the Red, White & Blue, Dave.

#8: Chuck Liddell dances with the stars (9/21/09-10/13/09)

When Dana White temporarily retired Chuck Liddell following his knockout loss to Mauricio Rua at UFC 97, few could have guessed that the Iceman’s next move would be an appearance on a dance-competition show that no red-blooded MMA fan in their right mind would ever watch. Liddell joined the ninth season of Dancing With the Stars with no formal dance training to speak of, and despite his best efforts he didn’t fool any of the judges, who called him everything from "graceless" to "gentle neanderthal." After four weeks of low scores and fruity costumes, Liddell was sent packing. On the bright side, Chuck expanded his fanbase on network television, outlasted fellow competitor Tom DeLay, and probably wound up banging his redheaded dance partner. Still, Tito Ortiz’s stint on Celebrity Apprentice now seems like the most badass thing in the world by comparison.

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It’s a Thin Line Between Fun and Assault at Porn Star Parties


(War Machine’s struggle to learn appropriate ways of showing affection continues. Courtesy of EMMReport.com)

When it comes to choking people, there’s ‘fun choking’ and then there’s ‘charges pending choking.’  The trouble, at least for some people, is that they have a hard time differentiating between them until it’s too late.  Watch Kalib Run got ahold of some pre-brawl pictures of War Machine joking around with his porn star buddies at Brooke Haven’s birthday party, and while he does not seem to be on the verge of punching anyone in the face just yet, he also doesn’t come off as the kind of guy you’d want to invite to your sister’s graduation party.  But you knew that already, didn’t you?

On a related note, the birthday girl at the disastrous aforementioned party offered a public apology via Twitter to the people injured by Mr. Machine’s outburst at her celebration, and said she was "ready to testify if this goes to court."  So yeah, this ain’t going away.  Our only hope is that War Machine’s trial, complete with a litany of porn starts testifying for the prosecution, will turn out to be the unintentionally hilarious circus that we truly believe it can be.

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War Machine’s Porn Career in Jeopardy After Allegedly Assaulting Girlfriend, Agent, and Several Terrified Partygoers

War Machine twitter MMA porn assault

So did you guys do anything crazy this weekend? Like, maybe beat the shit out of half the guest-list at a porn star’s birthday party? No? Well, you’ll never believe this, but that’s exactly what MMA tabloid hero War Machine did on Saturday night. Multiple reports are coming in, so we’ll try to piece this together from what we have…

— On Saturday night, Machine heads out to a b-day party for adult film actress Brooke Haven, held at a porn studio in Van Nuys. He appears to be in good spirits, though he was reportedly pissed off that his agent, Derek Hay (aka "Ben English"), wasn’t getting him enough work.

— Things quickly turn south when War allegedly punches his girlfriend, Alanah Rae, then drags her outside. This part of the story is hazy because although Terez Owens reports that Rae personally confirmed with him that War Machine decked her, she later went on Twitter to deny it. Still, there seems to be no difference in opinion over what happened next…

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PSA: War Machine Is Losing It

War Machine twitter

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What’s Seen Cannot Be Unseen Alert: Promotional Still From War Machine’s First Porno

emergency eye wash station
(Make sure you have one of these nearby before you proceed.)

Through the whole War Machine turns to porn saga, we’ve been holding onto a scrap of hope that this is all just crazy-talk, like when War said he was going to move to the Philippines because he was under the impression that aggravated assault was legal there. Oh, if only. Waiting for you after the jump is photographic proof that the man-child formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver is officially an adult film actor. And now, a moment of silence for our collective innocence…

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War Machine Has Big Porn Goals, Very Little Control Over The Things He Says


(The most compelling reason yet to keep your daughters out of the porn industry.)

By now you have finally begun to recover from the shock and trauma of seeing War Machine get his ass literally waxed in anticipation of his porn debut and you’ve gotten to the point where you’re beginning to ask some questions as part of the healing process.  Chances are you’re wondering things like, Is he actually getting paid for this? What safeguards are in place to ensure that he does not accidentally breed?  Does this mean War Machine already has or will soon develop a cocaine problem?

