(Look, Roy, we’re all big Harry Potter fans, but this Rubeus Hagrid obsession of yours is going a little far.) 

Like that of current light heavyweight champ Jon Jones, former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar seems to be the subject of much debate amongst the MMA community. Not only was his heart called into question following his UFC 141 loss to Alistair Overeem, but in light of recent events, even the legitimacy of his title reign has seemingly been written off by some fans of the sport and wiped from the collective memories of others. Meanwhile, the hardcore conspiracy theorists claim that Lesnar’s run was nothing more than a genius ploy by Vince McMahon to boost Lesnar’s popularity before looping him back into the WWE. He’s a polarizing figure to say the least.

And when questions began to arise about the possibility of Lesnar becoming a future inductee into the UFC Hall of Fame, some of us nearly blew a fucking gasket. Among those detractors was that of Roy “Big Country” Nelson, who is scheduled to face Dave Herman on tomorrow night’s main card. A professional fighter for over seven years, Nelson was none too happy to hear all of this blasphemy, and when interviewed by Ariel Helwani, let his feelings be known about Lesnar’s chances:

You know what? If Brock belongs in the hall of fame, so do I. It’s not that hard to win the title when it’s set up that way for you. Pretty much [a silver platter]. After Dave Herman, I guess I get a title shot. Interim! Because someone’s gonna get hurt.

It’s pretty hard to deny the truth in Nelson’s words. Yes, Lesnar did win a title (and defend it), and all Nelson has done lately is get his face smashed in spectacular/gruesome fashion, but the fact that Lesnar got a shot after going 1-1 is pretty…you know what, we’ve already discussed this. I’m not going to retread any old ground.

Anyway, join us after the jump for Nelson’s full interview with Helwani, in which he also discusses his diet (of course), returning to his Kung-Fu roots, as well as his (and every fighters) gripes with his pay rate.

(From last night’s edition of WWE Raw. / Props: ReyWWETVWeekly via MMAMania)

Brock Lesnar‘s beef with John Cena continues in the land of make-believe, and well, sometimes these things happen in professional wrestling. I promise we won’t force you to watch this stuff each week, but it’s interesting how Brock’s UFC fighting style is now influencing his performances in the wrestling ring. Previously in the clip (around the 1:42 mark), Lesnar thanks John Laurinaitis “for having the wisdom to bring legitimacy back to the WWE.” Any wrestling fans out there care to agree or disagree with that statement?

By Jason Moles

After the most difficult two-and-a half minutes of his professional MMA career, it was all over for Brock Lesnar. Not just the savage abuse he was taking from Strikeforce/K-1 champion Alistair Overeem, not just his attempted comeback in the sport he took by storm, but his time in MMA altogether. ”I’ve had a really difficult couple of years with my disease, and I’m going to officially say tonight was the last time you’ll see me in the Octagon,” Lesnar said during his post-fight retirement speech at UFC 141.

It’s only fitting that Lesnar’s run in the UFC end as quickly and unexpectedly as it began. The former NCAA Division I wrestling champion was never really ours when you think about it — MMA merely borrowed Lesnar, and we should consider ourselves fortunate that he briefly lent his personality and ferocious physicality to our sport. As he said his final good-byes to the Las Vegas crowd, the beardless viking looked relieved to see the Octagon in his rear-view mirror.

Shortly after waiving off the fight, Mario Yamasaki raised the arm of the new #1 contender, Alistair Overeem. The former PRIDE fighter had everything going for him. He dodged a fatal bullet from the NSAC, was making bank in the UFC, and had just defeated a man most people considered a Top 5 contender in the heavyweight division – finally proving to the world that he can indeed hang with the best. On top of all that, he had just been announced as the next challenger for Junior Dos Santos’ championship title. The only way it could have been better is if the mayor had given him a key to the city and held a parade in his honor. If Overeem only knew the fate that would befall him over the course of the next three months, his smile might not have been as big that December night inside the MGM Grand.

(BROCK CARES NOT FOR JORTS.)

Brock Lesnar‘s rumored return to professional wrestling became terrifyingly real last night on WWE Raw. After a long-winded, jeer-drawing monologue from John Cena — who had just lost a match to The Rock in Wrestlemania 28′s main event the night before — Lesnar interrupted the proceedings by stalking into the arena. Pants were shat.

