(“On second thought, I’ll just take your word for it…” – Guy on the Left)

Horrific penis injuries: They’re the new injured foot of MMA injuries.

UFC veteran Waylon Lowe has made his way back into headlines the hard way today, as he is suing The Mood – a sex shop on South Street, Philadelphia – for selling him a product that has permanently scarred his genitals. Of course this is how the unfortunate bastard manages to finally get MMA fans talking about him again, because why wouldn’t it be.

Assuming you haven’t already skipped to the comments section to unleash your best one-liners, you can read details about the product he used and the injury itself [NSFA] after the jump.

(“Alright, let’s see who you REALLY are! *tugs ears* Damn it, Scooby Doo made this look so easy…”)

If you follow college football at all, you probably remember the story of Kevin Hart, the high school lineman who held a press conference on national signing day in 2008 to declare that he was going to play college football for the Cal Bears. When the team announced that they never even had interest in recruiting him – let alone offering him a football scholarship – Hart claimed that he had been duped by a fake agent. It was one of the most bizarre sports stories in years; one that surely couldn’t happen again.

Yet here we are only five years later with an extremely similar story, only instead of involving a mediocre high school athlete from a small town in Nevada, it involves former UFC featherweight Leonard Garcia.

As we have covered, the recently released Leonard Garcia expressed no interest in signing with Bellator, even though they supposedly offered him a deal. In a way, this is a good thing, because according to Bellator CEO Bjorn Rebney, the promotion never actually planned on signing him in the first place. Via MMAJunkie.com:

(I had no idea what image to use for this post, so since we’re talking about sports propaganda, let’s leave that to the experts. Props: sportspropaganda.com)

To be honest, I assumed that our coverage of the absolutely tragic Boston Marathon explosions would begin and end with the TD Garden singing “The Star-Spangled Banner” during Wednesday’s Boston Bruins game. It was a respectful tribute to the families of Monday’s victims, but let’s be honest, an MMA site shouldn’t provide continuous coverage of a story that has absolutely nothing to do with MMA. Post a quick tribute, freely acknowledge that it has nothing to do with MMA, and then back to our regularly scheduled programming, right?

If only it were that simple. Perhaps you’ve read that the suspects – Tamerlan Tsarnaev and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev – trained MMA [Author note: I'm not linking to other sites that have been claiming this, Google it if you're so curious]. Don’t bother looking for a professional record for either suspect, because it doesn’t exist. Neither does an amateur record. Or any proof that they were preparing for MMA bouts of any kind, for that matter.

So what made them “MMA fighters?” Tamerlan boxed, and briefly did so out of Wai Kru MMA. Dzhokhar wrestled in high school. And not that it matters, but even the extent of either of them belonging to an MMA gym has been exaggerated:

Fame is a funny thing. One second it has you teaching tomorrow’s youth how to rape transsexuals in parking garages, and the next it has you teaching women (and possibly transsexuals) to defend themselves from said rapists. Such is the case with former UFC light heavyweight champion, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, who recently posted the above flyer on the Twitter account of his fitness academy along with the following info:

Rampage is giving back to the community and hosting a free self defense seminar for women on March 28th.

Who wants to bet that Page’s first bit of sage-like defense advice will be to purchase a pair of his patented anti-rape shoes? After staring at a pair for over an hour at my local Foot Locker the other day, I’ve determined that the only possibly explanation for the millipede-like protrusions on the underside of those things is that they act like some sort of Inspector Gadget spring device when someone is cornered. Or being raped.

So ladies, how many of you are ready to let the man who put the “sex” in sexual assault teach you how to avoid being a victim?

-J. Jones 

(And if you act fast, he’ll throw in “How to Throw a Leg Kick” for free!)

Are you a fat, nerdy MMA fan who lives with his mother and spends his time trolling the Internet? Well, obviously not, so you’ll have to play along here. But if you were overweight, and also decided that the whole “eating healthier and exercising” thing didn’t involve enough former UFC champions for your liking, then would I have a treat for you. Tim Sylvia has founded The Maine-Iac 90 Day Weight Loss Challenge, so that you can get in shape with the former UFC champion.

