Travis Fulton vs. Jeremy Bullock: just what the hell did they expect to happen?

“Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” -Samuel Beckett

Keeping those words from the first collection in our hearts, we’ve assembled the second installment of moments in MMA that some of us (mostly the athletes involved) would like to forget. The rest of us, we want to see those moments saved forever, preferably in a graphic format that loops endlessly.

First, get your mind right with a fight video from the dark ages of MMA, when any human with a pair of pajamas and some Tae Kwon Do could try that crazy ultimate fightin’ stuff. It was 1998, and Travis Fulton had already had over sixty fights. His opponent was Jeremy Bullock, a skinny guy that probably really liked Bruce Lee movies. Make sure to watch Bullock’s interview, where he shares his keys to victory with everyone, including Fulton. Also watch the fight, where Fulton shares his love for a good pro wrestling-style chokeslam with everyone, including Bullock. (Reportedly, Bullock thinks Bruce Lee is a fucking asshole these days.)

Once you’re done with that piece of history, come on in and we’ll share more moments of infamy, awkwardness, stupidity, and shame. It’s Fail GIF time, kids; let’s party.

As always, big ups, props, and mad respec’ to the GIF masters and the websites that host them: Chris Bunch o’ Numbers, Uncle Justice, Damn Severn, Zombie Prophet, Caposa, UpstandingCitizens, MMA-Core, IronForgesIron, and MMATKO. If we forgot you, it’s not on purpose.

(Yoshihiro "Kiss" Nakao — still pretty creepy. Photos courtesy of src-official.com.)

A day after WEC 47 pops off in Columbus, Sengoku will be holding their latest event at the Sumo Hall in Tokyo, Japan. Unfortunately the card won’t be broadcast live on HDNet — they’ll be airing it next Friday at 8 p.m. — but we’ll be sure to put up videos of the best fights by Monday. Check out the complete eight-match lineup, via japan-mma.com:

8. Jorge Santiago (21-8-0, champion) vs. Mamed Khalidov (20-3-1, challenger), for SRC Middleweight Title
7. Akihiro Gono (31-15-7) vs. Diego Gonzalez (13-3-0), welterweight
6. Maximo Blanco (4-2-1) vs. Chang Hyun Kim (15-5-0), lightweight
5. Marlon Sandro (15-1-0) vs. Tomonari Kanomata (15-4-5), featherweight
4. Yoshihiro “Kiss” Nakao (8-2-0) vs. Henry "Sentoryu" Miller (6-9-0), heavyweight
3. Yuji Hoshino (16-7-7) vs. Nick Denis (9-1-0), featherweight
2. Kiuma Kunioku (34-22-9) vs. Leonardo Santos (6-3-0), lightweight
1. Shigeki Osawa (4-1-0) vs. Kyung Ho Kang (4-2-0), featherweight

Some important points…

#0: Heath Herring vs. Yoshihiro Nakao @ K-1 Premium 2005 Dynamite!! (12/31/05), 0 seconds

Who the hell knows what Yoshihiro Nakao was thinking when he planted a surprise smooch on Heath Herring before their fight at K-1’s 2005 New Year’s Eve show. (Maybe that the Texas Crazy Horse would become blinded by lust, leaving him unable to intelligently defend himself?) Unfortunately, not only is Herring “not gay,” but he resents the implication, and responds by punching Nakao right across his sweet, pillowy lips. Even if the match was ruled a no-contest, it’s still a KO at the 0:00 mark of round 1, earning it an honorary spot on our list of Fast & Furious knockouts. Not since the epic Gracie vs. Howard battle at UFC 3 had there been such a dramatic finish to a fight before it had even technically started. And the nickname “Kiss” still haunts Nakao to this day…

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VIDEO

(If that’s not a man ready to be kissed, then everything I’ve learned watching "The Pick-Up Artist" is wrong.)

Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva seems intent on proclaiming his innocence on the steroid charge all the way to Japan, where he faces Yoshihiro “Kiss” Nakao on January’s Sengoku card.  But don’t think he isn’t focused on his opponent’s not-so secret weapon.  If Nakao tries to put a little love on Silva’s lips, he’ll be in trouble.  At least I think that’s what this bizarre quote is meant to insinuate:

You need to be careful with the kisses too, huh?

Man, we are training this too. We’re training Jiu-Jitsu, Wrestling and that too (laughter), maintain a certain distance not to take that risk. My hands are kind of big and I’ll always take care not to get close. Who did once can do twice, I don’t want to have problems, I want to get there and fight. I don’t like jokes, I have no disinclination to any professional who I’d fought, and thank God I like all of them and they all liked me.

His hands are big?  This is related to kissing?  Did he mean lips or, I’ll just say it, head?  Who knows, but these translated interviews from Tatame are always fun to decipher.  I am a little disappointed to hear that Bigfoot doesn’t like jokes, though.  Has he heard the one about the boy who cried ‘false positive’?  You know what, nevermind.  I don’t think he’s in the mood for it.

As for whether Nakau will try and kiss him, the only advice I can offer is if you feel it, don’t be afraid to show it, man.  You don’t want to go through life wondering, ‘what if I had tried to kiss that big, weird-looking Brazilian guy?’  Trust me, it’s the worst kind of regret there is.

…and not because he tried to kiss Heath Herring again. Rumor has it that the Yakuza has beef with Nakao facing Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic at next week’s DREAM show. According a recent blog entry by Takumi “The Oriental Mystery” Yano (Nakao’s submission trainer, who took the #3 spot in our Sickest Submissions Ever list):

YAKUZA (japanese maffia)is terrible!!
I hear that If NAKAO fight Mirko, YAKUZA will kidnap nakao and abandon him in Tokyo Sea…..

So if the Fightin’ Smoocher mysteriously disappears after DREAM 1, you know where to find him.

The idea of the Yakuza trying to exert control over the new DREAM promotion is plausible to say the least — their alleged involvement in PRIDE is part of what sunk the defunct organization, and when ex-PRIDE staffers and K-1 execs came together to launch DREAM, criminal elements may have remained. (Read this for a surface-scratching recent history.) But who knows why they’d want to block Nakao from fighting Cro Cop. Could it have more to do with Mirko than Nakao?

(Props: FightOpinion)