UFC 89

(Epic fail, this time of the drug test variety.)

Remember the story heading into UFC 89 about how Chris Leben had matured and kicked the booze and turned his life around? Forget that, because his life has just turned back around with the word today that Leben tested positive for steroids after his bout with Michael Bisping in England last month.

Leben popped positive for Stanozolol and has been suspended for nine months by the UFC and fined one-third of his fight purse. To make things worse, there's not even any athletic commission-mandated testing in England, so it was the UFC's own internal testing system that caught him. At least Leben isn't playing innocent. He apparently admitted using the drug, but told Dana White he thought it would be out of his system in time for the test. So, you know, that makes it okay, right?

Leben's official mea culpa:

“I’ve really done everything I can to turn my life around,” said Leben.

“And this is a huge setback for me. But it’s something I will have to deal with. During my time off from fighting, I want to speak to kids about the dangers of using performance enhancing agents and let them know it just doesn’t get you ahead in life. Of course, this is a hard hit for me monetarily, but more so this is embarrassing for me and for all my fans.”

Jesus, he's already doing the 'I want to talk to kids' thing? The fight was just a few weeks ago. What idiot publicist fed him that painfully transparent line? Just for perspective on this, let's recap Leben's recent career decisions:

(You just signed your own motherfucking death-warrant, Gugerty.)

After the jump, for spoiler-haters...

(Luis Cane's pimp-slap, straight left combo. No one ever expects it. Props, UG.)

- Apparently the hip new trend for youngsters on the internet is to film themselves making UFC predictions and then throw it up on YouTube. Fightlinker spotted the very enthusiastic WishKid12 doing her thing, and decided to see how her picks matched up against those made by professionals like us. We're proud to report that both Bens (weirdly, we made the exact same picks) soundly defeated this precocious prognosticator. While she went 2-3 on the night, we went 4-1 (curse you Cane, and your bitch-slapping awesomeness). The only one in this impromptu contest to beat us was Fightlinker, with a perfect 5-0. So basically we're smarter than a twelve-year-old girl but dumber than drunk Canadians. That's still better than either of our families ever expected.

- Patrick Cote tells MMA Mania that the UFC did not have him sign a contract extension prior to his title fight against Anderson Silva at UFC 90 this Saturday night. That's notable since he's at or near the end of his current contract, and typically the UFC makes sure they have a guy locked up before they take a chance on him becoming a belt-holder. At least, that's what they do when they think the challenger has a chance in hell of winning.

- In case you were wondering, Dana White says he will reward Josh Koscheck with a shot at the welterweight title if he beats Thiago Alves this weekend. We all know how much White loves guys who are willing to step in on short notice, and Koscheck has a chance to turn Diego Sanchez's misfortune into a big break for himself. Not that anyone's really clamoring for GSP-Koscheck II at this point.

- MMA Payout takes issue with the UFC's insinuation that Brandon Vera voluntarily sat out a year and then returned a different fighter. They point out that Vera was an early victim of the "Zuffa Freeze Out" and that by running around comparing the old Vera to the new one, Dana White may be unwittingly calling the wrong kind of attention to his own negotiation practices. Damn revisionist history.

From the unaired preliminaries, Per Eklund (he's the bald one with the peace tattoo) and Samy Schiavo go at it at UFC 89 while some Dutch dudes (or Swedish dudes, if you really give a shit) narrate. The fight has the frenetic pace that we're accustomed to from the desperate prelim fighters, and it makes for a hell of a scrap that is absolutely worth watching.

It's tough to tell from the lighting and the camera angle, but it would appear that in England people actually show up for the prelims. There's a noticeable lack of the empty seats that we're used to during these fights. Guess that's what happens when you sell those cageside seats to individuals rather than casinos. Good to see people getting their money's worth.

On Friday, we showed you Suzanne VanOrman's attempt to discredit MMA veteran/Oregon State Representative candidate Matt Lindland as a barbaric and well-paid cage-fighter. Well, here's one of Matt's attack ads. LOFL @ that garbage-ass green screen and Lindland's Meat Loaf-esque campaign platform. Good luck, buddy.

(Props: Yahoo! MMA Experts)
Michael Bisping defends his measured performance at UFC 89 in this video interview from The Telegraph.

After the jump: Keith Jardine answers questions at the post-UFC 89 press conference in his usual humble, quiet, completely unmarketable way, and the painfully attractive Rachelle Leah stops by Chelsea Lately to discuss her decision to do Playboy, while Chelsea drops in quirky vagina-slang at every opportunity and shows off her pet midget.