Cain Velasquez

(If you're trying to find the pro fighter in this picture, look for the guy who is not wearing sunglasses at night.)

As part of their effort to make Cain Velasquez the MMA ambassador to the Hispanic community that Roger Huerta never quite became, the UFC sent out a press release today touting Velasquez’s appearance at tonight’s Latin Grammy Awards (8 pm EST on Univision).  Velasquez also filmed a short video segment with Puerto Rican reggaeton duo Wisin & Yandel (I had to do some googling to confirm that these are actual musical artists; the story checks out) that will lead off the broadcast.  So if you don’t want to watch the whole thing, but you want to see Cain riding around in a Porsche with the two slicksters in the above photo, you can get in and get out even if you have no idea what’s being said (hint: they’re probably all talking about you, and you have no idea).

In related news, recent Velasquez-victim Ben Rothwell is rumored to be taking on Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic at the UFC’s inaugural event in Australia on February 21.  We know, we know, didn’t Cro Cop retire because he didn’t have the game in him no more?  Turns out he wants another trip through the meat grinder, and Rothwell would be a pretty perfect opponent to give him one.  Both guys are fond of kicking and punching people, and both still need to prove themselves in the UFC.  And what the hell, the Australians have behaved themselves lately, so they deserve a little Rothwell-Cro Cop action.  We have to forgive those poor bastards for Men at Work some time.  They suffered just as much as we did.

(Let's all take one last look at Shogun and then call it a day. Photo courtesy of UFC.com)

So you missed Dana White by ten minutes when he was giving away tickets at the mall, and now you're desperate for UFC 104 results coupled with pithy commentary?  We've got you covered.  From Lyoto Machida and "Shogun" Rua squaring off to determine which Brazilian guy with poor English skills is on the top of the 205-pound heap, to Ben Rothwell and Cain Velasquez's heavyweight tilt and maybe even the Yushin Okami/Chael Sonnen bout that the UFC is intent on protecting us from, we'll be rolling right along and typing about what we see.  Won't you join us and accuse one another of being gay, newbs, or both in the comments section?

The action gets underway at 6 pm PST/9 pm EST.  Remember to hit refresh often.

The 10/20 edition of the Danavlog is full of bad omens. After getting a bullshit ticket from some douchebag traffic cop, DW and his crew stop by Cold Stone Creamery — not Pinkberry — and Dana winds up paying the price with a tummy ache. And the Cold Stone workers didn't even sing to him! Can this day get any worse? WHAT HAS HE DONE TO OFFEND YOU, GOD?

As if he doesn't have enough problems, Dana has an Esquire writer following him around for a profile. So obviously he's going to try out the bomb bag again. It fails so incredibly hard. Seriously, listen to that barely audible pop at the 3:13 mark. "Something's bursting," Mike says. Hilarious. Then, it's time to play video games and air hockey at Dave & Buster's. Are you getting all this, Esquire guy?

Finally, around the 5:40 mark, Cain Velasquez and Mauricio Rua show up, and it isn't long before Dana bomb-bags them. Suck it, Bellator — this is how you harness the power of the Internet to promote fighters. Also, future Celebrity Rehab star Chuck Liddell shows up drunk and belligerent, and lifts Dana off the ground as he's trying to give out some UFC 104 tickets. All in a day's work, I guess, if you can legitimately call it that.

— Shogun's trainer thinks that the fact that Rua has never been knocked out will somehow protect him from getting knocked out by Machida.

Cain Velasquez is a man of few words.  Like, very few.  Maybe no more than fifteen or twenty throughout this entire six-minute video blog.  Actually, that's not completely true.  He does a phone interview at the end and it really jacks up his word count, but those of us who have done writing jobs where we get paid by the word know that trick.  You just go back through and add 'that' or 'just' to every sentence, and before you know it you made yourself an extra thirty bucks. 

Really, all we learn about Cain here is that AKA is a non-stop ball-bust-a-thon when Josh Koscheck and Jon Fitch around, he likes to train while listening to the Mexican radio station, and he has an infant daughter who he appears to love.  Looks like you're going to have to do the talking on this one, Ben Rothwell...