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21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

Tag: WWE

Brock Lesnar Re-Signs With the WWE, Immediately F-5′s Vince McMahon [BECAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO]


(“Brock, I want to trust you, I really do. But I’ve seen The Jeffersons before and I’m pretty sure this isn’t how you fix my bad back.”)

I might not follow professional wrestling anymore, but I’ve started to notice a pattern of sorts in regards to Brock Lesnar’s relationship with the WWE, which has to be the easiest job that anyone could ever ask for. Seriously, Lesnar shows up once every year or so, says less than a sentence, F-5′s whoever the hell is standing across the ring from him, and then stands menacingly over the victim’s body until they cut to commercial. He’s like the Mongo of the WWE, only instead of punching horses, Lesnar takes out his frustrations on genetically-enhanced geriatrics like Vince McMahon, who the announcers hilariously reminded us was in fact a grandfather while Lesnar was tossing him through the air like a bag of garbage during last night’s Monday Night Raw as the dude from Hardcore Pawn stared on in horror. Pretty sweet gig if you ask me.

We probably should’ve seen something like this coming when it was reported that Lesnar had signed a two year extension with the wrestling promotion, but the exact same routine, down to the sleeveless black tee and breakaway pants? Methinks the WWE is running out of ideas. I mean, they could’ve at least gone the Shooter route and had Lesnar show up sporting some camo pants and an unkempt beard before declaring that McMahon had double-crossed/left him for dead at last year’s SummerSlam. Seriously, Vince, if you’re looking for a writer with a penchant for abortion jokes and hyperbole, I’m your guy.

Video after the jump.

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[VIDEO] Dave Bautista Wins MMA Debut


(It could be argued that the gun gave him an unfair advantage.)

Former WWE professional wrestling star Dave Bautista made a successful MMA debut last night in Providence, RI. Bautista beat Vince Lucero via TKO (ground strikes) in the first round of their main event bout.

Lucero, a late replacement, out weighed Bautista by nearly forty pounds and came into the cage with well over forty professional fights under his belt but couldn’t survive the pro wrestler’s ground attack. Early on, Lucero hurt Bautista on the feet with punches.

Once he was able to get space and clear his head, however, Bautista took things to the ground with a double leg take down. From there he moved to side mount, then mount and rear mount before unloading a series of unanswered punches that forced the referee to stop the fight.

“I am better than I showed,” Bautista told interviewer Joe Lauzon after the win.

Perhaps, perhaps not. But Bautista definitely has more guts than other celebrity performers out there who play tough guys on TV or film but have no idea what it is like to train for and take part in a real fight.

The pro wrestler promised that he would continue to fight and thanked his Tampa area team and coaches. Check out the fight video as well as full event results after the jump.

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Cheesy WWF Promo Photos of the ’80s/’90s, And Their MMA Counterparts [GALLERY]

Our friends at With Leather just put together an incredible/awful collection of cheesy WWF promo photos from the late ’80s and early ’90s, and as we were browsing through some of these gems while drinking our coffee this morning, we couldn’t escape the eerie feeling that we’ve seen these faces elsewhere. The same snarling mugs, the same wacky personas — it’s obvious that some of our favorite MMA fighters owe a debt to these guys. So follow us back to pro wrestling‘s golden age, and allow us to make some startling comparisons.

Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart was the original…
Hillbilly Jim was the original…
Legion of Doom were the original…
Junk Yard Dog was the original…
Ultimate Warrior was the original…
The Honky Tonk Man was the original…
Tatanka was the original…
Big Boss Man was the original…
George “The Animal” Steele was the original…

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[VIDEO] Brock Lesnar Claims That He is “Never Coming Back” to the WWE


(How many times do I have to tell you people this? I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!) 

My grandfather always told me “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear,” a statement that would in turn lead to a lifetime’s worth of cynicism. So perhaps it’s just my general misanthropy rearing its ugly head, but when former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar released a video last night declaring that he was “never coming back” to the WWE, I was a bit skeptical. After all, Lesnar just returned to the promotion in April, and I may not follow the WWE anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Vince McMahon doesn’t hand out many five month contracts. For Christ’s sake, isn’t Ric Flair’s decomposing corpse still fighting for a retirement check that will never come?

Anyway, Lesnar released the video that awaits you after the jump, stating:

I came here and I accomplished everything that I said I was going to do. There’s nothing left for me here to conquer. I’m leaving the WWE and I’m never coming back.

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WWE Wrestler CM Punk May Not Approve of Jon Jones’ Nike Deal


(This is how a real Christian does product endorsement)

So we know that the first thing you thought when you heard that UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones has signed a ground breaking global sponsorship deal with Nike was, “gee, I wonder what professional wrestler and Chael Sonnen bff CM Punk thinks about all of this?” Well, turns out that the straight-edge character actor/athlete may not be such a big fan of Nike’s decision.

On August 8th, CM Punk tweeted, “Let’s reward more drunk drivers with endorsement deals! #responsibility” he tweeted. Now, this is only circumstantial, but the timing of the tweet, along with Mr. Punk’s own fanboy-ness with the sport of MMA makes us think that he was referring to Jones and his new Nike deal.

You see, shortly after his last title defense last spring, Jones was arrested for an alleged DWI after crashing his Bentley into a tree. He’s currently still dealing with that legal situation.

So, Jones appears to have messed up and yet he continues to make a living. Perhaps C to the M cannot abide that injustice.

