WWE

(Anybody who wants a leading role so bad they'll take absolutely anything offered to them, raise your hand.)

Remember how we were just talking about the prevalence of both MMA fighters and MMA itself in films, as if it were nothing but a good thing?  We would now like to amend that position.  Our friends at Screen Junkies informed us that the movie barons within the WWE are making a movie about MMA starring their very own Big Show, who will be playing “a slow-witted lifelong orphan” who turns to MMA to raise $50,000 to save the church orphanage that he accidentally burned down.  It is at this point that you are most likely saying to yourself, ‘You friggin’ kidding me over here?’  To which we sadly answer, 'Yo, would we kid you about something like this?'

The WWE has a complicated relationship with mixed martial arts.  They vacillate between insisting it has nothing to do with their business, trying to mimic it, and taking credit for its success, sometimes all within a matter of weeks.  That they are now making a movie featuring it means that they acknowledge its cultural appeal, but that the movie is about a big, dumb guy who travels to an MMA tournament, presumably having zany adventures and indulging in physical comedy along the way, means they aren’t exactly trying to make the MMA version of “Rocky” with this thing.  I just don't know if I can sneak a big enough bottle of vodka into the theater to make it watchable.

Okay, so it's not MMA-related, per se, but for those of us who grew up on the WWF — or in the 1980s in general — it's a sad day indeed. Legendary pro-wrestling performer/manager Captain Lou Albano (born Louis Vincent Albano) died today in Mount Vernon, New York, at the age of 76; he had been in hospice care for several weeks, battling an undisclosed illness.

Albano was best known for his work with the WWF/WWE from 1983-1996, where he appeared as a Hawaiian-shirt wearing loudmouth with rubber-bands dangling from his trademark facial piercings, and managed a laundry list of pro wrestling stars. His crossover stardom hit a peak in the mid-80s when he forged a co-promotional partnership with pop star Cyndi Lauper, appearing in four of her music videos. (Our personal favorite is the extended clip for "Goonies 'R' Good Enough," shown above, which also featured over-the-top cameos by Roddy Piper, the Iron Sheik, Freddie Blassie, and Andre the Giant.) Later, Albano parlayed his fame into acting roles, and released an autobiography titled Often Imitated, Never Duplicated. Rest in peace, wildman...

(Okay, but just so you know, shooting out jets of sparks from your arms is currently prohibited under the unified rules. Photo courtesy of faniq.com.)

I guess Bobby Lashley is serious about this cage-fighting stuff after all. MMA Mania reports that the former WWE star has signed with Canada's Maximum Fighting Championship promotion, and will appear at their "Hard Knocks" event (May 15th, Edmonton) a month before he collides with Bob Sapp in Biloxi. Lash will be taking on Mike Cook, a Frank Shamrock-trained heavyweight who's either 6-3 or 5-5, depending on who you ask. Will Cook further expose Lashley as a work-in-progress, or will Lashley redeem himself after his unsatisfying performance against Jason Guida? "Hard Knocks" will be broadcast live in North America on HDNet, and will feature UFC vets Marvin Eastman, David Heath, and Trevor Prangley.

MMA Mania also reveals that the June 27th Lashley vs. Sapp pay-per-view event has been given the official name of "Unarmed Combat." Din Thomas is expected to be on the card (along with Tom Atencio), and Lashley's fight nickname is now "The Dominator." Yawn. Come on guys, I think we can do better than that...

We're fully aware that it's the game which should be hated, rather than the player, but this is getting ridiculous. So, Dean Lister used to be dating this girl. The general consensus was something along the lines of "maybe she's too attractive to be with a goon-faced man who's gone 5-5 in his last 10." Now we get news (and photo proof) from CagePotato reader Jerry V. that the Boogeyman's latest conquest is not only hot, but kind of famous as well.

Closet WWE fans might know the above woman as Milena Roucka, who goes by the WWE Diva stage name Rosa Mendes. There really isn't much more to say besides "how does this keep happening?" It's Dean Lister, for crying out loud. Is his game really that tight? TEACH US, BOOGEYMAN.

(This must be what Bizarro World Ross Clifton looks like.)

Forget about the Ken Shamrock-Tank Abbott bout that you’ve been positively salivating over, because Bloody Elbow says Shamrock will get beaten up by former pro wrestler Bobby Lashley at Roy Jones Jr.’s “March Badness” event in Pensacola, Florida first.  Looks like you'll have to wait a little longer for your dream fight, MMA fan who is stuck in 1996.

Lashley has only one pro fight so far, which might be reason enough for Shamrock -- who is still riding high after his victory over morbidly obese tomato can Ross Clifton -- to think he has a chance.

But does he really have a shot?  Of course not.  Lashley may be a newcomer to MMA, but he was a national wrestling champion in college.  In addition to that, he’s also a superb athlete and is not really old, slow, and suffering visible effects from years of beatings.  In other words, he has several crucial advantages over Shamrock.