So what is inspiring Tim Sylvia to challenge his loyal fans? Is he trying to persuade people that fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son? Is he concerned about the rising obesity rates in our children? Believe it or not, it appears he’s doing this due to his own weight issues. I know, I can’t think of a single mean-spirited, sarcastic comment to make here, either, so let’s hear it from the former champion himself:

We’re less than one month away from UFC 158, where welterweight kingpin Georges St-Pierre will take on Nick Diaz in a fight we’ve been waiting almost eighteen months to see. At this point, it’s too late for a petty disagreement to cancel this fight. Nothing short of an act of God is going to stop this fight from finally happening, which is obviously great news when Nick Diaz is involved, because once again, Diaz has apparently been no-showing his media obligations.

At least that’s what Dana White had to say during the post-event press conference for yesterday’s UFC on FUEL TV 7. According to him, everyone’s favorite welterweight from the 209 hasn’t been showing up for Countdown tapings. This also explains why Nick Diaz vs. GSP didn’t get its own UFC Primetime episodes even though the much less interesting bout between Rousey vs. Carmouche did; Primetime requires much more effort from the fighters being profiled to film. As Dana White said yesterday (transcribed by MMAWeekly):

“Nick Diaz would be an interesting Countdown show, too,” White shot back
sarcastically, “if we could get him to show up for those.

No, the above image is not something that was drawn up by a 7 year-old Japanese schoolboy in between classes, nor is it Dr. Scholl’s experiment gone awry involving a rubber factory and an army of millipedes. The utterly ridiculous mishmash of trampoline springs and synthetic leather pictured above is actually the Rampage Jackson-endorsed Reebok shoe responsible for Page’s latest tantrum aimed at the UFC. I cannot emphasize enough that I am not joking here. On a Rampage-Jackson-alternative-business-venture scale of “Rampage Punch” to “Now shake it, *you* shake it, I wanna see that ass butt-naked,“ I give it a solid “Transsexual rape video.” No, I will not go into further detail.

Set to hit the shelves on February 1st, the only thing more outlandish than the look of this thing is the 140 dollars it will cost you to pick up a pair. For one third of that price, I will gladly push you down a flight of stairs, trip you in a crowd, or use whatever method you prefer to achieve the sprained ankle you will inevitably suffer while wearing these moon shoes. Jackson says that the design was inspired by all terrain vehicles, but could someone please explain to me what sport or everyday activity these things could possibly be useful for? Or what group of people Reebok is trying to promote with these? Unless competitive hopscotching troglodytes are a huge undiscovered market that has just been waiting to be tapped into, I expect that these things will be filling the bargain bins at Reebok stores nationwide by Christmas. Anyone disagree?

(To be fair, Means’ should have seen something like this coming when he decided to frequent the creepy sauna in the middle of a swamp.) 

You guys remember how the booking of Tim Means and Abel Trujillo — two former convicts — on the undercard of UFC on FOX 5 raised some interesting questions regarding just who the UFC should allow to fight under their banner? Well, we can put that debate to rest for now in the case of Means, as Dana White announced over Twitter just a couple hours ago that “The Dirty Bird” has been pulled from the card for — we shit you not — slipping in the sauna and knocking himself unconscious:

I hope you all are happy, because you kind of predicted this.

(For all you high rollers out there, $5.99 gets you one of these signed with lipstick.) 

What in the hell is happening in the world of MMA? First we find out that Ken Shamrock will talk you into a living death for only $11.99 a minute, and now this noise.

Gentlemen, have you ever found yourself watching a Miesha Tate fight and thought, “You know what, that woman is a great fighter, I would love to show her my penis over the internet.” Well today is your lucky day, because a thread on the UG recently brought to light that the former Strikeforce bantamweight women’s champion has apparently launched a “members only” website, where just $4.99 a month (!!!!) gets you access to the following:

-Latest and up to date news
-Latest and up to date appearances and schedule
-Exclusive photos not found anywhere else
-Exclusive videos not found anywhere else
-Access to store for merchandise and memorbilia
-Contests available to fans only
-Be able to submit your picture with Miesha that will be permanently on her website
-Chance to Video Chat with Miesha herself (times and days TBD)
-Book 1 on 1 video chat
-See Marzia stream live from her phone  (coming soon)

Let’s see you top that, Carmen!