It was as if Lesnar’s previous four years fighting in the UFC, which included two years as the promotion’s heavyweight champion, was all a dream. The WWE fans in attendance at Miami’s American Airlines Arena welcomed Brock like he’d never left, and the Next Big Thing clearly hadn’t lost an ounce of his old swagger. Lesnar entered the ring, and without a whole lot of preamble, picked up Cena, spun him to the mat with his trademark F-5, then soccer-kicked Cena’s stupid little hat.

The video is after the jump. Discuss.

(Has Lesnar decided to return to the quiet and dignified life of professional wrestling?)

Earlier this weekend there were rumors that former UFC heavyweight champion — and before that, former WWE champion — Brock Lesnar had signed a new deal with the WWE and would be making an appearance at their annual pay-per-view centerpiece WrestleMania yesterday. Lesnar never actually showed up on the broadcast, and the rumors of his re-signing with the WWE are still just that, but they come from about as reliable a rumor-mill as there is in the business, Dave Meltzer’s Wrestling Observer (via MMAMania):

“Brock Lesnar has arrived in Miami and arrived with security and a large group of people shielding him from everyone. This is the going story, but not confirmed, that Lesnar has signed a one year deal and will work a more than Undertaker and less than Goldberg type of schedule.”

What they mean is that Lesnar would not be driving all over the country in a rental car five days a week, working show after show like most people on the WWE roster. That’s good, since Lesnar first left the WWE because he didn’t want to have to maintain the brutal grind of a pro wrestler’s life, no matter how well it paid.

(Props: PopCandiesTv via MMAMania)

UFC President Dana White was recently accosted by fame parasites outside of Agency nightclub in Hollywood, and was drunk kind enough to grant a brief interview. Here’s what we learned

- Tiki Ghosn is everywhere, man. Everywhere.

- Brock Lesnar is free to go back to the WE. Or the WWE, if that’s what it’s called.

- When Dana White is drunk, it kind of affects his hearing. But to answer your question, Jon Jones might be the baddest dude on earth.

- DW doesn’t do New Year’s resolutions, although he does have some advice for the kids: “Don’t get drunk. Don’t drink Red Bull. Don’t stay out too late. Don’t do stupid interviews when you’re drinkin’. That should be your nous’re…yeah, you know what I’m sayin’.”

After the jump, another PopCandies video from earlier the same night, in which a relatively sober Dana gets props from a classy older woman, reminds everybody that Fedor sucks, and denies that his bodyguard is his bodyguard.

I did it at least nine times. How else would I inherit his empire?

By Jason Moles

Last week MMA Fighting reported that Paul Levesque, better known as Triple H, real life son-in-law of WWE Chairman and CEO Vince McMahon, said he thought the UFC should evolve like the pro wrestling juggernaut has, “because quite frankly sometimes the fights are long and boring, guys lying around and sometimes the fights are fast and over in five seconds.”

Is “The Game” right? Does it matter? Before we pass judgment on his comments, let’s take a quick look at a few specific examples he gave for his opinion, then weigh the pros and cons of leaning too far towards Entertainment or Winning.

(Rear-naked-choke to the ankle: If done right, no can defend.)

Kurt Angle appeared on a recent episode of MMAWeekly Radio and dropped a bombshell that he was very close to coming to terms with the UFC recently.

A former Olympic gold medalist in wrestling, Angle says that appearing in the soon-to-be-relesed MMA movie, “Warrior” re-stoked his fire to compete in MMA. Following his last appearance in the Olympics, Angle chose pro wrestling over MMA and has hinted ever since that he would try his hand at the sport one day.

“I actually contacted Dana White again after the movie. I flew out to meet him once and got a great offer. I contacted him again, I was thinking about dropping out of [TNA] Impact Wrestling, and there were some personal problems with my marriage and I just wanted to get away,” he explained. “I contacted Dana White, I flew out, and he had me take the UFC physical. I passed it, thank God, and he gave me the offer.”

By Jason Moles

Man, they sure are lowering the bar these days. According to TMZ, Dave Bautista (aka former WWE professional wrestler “Batista“) and renowned MMA trainer Cesar Gracie have created a new tag team, and will be opening a Gracie Fighter Jiu Jitsu franchise in Tampa. Though the gym is currently only open to “close martial artist friends,” it will be opened to the public next week; you can see a couple photos of the joint here.

