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Tag: War Machine

Weekend Quick Hits: War Machine Wins, Swick Gets an Opponent, Rahman Is Screwing With Us


(War Machine slips into a brief trance.  This is why we say no flash photography around him, people.)

- Competing at last night’s XMMA event in Montreal, the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver earned a submission victory over previously unbeaten Guillaume “El Toro” Delorenzi via rear naked choke.  When reached for the comment, the citizens of the world replied, “War Machine?  That guy who threatened the president on MySpace?  He fights?”

- Mike “Quick” Swick will face Ben Saunders at UFC 99 in Germany, according to Five Ounces of Pain.  Saunders last competed against Brandon Wolff, the fighter War Machine refused to face due to fears that he might be both good and relatively unknown, thus earning his dismissal from the UFC.  Using his height and a series of brutal knees, Saunders made quick work of Wolff at "Fight for the Troops."  Now he gets Swick in Germany.  Why not.

- After insisting that he’s been in negotiations with Strikeforce to give this MMA stuff a try, it seems as if Hasim Rahman is even more full of shit than we suspected.  Strikfeforce’s Mike Afromowitz told MMA Fanhouse there has been “no dialogue” with Rahman or his manager about a fight with Kimbo Slice, as Rahman’s manager had claimed.  Maybe by ‘talking to Strikefore’ he really meant ‘watching old Strikeforce fights on the internet?’  As for Kimbo, Afromowitz described those talks as “ongoing.” 

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War Watch: Machine Fights “Il Toro” Tonight in Montreal

War Machine MMA XMMA Guillaume de Lorenzi
(Image courtesy of XMMA.tv)

Well at least there’s one brave, honest MMA organization left in the world that’s willing to take a chance on War Machine despite his arrests and controversial views on American politics. Canadian league XMMA is holding an event tonight in Montreal which features the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver in the main event against Guillaume "Il Toro" de Lorenzi. De Lorenzi is a perfect 5-0 in MMA competition with all wins by TKO, the last four of which came in the first round.

Machine is actually a replacement for Phil Baroni, who pulled out of the match against "Il Toro" two weeks ago when Strikeforce acquired his contract from Pro Elite; Baroni expects to make his Strikeforce return in May. Machine — who most recently scored a first-round TKO win over David Anderson at a Desert Rage event in November — still has about ten hours to do something stupid enough to get him kicked off the show, which is like eight weeks in normal-people time. So cross your fingers for him, and if you’ll actually be buying the XMMA pay-per-view broadcast, let us know how it goes.

Related: War’s gay club brawl? Totally started by someone else.

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Videos: Fedor Fights Non-Professional With Predictable Results, + More


(Props: Free Fight Videos)

Fedor Emelianenko won the Russian Combat Sambo Championships this weekend.  Again.  All his fights in this tournament combined took less than a minute, including the one-sided finale above.  I know the Russians get a big kick out of seeing Fedor dominate this stuff, but I don’t see how.  Sure, he lost recently in the World Championships, on points, but still.  It’s like watching Kobe Bryant play in a tournament at your local YMCA.  Yeah, it might be cool to see him dunk on some dentist who played point guard in high school twenty years ago, but that novelty wears off quickly, especially if Kobe keeps showing up every year. 

In other Fedor news, Josh Gross says the fight with Josh Barnett could go down in July.  Kevin Iole is doing some public speculating about the UFC trying to lure Fedor to compete at UFC 100, which would also be in July.  If you had to lay odds, a fight with Barnett in Affliction seems like the safer bet, assuming Affliction is still in the fight business by then.

After the jump, War Machine gives an uncomfortable interview to RawVegas.tv in which he lays out his plan to commit suicide at a date to be determined in the future and also describes thinking before he acts as “hard.”  Indeed.  

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Videos: Randy Couture Talks Cro Cop, War Machine Talks Troubles, + More

Watch Cage Fashion Show at Mix with Randy Couture on RawVegas.tv

RawVegas.tv sent Arianny Celeste to some weirdo MMA fashion show (I’m sorry, was that one dude wearing no shirt and a backpack?  How is that MMA related?) where she talked to Randy Couture about rumors that he may face Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic at UFC 99 in Germany.  Despite Fighters Only reporting that Couture flat out isn’t interested, he tells Arianny it’s a “possibility” if he gets done shooting “The Expendables” in time to get a full camp in.  Now that’s…disappointing.  As awesomely clichéd an action movie as that promises to be, isn’t Couture still a fighter?  And as such, shouldn’t fighting be his priority now that time is running out on his career?

The fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver stopped by Steve Cofield’s radio show to discuss his legal troubles, and insists that these instances of assault were all misunderstandings.  You see, he’s actually the victim.  Wouldn’t be no trouble if people would stop forcing him to hurt them.  Interesting explanations.  Now what about those MySpace posts?

After the jump, “MMA Live” previews UFC 95.

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CagePotato Comments of the Week: In Which Goog Owned All Your Asses

Nick Diaz Nate Diaz Stockton

This week we saw a CP reader named "Goog" emerge from obscurity to make a seriously strong case for CagePotato Commenter Rookie of the Year. Honestly, it was just win, win, win, and more win with this guy. Here were three of his best moments…  

Goog on "Quebec Athletic Commission May Block UFC 97 From Happening in Montreal": It was probably all just a matter of miscommunication, because I don’t think there’s anyone in the world, even Canada, that doesn’t know James Thompson will eventually hit the ground.

Goog on "War Machine Arrested in Vegas": And don’t count him out too long. You know he’ll only be there two days and he’ll say something that gets him thrown out of prison.

Goog on "Stockton, Stand Up! …And Move to Pretty Much Any Other City in the Nation": Maybe it’s so miserable BECAUSE the Diaz brothers are there. If you could get them to leave, you’d probably be looking at the next Boston.

Amazing. We’ll also give a nod to Ouch! That hurts on the aforementioned ‘Stockton sucks’ post, who wrote: Perhaps the Stockton chamber of commerce should stop using their slogan "Don’t be scared, homie"

Anyway, Goog my man, you’re eligible for up to three CagePotato "Hall of Fame" t-shirts. E-mail your real name, address, and shirt size(s) to feedback@cagepotato.com. Same goes for you, Ouch!, except you only get one. Try harder next time.

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War Machine Apologizes for Ridiculous Behavior; Clarifies That He Was Only Working at Straight-Friendly Club

Jon Koppenhaver War Machine MMA UFC
(It’s lonely at the top. It’s probably lonely wherever Jon Koppenhaver is, too. Photo courtesy of MMA Splatter.)

Major props to CagePotato reader Danielle T. for sending us War Machine’s latest MySpace bulletin, in which the beleaguered fighter ends his fatwa on President Obama, apologizes for his "loose cannon" remarks, sheds a little more light on his arrest, and dares the haters to bet against him. Check it out below; all misspellings are his own.

_______________

Date: Feb 11, 2009 6:15 PM
Subject: Important bulletin, PLEASE READ…Fans and HATERS.

As you all know I post some very controversial bulletins, a few of which have effected my career in a very negative way. At this I feel the need to clear a few things up. First, I need to admit that my comment regarding Obama was completely out of line. In all sincerity I do not wish any harm done to the President and I realize that it was a very stupid thing to write so I am publicly apologizing to the President and to his supporters.

In the beginning of my career it was brought to my attention (by some ignorant advisors, which I now realize) that my image as a professional fighter is more marketable if I am controversial. Controversy does grab attention. Part of creating that controversy is consistently saying things in a public format that I know will cause a reaction. Along with my loyal fans, I know that part of my popularity as a fighter is that people want to see me get my ass kicked. I knew that my Obama bulletin would gain me more fans* as well as make a lot more people hate me and that was exactly the reaction I was going for. Obama is one of the most loved people in the country right now.

Once I thought it through, it was too late. I removed the post an hour later. But the harm was done. So, at this point I’m being a man and I’m publicly admitting that I was wrong. What I wrote was stupid. So once again I want to reidderate the point that I really do not hope anything bad happens to him.

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War Machine’s Arrest: A Gay Club Visit Gone Terribly Wrong?


(Fuck a body-cavity search. Props to TMZ.)

More details about War "Jon Koppenhaver" Machine’s weekend arrest, from everybody’s favorite online gossip rag that occasionally covers UFC fighters, TMZ:

With a name like War Machine, what do you expect to happen?
 
Former "Ultimate Fighter" badass Jon Koppenhaver, who goes by the aforementioned MMA nickname, was picked up by Las Vegas PD for misdemeanor battery Saturday morning after allegedly getting into a tussle at Krave Nightclub — a place described by one of their reps as "gay … but very straight-friendly."
 