(Trust us, when this moment arrives you will be doing anything but laughing.) 

When Jason “Mayhem” Miller was fired from the UFC, he was basically left with two career paths to follow. He could follow the path of guys like Joey Beltran or — to a lesser degree — Anthony Johnson, which is to say, recognizing his mistakes/flaws and trying to earn his way back into the promotion through hard work, a couple decent wins, and in his case, probably some begging. Or, he could take a page out of someone like Rampage Jackson’s book, which consists of complaining a lot, going on nonsensical Twitter rants, and acting like a delusional pyschopath at every possible turn.

It saddens us to inform you that Miller has apparently chosen the path of Charlie Sheen.

There are simply no words that aptly describe Miller’s recent appearance on The MMA Hour, but I’ll try to use a few: batshit, kerfuffle, delirium, wantwit, rudesby. Like sharting in a hot tub while on a blind date.

In a terribly misguided attempt to plug his upcoming film, Here Comes the Boom, Miller appeared on the radio show as his character from the movie, Lucky Patrick. But what began as a simple ruse quickly devolved into one of the most bizarre and outright sad things we have witnessed in the continually depressing downfall of “Mayhem” Miller. He referred to “Arius Heelwani” as a “Jew,” refused to break character or answer questions as to his current mental state (or perhaps answered them all, really), and vehemently stormed off the set 45 minutes short of its expected run time. As Helwani noted, Miller was clearly attempting to channel Andy Kaufman, but unfortunately came off looking a lot more like Crispin Glover.

Video after the jump. 

(Believe it or not, Columbia Pictures saw this coming some 8 months ago, and chose Kevin James to star in a movie about Konrad’s life.) 

Maybe it’s just me, Potato Nation, but recent events have led me to believe that I have stepped into some sort of alternate reality where up is green, foot is west, and Joe Silva apparently never existed. So maybe I should just take the confounding news that current Bellator heavyweight champion and undefeated powerhouse Cole Konrad is retiring from MMA to obtain a position as a financial trader specializing in milk products as sign that my suspicions are correct. Seriously, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.

MMAJunkie has the scoop:

The Twincities.com report said Konrad, 28, is leaving fighting to become a financial trader at a Minnesota-based firm that supplies ingredients to the feed, pet food, food processing and chemical industries. Konrad will specialize in trading milk products. 

Plans to find a new champion are unclear at the moment. The news first was reported byTwincities.com and subsequently confirmed to MMAjunkie.com (www.mmajunkie.com) by a source close to the promotion. 

Of all the reasons for retirement we have heard MMA fighters give…this is a new one.

The Jose Canseco have the big lady boobs and the lil mouse balls.

There’s something to be said about a drug addict who chooses to make money by exploiting his struggles with addiction, all while enabling the addictions of other people. I’m not sure if there are proper words for it, but utterly tragic, pathetic and thoroughly reprehensible are probably good places to start. Case in point: Jose Canseco, who has been dangerously addicted to anabolic steroids in the past (and possibly still is), now dedicates his time to encouraging both current and potential steroid users through a series of videos on Steroid.com. If you’re surprised by any of this, I envy your ignorance.

Oh, and he makes his glorious man boobies dance. Did I mention that part yet? Because that happens.

Back to business though. This week, Canseco touches on the topic of which steroids are “the most awesome steroids,” which obviously are the ones that make your tits bounce, n00b. Naturally, Canseco addresses former teammates who decided not to use steroids in the unfortunately typical words of an addict who refuses to take responsibility for his own actions:

As a baseball player, if you didn’t take steroids you were just a pussy. You were just not part of the team at that time. You weren’t really trying to win. You weren’t doing everything possible to become the best baseball player out there and help your team win. It was like a sacrifice in a way, you really had to do everything possible to help your team win.