The last we heard about Bautista’s MMA career is that it was dead thanks to the UFC acquiring Strikeforce. I’m not sure if I’m more surprised that Bautista can’t stop pretending he’s a real fighter or that Cesar is whoring out the Gracie family name like that. I hope his cousin Renzo gives him a good talking to about this whole ordeal.

For part one of our conversation with Brock Lesnar, click here.

BRIAN D’SOUZA: There’s your stage persona, and there’s your own job and family. I understand you didn’t want the media to cut into time when you’re having dinner with your family.
BROCK LESNAR: I really don’t know anybody that does. My time with family is very important to me and in today’s age with the cell phone and the internet, there’s not a lot of privacy left in this world and everybody knows what everyone is doing at any given time and I don’t really care if anyone knows what I’m doing at any given time.

Moving on to your wrestling career, you talk about not having watched — what is it — five minutes of wrestling before you came to professional wrestling. Is that true?
That is true.

So what sports were you drawn to view, to watch, growing up?
Well growing up, we had 2 ½ TV channels that sometimes worked, and sometimes didn’t. And in the summertime, I very rarely watched any television because we were working. I was outside. To me, if I’m inside, I don’t feel natural. My sons are the same way — they’d rather be outside doing something and I think that that’s a big problem in today’s society where kids are in front of the computer, the television and the [video] game boxes; they don’t get to go outside and experience communication, and nature, and get out and be creative and entertain yourself, and not having to be entertained by technology.

By Cage Potato contributor Jason Moles
(“Read my lips: ‘TNA WRESTLING F*CKING SUCKS!’”)

Recently the MMA community witnessed another watershed moment as Dana White announced that Zuffa, parent company of the Ultimate Fighting Championship, had once again purchased the competition. This time the victim was San Jose based Strikeforce. Whether or not we look back upon favorably in the future depends on how the suits handle the situation. If history is any indicator, and it is, and I can compare a legitimate sport in MMA to a male soap opera in professional wrestling, and I can, then there is nothing to fear. Yo Dana, I know you’re reading so sit down and take some notes, class is about to begin.

(So, who wants to be the first one to tell her the name “The Honky Tonk Man” is already taken? Pic: ESPN)

Our amigos at Tatame dropped an under-the-radar, single paragraph report on us yesterday afternoon alleging that current Strikeforce women’s middleweight champion Cris “Cyborg” Santos is currently in talks with – oh, God, no — World Wrestling Entertainment. The website cites the ever-present “sources close to the fighter” saying that Santos is negotiating with the professional wrestling company and indicated that she’s joined a seemingly growing chorus of fighters disgruntled that the Strikeforce isn’t giving them enough fights.

“Without fighting since June of 2010, Cyborg is getting tired of the lack of fights in the MMA organization,” the website writes. “This proposal would change her future in fighting – and get bigger paychecks.”

Tatame reports that both Mr. and Mrs. Cyborg attended a WWE event in California two weeks ago and the rasslin’ company offered her a contract on the spot. If true, this news means the world of pro wrestling is essentially planning to acquire one of MMA’s top up and coming stars, while trading us one of it’s biggest malcontents, since MMA Weekly reports Dave Bautista could debut for BAMMA in England in May. Yeah, just another enormous dude, another conspicuously overseas MMA appearance. Anyway, we digress, more on the Cyborg situation after the jump.

(“…and there is nothing naked about a rear-naked choke.”)

Having Frank Shamrock represent MMA in trying to convince the New York State Senate to legalize MMA is like having George W. Bush represent the human race in trying to convince aliens that the human race is an intelligent species.

Leave it to the most self-aggrandizing fighter in the sport, though, to jump in where his help isn’t needed. The former fighter, who dubbed himself “The Legend,” is working on a new reality show called “Ungloved,” that follows him as he lobbies for MMA legalization in the hold-out state. While filming in New York during the legalization rally and Strikeforce fan event on Tuesday, Shamrock visited the state legislature to try to convince them to legalize the sport.

Not surprisingly, the cocky Strikeforce commentator who created an anti-bullying organization in response to how he felt when UFC president Dana White publicly criticized him, went into the meetings with lawmakers unprepared, telling reporters that he did no homework or research about the stances of those in opposition like Assemblyman Bob Reilly.

(Now smile and tell everyone I’m the TUF coach and that it was an easy decision to make.)

