Steroids in MMA
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‘Tapped’ Is Already an Oscar-Frontrunner for ‘Shittiest MMA Movie Not Directed by Hector Echavarria’

(Props: TappedPictures)

Anderson Silva in a limited-speaking role. A pretty-boy protagonist. Generic hip-hop in the soundtrack. Superman-punches upon superman-punches upon superman-punches. Damn it, I thought we were done with this sort of thing.

Here’s the trailer for a new MMA flick called Tapped, in which “A disgruntled teenager, sent to do community service at a rundown Karate school, enters an MMA tournament to face the man that killed his parents.” A few observations, here:

- Yes, a rundown Karate school. In the year 2013. That’s your boy Disgruntled Teenager swinging a friggin’ bo staff at 0:21-0:22

- 0:29-0:31 is sort of edited to look like Lyoto Machida is checking out that girl’s ass, but come on, nobody wearing a mustache like that would be checking out a girl’s ass.

- Are you telling me that K-Sos was the biggest name they could find for the villain in this thing? (As Jared put it, “I just enjoy that K-Sos is the only MMA fighter allowed to be the bad guy in movies because TATTOOS SKINHEAD RUSSIAN LOOKING.”)

- And exactly what Indian casino sanctioned a fight between a light-heavyweight and a guy who looks like a slightly-fitter version of Telly from Kids?

Meanwhile, Hector Echavarria spent this year shooting a kung fu movie with Rampage Jackson and an MMA movie with Danny Trejo, so yeah, I think that dude’s doing just fine.

Cagepotato Comments

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google- June 24, 2013 at 6:27 pm
@fried taco

To true homie. I'd give it a thumbs up, but I'm my phone and CP does not have that feature on the mobile site. Come on, it's 2013!!!! Next your gonna tell me that run down karate schools exist. Oh, wait..........

The saddest part of that is no Judge would give you that for community service. They always send you to a non profit or some sort of government work. Like picking up trash for the county, working at the humane society, goodwill, shit like that. I mean, that's what somebody told me anyway........
The12ozCurls- June 24, 2013 at 6:23 pm
I'm a little pissed that we already did the "Favorite Fight Movie ROUNDTABLE" already because this could very well be the Citizen Kane of combat films. *wink-wink*
Alan K- June 24, 2013 at 3:34 pm
Krzysztof killed that kid's parents? Yeah, sounds about right.
Clyde- June 24, 2013 at 3:32 pm
I was so sickened when I saw this trailer I superman punched a hole in my laptop and sent Anderson Silva the bill.
Fried Taco- June 24, 2013 at 3:15 pm
"that girl's ass" - I'm assuming Arianny is in this movie, because I thought that was a boy's ass. #noassatall
Smoots- June 24, 2013 at 3:01 pm
It doesn't matter whether he's a "big name" or not, Soszynski is perfect for a villain role because he looks like a child-murdering cannibal.
Mr_Misanthropy- June 24, 2013 at 1:36 pm
Not to be confused with Fapped in which: “A disgruntled teenager, sent to do community service at a rundown Catholic school, enters a confessional booth to face the priest that touched his genitals.”
JThunder- June 24, 2013 at 1:15 pm
This was at least partially shot in my hometown, which tells me all I need to know about how craptastic this film will be.