“I used to kind of have the opposite problem whenever I’d visit Thailand. Long story.”

And now for something completely different.

It’s 2012, yet I’m about to tell you that Ken Shamrock did something of relevance yesterday. Before you start to guess what he did: Yes, it was actually winning a fight – even though his opponent was just some random tubbaguts. No, it wasn’t a sanctioned MMA fight that he won. And obviously, it was pretty damn embarrassing for everyone involved. Give up yet? Brace yourselves…

Ken Shamrock, while breaking up a fight, got arrested for hitting a woman. His justification for hitting the woman wasn’t so much “She attacked me first, and I was simply defending myself” as it was the rock-solid “Wait, THAT’S a chick? For real? GET OUT!” defense.

Not that I think any of you are surprised by this, but let’s read what TMZ.com wrote about the incident after the jump:

(Nice job, Jason, you’ve gone and gotten yourself fired again, you idiot. Calm down, just calm down…you’ve talked your way out of worse than this, you just gotta think. How to stay relevant, how to stay relevant…OK, it has to be something REALLY out there, you know, something that will totally live up to your zany personality and at the least get you another pilot on MTV…fucking Bisping and his fire extinguishers ruined everything for us…come on, we’ve got to FOCUS!!….Wait…fire extinguishers…….Mayhem, you cheeky bastard, you’ve done it again.) 

Update: Miller’s booking photo is now at the bottom of this post, via TMZ. He looks pretty good, considering.

Well this is surprising.

Just days after urging Dana White to commit suicide, dubbing himself “A warrior for peace and ultimate fighter for justice” and bragging about how he was “happier than I have ever been,” it appears that TUF 14 coach and Bully Beatdown host Jason Miller has been arrested. Again. In a church in Mission Viejo. Naked.

Apparently Miller’s newfound “energy” is fueled by either bath salts or peyote and a touch of the crazy. In either case, we fail to see how this defines putting said energy into “the right things.” Here’s what went down according to TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, the O.C. Sheriff’s Office received a call early this morning from the Mission Hills Church in Mission Viejo about a possible burglary in progress.

When the deputies arrived, we’re told they found the first and second floors covered in white fire extinguisher spray. Cops say the place was also trashed — scattered CDs, books, and broken pictures.

When officers reached the second floor, we’re told they found Miller naked on some couch — totally awake and coherent.  It’s unclear if Miller was under the influence.

A note to all you haters of Michael Bisping: “The Count” doesn’t always prank you, but when he does, it emotionally traumatizes you for life. And Mayhem just got Scott Tenorman’d.

(Well. . . . . . . Is a mugshot really necessary?)

If you Google search the phrase “alpha male back door” the results include things about a jealous monkey attacking a man as well as something about a she-male’s back door. You can thank me later for not linking the Potato Nation to the latter but former #1 contender Chad Mendes, a member of Team Alpha Male, is being sought by Hanford, California authorities after he “allegedly sucker punched a patron in the face and took off running out the back door” according to the Hanford Sentinel.

As many as 40 people were involved in an inebriated fracas (or as I like to call it – a SHITSTORM) at the Lacy Inn Bar. By all accounts, a police officer was on patrol and drove past the business where he/she witnessed two men fighting. When the cop stopped to break up the scuffle, one of the combatants turned their aggression towards the officer. When johnny law called for back-up a multitude of presumably drunken patrons came spilling out of the bar like they were entering a big box electronics store on Black Friday. I thought this shit only happened in old Clint Eastwood movies starring an orangutan.

If a botched call is generally known as a “Mazzagati,” then this referee just earned the Pornstache Lifetime Achievement Award for this epic flub. Passed along to us by none other than KarmaAteMyCat, the above video depicts what may be the worst referee blunder in the history of MMA. Sound impossible? Prepare to have your puny minds blown.

