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The Week in Review: “Oh, F*ck My Life” Edition


(The Johnson vs. Cormier promo for UFC 187. We haven’t watched it yet, but drink if the word “monster” is used at any point.)

Afternoon, Nation. It’s been a hell of a week for our fine little sport, amiright? Some bad things happened, some other bad things happened, and depending on how you feel about Jon Jones, some either earth-shatteringly terrible or world-affirmingly wonderful things happened as well. So join us after the jump as we recap the week that was while trying not to cry into our whiskey drink. What? IT’S FRIDAY AND WE NEED THIS, NATION.

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The Week in Review: Rampage Forced Off UFC 186 (UH-DOI!), The Return of Mike Swick, + A Big Step Forward in UFC Drug Testing


(Yup, that pretty much sums it up.)

Greetings, Nation. If you haven’t noticed by the all but complete lack of posts this week, I’ve been away from the office (and in fact out of the state) to deal with some legal issues pertaining to a…gambling snafu. Yeah, let’s go with that.

My recent absence aside, the cutbacks across the board here at Castle CP have forced us to severely limit the amount of posts we can put up per day. So I, in my infinite wisdom, figured a John Oliver-esque recap of the week’s events in a single post would be the best way to keep you in the know moving forward, should CP happen to be your lone source of MMA news. Which if it is…

But let us begin with perhaps the biggest story of the week…

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Week in Review: Mark Coleman Is the Banana King

MC
(Really, bro?)

— We got slurpees with Matt Serra.

— We took the minority opinion and predicted that Mark Coleman is going to stomp Brock Lesnar.

— Most smoker matches don’t get a cable TV broadcast and commentary by Kenny Rice. Such is the drawing power of Kim Couture.

— We revealed the four finalists for our Serious Pimp t-shirt design contest. Let’s just say that reactions were “mixed.” Anyway, do us a favor and throw a vote down on the homepage poll.

— The IFL posted some very respectable numbers for their debut show. What’s that? They’ve been around for two years? Uh oh…

— Shogun Rua did what he does best, and Rashad Evans gets another undeserved headlining fight.

Sengoku’s lopsided match-ups went pretty much as expected.

— M-1 Global could be merely a footnote in MMA history by Tuesday. Meanwhile, time marches on for the Russians.

— We finally found an excuse to post a scene from Beyond Thunderdome.

Blood sells.

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Week in Review: Time to Go to Work

boys
(Rampage, Randy, Hendo, and Trigg at the day job.)

— On the BetUS Radio show, Damon and I debated which news story was bigger: Kimbo Slice on CBS or Spuds McKenzie on the center of the Octagon.

— Bob Sapp defended his crown as the worst pound-for-pound fighter in MMA history.

— Joe Riggs busted his back and played a piss-prank on a paraplegic.

— A simple, innocent video list on illegal knockouts turned into a total fucking fiasco. In retrospect, we should have replaced Huerta/Halvorsen with Herring/Nakao/”I’m not gay.” Commenter Matt Tatt sincerely hoped we die for publishing such an inaccurate feature. Sounds like my last editor!

— Taking a last-minute fight against Jon Fitch at a reduced pay rate? Chris Wilson is crazy like a fox.

— During our UFC 82 preview coverage, we explained why Anderson Silva is still going to be the champion on Sunday morning, wondered if Josh Koscheck’s Octagon days are numbered, and took wild guesses at who’ll be walking around with a little more spending money.

— We saluted MMA’s style pioneers.

Bill Goldberg currently leads Mike Goldberg 62% to 38% in our current poll on which Goldberg should never be allowed near a microphone again.

Don’t forget to watch the IFL’s season opener tonight, and come back here tomorrow night at 10 p.m. for our rip-roarin’ UFC 82 liveblog. Our prediction? PAIN.

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Week in Review: Dollar Bills, Yo!


(YAMMA’s next “Super Fight” contestants.)

— You guys rocked it again as we gave away our last copies of Chuck Liddell’s Iceman: My Fighting Life. And don’t forget to contribute to the latest challenge we tossed at ya’.

— The EliteXC paid Kimbo serious cheddar. The other fighters not so much. But at least they attempted to ‘splain their $1 payday.

— YAMMA added to their “Old Farts Throwin’ Down” debut event.

— We continued shaking our heads at the Xyience mess.

Kimbo videos got some play, including episode two of “WWKD?” and a Showtime Short.

Sick submissions. Believe it.

— UFC Fight Night 13 was upped to three hours and gained another fight.

— News came at you in nuggets, morsels, bits, and small potatoes.

— Wandy and Baroni made love, not war.

— MMA reality series continued to be churned out of the crap factory.

— We talked chicks – and CP reader Anonymous obviously has a score to settle with Kim Couture.

Enjoy the weekend. We’ll do this all again next week!

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Week in Review: KIMBOWNED!!!

Tank
(It’ll be like this, but worse.)

