(Bad news.  That check you’ve been waiting on for three years now?  There’s a chance it’s not really "in the mail" like they said.)

As many of you probably overheard during brief moments of consciousness on the floor of your favorite bar, yesterday was April 15, also known as Tax Day in America.  It’s when we all file our taxes and then complain about having to do so, as if it doesn’t happen every single year.  But what happens if you don’t file your taxes? Sometimes nothing.  Sometimes, as in the case of Xyience founder Russell Pike, a lot of really bad stuff.

You might remember Pike as the guy responsible for the failed Xyience empire.  He’s the fraud/mastermind that a bunch of former Xyience shareholders want to murder and a lot of unpaid UFC fighters want to kick in the face.  According to an indictment filed yesterday in Las Vegas, he made “in excess of” $6.9 million in 2006 and did not file an income tax return.  Like, at all.  The cajones on that guy, am I right?

(Frank Mir poses in front of the world’s ugliest ring girls.)

Some UFC-related notes as we build up to tonight’s four-hour block of awesomeness…

— Josh Koscheck, who recently signed a new multi-fight contract with the UFC, confirmed yesterday that he will be facing Chris Lytle at UFC 86 (July 5th, Las Vegas). “Lights Out” Lytle (25-15-5, 4-7 UFC) has lost to a who’s who of welterweight stars during his time in the Octagon — Matt Hughes, Matt Serra, Robbie Lawler, and Karo Parisyan among them — but may be on the comeback trail after beating the dogshit out of Kyle Bradley at UFC 81.

— Frank Mir and Justin McCully have also been booked for a bout at UFC 86. With the heavyweight class as thin as it is right now, we wouldn’t put it past the UFC to offer Mir an immediate title shot depending on his performance in July; his disposal of Brock Lesnar at “Breaking Point” proved that he could still be a viable contender. McCully won a decision against Antoni Hardonk during his UFC debut last April, and has won his last four fights overall, but the matchup still feels like it’s intended to be a tuneup for the former champion.

— Xyience Inc. was sold yesterday to Manchester Consolidated Corp. for $15 million. According to the Las Vegas Review Journal:

The sale price will cover only part of the secured debt at Xyience, debtor attorney Laurel Davis said after the hearing. As a result, unsecured creditors and stockholders in Xyience will recover none of their money, she said…

Manchester, which submitted the only approved bid, will pay $200,000 in cash and will assume $14.8 million in debt…

Separately, unsecured creditors on Monday filed a lawsuit in federal court, saying the judge should take $14.8 million in assets from the Fertittas for the benefit of Xyience creditors.

In related news, that hot brunette from the Xyience commercials has been spotted wearing a barrel held up by suspenders. Okay, not really, but it’s an amusing image!

(The Fertittas: “Convicted criminals are people, too.”)

Props to BloodyElbow for spotting this Xyience piece recently posted by MMA Memories. We’ve been detailing the shitstorm created by UFC mega-sponsor Xyience when they filed for Chapter 11 a while back, including the Fertittas lawsuit against blogger/reporter Rich Bergeron for his “findings” and allegations against them – which basically means they’re worried. The aforementioned article throws some more light on the background of Xyience and founder Russell Pike – who you’ll recall was recently accused of death threats against the company’s managers and board members – thickening the Fertittas shady pot of shit.

Some of the backstory:

Russell Pike, who founded Xyience and oversaw its involvement with the UFC for some time, is a convicted felon, having pleaded guilty to grand theft and forgery in California in 1987 and of money laundering in 1999. Not only that, according to a “Desist and Refrain Order” filed by the California Department of Corporations in September of last year, pursuant to the sale of Xyience stock, Pike suffered a default judgment in a civil action filed against him by The Mirage, a hotel-casino licensed by the Nevada State Gaming Commission, when he allegedly wrote them $300,000 in bad checks over a two-day period in 1995.

