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TapouT Knows What the Kids Want

Mask Punkass Skyskrape Tapout
(Would you let these men design your child’s bed?)

From a Press-Enterprise profile on the growth of the Tapout brand:

Its following is such that TapouT now enjoys the trappings of celebrity, including its own TV show, Hollywood-agency representation and product licensing that goes beyond fight gear. There will soon be TapouT bottled water and energy drinks, and it’s also considering lending its name to youth bedroom furniture.

“It’s very cool — we’re looking at what would be sort of a caged bed,” said Dan Caldwell, one of the company’s founders, who goes by the name Punkass.

Well, it finally happened — TapouT has become drunk with their own power. Either that, or they’ve run out of ideas. The t-shirt juggernaut now offers everything from bikinis to rash guards to belt buckles to sandals; basically, anything you can conceivably wear, you can buy a version of it with the TapouT logo. So now what? Energy drinks, sure, that one’s a no-brainer. But what other products can they stamp their “inyaface” ‘tude onto? I have to say, an S&M bed for children wouldn’t have been my first guess. First of all, they’re probably too big to sell at Hot Topic. And also, A CAGED *BED*, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING *MINDS*?!?

You know I don’t like to speak ill of others, but it feels like TapouT might be starting to extend past its area of expertise (apparel), and, you know, dilute the brand or whatever (furniture?). I imagine Mask, Punkass, and Skyscrape sitting around their office, mountains of cocaine in front of them, spitballing ideas. “Bros, don’t even trip, I’ve got our next trillion-dollar idea,” Mask says. “Dig it: CageBed.” Meanwhile, Alejandro Sosa’s hit squad is swarming into the compound, but they’re all too high to notice what’s happening on the security cameras. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

(Props to Robert at MMAPayout for the tip.)


  1. mayhem420 Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 01:42

    Here is is ladies and gentelman.... the KISS of MMA...
  2. Matt Herpes Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 01:46

    +1 for the Scarface reference.
  3. dudeman Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 02:23

    Caged bed recall to be announced......
  4. toolverine Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 02:48

    Children are little monsters and should be kept in a cage bed. The higher ups at Tapout are geniuses!
  5. Patrick Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 03:21

    Those Tapout guys are the biggest douchebags in the world. Especially "Mask". I can't watch those guys for more than 3 minutes without wanting to gouge my eyeballs out and eat them to insure I never see them again.
  6. KG Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 03:31

    That Mask dude needs to stop wearing sleeveless shirts.. he has a huge tumor growth on his arm that looks like fecal matter
  7. yellow root ball sav Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 03:33

    punkass looks coked up...
  8. Phil Magroin Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 03:53

    there it is, the new TAPOUT Douchebag. Extra strong for mma groupies and softball lesbians.(comes with free West Coast Choppers sticker, available at Wal-Mart)
  9. adbyrd77 Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 04:34

    Hey now, Tapout thongs serve an important purpose- STD warning label
  10. ArmChairFighter Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 04:56

    Somebody please tell me that these three "nothings" don't actually make decisions for this company! Please...Please...anyone...
  11. Earl Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 05:11

    "available at Wal-Mart" THAT'S funny.
  12. ass Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 05:24

    i hate these guys because they are different! lol
  13. Luke Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 05:53

    I stopped buying Tapout stuff when I saw that they used videos of dog fighting for their clothing adverts. People fighting = cool. Dog fighting = not cool.
  14. ArmChairFighter Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 06:38

    I'll tell you what's not cool. A grown man wearing rambo makeup around the clock...not cool. A guy wearing Elton John glasses and a Halloween wig...not cool. A guy who hangs around with those two guys...not cool.
  15. Than Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 07:02

    "That Mask dude needs to stop wearing sleeveless shirts.. he has a huge tumor growth on his arm that looks like fecal matter" Dude I have been wondering wtf that thing is since I first saw him, its nasty.
  16. nick Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 07:16

    Does Mask have braces? Goddammit I hate that guy.
  17. kicksboxes Says:

    Sun, 07/06/08 - 09:52

    I've got a four year old... Even though I'm NOT a Tapout fan, I'm thinking a child-cage bed could come in handy... please don't tell DCFS!
  18. Phil Magroin Says:

    Mon, 07/07/08 - 12:58

    When I bounce i get a kick out of guys in Tapout and affliction shirts. You would be suprised how many of them smoke. Sometimes as a joke we ask the dudes where they train and act like we are impressed by the answer;"My cousin trained under a guy that knew a Gracie and i train with him at my grandma's house." ...Cool buddy,try not to beat anybody up tonight okay.
  19. Dan Farnham Says:

    Mon, 07/28/08 - 11:00

    Okay, honestly. Stick with t-shirts.
  20. Dave Says:

    Fri, 08/08/08 - 03:08

    All of you dumbass people who sit out there in your Ford F150 trucks talking smack about three guys who actually went out and MADE MILLIONS are complete idiots. Oh I get it, you can't do anything great with the life that your fat ugly redneck parents gave you, so you will just sit around talking trash. The guys have found a niche, and that niche is making them millions. So just keep running your tobacco infested, toothless, redneck, welfare, trailer trash mouths so you can feel important and these three will keep making money off of you. You have been running your mouths but you have not stopped buying their products or stopped watching their shows, GOOD FOR YOU!!!
  21. Lilly Says:

    Wed, 08/13/08 - 10:19

    I love watching Tap out Mask is my favorite of the three --he really wears his heart right there on his sleeve-- it really doesn't matter what any of you say bad about him--because he's helped so many underdogs and he doesn't talk bad about people like you all here seem to be doing--I would love to meet Mask one day he's one of the good guys.
  22. Rebecca Says:

    Fri, 08/15/08 - 07:05

    To all the haters of the Tapout guys you all suck and are just a bunch of sad loosers that are hate that you can't do the things that they have done. I think that they are crazy wild and really cool!!!! As for Mask he is one really HOT guy!!!!
  23. masksuckscock Says:

    Fri, 08/15/08 - 07:48

    tapout are a buch of clowns making money being clowns. They bring the whole circus act into mma and it's a joke. Rebecca in all offense shut the fuck up! Mask is a giant dildo
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