(Video props: YouTube/MMAVictor)

There’s nothing new about Bob Sapp losing a fight without dignity, but every week he seems to hone his craft as an MMA-Theatre master thespian. A typical Sapp fight consists of him lumbering in toward his opponent, waiting until he feels incidental contact, then feigning a tko until the ref halts the bout. Wash-Rinse-Repeat. But last night he may have sunk to a new low in his bout against Soa Palelei at Cage Fighting Championship 21.

Sapp starts off the bout by touching gloves –just like they do in *real* MMA bouts! Too cute!–then he ducks his head and charges meanders forward toward “The Hulk”. This is his opponent’s cue to tag him with something—anything–that could count as a landed blow and explain his fall to the canvas. To his surprise, Sapp makes it all the way to the opposite side of the cage with Palelei nowhere to be found. Stupefied, he does the only thing he knows how: he teeters over.

As a real fighter with real intentions of fighting, Palelei tries to partake in the ‘takedown’ but his help is completely unnecessary. Sapp is all too happy to let gravity ease his menacing frame down to the canvas. And so the Australian does his thing, pounding away at a turtled-up Sapp, while Sapp does his thing, turtling-up while getting pounded. Although this isn’t the first bout where Sapp has succumbed to a phantom punch, at least his previous opponents were somewhere in the general vicinity when he fell.

The new rules of the Bob Sapp Challenge™ await you after the jump.

(Photographic evidence that Sapp used to at least take a punch before calling it quits. Ah, the good old days.) 

There are only two things in this world that we here in the CP offices know to be true: Code Red is the without a doubt the best Mountain Dew spin-off of all time, and Bob Sapp will never win another fight. The bearer of perhaps the most ironic nickname in the sport already has two MMA fights lined up in May alone, but decided to kill some time last weekend by participating in a kickboxing match in Slovenia against Rok Strucl.

Though Sapp started off strong, meaning that he didn’t find a way to fake injury before the opening bell had finished resonating, what went down thereafter accomplished something we never thought possible: a new low for “The Beast.”

Join us after the jump for the video. 

(This is approximately how you will feel after watching the video.) 

You know, for all the bizarre shenanigans Rampage Jackson seems to be getting himself into these days, he will never hold a candle to Bob Sapp. At this point in “The Beast’s” career, he has pretty much become a walking punchline in every sense of the word; a parody of a parody, if you will. And though it is easy to take shots at perhaps the lowest hanging fruit in the MMA landscape, we’re going to do it anyway. Let’s be honest, we follow Bob Sapp for the same reason that people watch reality television — to feel better about themselves afterward. He is the Troll 2 of mixed martial arts, a fighter so terrible that one only watches him participate out of a need to feel ironic. Why can’t we look away, you ask? Because white america has never felt less threatened by a 300 pound muscular black man in the history of its existence, and we like the feeling.

Clearly Sapp has begun to embrace this image to its fullest extent, for what else can one do when in the midst of what will likely become a record setting losing streak? If you don’t believe us, just check out the promo he made for his upcoming May 12th KSW 19 clash with Mariusz Pudzianowski, courtesy of IronForgesIron. In a word, it is a revelation.

(Sapp’s most recent effort attempt ”showing” against James Thompson. How do you know it’s a Bob Sapp joint? Because the introductions are twice as long as the fight.) 

In the difficult economic times that we are currently experiencing, Bob Sapp’s continual ability to stay employed as a “fighter” is nothing short of inspiring. And by inspiring, we mean infuriating. The man has fought nine times in the past three years, totaling just over fifteen minutes of ring time. There is not a doubt in any of our minds that the time he spent training for those fights was less than half of that. He has lost all but one of those contests, and word has it that the one man he defeated committed Sepukku shortly thereafter. Yet he continues to get work. He lost his last fight by submission due to (fake) leg injury, and tapped out to approximately two punches thrown by a BJJ expert in the fight before that. Yet he continues to get work.

Perhaps it is a sign, like the popularity of Jersey Shore or Nicki Minaj, that our culture has truly done a 180 in terms of what we consider worthy of our attention. Where in days past, it was a person’s abilities that brought them into the public eye, it seems now more than ever that we as a society are fixated with people who lack any discernable talent whatsoever.

Bob Sapp is living, breathing proof of this phenomenon.

Thankfully, it looks as if Sapp may finally be forced to take on a fighter who could make him reconsider his line of work altogether; someone who could possibly knock Sapp out cold before he gets the chance to call it quits. That man is none other than UFC veteran Soa Palelei, who is scheduled to take on Sapp at Cage Fighting Championships 21 on April 20th.

If there is a God, he will not allow Bob Sapp to walk away from this fight completely intact.

One Fighting Championships has seen some ups and downs since its inception last year. After a successful debut event, they hit a slight bump in the road by agreeing to take part in the charade that is Bob Sapp. Thankfully, they’ve more than made up for that mistake by signing Korean Model Park Si Hyun to carry the cards for all of its events, starting with the upcoming Babalu/Manhoef headlined One FC 3. This former “race queen” is among the most popular and successful models in South Korea, and rightfully so. Find out all you need to know about Park (ie. more incredibly attractive photos of her) over on her Red Flava page. No, we do not know what a Red Flava page is, so click at your own risk.