By Cage Potato contributor Jason Moles

The second Dana White announced that Brock Lesnar would be taking the reins of one of next season’s The Ultimate Fighter teams, it seems that everyone with a keyboard immediately began furiously typing out their manifestos explaining why, in their "professional opinion" the  former UFC heavyweight champ will suck as a coach.

Well, not everyone agrees with the popular assertion that the ironically seemingly reluctant UFC star who owned the camera while cashing paychecks from the WWE will sink the TUF ship.

We may not necessarily agree with White’s opinion that anyone who thinks it’s possible that Brock might not deliver as a coach is basically a stupid f*cking idiot, as he so eloquently inferred MMAFighting’s Ariel Helwani was for asking about the plausibility during a press conference last week, but we are part of the minority who think it may not be so bad.

Check out contributor Jason Moles’ breakdown of why Brock will do TUF some good after the jump.

(For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who do not, no explanation will do. PicProps: CombatLifestyle)

As it stands, the Potato has what you might call in the parlance of the fight game a “verbal agreement” in place to have Shonie Carter on an upcoming episode of The Bum Rush. So far it’s just been a matter of getting our schedules to mesh. When it happens and we get Mr. International live on the air you can damn sure bet we’re going to get to the bottom of this little tidbit: Recently retired, it now appears that Carter wants to take his singular talents to the world of professional wrestling. At least that’s what he told Old Dad on Wednesday in an interview over on MMA Fighting.

"I want to go to the WWE … ," Carter says. "I’m coming to acknowledge the midlife crisis that a lot of guys go through where they get a Corvette and a hot blonde girlfriend with big boobs. I’ve just decided to do the WWE. Overtime, that will be my name. Overtime, because I work hard. I put that hard hat on, I bring a lunchbox, and I punch in. If you get in that ring with me, you better punch in too, because you’re going to be working overtime."

Phew, midlife crisis averted. Still, we can’t help but wonder: Wouldn’t it be possible for Shonie to go to WWE and get the hot blonde girlfriend with big boobs? Just sayin.

(Does this look like the face of a man who is pumped for Wrestlemania? PicProps: BloodyElbow)

Right on schedule, the Internets are in full-on meltdown mode this Monday morning concerning all things Brock Lesnar. Lesnar fans who talked him up as an unstoppable juggernaut as late as Friday afternoon are now backtracking, suddenly focusing more on his inexperience than his otherworldly physical prowess. Cain Velasquez supporters are getting their gloat on, as well they should, after Velasquez put a king sized beating on Lesnar at UFC 121. We blogging scumbags are attacking the former champ’s striking skills, his game plan and his training camp. Many of us are wondering aloud about Lesnar’s future in the sport, how he’ll rebound from this and what in the bejeezus is going to happen to our precious heavyweight rankings now.

For his part, UFC President Dana White is insinuating that the whitetail deer population of southwestern Minnesota might be a bit inflated come spring, since he believes Lesnar will cancel much of his planned time off in order to get back in the gym and back in the Octagon ASAP. Then there’s this goddamned Undertaker thing, which is threatening to take on a life of its own.

(We’ll always remember the good times we shared. PicProps: Esther Lin/Strikeforce)

Wrestling-and-MMA news guru Dave Meltzer reports this week that wrestling-and-MMA pariah Bobby Lashley is currently mired in contract limbo with Strikeforce. If you want to read Meltzer’s full report, we insist you sign up for a subscription (c’mon, Meltzer seems like a good guy), although the gist is this: Lashley’s contract with Strikeforce has reportedly “expired,” but it still requires a period of “exclusive negotiation” with Scott Coker and his crew. That means the former WWE champ can’t talk directly with any other MMA promotions right now and even after that particular contract stipulation lapses, Strikeforce will have the option of matching offers from other organizations.

However, Lashley’s contract doesn’t prohibit him from negotiating with professional wrestling companies, so if he were inclined to segue back into a world where baby-oiled-fake-bakers routinely slice their own faces open with razorblades, the iron is about as hot as it’s gonna get. In fact, things don’t get really interesting until you read what both Meltzer and SBNation are saying about Lashley’s relationship with Strikeforce right now …

(Video courtesy YouTube/218DeShawn)
If you pay attention to the small details in life, chances are you noticed the clip at the end of last night’s premiere of The Ultimate Fighter 12 that showed a brief glimpse of Josh Koscheck being his endearing self as he appears to grab a Team St-Pierre member by the throat before a scuffle ensues.