The event was Warrior Nation XFA III. The day was April 20th. In a preliminary 135 lb contest, Justin Kristie made his amateur debut against fellow rookie David Baxter. You can watch most of the first round if you’d like, but we recommend that you skip to the 4:13 mark, where, with ten seconds remaining, Kristie locks in a tight triangle. Baxter either throws some open palm strikes, or in our opinion, appears to tap with five seconds remaining. The ref doesn’t react, a pattern that will become disturbingly apparent in the very near future, so Kristie promptly chokes Baxter the fuck out as the bell sounds.

This is where things take a turn into the truly bizarre.

(Who said “Huuuge bitch!” behind my back?! Who said it?!) 

As anyone who has married friends will tell you, no matter how funny it is to let said friend complain about how terrible/annoying/insufferable their wife is, you are never to make fun of said wife unless given a direct order to do so. Apparently something of this nature went down between Kevin Randleman and Matt Riddle recently, as Randleman recently unleashed nothing short of a deluge of threats aimed at Riddle over Twitter, citing alleged comments Riddle had made to his wife as his reasoning for wanting to “rip a piece off” the TUF 7 alum.

Just check out the anger in the tweets that await you after the jump. A line has clearly been crossed.

(If you must ask, Dana, I believe my hype train was headed in that general direction. Then again, it’s been so long since I’ve seen it…) 

If you’re anything like us, you’ve more than likely spent your weekend drinking either Budweiser or Miller High Life cans in front of your television whilst watching various Olympic events and screaming “America!” on loop until your Canadian or Russian neighbors got jealous and called the police, who in turn tried to claim that you are somehow at fault if you like to watch TV in the nude and can’t afford curtains. And indeed, the Olympics have successfully managed to captivate and connect its viewing audience as it always does, uniting entire communities over a common passion. Except, oddly enough, in the case of this year’s host country, wherein failure apparently opens you up to disturbingly hateful critiques from your own countrymen.

Switching gears, it seems that one thing we can all agree on, regardless of our cultural divisions, is the inherent ridiculousness in the possibility that Brandon Vera could somehow receive a title shot if he is able to defeat Mauricio Rua in impressive fashion, or vice versa. We know we’ve been a little hard on him today – it’s not like it was his decision to overhype a fight by implying title implications only to be reamed out by fans for doing so shortly thereafter, that was Dana White — but on the short list of contenders currently in the Light Heavyweight Division, Vera is just a step above Mostapha al-Turk, whom you may recall is a retired heavyweight who was released from the UFC over two years ago. And he’s fighting Shogun f*cking Rua, aka the man who ended The Machida Era. Arguably twice. 

Spoiler: There is no way in hell that Vera is beating Shogun this Saturday, and we’d be willing to wager a bottle of ipecac on it, if you know what we mean. So in honor of what has been a highly competitive Olympic games thus far, and what will surely be a one sided ass whooping at UFC on FOX 4, here are 10 things, ranked in no particular order, we will more than likely see happen at this year’s Olympics than “The Truth” beating “Shogun” on Saturday.

And yet he STILL hasn’t learned that only tools wear Affliction…

We’re just a few days away from UFC on FOX 4, which will be headlined by arguably the most confusing contender fight in modern UFC history. While most fans can kind of justify Shogun earning a title shot with a victory given his track record (especially if Hendo manages to put away Jones at UFC 151), Brandon Vera remains a gigantic question mark. With his most notable victory being a TKO over heavyweight Frank Mir back in 2006, it’s hardly a surprise that most fans and pundits are completely unable to make sense of this bout even headlining the card, yet alone being for a title shot.

If Brandon Vera attempted to justify all of this through his appearance on “Inside MMA,” he ended up just raising even more questions. Case in point: Vera talked about his training camp leading up to his bout with “Shogun” Rua. Aside from bringing back his Muay Thai coaches and sparring with Alexander Gustafsson, Vera commented that he was ”doing the things he should have been doing since day one.” Specifically, he’s actually caring now about his career. As he told the “Inside MMA” crew:

(In order to cut company expenditures, the UFC recently fired Joe Silva in favor of the new, cost-efficient method of matchmaking seen above.) 