— We premiered the first episode of What Would Kimbo Do? Let that be a lesson to you, inconsiderate roommates! Episode 2 drops next week…

— Mirko Cro Cop left the UFC. Tim Sylvia threatened to do the same on his website, then thought better of it.

“House of Peace and Prosperity,” Dana White, 2/2, green, and Jäger. Oh, and “banged some chick while doing a radio interview.”

— Akiro Gono wants to find a girl who’s attractive, respectful, and good with happy endings. (By the way, there’s an awesome update to that story here.)

Two championship belts changed hands at WEC 32, while Jamie Varner demonstrated that a fighter can take a time-out if he really needs it.

— Matt Horwich is way awesome.

We looked at three MMA reality shows with even worse concepts than Redbelt.

We mocked the homely.

Remember: Tomorrow, 10 p.m., EliteXC: Street Certified, liveblog, be here.

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Week in Review: Little James Lipton

LJL
(I know this picture has nothing to do with MMA. Still, it amuses me.)

Our latest caption contest produced over a hundred new variations of “Kevin Federline sucks.” Well done.

Bob Meyrowitz dodged our questions, much like the fighters of YAMMA will have to dodge the laser-firing sharks in his Mystery Pit.

A female member of the Gracie clan was discovered. Bonus: She’s hot!

— We scored our first celebrity endorsement, who provided us with the greatest slogan in history.

— The UFC has more cases than Howie Mandel.

Frank Shamrock stopped by, and revealed that he’ll be retiring in 2018. We’ll start planning the party.

— Tickets to UFC 83 were going, going, gone. Hey, we didn’t want to be there anyway. :’ (

— Some fighters are even dumber than they look.

— The Potato Nation proved their allegiance, rising up when a misguided, microphallic BloodyElbow fan named “MrTypo” wandered in and threatened to unbookmark us from his web browser. Somehow, MrTypo found his way back to this site even without the bookmark. For that sir, you deserve our undying admiration. Now get the fuck out of here and never come back.

As for the rest of you: Have a bomb-ass weekend, and make sure to swing by on Sunday for our exclusive interview with MMA Super-Agent Ken Pavia, and next week for more guaranteed insanity.

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Week in Review: Hog Huntin’

Hog

The hype of Brock Lesnar washed over us like a dark, awesome wave.

— We ranked the members of the legendary Gracie family in order of importance.

— You bastards went all-out in the first Chuck Liddell caption contest, and three people won autographed copies of Chuck’s new book. Come back Monday and at least two more signed books will be up for grabs.

Details started to leak about The Ultimate Fighter 7.

— We never thought we’d write the phrase “pit fighting” again, but here we are.

— We took our Power Rankings to the next level.

The gory image of a post-fight Joe Stevenson compelled the Potato Nation to dispute the specific legalities of inserting fingers into orifices.

— What we do in life echoes in eternity. Also, a bunch of losers share a very ironic nickname.

— At the time of this posting, 39% of you think Frank Mir will beat Brock Lesnar by submission, while 38% of you think Brock Lesnar will beat Frank Mir by TKO/KO. We shall see, won’t we…

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Week in Review: Chuck Gets a Pedicure

Iceicure

— Randy and Fedor finally faced off…and couldn’t have been more courteous!

— The UFC continued to announce fights like the world was about to end.

— Jason “Mayhem” Miller gave us some insight on psycho fight-groupie skanks.

— Xyience went tits-up.

— From palm-trees to cock-swords, we counted down the worst ink in MMA.

— The IFL named Bas Rutten as their new Vice President in Charge of Liver-Punches.

— Mike Goldberg reached a new level of stupidity during Ultimate Fight Night 12.

One incredible matchup was rumored, while another was officially booked.

— We talked to both sides of Bodog Fight’s upcoming welterweight championship match.

— Affliction may be starting their own MMA league. In response, the UFC has decided to go with the scorched-earth approach.

— Most importantly of all, we debuted our POWER RANKINGS!!! You can leave comments on the page now, so let us know how you feel. Remember: “These rankings suck” is not constructive criticism

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Week in Review: Is Anybody Else Sick of Jason “Mayhem” Miller?

JMM
(Not funny.)

— Bas Rutten starred in the best YTMND page of all-time. (last link)

MMA Girl Joanne enchanted us with an exclusive video interview.

— We got overly emotional about Gina Carano.

EliteXC signed two members of the Shamrock family. Unfortunately, neither one was Frank. We marveled at Ryan’s physique and gave Ken some encouragement.

— The UFC filed a lawsuit against Randy Couture. Your move, Natural.

— We solicited your predictions for the Kimbo Slice/Tank Abbott fight, then liveblogged their press conference.

— We counted down the best fights that didn’t take place in a ring or cage.

— We put $1,000 up for grabs in the Serious Pimp t-shirt design contest.

— Instead of predicting UFC 80‘s winners, we predicted the bonuses. (Reminder: Come back tomorrow at 3 p.m. ET for the UFC 80 liveblog. Good times guaranteed.)

We coped with a slow news day.

Have a great weekend, people. Stay hungry.

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