And that is very interesting indeed, especially in light of the Fertittas’ recent lawsuit filing against Dream Stage Entertainment, the former owners of PRIDE, which the UFC purchased last year. In the complaint, the Fertittas allege that the rumored involvement of some of Dream Stage’s people with elements of the Japanese Yakuza “could have a detrimental effect upon the Purchasing Parties’ (the Fertittas’) affiliates’ gaming licenses (for the uninitiated, the Fertitta family controls Station Casinos Inc, which has about 17 properties in the United States).”

The obvious contradictions follow the pattern of stupidity exhibited now on an almost daily basis by the UFC’s execs. It’s been laced with “cloak-n-dagger” elements from the beginning, but this information makes it almost laughable. Bringing Pike and his prison-stripped ass into direct involvement with promotions is just asking for shit to rain down on you. The MMA Memories post suggests the gaming commission probe the many findings and ask the questions that must be answered by the Fertittas surrounding this whole mess. We tend to agree – but as much as we want the UFC bullshit to stop, this is also some serious illegal activity that could damage MMA promotions – which then filters down to the fans. I blame “The Man” and his stop-at-nothing greed.

(Ken-Flo)

— The UFC has released the official lineup for the televised portion of Ultimate Fight Night 13. Despite the ongoing petition to stretch it into three hours, the broadcast is still scheduled for two, with only four fights guaranteed airtime at this point: Kenny Florian vs. Joe Lauzon, Thiago Alves vs. Karo Parisyan, Tim Boetsch vs. Matt Hamill (nice!), and Houston Alexander vs. James Irvin.

— The Zyen/Zuffa/Xyience situation is really starting to slip out of our comprehension, but it looks like the judge in Xyience’s bankruptcy case has allowed the Fertitta’s made-up company Xyen to continue making bail-out loans to the dying supplement-maker. Oh, what a tangled web we weave when trying to sustain a company we used to secure a fraudulent loan…

— Via Fightlinker: Big John McCarthy has started holding MMA refereeing seminars to pay the bills. Think you got what it takes to call a dangerously late stoppage? Put up 500 bones and prove it!

— Via BloodyElbow: This letter sums it up for all the pissed-off Canadians who are being frozen out of UFC 83.

— Arianny Celeste stopped by Jarry Park for a special Valentine’s Day interview and discussed her offer to pose nude in Playboy. Arianny, whatever they’re offering you, we’ll double it.

(Xyience’s public flameout continues.)

UnlimitedFightNews is without a doubt the ugliest website on the Internet, and we don’t actually recommend clicking on that link, as it will likely cause your computer to crash under the weight of the dozens of clashing ads and pimped-out-MySpace-page-esque design. Nevertheless, the man behind it, Rich Bergeron, is a sharp journalist who has been uncovering the shady finances of Xyience since late 2006, long before any other MMA website was talking about it. For his troubles, he was hit by a $25 million defamation lawsuit by Xyience, and ordered to remove his Xyience-related writings from his website. FightOpinion reports that there will be a hearing in Las Vegas tomorrow to determine the validity of the suit. If that hearing doesn’t go Xyience’s way, there will be a hearing next week on Bergeron’s motion to dismiss the lawsuit altogether; like a fool, Bergeron is representing himself.

So, that’s the backstory. What we wanted to share with you is the video that Bergeron posted to YouTube yesterday, which adds a new element to the Xyience bankruptcy scandal. Like Bergeron’s website, the video is a batshit-crazy eyesore, and you might have a seizure before you get halfway through it, so we’ll summarize: In order to secure a $325 million loan, the UFC needed to prove a certain amount of annual revenue from sponsors. So, they passed Xyience a bunch of money through questionable means, and Xyience passed it back to show that the UFC was taking in sponsorship revenue; without this arrangement, the UFC wouldn’t have gotten the loan. And now the video…

(Umm…sure, I’ll take a sip.)

Xyience – which makes the energy drink, Xenergy – has been one of the UFC’s primary sponsors the past few years, but that might be changing. The company filed for bankruptcy protection and claims they received intimidation and death threats. The energy drink business is more cut-throat than we thought.