If you are the type of person who is quick to pick up on patterns, you may have noticed that more than a couple of our articles today have featured a headline ending in either the cynical question mark or even the full-on flabbergasted question mark followed by an exclamation point. And indeed, everything from Frank Mir’s temporary descent into the Strikeforce ranks to the idea that a Los Angeles hockey team did something worth writing about has left us nearly speechless. But this one tops them all, Potato Nation.

According to a recent interview that FOX Sports conducted with Dana White, if Mauricio “Shogun” Rua manages to defeat Brandon Vera impressively at UFC on FOX 4, he will have earned a title shot against the very same man that took his title, Jon Jones.

Wait, WHAT?!

Besides the fact that Shogun was, at the risk of receiving even more hate mail than usual, owned by Jones at UFC 128, the man has gone win-loss in his past six fights for Christ’s sake. Can we at least let him collect two wins in a row before we declare him the top contender in the division? And the last we checked, it isn’t 2006 anymore, so how a win over Vera justifies a title shot is simply beyond any measure of sound reasoning that we could possibly offer you. Is this just a ploy by The Baldfather to try and hype the hype-less card that is UFC on FOX 4, or is the UFC’s matchmaking department on a permanent lunch break? As if the Mendes/McKenzie pairing wasn’t odd enough, now this nonsense happens.

And if you think that was the only baffling decision made by the UFC that we’re going to cover in this article, join us after the jump for an equally ridiculous potential matchup at 205 lbs.

(Drunk foul shots are always the toughest foul shots.) 

Well…this is interesting. According to a report by USA Today and in accordance with both Strikeforce and UFC officials, it appears that Daniel Cormier’s first and last Strikeforce title defense against none other than former UFC Heavyweight champion Frank Mir. The fight will go down as the co-main event of the Gilbert Melendez vs. Pat Healy headlined Strikeforce event on September 29th, a decision that will in no way come back and bite them in the ass. Seriously, the co-main event? WHO IS MAKING THESE DECISIONS?! The guy who invented the Candwich?!

[UPDATE] It appears that the fight is now being looked at for an October or November Strikeforce card, likely as the main event. 

Minor rant aside, Dana White informed USA Today that Mir would make for a perfect test for Cormier:

There has been a lot of speculation as to who Cormier would fight next, and this is the fight that makes the most sense. 

The reality is, Cormier is one of the best heavyweights in the world. He just won the grand prix and beat Josh Barnett. He needs to fight opponents of that caliber, and Frank Mir is that guy.

A surprise considering Mir is on the heels of a second round (T)KO loss to Junior Dos Santos? Further proof that the remaining Strikeforce belts aren’t worth the pleather and scrap metal they’re made of? A little bit of both?

Help us decide.

More on this story after the jump.

(Thanks to tufentertainment.net for the fitting logo.)

By Nathan Smith

With the recent announcement that Roy Nelson and Shane Carwin have been named as the coaches for the next installment of The Ultimate Fighter series, the MMA universe immediately launched into a full-blow orgasmic ticker-tape parade complete with tons of flying confetti and a marching band belting out death metal tunes. Once I heard the news, it was as if my life instantaneously turned into a beer commercial and the entire Potato Nation was invited. There was a rad pool-party, barbeque, a plethora of hotties, endless alcohol, and an overall quest for fun.

Well . . . . . actually, none of that happened. In fact, when word spread that Nelson and Carwin would helm the next season of TUF, it was officially filed under “WTF?” Judging from the comment section, most of the CP brethren didn’t care for the choices either. TUF is coming off a season that saw the ratings dip lower than they ever had, which could partially be blamed on the move to FX and the dreaded Friday night time slot. Regardless of the variables for the ratings drop, something drastic needs to be done, but is anybody really convinced that Carwin and Nelson are the answer to TUF’s slow and painful demise? Let’s start from the beginning and take a look back to see if this runaway train can be coaxed back onto the main rail.

