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Tag: WTF

Today in WTF?!!: Chris Weidman, Forrest Griffin Pimp Jewelry Stores and DUI Defense in Hilariously Awkward Commercials


(“OK Chris, for this scene, we’re going to need you to act as if you’re reading your lines directly from a cue card. Just look as uninterested as humanly possible and stare as far off-screen as you can. And Marivi, if you could just stare directly at the guy holding the boom mic-PERFECT.”)

It really is difficult to believe anything you see or read on April Fool’s day. Just this morning, a friend of mine who happens to be a traveling musician posted that his band had booked a gig as John Mayer’s opening act for his upcoming Australian tour. After congratulating him on his tremendous accomplishment, I quickly learned that the whole thing was a ploy perpetuated for Facebook likes. Needless to say, he is now dead to me.

Needless to say, I was equally skeptical when videos of Chris Weidman and Forrest Griffin pimping a jewelry store and a DUI defense lawyer, respectively, appeared in my inbox this afternoon. But upon further research (dialing both phone numbers and laughing hysterically until the receptionists hung up), I have determined that what you are about to see are in fact legitimate ads featuring the current middleweight and former light heavyweight champion, which is easily more hilarious than any April Fool’s day joke you will be privy to today or possibly ever.

After the jump you will find videos of both ads, as well as our in-depth analysis of both fighters performances, complete with screengrabs.

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WTF? of the Day: Anderson Silva Files Police Report Against Female Fan Who Bashed Him on Twitter


(“ANYBODY SEEN EDNA?! ANYBODY KNOW WHY EDNA DID ANDY SILVO?!!”)

Anderson Silva has always been a bit of a strange dude. Call it “crazy like a champion” or whatever you want, but there’s no denying that the guy’s a little…batty. The Bieber fever. The lip-synching videos. Those Burger King commercials. The often insane and seemingly trollish things he tells the media. And don’t even get me started on the Steven Seagal nonsense.

Point is, ol’ Andy is prone to some bouts of irregularity (here’s him pretending to be Spiderman in a parking garage, for instance). Not that I can blame him; I’m already a phone call away from the looney bin and I have neither millions of dollars nor the ability to kill 99.9% of the people on this planet with my bare hands. And besides, Silva’s craziness is an x-factor that probably helped him come up with such consistently mind-blowing (more on this later) finishes over the years.

But this…this is the kind of shit that makes me think Anderson just a case of energy drinks away from going on a vehicular rampage across Brazil, if you know what I am saying (via MMAFighting):

Silva has filed a police report against a woman in Brazil for defamation.

According to the chief of police department in Pinhais, Marcelo Magalhaes, the UFC star felt offended when a woman called him “rotten” on Twitter.

“We’re still investigating to get her name, address and phone,” Magalhaes told Globo. “It’s a 40-year-old woman who wrote on the internet, in a social media, several phrases, including ‘Brazil will see the idol and rotten that you are’ [Ed. Note: 'shitty idol' was also used].”

The process is expected to go to court next. The penalty for this type of crime in Brazil is up to six months in jail, or a fine.

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Diego Brandao Admits He Threatened to Stab Dustin Poirier, Who Was “Scared” and “Lucky” at UFC 168


(“Yeah, I’d like to see you do that three more ti-THWOMP!” Photo via Getty.)

It’s such a shame that TUF 14 winner Diego Brandao is going to be forced into retirement at just 26 years of age on account of his mental illness. What’s that? You hadn’t heard that Diego Brandao is suffering from a multitude of mental illnesses? Well maybe you should check out his recent interview with MMAFighting, in which he not only confirms that he threatened to “stab Dustin Poirier with a pen” (you hear a little girl, Ace?) backstage at the UFC 168 weigh-ins, but believes that Poirier was “scared” and “got lucky” in their fight the following night:

He was there, bouncing at the weigh-ins, staring at me. I told him backstage ‘if you ever do that again, I’ll stab you with a pen.’ That’s what happened.