Middleeasy made a slowed-down gif of the video above and it turns out that the dude Kos rape chokes is either a somewhat rotund crew member or a random guy who wandered in off the street wearing a TapouT shirt in GSP’s team colors. Whatever the case is, it’s likely just another instance of a set-up scenario or creative editing to make JK look like the bad guy. It all seems very "WWE" to me. He nearly crack a smile as he confront the Biz Markie lookalike who likely hasn’t been a lightweight since junior high.

Check it out after the jump and judge for yourself whether or not the fracas seems staged.

(Video courtesy HDNet)

Well, it looks like Strikeforce may finally officially jump the shark if Bobby Lashley gets his way.

The former WWE star will make a guest appearance on Inside MMA as part of Ron Kruck’s "Kruck’s Corner" segment to talk about his desire to fight Fedor Emelianenko in his next bout and explain that he feels that promoters are responsible for his lack of quality opponents he has been matched up with thus far in his young 5-0 MMA career.

(Video courtesy TMZ)

According to former WWE heavyweight champion, Dave Batista, he has signed a contract with Strikeforce and his opponent and the date of his debut should be announced shortly.

In the above interview with TMZ, the retired pro wrestler answered the interviewer’s query of "So are you going on to the UFC or what? What’s going on with that?" with a word, "Strikeforce." When questioned further about who he will face in his debut for the promotion, the 41-year-old replied,"You’ll see. I know, but I’m not telling you."

(Anybody who wants a leading role so bad they’ll take absolutely anything offered to them, raise your hand.)

Remember how we were just talking about the prevalence of both MMA fighters and MMA itself in films, as if it were nothing but a good thing?  We would now like to amend that position.  Our friends at Screen Junkies informed us that the movie barons within the WWE are making a movie about MMA starring their very own Big Show, who will be playing “a slow-witted lifelong orphan” who turns to MMA to raise $50,000 to save the church orphanage that he accidentally burned down.  It is at this point that you are most likely saying to yourself, ‘You friggin’ kidding me over here?’  To which we sadly answer, ‘Yo, would we kid you about something like this?’

The WWE has a complicated relationship with mixed martial arts.  They vacillate between insisting it has nothing to do with their business, trying to mimic it, and taking credit for its success, sometimes all within a matter of weeks.  That they are now making a movie featuring it means that they acknowledge its cultural appeal, but that the movie is about a big, dumb guy who travels to an MMA tournament, presumably having zany adventures and indulging in physical comedy along the way, means they aren’t exactly trying to make the MMA version of “Rocky” with this thing.  I just don’t know if I can sneak a big enough bottle of vodka into the theater to make it watchable.

Okay, so it’s not MMA-related, per se, but for those of us who grew up on the WWF — or in the 1980s in general — it’s a sad day indeed. Legendary pro-wrestling performer/manager Captain Lou Albano (born Louis Vincent Albano) died today in Mount Vernon, New York, at the age of 76; he had been in hospice care for several weeks, battling an undisclosed illness.

Albano was best known for his work with the WWF/WWE from 1983-1996, where he appeared as a Hawaiian-shirt wearing loudmouth with rubber-bands dangling from his trademark facial piercings, and managed a laundry list of pro wrestling stars. His crossover stardom hit a peak in the mid-80s when he forged a co-promotional partnership with pop star Cyndi Lauper, appearing in four of her music videos. (Our personal favorite is the extended clip for "Goonies ‘R’ Good Enough," shown above, which also featured over-the-top cameos by Roddy Piper, the Iron Sheik, Freddie Blassie, and Andre the Giant.) Later, Albano parlayed his fame into acting roles, and released an autobiography titled Often Imitated, Never Duplicated. Rest in peace, wildman…

(Okay, but just so you know, shooting out jets of sparks from your arms is currently prohibited under the unified rules. Photo courtesy of faniq.com.)

I guess Bobby Lashley is serious about this cage-fighting stuff after all. MMA Mania reports that the former WWE star has signed with Canada’s Maximum Fighting Championship promotion, and will appear at their "Hard Knocks" event (May 15th, Edmonton) a month before he collides with Bob Sapp in Biloxi. Lash will be taking on Mike Cook, a Frank Shamrock-trained heavyweight who’s either 6-3 or 5-5, depending on who you ask. Will Cook further expose Lashley as a work-in-progress, or will Lashley redeem himself after his unsatisfying performance against Jason Guida? "Hard Knocks" will be broadcast live in North America on HDNet, and will feature UFC vets Marvin Eastman, David Heath, and Trevor Prangley.