The Season That Started it All 

The inaugural season of TUF featured future Hall of Famers Chuck Liddell and Randy Couture as the competing coaches who would go mano y mano at the PPV after the season finale. For fans of the UFC, that was good enough for most to initially tune in for the Fertitta-funded experiment. It still remains the best crop of young talent and personalities to ever grace the show; future stars like Forrest Griffin, Stephan Bonnar, Josh Koscheck, Chris Leben, Diego Sanchez, Mike Swick, Kenny Florian, and Nate Quarry were all complete unknowns vying for stardom in a fledgling sport. You mix in the whole “fatherless bastard” angle and the show was off and running even before the awe-inspiring climax between (pre TRT) FoGrif and The American Psycho. Even before that, we were treated to the greatest speech of all time that has since been condensed into a few words. “Do you wanna be a fighter?” Though there were other memorable moments from the seasons that followed, Zuffa should have quit while they were ahead because it would never be this good again. The unrefined personification of immature talent, undeniable aspirations and gonzo-sized balls oozed from the boob tube during every episode.

‘Oh Africa Brave Africa’. It was… a laugh riot.

By George Shunick

Famed boxing trainer Freddie Roach recently appeared on MMAJunkie.com Radio, and he delivered the goods. Sure, he touched on Amir Kahn’s upcoming fight, Pacquiao, and certain MMA fighters, but none of that matters. Freddie Roach almost ate a man’s eye in a street fight. Not only did he do this, but he talks about it with the gleeful amusement more befitting a child recalling his favorite prank than a grown man describing how he used his teeth to transform another human being into an unwilling cyclops.

The conversation begins with Roach discussing Amir Khan’s fight against Danny Garcia, but quickly veers into MMA. At one point, Roach claims that one of the reasons that boxing has fallen behind MMA in terms of pay-per-view numbers is that “[boxing has] promoters that don’t like each other, and they bring their personal life into boxing.” Fortunately, MMA hasn’t had to suffer overly emotional promoters who hold grudges, so it’s still in good shape. Then Roach hits on a number of topics, including…

(You have no idea how right you are.) 

What in the name of Science is this bullshit? Fresh off a victory over Marcus LeVesseur at UFC on FUEL 3, it has been announced that the inventor of the deadliest guillotine choke known to man, TUF 12 veteran Cody McKenzie, will be making his featherweight debut at UFC 148, which transpires from the MGM Grand Garden Casino in Las Vegas on July 7th. Welcoming him to 145 lbs will be…Chad Mendes? Didn’t he just fight JOSE F’ING ALDO FOR THE F’ING TITLE?! Did McKenzie piss off Dana White, or is this Karma’s way of punishing him for making Josh Koscheck look like even more of a clown on the set of TUF 10? If it’s the latter, then Karma is a dick. A high school Letterman jacket wearing, clove cigarette smoking, man ass motorboating dick.

As we all know, McKenzie has won 11 of his 13 professional victories by way of his signature vice-grip like submission, aptly dubbed “The McKenzietine,” which has earned him a spot amongst the greatest one-trick ponies of all time. Mendes, on the other hand, has never been submitted, and is coming off the first blemish of his career, which came via brutal first round knockout to Aldo. Why it was decided that these two should face off is nothing short of baffling.

Props: Supersindo.kr. Picture of Kang in action available after the jump.

I don’t know how to break this to you, so I’ll just be blunt about it: Remember when a victory over Denis Kang actually meant something? Yeah, those days have traveled the same road as Pepsi Jazz. After a disappointing 1-2 run in the UFC, “The Super Korean” has gone 2-3-1, which includes his current three fight losing streak.

And now, the once dominant PRIDE middleweight is competing on this season of Korea’s Dancing with the Stars.

If you’re wondering how the Korean DWtS differs from the American version (you aren’t, but play along), Director Shin Myeong-hoon recently told The Korea Herald that their version “will focus more on dancesport (competitive ballroom dancing), which has its own fan base.”

Granted, I’m not exactly a dance critic. In fact, I didn’t even know competitive ballroom dancing was a thing until that last sentence. But from the looks of this picture from last night’s episode, Denis Kang is about to suffer a loss far less dignified than his recent loss to Jesse Taylor:

Source: @Rampage4real

Looks like Quinton “Rampage” Jackson is back on the energy drinks.