According to a recent interview, he’s not only totally serious about transitioning to an actual career in the field of fornicating on camera, he wants to be the very best on-camera fornicator, even if it means taking a step back from MMA:

My priority right now is to make good money and feed the War Machine. I’ve been fighting for seven years and MMA, I make a living but I don’t make enough money to save. I’m never going to be able to have enough to buy a house or buy a cool car. Right now, my main priority is making money. I want to do my best in the porn industry and I want to try to be one of the top, top porn guys, you know what I mean? So right now, porn is more important than MMA at the moment. I love to fight and I’m always going to fight, regardless of what happens.

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Spooky Halloween News: War Machine Is Doing Porn

Well, this new development is appropriately terrifying for Halloween.  War Machine, the fighter formally known as Jon Koppenhaver, has decided to do away with any lingering shreds of dignity that might have been clinging to him without his knowledge, and has officially become a porn star.  The video above shows him receiving his first ass waxing to make his butt camera-ready, and while it probably wasn’t necessary for him to post that to YouTube he did perform a public service by letting all the kids out there know that life as a porn star isn’t all glamour and lube.  There’s actually some unsavory elements to it.  Who knew?

He says he shot his first scene with Riley Steele and described it as "fucking awesome," before explaining that he took the gig because fighting wasn’t paying the bills and he refuses to work for a living.  It’s like I’ve always said, when life gives you lemons, make a video of you having sex with those lemons and put it on the internet.

Related:
- War Machine: "F@ck an Obama"
- War Machine Arrested in Vegas
- War Machine Apologizes for Ridiculous Behavior

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Video: Shawn Tompkins Talks Brazilian Time, His “Fighter House,” + More


Shawn Tompkins talks training, future stars – Watch more Funny Videos

I stopped in to Xtreme Couture while I was in Las Vegas last week and in addition to hearing Jan Nortje get yelled at I also got to sit down for a talk with renowned trainer Shawn Tompkins, which I captured in all its low quality glory on my Flip Mino camera.  Here’s a few minutes from our conversation where we discussed Wanderlei Silva and Brazilian time, why Mark Coleman’s always broke, and who Tompkins has really been impressed by in the gym lately.  The answer to that last question might surprise you.  I know it shocked the hell out of me.

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War Machine Scores Third-Straight Win at ‘UWC: Capital Punishment”


(Props: MMA Linker)

To everyone who thought War Machine would self-distruct and disappear after being kicked out of the UFC, fired from Bellator, and arrested following a fracas at a gay club — well, allow him to grab his crotch in your direction. On Saturday night, the always outspoken, rarely coherent TUF 6 vet won for the third time since his UFC exit, putting away opponent Reshad Woods via second-round rear-naked choke at an Ultimate Warrior Challenge event in Fairfax, Virginia.

Say what you want about this retard, but he does know how to put on an entertaining fight…

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Videos: ‘UFC 2009 Undisputed’ Intros, Junie Prepares for War + More



(Props: MMA Mania)

THQ has released some more preview footage from UFC 2009 Undisputed, showing Da Spyder and Da Troof getting their pre-fight introductions. For more intros, hit up videogamer.com.

Below: RawVegas catches up with Junie Browning at Xtreme Couture and discusses his upcoming matchup with Cole Miller and his new training partner, War Machine. On War: "I think he’s a cool dude. That’s the kind of guy I would hang out with outside of here. [Ed. note: God help us all.] You get a lot of computer warriors and people like that, but they don’t really know a person…I think people get the wrong interpretation of him."


After the jump
: NFL linebacker Dhani Jones learns some Muay Thai in a clip from his new show Dhani Tackles the Globe — which premieres March 16th on the Travel Channel — and an epic board-breaking fail.

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