sex

(McCullough with squeeze Lexxi Tyler, via MySpace.  You might remember her from a couple blue movies she's been in, such as "Boobs of Hazzard," "Muff Bumpers 5," and "Rack Em."  All actual titles.)

According to MMA Weekly’s Insider Blog, the WEC’s Rob McCullough is going to be out of action for a while, as he's going on the next season of VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab” to get his sex addiction looked at.  How 'bout that?

Apparently McCullough had surgery on the hand that he broke in his snoozer of a bout with Marcus Hicks at WEC 39, and since he has to take some time off anyway he might as well see if he can achieve his two lifelong goals of being on a reality show and putting an end to his compulsive fornicating all at once.  That’s called making efficient use of your time.

Depending on the source, this may just be part of the third season of the popular “Celebrity Rehab” show that seeks to exploit the substance abuse problems of kind of famous people for ratings, or it may be a spin-off of that show devoted entirely to sex addiction, which would be the perfect place for McCullough to meet chicks now that he and porn star Lexxi Tyler are reportedly no longer dating. (Edit: okay, so they're still dating, and possibly engaged. Who can tell with porn stars?  I mean, when you think about it?) 

Now begins the great debate as to which MMA fighter made out better in the porn actress dating pool: Rob McCullough or Tito Ortiz?  McCullough managed not to get his porn star girlfriend pregnant (we hope), while Ortiz landed one who was more, um…I guess the word I’m looking for here is “prolific.”  Some comparison photos are after the jump to better aid the discourse.

(That poor, poor woman.)

The Maine-iac on Sherdog's Savage Dog Show:

“I’ve had sex before with the belt on. That was back in the Ricco Rodriguez days. The night I won the belt I had a sexual experience with the belt on. But hey, I was 25 years old and it was the biggest thing that ever had happened to me in my life. The girl was like hey, are you going to take that thing off. And I said no, I’m not…I’m wearing it and if you have a problem with it, then I’m leaving. And I hate to say it, but if I do win the belt again, then this time it’s never coming off. I’m going to wear it a lot more.”

You hear that, ladies who might consider sleeping with Tim Sylvia? He will bang you with his belt on. That's a promise. As if sex with Tim wasn't an awful enough experience, with his grating New England accent and his loose stomach that even steroids couldn't shore up, he will let you know, at every possible moment, who the champ is.

We cannot allow this to happen again. If you have a daughter, a sister — if you have a mother — you need to know what's at stake here. So this Saturday, we urge you to pray to your Higher Power for a victory by Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira (he's the guy that Tim will be fighting at UFC 81; I know we haven't talked about him much, sorry). If you want to pray that Tim Sylvia stops having "sexual experiences" altogether, that's cool too.

If you're not convinced, just imagine Tim Sylvia taking a dump, totally naked except for his UFC belt and reading an old copy of Field and Stream. Maybe now you'll start to appreciate the enormity of the situation...