Every time he saw me at the hotel he kept staring at me, and I responded asked what was the problem, if he looking like that because he was hungry or what. When he got inside the cage I saw he was scared. He got lucky (to win).

“Quite honestly,” Brandao added, “I’ve never seen a fighter get lucky so many times in a 30-second period. You’d think that at least some of the punches he threw at me would have missed, but nooooooo.”

I’m kidding, of course. There’s no way that Brandao has ever started a sentence with “quite honestly.”

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‘WTF?’ Video of the Day: Musangwe Fighter Gets KO’d, Is Given Furious Handjob CPR


(Props: Musangwe. Kinda NSFW)

“In Musangwe it is believed that stimulating the male sexual organs after a knockout increases their chances of surviving.”

This bit of folksy medical wisdom comes from the video description of “MUSANGWE KNOCKOUT- MOST DARING CPR!“, which just came to our attention this morning even though it’s been floating around for few days. (Apologies if you’ve already seen it; we were pretty much off the grid over New Year’s Eve/New Year’s Day. So…2014, eh? How ’bout that.)

As Gawker explains, Musangwe “is a form of bare-knuckle fist fighting traditionally practiced by the Venda people of South Africa.” And apparently, the rough, frantic handjob that the knockout-victim receives in the video isn’t punishment for losing — they’re trying to save his life. Still, once you add in the water-bucket it starts to look like an especially brutal fraternity hazing. I don’t know, man. There’s got to be an easier way.

My theory: At a certain point, that dude was just pretending to be asleep.

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Terrible, Stupid, Just Awful Idea of the Day: A Man vs. Woman Fight is Going Down at Shooto Brazil 45 This Weekend [UPDATED]

God damn it, you guys. God. Damn. It.

Maybe it’s just me, but everytime it seems like this thing we call MMA is finally on the right track towards honest-to-God legitimacy, Jose Canseco shows up, or the UFC signs a yoga instructor(‘s death warrant), or some shit like this happens and we’re back to square one.

Begin the SMH’ing, because some Brazilian website is reporting that Shooto, one of Brazil’s longest and (formerly) most prestigious MMA organizations, is planning a man vs. woman fight at this weekend’s Shooto Brazil 45. Specifically, Nova Uniao product Emerson Falcao vs. Team Nogueira’s Juliana Velasquez. Who will be making her professional debut. 

I…I just can’t anymore, you guys. Wiping my hands of this whole thing.

And who came up with this fucking ree-dick-you-lus idea, you ask? Oh, just Andre Pederneiras, the legendary Uniao founder/trainer who has seemed like a relatively intelligent individual up until this point. Maybe he knows something we don’t. In any case, here’s the scoop, as Velasquez told MMAFighting:

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‘TUF: China’ Cast Includes 0-0 Yoga Instructor Who Doesn’t Know How to Fight


(The soon-to-be-forgotten and/or fired TUF China cast. Photo via the Global Times.)

That The Ultimate Fighter: China features the powerhouse *coaching* duo of Tiequan Zhang (currently riding a 3-fight losing streak with his sole UFC win coming over Jason Reinhardt) and Hailin Ao (retired) should say more about the talent level of its contestants than we ever could, but you guys have got to read this.

The premiere episode of TUF: China transpired last Saturday. While most of us here in the states failed to take notice of this, f4wonline‘s Mark Harris recently published a recap of the episode and offered some insight. You should check out the entire summary here, but the following paragraphs truly emphasize how fucked this season is going to be (emphasis mine):

The fighters on this season are a mixed bag of promising talent and hapless newbies…The quirkiest character this season is Li Jin Ying (0-0, welterweight), who admitted to having no MMA experience before sparring in front of the cameras. His appearance on the show is so bizarre I have to wonder if he’s only on to illustrate to viewers the level of training and experience that’s needed to succeed in MMA.