MMA Mania also reveals that the June 27th Lashley vs. Sapp pay-per-view event has been given the official name of "Unarmed Combat." Din Thomas is expected to be on the card (along with Tom Atencio), and Lashley’s fight nickname is now "The Dominator." Yawn. Come on guys, I think we can do better than that…

We’re fully aware that it’s the game which should be hated, rather than the player, but this is getting ridiculous. So, Dean Lister used to be dating this girl. The general consensus was something along the lines of "maybe she’s too attractive to be with a goon-faced man who’s gone 5-5 in his last 10." Now we get news (and photo proof) from CagePotato reader Jerry V. that the Boogeyman’s latest conquest is not only hot, but kind of famous as well.

Closet WWE fans might know the above woman as Milena Roucka, who goes by the WWE Diva stage name Rosa Mendes. There really isn’t much more to say besides "how does this keep happening?" It’s Dean Lister, for crying out loud. Is his game really that tight? TEACH US, BOOGEYMAN.

(This must be what Bizarro World Ross Clifton looks like.)

Forget about the Ken Shamrock-Tank Abbott bout that you’ve been positively salivating over, because Bloody Elbow says Shamrock will get beaten up by former pro wrestler Bobby Lashley at Roy Jones Jr.’s “March Badness” event in Pensacola, Florida first.  Looks like you’ll have to wait a little longer for your dream fight, MMA fan who is stuck in 1996.

Lashley has only one pro fight so far, which might be reason enough for Shamrock — who is still riding high after his victory over morbidly obese tomato can Ross Clifton — to think he has a chance.

But does he really have a shot?  Of course not.  Lashley may be a newcomer to MMA, but he was a national wrestling champion in college.  In addition to that, he’s also a superb athlete and is not really old, slow, and suffering visible effects from years of beatings.  In other words, he has several crucial advantages over Shamrock.

(This is quickly turning into the “Weekly Bust Urijah Faber’s Balls Contest.” Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle, obvi.)

Between Brock Lesnar’s heavyweight championship win and Jon Fitch’s temporary firing, we probably had more comments posted on CagePotato this week than any other week in our history. I can’t know that for sure because I’m not going to sit here and count them. But you guys are really starting to chime in with your adorable little opinions, and we definitely appreciate it, so keep ‘em coming. Now the question is, who will be getting CP Hall of Fame t-shirts for going above and beyond? Answer:

Patrick on “WWE Gets Its Gloat On”: A little later on in that very same article, WWE.com writers were quoted as saying “also, most UFC fighters wear baggier fitting shorts and are not allowed to slather their hard, toned bodies with vasoline or baby oil, which makes UFC events far more difficult to masturbate to.”

TB on “Lil Fabie’s First Trip to the Strip Club”: Two and a half men

To be honest, that Urijah Faber post produced so much gold it was hard to choose just one standout. (Pat yourselves on the back OB&I, abenormal, and SB.) As for Patrick and TB, please send your address and size to feedback@cagepotato.com and we’ll get those shirts right out to you.

(Maybe it’s just the camera angle, but Lesnar does appear to have a slight size advantage. Photo courtesy of The Sun.)

From WWE.com, not that I ever go there:

LAS VEGAS – In a stunning upset, Brock Lesnar became the first man to capture both the WWE Championship and the UFC Heavyweight Championship* when he defeated UFC fan favorite Randy “The Natural” Couture on Saturday night in Sin City…

For Lesnar, the road to UFC gold proved surprisingly short. Within roughly six months**, the former WWE Superstar climbed to the top of the ultimate fighting heap, capping his ascent with the upset victory over Couture.

Critics have noted that many of the fights on the UFC pay-per-view ended in the first round, leaving UFC producers scrambling to fill the three-hour event with content. The dearth of hearty competition*** left many viewers to watch less prestigious under-card fights and only served to bolster claims that UFC pay-per-view events can often be a “crap shoot”**** in regards to filling the full three hours.

Brock Lesnar’s segment on E:60 aired yesterday, and we learned a few things about the WWE-superstar turned UFC heavyweight contender. Namely:

— His childhood on a struggling dairy farm in Bumblefuck, South Dakota, inspired him to achieve something greater with his life.

