California

(More mindless violence in the 209.)

Nick Diaz isn’t joking about how dangerous his hometown of Stockton, California is.  A new report from Forbes (thanks to reader CMH for the find) named Stockton the fifth most dangerous city in the nation. Detroit is currently number one on the list, followed by Memphis, Miami, and Las Vegas.  The weird part is, of all the five most dangerous cities, Stockton is the only one with less than a million people.  We strongly suspect that it drops to ninth place on the most dangerous list when the Diaz brothers leave town for a fight, but could easily claim the top spot if they were to have sons.  Handsome, articulate sons.

(Much like Bob Reilly, Nick Diaz is very interested in agriculture.)

In a bit of news that escaped our notice due to all the UFC 97 build-up and letdown, but is all too appropriate for today’s date (4/20, get it?), Nick Diaz reportedly tested clean following his TKO victory over Frank Shamrock at Strikeforce in San Jose.  The California State Athletic Commission’s Bill Douglas confirmed the news, saying that Diaz “was fine,” and adding that the test also checked for cleansing agents.

Does that mean that Diaz was jerking our collective chain about smoking weed up until the fight and using “herbal cleansers” to remove any trace from his system before the test, or does it just mean that Diaz has the hookup on the best herbal cleansers around?  If we had to speculate (and we don’t, but we will, because that’s the kind of thing we do), we’d say it’s the latter.  The world where Nick Diaz lies about his weed consumption is just not a world we want to live in.

So now who feels like a little bitch?  Answer: the CSAC.  Diaz beat them and Frank Shamrock all in one weekend.  That’s a moral victory for potheads everywhere.  It’s also enough to make you wonder about how effective the drug-testing system is in catching users of actual performance-enhancers.  If they can’t nail Diaz, who laid out his plan for beating the test beforehand, can they reliably catch steroid-users?

(Kimo is upset about your 2.7 GPA, but only because he knows you could do better if you would just apply yourself.)

Kimo Leopoldo’s campaign/publicity stunt to become executive officer of the California State Athletic Commission continues this week, as a press release sent out on his behalf accuses the CSAC of widespread corruption and cover-ups, claiming, "Somebody or some group apparently is trying to hide the degree of corruption in CSAC," in part because former executive director Armando Garcia "was allegedly caught with $350,000 (in cash) in his locker, but he was allowed to resign instead of being prosecuted."

Leopoldo claims that once he’s in charge he’ll allow the staff to stay in their positions if they cooperate with an FBI investigation, and says, “temporary executive officer Dean Lohouis isn’t any different than Armando [Garcia]. The CSAC needs change and I’m willing to provide therapy.”

Get it?  “Kimo” therapy?  Like the excruciating treatment for cancer patients?  It’s a play on words.

The good news is Leopoldo would also like to bring his message of ‘I did steroids so you don’t have to’ to California high schools:

(Upon entering, the town extends its middle finger to you, gentle traveler.)

As loyal reader Walter informed us, Stockton, California -- hometown to the Diaz brothers -- was named by Forbes Magazine as the number one “most miserable” city in America.  Damn, son.  Not the 209!

According to Forbes:

Only 15% of Stockton adults have a college degree, which is one of the lowest rates in the U.S. Unemployment is expected to hit 15% in 2010, while housing prices should keep falling back to their mid-1990s level when the median home price was $130,000.

Stockton also has problems with violent crime, and paradoxically has one of the longest average commute times while also having one of the highest unemployment rates, begging the question, where the hell are these people commuting to every day?

Say what you will, elitists at Forbes Magazine, Stockton is a great place to raise fighters.  It’s also a good place to get bitten by a mean dog, or have your car stereo stolen.  One man's misery is another man's home.  Homey.

('Look at that, same size I was in high school.')

Fedor Emelianenko loves three things: competing in Sambo tournaments, eating two ice cream cones at once, and fighting in New Year's Eve freak show matches in Japan. We know this about Fedor. We accept this about him. So that's why when he appeared at Dream.6 and made comments about a potential NYE fight in Japan, we naturally wondered what that meant for his participation in Affliction's second event in California. You know, the one that was "rescheduled" for January after a Fedor-less card failed to sell tickets in Las Vegas.

But Affliction VP Tom Atencio says not to worry. Fedor won't be fighting in Japan on New Year's Eve because Affliction has "extended his contract." When asked if that meant Fedor was a lock for January 19, Atencio dropped this minor shocker:

"The date and location are not official," Atencio said. "Everyone is tripping. Our next show will definitely be the 1st quarter of 2009 in January, possibly February. Nothing is confirmed though."

Wait a minute, we're tripping? Us, the people who think that maybe you should consider nailing down a venue, a date, and -- dare I say it -- even a fight card for the event you hope to sell tickets to? That's "tripping"? Since when did Tom Atencio become a college sophomore at a Dave Matthews concert? We don't mean to be a buzzkill or anything, but these are the kinds of details that could end up being pretty important down the road.