Li is a spiritualist yoga instructor “eager to be Asia’s biggest MMA star”. Yes, a yoga instructor. He has a photogenic face, the kind of face UFC would probably want to put on advertisements in China, but he apparently has no MMA experience and describes himself as shy.

I never dreamed that there would come a day when TUF and American Idol adopted the same criteria for selecting contestants. I was wrong.

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The UFC Turns 20 Today, So Here’s Anderson Silva Lip-Synching Jagged Edge’s “Goodbye”

First, they called us “human cockfighting.”

Then, they said we’d never be accepted by mainstream audiences.

Then, they said we’d never see women in the UFC.

Then, they said we’d never have a metrosexual, Brazilian, R&B lip-singer shatter nearly every conceivable UFC record.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you PROGRESS.

-J. Jones

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You Guys are Never Going to Believe Who Bellator Chose to Fight Rampage Jackson Next…

…that’s right, a recently fired UFC veteran! NOW I’VE SEEN EVERYTHING!

Co-Main Event podcast co-host and former CP staff writer (Old Step Dad?) Chad Dundas said all that really needed to be said when he summed up the Tito Ortiz neck injury/Bellator PPV cancellation fracas as “the most Tito thing ever.” With that in mind, I think it’s safe to say that the most recent development in the shuffle to find a replacement opponent for Quinton Jackson can be described as “the most Bellator thing ever.”

Ariel Helwani broke the news just minutes ago that everyone’s favorite tiger-humping former UFC light heavyweight champion will face Joey “The Mexicutioner” Beltran at Bellator 108 on November 15th in Atlantic City, New Jersey. The Internet’s reaction is below:

And so, Bellator wages on with its plan to acquire every last steroid-using washout the UFC has to offer in the hopes of somehow competing with the very promotion they are shamelessly poaching from. Not since Paddy’s Dollars have I seen a business model so woefully misguided…

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‘WTF?!’ of the Day: Anthony Pettis Has an Evil Twin, Y’all


(Props to fox6now.com for the story, and props to CagePotato reader Jason Seward for the tip.)

On Wednesday, Milwaukee news stations were reporting that Anthony Pettis had been apprehended by police after he was seen at a press conference on television. Pettis had been wanted for several pending charges, ranging from carrying a concealed weapon to getting involved in a high-speed chase with a police officer.

So why weren’t MMA sites all over the news? Because it wasn’t Anthony Pettis, lightweight title contender, but rather, Anthony Pettis, a younger, fatter nobody who also resides in Milwaukee. Yeah, turns out that guy was on tv to talk about, well, you’ll see.

It’s a damn slow news day, and the story itself is worth a quick read, so check it out after the jump, courtesy of FOX6 Now:

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Heads Up, Taters: Now’s Your Chance to Win a (Potentially Quite Awkward) Day in the Life of Rory MacDonald!

If there’s anything we’ve learned about UFC welterweight contender Rory “Mini Rush” MacDonald over the past few years it’s that he loves to fight and he loves to shop. And now thanks to his sponsor, Ecko, you can join him for a little of both!

Cool, right? Well, yeah, but also…kinda strange. We guess it really depends on what you bring to the table.

Because if you, your buddy that you get to bring and Rory, like, totally click, you’ll be sure to have fun during this day of “private” training and shopping with “Ares.” Hell, you guys will probably all stay in touch afterwards and tell inside jokes over Skype once a week while eating popcorn. On the off chance that doesn’t happen, however, it might get a lil’ awkward for some non-athlete to have a private training session with a world class fighter and then, because this is totally something that lots of strangers do together, go clothes shopping together at an Ecko store.

Does Rory watch you shop? Do you watch him shop? Will there be a montage of one of you trying on different outfits while the other approves or disapproves? Also, R-Mac doesn’t seem that lively and verbose from interviews with strangers that we’ve seen, so is talking kind of out of the question? So many questions about this wonderful day to come.

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