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Brock Lesnar Gets Clotheslined Out of the Ring on 1,000th Episode of WWE Raw [VIDEO]


(Props: WWEFanNation)

After some awful soap opera bullshit involving Paul Heyman and Triple H, former cage-fighter Brock Lesnar showed up on the historic 1,000th episode of WWE Raw last night to save his manager from getting slapped to death by Stephanie McMahon. Though his last run-in with Triple H ended in a Submission of the Night performance, Brock got the short end of the script this time, and was clotheslined directly out of the ring. (Perfect execution on that fall, by the way. The man’s still got it.)

Plus, the Undertaker and Kane reunited, and Fozzie Bear showed up. Hardcore, bro.

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Wow, It’s Actually Happening: Former WWE Champion Dave Bautista Making MMA Debut on October 6


“Okay Chael, I got right into the triangle defense you taught me! Now what?”

File this one under “Better (I guess) late than never.”

TMZ is reporting that former WWE Champion Dave Bautista – better known by his incredibly clever stage name “Batista” – has inked a deal with Rhode Island’s CES MMA. He will be making his professional MMA debut on October 6, which will take place at the Dunkin’ Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island.

His opponent is thirty-three year old Rashid “Smash” Evans, who will also be making his professional MMA debut. Evans went 3-2 in amateur competition, with his most recent victory being a second round submission via strikes victory over Brett Jenkins at Barbarian Fight Club “2012″ in January.

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[VIDEO] CM Punk Pays Tribute to Chael Sonnen’s Spinning Mindfart During ‘WWE Raw’


(Chael Sonnen, seen here learning a lesson that Judd Nelson taught the rest of us back in the 80′s. All props be to Fightlinker for the find.) 

At this point, we’ve moved past the “illegal” knee, the shorts grabbing, and the vaseline that may or may not have marred Anderson Silva’s destruction of Chael Sonnen at UFC 148. We are not going to convince anyone to change their minds in regards to the gravity (or lack thereof) of Silva’s actions and whether or not they affected the outcome of the fight, and neither will you, because, as Ollie Weeks once said, “You can’t convince some people there’s a fire even when their hair is burning. Denial is a powerful thing.” And before you lash out at our use of the term “destruction” to describe the fight, first consider that that was the term used by Sonnen himself to describe Silva’s tenacity in the second round. According to Dana White, that is:

This is what Chael Sonnen said to me after the fight. He didn’t say it at the press conference, but he said it to me. He said, ‘I have so much respect for this guy, Dana. I’ve been competing in combat sports since I was seven years old. In that first round, when I was on top of him, hittin’ him with those big elbows, I felt him break. I broke him in that first round. He came back in the second round and destroyed me. I’ve never seen anybody do that, ever.

So now that we’ve all put aside our differences, we’d like to focus for a moment on the monumental mistake that was Sonnen’s spinning backfist, which has already begun to take on a life of its own as evident by the header gif. In fact, Sonnen’s mental error has become so popular over the past few days that his good friend and pro wrassler CM Punk decided to reenact the end of the fight on last night’s episode of WWE: Monday Night Raw. Although the result was as to be expected (a major whiff), Punk’s spinning backfist was arguably thrown with better technique.

Video after the jump. 

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Frank Mir ‘Not Opposed’ to Doing Professional Wrestling


(“DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE FRANK IS COOKING??”)

Wow, Frank Mir wants to face Brock Lesnar again more than we realized. The two-time UFC heavyweight champion (and two-time Lesnar adversary) recently told The Chronicle Journal that he is “not opposed to the idea” of becoming a professional wrestler, although he did clarify that he “can’t do a back flip or anything.”

Mir has never kept secret the fact that he wants revenge on Lesnar for the beating he took at Brock’s hands in their rematch. With Lesnar back in the WWE, maybe Mir realizes that his only chance at getting his paws on Brock again is for the two of them to work together in a squared circle.

But could Mir really be trusted to stick to the script and work collaboratively with his nemesis, should they meet up in the WWE? Daniel Puder taught us that MMA fighters can’t always be trusted to make pro wrestling superstars look good in the ring.

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Rumor: Brock Lesnar Will Return to the UFC by the End of 2012


(Inferior heavyweight contender, or marketing genius?!) 

Perhaps we’re in the minority here, but we’re getting pretty God damn sick of mixed martial artists throwing around the word “retirement” like Kim Kardashian throws around the word “marriage.” Because retirement, like marriage, is a sacred institution, and nowadays it seems as if every other fighter is taking a big, steaming turd on what was once holy ground. In the past year alone, both Jamie Varner and more recently B.J. Penn have retired, only to come out of said retirement before anyone could even assess their retirement in the first place. Though the jury is still out on how long Nick Diaz and Jason Miller will be out of action, it’s looking like you can add none other than former heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar to the former list, as it has been reported by co-Host of Tough Talk on wrestlingobserver.com, Mike Sawyer, that Lesnar will return to the UFC within the year. He broke the news over his Twitter:

Mike Sawyer ?@TOUGHTALKMMA
Had an interesting conversation with someone VERY close to all the Brock Lesnar stuff. He is fighting THIS YEAR in UFC & not Frank Mir…

Mike Sawyer ?@TOUGHTALKMMA
plans change all the time, but the name I was told isn’t Roy.

Brian ?@FrontRowBrian
If it’s not Mir fighting Lesnar in UFC later this year as @TOUGHTALKMMA reports, who is it? @roynelsonmma? @stefanstruve? @ShaneCarwin II?

Mike Sawyer ?@TOUGHTALKMMA
one of the above.

For those of you with the memory capacity of Sammy Jankis, Lesnar announced his retirement from the sport following his first round TKO loss to Alistair Overeem at UFC 141. UFC 141 was a mere six months ago.

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