Cops tell TMZ security at Krave was escorting War Machine out of the club after a little brouhaha — when he allegedly turned on security and starting punching them. Security made a citizens arrest until Las Vegas PD could show up.

Perhaps the club was a little too straight-friendly. (Or not friendly enough?) Who knows. What you should really be concerned about is the fact that he had access to a computer the day after his arrest. After the jump, Machine turns to his trusty blog — perhaps the only constant in his life — to give us a little insight on what might have set him off in the first place.

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War Machine Arrested in Vegas


(Shit’s about to get real, son.  Real bad.)

Five Ounces of Pain is passing along a report that everyone’s favorite MMA screw-up, War Machine, was arrested in Las Vegas for battery early Saturday morning.  That’s right, the same guy who recently lost a job opportunity with Bellator for his comments about President Obama, which came after he was kicked out of the UFC for his comments about Evan Tanner/refusal to fight Brandon Wolff.  

To make matters worse, this was apparently a citizen’s arrest, meaning some guy (or woman, we don’t know) on the street grabbed War Machine after he battered someone and then held him there for the cops.  Or, more likely, it happened in a club or casino and security detained him, though I like the first explanation better for the visual imagery it conjures up.

War Machine was already on probation in California for beating up someone outside a gym, so unless he can prove his innocence in this case – and let’s be honest, you knew when you saw the headline that he was guilty – he’s probably going to do some time.

As much as we like mocking those who have aggressively proved themselves deserving of such mockery, War Machine’s life has recently moved beyond pure schadenfreude and into the realm of the genuinely depressing.  Though he did bring it on himself (repeatedly) while demonstrating a complete unwillingness to learn from his past mistakes.  You know where he could make friends who share those fun little traits?  Prison.

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‘Fail Machine’ Fired From Yet Another Job

War Machine MySpace MMA Bellator

A lot of you have already been discussing this in the comments sections of today’s stories, but we wanted to pass along the above screen-cap of War Machine‘s latest MySpace blog post, courtesy of Fightlinker. It seems that his provocative political views ("Fuck an Obama…I hope someone smokes that motherfucker and every president to come") have gotten him kicked off of another promotion’s roster. This time it’s the Bellator Fighting Championships, which will be launching a series of MMA tournaments to be televised on ESPN Deportes beginning April 4th. And while a setback like this would certainly convince us to stop posting our private thoughts in public, Machine is not "changing for anyone or any dollar amount…I will always be true to myself and my beliefs." Take it from an objective observer, War — your beliefs aren’t worth more than a potential $250,000 payday. I don’t even think you could put a down payment on a pre-owned Ford Focus with your beliefs. And dude, "fuck a Disney"? FOR SHAME.

Bellator’s roster is coming together very slowly, but here’s who they have so far according to MMA Weekly:

Announced Participants for Lightweight Tournament
Eddie Alvarez
Jorge Masvidal
Thomas Schulte
Diego Garijo

Announced Participants for Featherweight Tournament
Wilson Reis
Nick Gonazlez
Joe Soto

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War Machine: “F*ck an Obama”

War Machine Jon Koppenhaver MMA Obama
 
Props to Fightlinker for screen-capping the latest dose of brilliance from War Machine‘s infamously retarded MySpace blog/bulletins, for the benefit of those of us who aren’t subscribed. Basically, he calls President Obama a "rich white guy," a "rich faggot," and says that Obama is not one of "THE PEOPLE." Also, he kind of implies that someone should assassinate him. (Secret Service, are you getting all this?) Sounds like a classic case of Nader-supporter sour grapes. But wait, there’s more:

Jan 20, 2009 10:44 PM
And while I’m at it fuck a Bush for his shitty ass campaign, fuck a McCain for being so damn old and fuck a Hillary for being a female…shittt…last thing we need is a female in office.

That’s a good start, War, but we’d also add:
1) Fuck a Cheney for showing up to yesterday’s inauguration looking like a broke-ass Jeffrey Lebowski.
2) Fuck a Palin for not bringing in the LARPer vote.
3) Fuck a Jon Koppenhaver for legally changing his name to War Machine then venting idiotic hostility via his MySpace page like some high-school fat girl.
4) Fuck a War Machine’s parents for not hugging him enough as a child.

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