John G. Edwards reported the story today for the Las Vegas Review-Journal:

Xyience Inc., the energy drink company headquartered at 4572 Hacienda Ave., reported $42.3 million in liabilities and $5.3 million in assets. Xyience sells its energy drink through 230 convenience and grocery stores, mostly in the Southwest.

The voluntary bankruptcy petition, filed on Friday, follows an involuntary petition that was filed Jan. 3 by founder and former CEO Russell Pike and others. The involuntary petition remains pending.

The bankruptcy petitions for Xyience were filed under Chapter 11, which provides protection from creditors while the company reorganizes.

When a company goes belly-up, why do they always claim to be “reorganizing”?

— Chuck Liddell asked motivational guru Tony Robbins to help him regain his success drive (Top of page 2). Robbins refused, saying “I am not a slut, or a prostitute.” Kidding, unfortunately…

— Effective immediately, the California State Athletic Commission will include MDMA (Ecstasy) and Oxycodone in its testing for drugs of abuse. Which is completely ridiculous, if you ask me. If anything, ecstasy is a drug of love and caring.

— Speaking of controlled substances, Sean Sherk’s steroid appeal hearing is scheduled for tomorrow. If it’s postponed again, Sherk will surely fly into a ‘roid rage that won’t end until all the tables in his house are broken in half and all the walls have holes punched in them. I mean, allegedly.

— Xyience has fired most of its sales staff due to financial setbacks, and may soon file for bankruptcy. Let’s hope that Quinton Jackson needs some good reps to move his energy drink.

— Drunk jackasses fail to recognize Aleksander Emelianenko, at their own peril!

After I wrote that last post, I decided to search the web for some of those old Xyience commercials with the Iceman and Ace. I always liked the one where Rich Franklin is telling his science class about how awesome Xyience is, and the hot chick in the class is like “Mr. Franklin, do you use Xyience?” while eye-fucking the shit out of him, and he’s like “Every day,” and the implication is that if you use Xyience, you basically get to bang your students every day.

So I’m searching, and I come across the video below. From what I gather, Xyience held a video contest to find their next spokesmodel, and a handful of girls submitted sample commercials. I’m guessing that this girl didn’t win:

The problem with trying to be sexy is that if you miss the mark, you miss it so hard that you usually land on “hilarious.” I think the main problem here is that gogo-bar dance moves don’t really translate when you break ‘em out in the middle of the day behind a decrepit supermarket in Hoboken. Also, it Just Doesn’t End. We get it — you can rub your ass and hair against a filthy wall. If this is what Xyience does to people, I’m sticking with Red Bull and methamphetamines.

Hey, you remember how Chuck Liddell and Rich Franklin always used to appear in Xyience commericals, and now they don’t so much anymore? Well, as Adam Swift reports on Sherdog, the two UFC stars terminated their endorsement deals due to Xyience’s non-payment. Forrest Griffin, Josh Koscheck, Mike Swick and Cung Le were also short-changed by the nutritional supplement company, though all the fighters (including Liddell and Franklin) report that they’ve now been paid in full.

The Xyience website continues to feature fighters who have left the company, including Matt Hughes (who wasn’t happy with Xyience’s performance and now shills for Nutritox*) and Sean Sherk, who blames Xyience’s Xtreme Joint Formula for his positive test for the anabolic steroid 1-androstendione. Interestingly, no fighter has blamed their split with the company on the fact that the Cran Razz energy drink tastes like rotten piss.

Despite everything, Xyience has managed to sign a three-year extension on its exclusive partnership with the UFC. Says Dana White: “We look forward to our future endeavors together as both of our companies continue their explosive growth.” Anyway, read the article for all the details.

* Special to Matt Hughes: I’m not sure I’d trust a nutritional line with the suffix “tox” in its name. You know how Botox is short for “Botulinum toxin”? It’s basically a paralytic poison. Which works for wrinkles, apparently, but I’m not sure how a toxin would benefit your muscular/cardiovascular systems. Anyway, you’d better do some more homework on the stuff, because Matt Serra just signed a contract with Vitideath and he’s looking HUGE.