When he took to his Twitter page earlier this week to blast the UFC, many of us assumed he was just venting after a difficult loss to Ryan Bader at UFC 144. Well, Rampage is still venting, except now he’s asking for his release from the UFC. In a bizarre twist to an already strange situation, Rampage blames the UFC for the reason he’s lost his desire to fight. And he implies that the desire to keep fighting will somehow come back to him once he walks away from the biggest stage in MMA.

And if you thought that that was strange, consider his next two tweets, both of which in response to fans’ reactions to his initial announcement:

“Back up, homie: What the hell is ‘Face Book’?”

As MMA fans, we’ve seen our fair share of “WTF” moments. From freak show fights to flashy knockouts to Jon Fitch partying like a rockstar to freaking Jose Canseco, you would think that we’ve seen it all and nothing could surprise us. Yet sometimes a story comes along that is so bizarre that even we are unable to make sense of it.

Houston Alexander returned to the spotlight this weekend. When we last checked in on the former UFC light heavyweight, he was getting his lights turned out by ex-hockey enforcer Steve Bosse. If you thought that was as low as things could get for Alexander, then prepare to flabbergasted.

Here is the latest update on Alexander, courtesy of KMTV News Omaha, via MiddleEasy:

Video streaming by Ustream
Aside from Upstream, props to Ironforgesiron.com

Truly great works of art often take multiple views to fully understand, and a few more to fully appreciate. In that way, this video is kind of like a forgotten masterpiece. Except that it’s absolutely nothing like art in any way, shape or form, and more like an argument I don’t fully understand.

From what I’ve managed to gather, Rampage Jackson isn’t the only light heavyweight in the UFC with snitching issues. Rashad Evans was apparently the only person on Earth to know about “fuckin’ Melissa”, and now people are butt hurt that everyone knows. For what it’s worth, my totally uninformed opinion is leading me to believe that Rashad is as guilty as former Executive Vice President of MusclePharm Leonard Amenta was (i.e. not at all). Come on, you tell only one person about Melissa and chose to pick Rashad Evans? But I digress. There’s a much needed break in the action at the 1:13 mark before the argument resumes at the 3:20 mark.

We blame ourselves.

Well holy shit. Word came out today that Nate Marquardt was having a bad day: he’d failed his medical clearances for his main event fight against Rick Story at tomorrow night’s UFC For Free (or whatever they’re calling it now). There weren’t a lot of details, but his management said it “only temporary” and that “Nate’s future is at welterweight.”

Marquardt’s day turned significantly worse just an hour later, when Dana Tweeted a terse video confirming that Marquardt was donezo:

“I’m sure you heard that Nate Marquardt is out. It’s true. He failed his medicals. Not only is he out of this fight, and out of the main event on Versus, he will no longer be with the UFC.”

WOW. We’re not ones to speculate, but it’s pretty obvious that BigDaddyWhite is pissed, like he’s holding the fighter responsible for some misdeed.

Oh and by the way, Marquardt will be replaced by Charlie Brenneman, who had originally been slated to fight TJ Grant. Grant pulled out of the bout three days ago due to illness, leaving Brenneman without a dance partner.

Feel free to let your imaginations run wild in the comments, and we’ll update you as soon as we hear something from Marquardt.

[RX]

(VidProps: YouTube/PellegrinoMMA)

Not to pull back the curtain too much, Nation, but there’s been a lot of talk behind the scenes lately about CP branching out into a new webshow.  Well, consider the open casting call for hosts officially closed now that we’ve seen Kenny Florian and Kurt Pellegrino doing … whatever it is they’re doing here. All we know is that Pellegrino looks pretty snazzy in that suit jacket (not to mention that finely coiffed hair) and Florian’s vamping alter-ego is approximately 100 times more entertaining than the average MMA fighter’s real personality. We assume that when Chael Sonnen said fighters spend a few hours a day working out and have the rest of their lives to choose between screwing around and positively contributing to society committing crimes, this is what he meant. Personally, we’ll take screwing around. You had us at “Don’t talk back to me,” KenFlo.