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Tag: #WeekofDanga

#WeekofDanga Caption Contest: And the Winner Is…


(That BJ Penn’s UFC Gym is churning out some killers, I tells ya!”)

Without giving myself too much credit, I think it’s safe to say that the #WeekofDanga was an unequivocal success that is destined to become an annually-celebrated tradition here at CP. Likewise, the #WeekofDanga caption contest churned out a ton of great entries and more fat jokes than your average King of Queens episode. I’m sure Forrest would be proud if he weren’t so steaming mad right now.

But alas, there can be only one winner, as I have but one copy of In the Blood to give. And that winner is B. Donovan Fousel for an updated take on a classic idiom:

One sometimes misses the Forrest for all the trees… And by trees I mean bacon.

I’m not 100% sure if the metaphor even works in this instance, but that’s the kind of pun that forces me to ask the tough questions, you know? For ambition alone I say bravo, Mr. Fousel. Shoot us your mailing address and I’ll get your copy of In the Blood in the mail ASAP. Thanks to everyone who entered!

-J. Jones

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Seth vs. Jared: UFC 175 Edition


(Undercard fighter or ESPN personality? – it’s a surprisingly difficult game. Photo courtesy of Stuart Scott’s Twitter.)

CP staff writers Jared Jones and Seth Falvo have a few bones to pick with this weekend’s UFC 175: Weidman vs. Machida card. Mainly, its non-existent advertising, lack of good underdog bets, and blatant bait-and-switch tactics regarding its FS1 prelims. Read along to understand what it’s like to watch two grown-ass men slowly march down the path of insanity.

Al Bundy gifs will reign.

Despite being just one day out from the biggest UFC event of the summer, the hype surrounding this card seems non-existent. Have you even seen an advertisement for this event that didn’t take place during a lesser UFC card? The UFC can’t possibly believe that this is adequate advertising…can they?

SF: Buddy, I haven’t seen a single advertisement for this card, period. What, did you really think I’d be one of the nine people who watched UFC Ultimate Step to This Never Back Down: Live from New Zealand?

As for whether or not this is adequate advertising, you’re missing the point entirely. The public isn’t burnt out from a lack of advertising efforts, they’re burnt out from constant exposure to generic cards composed of completely meaningless fights.

JJ: I already touched on the complete lack of advertising for this card in my UFC 175 fight hype article on Wednesday, so I’ll (try to) be brief. While I’d personally rather see no advertising at all for a UFC event than be repeatedly subjected to the music of Linkin Park, I must admit that the UFC’s decision to not advertise a card with two title fights (two!) is a bit puzzling. I mean, sure, one of them is a Japanese freak show-level squash match, but still, UFC 175 has a lot more to offer from a marketing standpoint than several cards prior.

Honestly, I’m starting to thinking Dana’s barely beneath the surface hatred for MMA fans with discernable taste is starting to affect his business decisions. He’s gone from trying to convince us that every fight is of the same quality, no matter how blatant a lie he must craft, to simply trolling us with his “Fuck You, Take It” understanding of how to advertise his product. “You say no one cares about little flyweights? Beat them over the head with ads. A double title fight card? PULL ALL SPONSORS.”

My point is, the UFC no longer cares about advertising, because they no longer care about the quality of the cards they expect us to pay $60 for. They’re just going to keep doing their thing while reiterating that business is in fact “booming” and barely pausing to consider that their customers might actually be right every now and again. It’s a brilliant business strategy if you’ve never learned a thing about how a business is run.

This has gotten off to a depressing start.

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Tito Ortiz, Tim Sylvia, Jon Jones, and Chael Sonnen Compete on Chopped

By Jared Jones

Four chefs, three courses, only one chance to win! The challenge: Create an unforgettable meal from the mystery items hidden in these baskets before time. runs. out. Our distinguished panel of chefs will critique their work, and one by one, they must face the dreaded chopping block. Who will win the $10,000 prize, and who will be…Chopped? 

Four MMA fighters-turned chefs think they have what it takes to win. Lets meet them. First up, Tito Ortiz…

[*Cue a montage of Ortiz hitting truck tires with a sledgehammer, pointing to business documents that clearly have nothing written on them*]

Tito Ortiz: “My name’s Ito Tortiz. I mean, Tito Ortiz. For years, people have been doubting my ability to compete at the highest level of reality show cooking competitions. But I’m here to prove them all wrong today and show that ‘The People’s Champ’, like no other, cooks like no other.”

Next up, Tim Sylvia…

[*Cue this video*]

Tim Sylvia: (*while eating jelly doughnut*) “I’m a real outside the box thinker when it comes to preparing meals. Just the other day, I filled an old oil barrel with ham hocks and melted cheese. It was a fantastic mid-afternoon snack.”

And then there’s Jon Jones…

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#WeekofDanga Caption Contest: Win a Copy of “In the Blood” on DVD!

Many of you newer readers might not know that, long before I was ever a dumb shit douchebag writer hack here, I was just a dumb shit douchebag commenter. You know, in the pre-Facebook times. The long-long ago, as it’s called. In any case, one of my favorite features of the ‘Tato back in the day was their/our caption contests, which have waned off a bit in recent years. So, being that this is the soon-to-be celebrated annually #WeekofDanga, I figured that I might as well revive an old relic as a way to give back to you, our fiercely-loyal-except-when-you-aren’t readers.

Unfortunately, I don’t have much to offer in the way of MMA memorabilia. I do, however, have an extra copy of In the Blood (read our review here) on DVD collecting dust in my room. It’s still in the plastic and everything. So if it’s a physical copy of the movie in which Gina Carano has her underwear ripped off while handcuffed that you’re seeking, join me after the jump to find out how you can win one fo’ free.

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Beatdown of the Day: Little Kid Bitch Slaps Smack-Talking Foe *While* Ghost-Riding Bicycle (#WeekofDanga)

As you might’ve heard (from me, earlier today), BG is on vacation for the week, which can only mean one thing: The #WeekofDanga is now in full swing. That means no rules, no filters, and most likely, no readers. (*self burn-five*)

What it also means is that I’ll be taking any and all suggestions/submissions in regards to potential news items from the few of you readers who haven’t already removed CagePotato from your bookmarks bars in light of this (albeit brief) coup d’etat, via tips@cagepotato.com. But let’s get one thing straight; I will not be devoting any coverage to fighter beefs on Twitter, mundane fight-bookings, or other such articles that none of you care to read anyway.

Instead, let us use this week to highlight the absurd, the hysterical, and the just plain bizarre aspects of our once-proud sport that we all know and love. Got a sweet muay Thai fight/KO that you think deserves more coverage? Pass it along. A tenuously-connected gallery idea of hot women doing insert workout here? Let me know about it. In short, this is the week that your opinions actually matter, Tater Nation, so let’s make full use of it.

Take the video above, for instance, in which a small child bitchslaps a foe *while* ghost riding his bicycle. I found it in my inbox this morning, and have watched it no less than 15 times since. Is it in anyway related to MMA? Not really, except for that whole “fighting is in our DNA” shtick Daddy Dana seems to love. Is it undeniably entertaining? Absolutely. Therefore, relevant.

What? I’m just following the business model laid out by the UFC in recent years, best known as “Fuck You, Take It.” If you don’t like the content we churn out this week, you’re probably not a real fight fan anyway. Let the #WeekofDanga commence, Taters.

-J. Jones

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