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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

Tag: WWE videos

Brock Lesnar Re-Signs With the WWE, Immediately F-5′s Vince McMahon [BECAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO]


(“Brock, I want to trust you, I really do. But I’ve seen The Jeffersons before and I’m pretty sure this isn’t how you fix my bad back.”)

I might not follow professional wrestling anymore, but I’ve started to notice a pattern of sorts in regards to Brock Lesnar’s relationship with the WWE, which has to be the easiest job that anyone could ever ask for. Seriously, Lesnar shows up once every year or so, says less than a sentence, F-5′s whoever the hell is standing across the ring from him, and then stands menacingly over the victim’s body until they cut to commercial. He’s like the Mongo of the WWE, only instead of punching horses, Lesnar takes out his frustrations on genetically-enhanced geriatrics like Vince McMahon, who the announcers hilariously reminded us was in fact a grandfather while Lesnar was tossing him through the air like a bag of garbage during last night’s Monday Night Raw as the dude from Hardcore Pawn stared on in horror. Pretty sweet gig if you ask me.

We probably should’ve seen something like this coming when it was reported that Lesnar had signed a two year extension with the wrestling promotion, but the exact same routine, down to the sleeveless black tee and breakaway pants? Methinks the WWE is running out of ideas. I mean, they could’ve at least gone the Shooter route and had Lesnar show up sporting some camo pants and an unkempt beard before declaring that McMahon had double-crossed/left him for dead at last year’s SummerSlam. Seriously, Vince, if you’re looking for a writer with a penchant for abortion jokes and hyperbole, I’m your guy.

Video after the jump.

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[VIDEO] Brock Lesnar Claims That He is “Never Coming Back” to the WWE


(How many times do I have to tell you people this? I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!) 

My grandfather always told me “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear,” a statement that would in turn lead to a lifetime’s worth of cynicism. So perhaps it’s just my general misanthropy rearing its ugly head, but when former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar released a video last night declaring that he was “never coming back” to the WWE, I was a bit skeptical. After all, Lesnar just returned to the promotion in April, and I may not follow the WWE anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Vince McMahon doesn’t hand out many five month contracts. For Christ’s sake, isn’t Ric Flair’s decomposing corpse still fighting for a retirement check that will never come?

Anyway, Lesnar released the video that awaits you after the jump, stating:

I came here and I accomplished everything that I said I was going to do. There’s nothing left for me here to conquer. I’m leaving the WWE and I’m never coming back.

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Brock Lesnar Gets Clotheslined Out of the Ring on 1,000th Episode of WWE Raw [VIDEO]


(Props: WWEFanNation)

After some awful soap opera bullshit involving Paul Heyman and Triple H, former cage-fighter Brock Lesnar showed up on the historic 1,000th episode of WWE Raw last night to save his manager from getting slapped to death by Stephanie McMahon. Though his last run-in with Triple H ended in a Submission of the Night performance, Brock got the short end of the script this time, and was clotheslined directly out of the ring. (Perfect execution on that fall, by the way. The man’s still got it.)

Plus, the Undertaker and Kane reunited, and Fozzie Bear showed up. Hardcore, bro.

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Brock Lesnar Breaks Triple H’s Arm With a Kimura [Not Really] [VIDEO]


(Props: MMAMania)

Brock Lesnar‘s latest Monday Night Raw appearance ended in a brawl with Triple H and a kimura that appeared to snap the WWE COO‘s arm. (Don’t worry guys, I think some of this wrestling stuff is fake.) Lesnar also used a kimura in his “Extreme Rules” match against John Cena on Sunday night — which was set up to look like a legit MMA bout, right down to the gash on Cena’s head — but wound up losing via pin. You can watch highlights from that wild performance after the jump.

Wrestling ripping off MMA, MMA ripping off wrestling…can’t we all just admit that we love each other?

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