(Make sure you have one of these nearby before you proceed.)
Through the whole War Machine turns to porn saga, we’ve been holding onto a scrap of hope that this is all just crazy-talk, like when War said he was going to move to the Philippines because he was under the impression that aggravated assault was legal there. Oh, if only. Waiting for you after the jump is photographic proof that the man-child formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver is officially an adult film actor. And now, a moment of silence for our collective innocence…
(The most compelling reason yet to keep your daughters out of the porn industry.)
By now you have finally begun to recover from the shock and trauma of seeing War Machine get his ass literally waxed in anticipation of his porn debut and you’ve gotten to the point where you’re beginning to ask some questions as part of the healing process.Chances are you’re wondering things like, Is he actually getting paid for this? What safeguards are in place to ensure that he does not accidentally breed?Does this mean War Machine already has or will soon develop a cocaine problem?
According to a recent interview, he’s not only totally serious about transitioning to an actual career in the field of fornicating on camera, he wants to be the very best on-camera fornicator, even if it means taking a step back from MMA:
My priority right now is to make good money and feed the War Machine. I’ve been fighting for seven years and MMA, I make a living but I don’t make enough money to save. I’m never going to be able to have enough to buy a house or buy a cool car. Right now, my main priority is making money. I want to do my best in the porn industry and I want to try to be one of the top, top porn guys, you know what I mean? So right now, porn is more important than MMA at the moment. I love to fight and I’m always going to fight, regardless of what happens.
Well, this new development is appropriately terrifying for Halloween. War Machine, the fighter formally known as Jon Koppenhaver, has decided to do away with any lingering shreds of dignity that might have been clinging to him without his knowledge, and has officially become a porn star. The video above shows him receiving his first ass waxing to make his butt camera-ready, and while it probably wasn’t necessary for him to post that to YouTube he did perform a public service by letting all the kids out there know that life as a porn star isn’t all glamour and lube. There’s actually some unsavory elements to it. Who knew?
He says he shot his first scene with Riley Steele and described it as "fucking awesome," before explaining that he took the gig because fighting wasn’t paying the bills and he refuses to work for a living. It’s like I’ve always said, when life gives you lemons, make a video of you having sex with those lemons and put it on the internet.
I stopped in to Xtreme Couture while I was in Las Vegas last week and in addition to hearing Jan Nortje get yelled at I also got to sit down for a talk with renowned trainer Shawn Tompkins, which I captured in all its low quality glory on my Flip Mino camera. Here’s a few minutes from our conversation where we discussed Wanderlei Silva and Brazilian time, why Mark Coleman’s always broke, and who Tompkins has really been impressed by in the gym lately. The answer to that last question might surprise you. I know it shocked the hell out of me.
Below:RawVegas catches up with Junie Browning at Xtreme Couture and discusses his upcoming matchup with Cole Miller and his new training partner, War Machine. On War: "I think he’s a cool dude. That’s the kind of guy I would hang out with outside of here. [Ed. note: God help us all.] You get a lot of computer warriors and people like that, but they don’t really know a person…I think people get the wrong interpretation of him."
(War Machine slips into a brief trance. This is why we say no flash photography around him, people.)
- Competing at last night’s XMMA event in Montreal, the fighter formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver earned a submission victory over previously unbeaten Guillaume “El Toro” Delorenzi via rear naked choke. When reached for the comment, the citizens of the world replied, “War Machine? That guy who threatened the president on MySpace? He fights?”
- Mike “Quick” Swick will face Ben Saunders at UFC 99 in Germany, according to Five Ounces of Pain. Saunders last competed against Brandon Wolff, the fighter War Machine refused to face due to fears that he might be both good and relatively unknown, thus earning his dismissal from the UFC. Using his height and a series of brutal knees, Saunders made quick work of Wolff at "Fight for the Troops." Now he gets Swick in Germany. Why not.
- After insisting that he’s been in negotiations with Strikeforce to give this MMA stuff a try, it seems as if Hasim Rahman is even more full of shit than we suspected. Strikfeforce’s Mike Afromowitz told MMA Fanhouse there has been “no dialogue” with Rahman or his manager about a fight with Kimbo Slice, as Rahman’s manager had claimed. Maybe by ‘talking to Strikefore’ he really meant ‘watching old Strikeforce fights on the internet?’ As for Kimbo, Afromowitz described those talks as “ongoing.”
Fedor Emelianenko won the Russian Combat Sambo Championships this weekend. Again. All his fights in this tournament combined took less than a minute, including the one-sided finale above. I know the Russians get a big kick out of seeing Fedor dominate this stuff, but I don’t see how. Sure, he lost recently in the World Championships, on points, but still. It’s like watching Kobe Bryant play in a tournament at your local YMCA. Yeah, it might be cool to see him dunk on some dentist who played point guard in high school twenty years ago, but that novelty wears off quickly, especially if Kobe keeps showing up every year.
In other Fedor news, Josh Gross says the fight with Josh Barnett could go down in July. Kevin Iole is doing some public speculating about the UFC trying to lure Fedor to compete at UFC 100, which would also be in July. If you had to lay odds, a fight with Barnett in Affliction seems like the safer bet, assuming Affliction is still in the fight business by then.
After the jump, War Machine gives an uncomfortable interview to RawVegas.tv in which he lays out his plan to commit suicide at a date to be determined in the future and also describes thinking before he acts as “hard.” Indeed.