Jared Shaw

(Props: MMA Fanhouse)

"Can [Kimbo Slice] be a successful heavyweight? I don't think so. I think 100% he's in the wrong weight class, that's to begin with...But I don't necessarily think Kimbo can get to 205, at 35 years of age, with the wear and tear. It's tough to learn this sport, this sport is a lot different than boxing because with boxing you only have to use your hands. In mixed martial arts, you use your hands, your feet, you grapple on the ground, you use submissions. That is a lot of knowledge to retain, and at some point your body starts to shuts down on you in life...Kimbo's in the wrong sport, there's no doubt about that. Kimbo should be in boxing...If you want to be the best of the best, if you want to make the most money possible for your family like you say, then you probably should have went to the square-circle."

So says former EliteXC VP Jared "$kala" Shaw, who has now been out of the MMA game for over a year, and recently checked in for an interview with Fanhouse. Despite the criticism of Kimbo's career choices, Shaw harbors no ill will towards the TUF 10 star, and is proud of the time he spent promoting fighters like Slice, Gina Carano, and Brett Rogers — and if the UFC or Strikeforce wants to give him a job, he's totally down. It's a more reflective, slightly-less-cocky version of $kala than we're used to seeing, even when he's indirectly taking credit for Gina's budding movie career. Later in the interview, Shaw tells us that his music is coming along, and he hopes to drop it on us next year. Also, Herschel Walker is a joke, and Bob Arum is an embarassment to the Jewish race. Pot, meet thrifty, lactose-intolerant kettle...

The Shaw family is a lot like herpes: nobody likes the fact that they even exist, and yet we can’t get rid of them.  You might recognize the above promo video for “Blood, Sweat, and Bling,” the reality show about boxing promoter Gary Shaw that we told you about some months back, but which thankfully seemed to die a quiet death in the alley behind some TV production studio.  Well, they didn’t bury this thing deep enough, because the show is reportedly back on, according to rich brat/local idiot Jared Shaw.

(Friends forever? Photo courtesy of AllElbows.com)

It’s hard to even get up the energy to mock Jared Shaw anymore.  He’s just so damn irrelevant.  But in talking about the role Kimbo Slice’s loss to Seth Petruzelli played in EliteXC’s collapse, he summed up the company’s fundamental failures without even realizing it:

"I stick up for him a lot because we put so much weight on his shoulders because we had to, we needed a face. No, we didn't expect him to be the world champion. We knew if he fought the kind of fighters that were at that level that his chances of winning were probably slimmer," said Shaw. "But you've got to throw somebody up there as the best in the world, because you've got to put a face on the company. And that's not to say he can't become one of the best fighters in the world, cause he's an athlete, he has talent, but that was the situation we were up against."

(Props: CageToday and "Juggo")

Our bro Ariel Helwani has landed his first big "get" at Versus.com — Jared Shaw, the stomach-tattooed uber-douche who acted as EliteXC Vice President during his father's ill-fated promotional reign with the company. We scanned the interview hoping to find a quote in which Jared referred to himself in the third person, and Young Shaw did not disappoint. But before that, we were saddened to see $kala's negative take on MMA blogs. (And after all we've done for you!) The whole thing is worth reading, but for now, check out this excerpt:

(Props: Fightlinker)

God help you, but what you're about to see is the trailer for an in-production reality show about Gary Shaw and his family, titled Blood, Sweat -n- Bling. We could care less about what a boxing promoter does and what Shaw has accomplished in that field — the clip seems to leave out his brief and hideous stint with EliteXC altogether — so why not just skip ahead to the 4:51 mark and get a load of the segment on his son Jared. Apparently it's not an act; $kala really is a deluded, epically entitled leech on his father, with absolutely nothing positive to offer society. (Check the freestyle: "Overseas in Greece, stop in Tel Aviv / Sucky-sucky Hong Kong, gotta love them Chinese.")

I have to admit, this trailer actually made me feel sorry for Gary. Between his incarcerated first son, total failure fourth son, worthless idiot wife, and (one would assume) heart disease and diabetes, I do not envy this man's life. Getting up every morning must be a struggle, to put it mildly. Not that I'd ever watch this show, and I truly hope it's never made available for other people to watch. But man, how 'bout this Jared Shaw? Is he The Worst, or what?