— He’s always liked beating the crap out of people. “Handling another human being and making him feel less than you is, I don’t know, something that I got a thrill out of,” Lesnar says.

— He never watched “a lick” of pro wrestling before he joined the WWE.

— Being a WWE champion takes its toll, both physically and emotionally. He wrestled for six months with a blown-out knee and three broken ribs, and lost two years of memories to vodka and pain pills, which he was basically addicted to.

— Bret “The Hitman” Hart looks scary-old.

— Steroids are a touchy subject for Lesnar, even though he’s never taken them. When the interviewer starts asking him about his unnaturally large physique, Brock sees where the line of questioning is headed and storms off. “I have never failed a fucking drug test,” he says later.

— Lesnar doesn’t put much faith in Randy Couture’s claim that he’s stronger now than he was 10 years ago. “My ass, he is. I’m 31 and I’m not as strong as I was 10 years ago. That’s a straight-up lie.”

After the jump: E:60‘s full reporter/producer discussion on the Brock Lesnar story.

(Sorry, buddy — no dick-tattoo on your chest, no UFC contract.)

Hey, someone’s gotta fill the hole left by Anderson Silva. WWE/TNA vet Kurt Angle — who’s made similar claims in the past — now tells The Sun that he’ll definitely make the move from pro wrestling to MMA next year. And in doing so, he kind of sounds like an idiot. First off…

[W]hen asked which organisation he would be competing for…he added: “It depends on which company gives me the best deal. I’m getting offers from the UFC, Pro Elite XC, Affliction and the IFL.”

Problem 1: The IFL doesn’t exist anymore. Problem 2: Affliction’s Tom Atencio has publicly stated that Angle would be bad for the sport. Problem 3: “Pro Elite XC” is on shaky financial ground at this point, and could just as easily be extinct next year. But hey, the UFC scored big with Brock Lesnar, so maybe Dana White will roll the dice again. Which would work out, because Angle’s already assuming he’ll be fighting in an eight-sided shape:

“I’ve always wanted to do it. I’m the only Olympic gold medallist that will enter the Octagon and it feels right for me. I can almost guarantee you’re going to see me in the Octagon. Obviously I’m going to have to take a few months away from pro wrestling to get ready for that.”

Sure, a few months should cover it. To be honest, this is feeling like a FAIL waiting to happen. Especially because Angle admits that his ultimate goal is to finish out his career at TNA. (“God-willing, I’ll walk away successful and I can come away from MMA saying ‘I did it’ and go back to my professional wrestling routes.”)

Look, one Brock Lesnar is enough for us, thanks. I can only hope that Angle gets all-but-murdered in his first MMA match and goes back to fake-fighting for good.

Related: The AFL — that totally ‘tarded fight league that signed pro wrestler Bobby Lashley to a fight contract — may not be doing so well.

(Dueling highlights, via MMA Scraps. And yeah, there’s some WWE action in there.)

Ever since yesterday’s announcement that Randy Couture would be facing Brock Lesnar in his return to the UFC, you’ve been wondering: Okay, okay, but what does Kim Couture have to say about this? Fortunately, she didn’t keep us in suspense for long. “Sugar Free” went on ESPN radio with Steve Cofield to talk about the match-up and express her deepest sympathies for poor, poor Brock Lesnar:

“It’s surprising to me, shocking that they’d throw a guy in there with only three fights. I kind of feel sorry for the guy. He poses some interesting problems but that’s what Randy is good at, is taking care of those problems. He’s no bigger or tougher than (Gabe) Gonzaga or Tim Sylvia.”

‘Sup, Sable? You going to let her talk about your man that way? Better represent.

Couture seems to be parroting a line that’s already been worn out in the less-than twenty-four hours since this fight has been official. That is, how does a guy with only three fights expect to hang with “The Natural”? Of course, perusing message-boards and MMA websites yields no shortage of people wondering how a 225-pound, forty-five-year-old man can hang with a physical monstrosity like Lesnar, who knows a thing or two about wrestling himself.

In other words, there’s more than one angle to come at this fight from, which means Dana White probably knew what he was talking about when he predicted over a million pay-per-view buys. The UFC has taken some heat for a lackluster heavyweight division since the departure of Couture, but to quote Dana White from yesterday’s conference call: “Our heavyweight division looks pretty damn good now, doesn’t it?”

Point taken.