Jose Canseco

Shaq Wants to Fight Chuck Liddell and Hong Man Choi - Watch more Funny Videos
(Props: the6levels.com)

The chances of Shaquille O'Neal taking on Chuck Liddell in an MMA match? Still not very good. But it seems that Sweaty Shaq has another fighter in his sights these days: "The big boy that knocked out Jose Canseco." O'Neal has been training hard at The 6 Levels, and wants to avenge the reputation of American pro athletes by whupping Hong Man Choi after he retires from basketball in a year or two. We hope DREAM is still around by then to put this match together, because it sounds like the ultimate freak-fight. Shaq already has a way with trash-talking Asian opponents, and with Bob Sapp's star power fading, someone needs to fill the role of "huge crazy black guy who fights in Japan and beats up cardboard cutouts." Anyway, Shaq vs. HMC: Who takes it and how?

(You know, Jason, it would be nice if your junk transitioned to a renewable energy source. Photo courtesy of DreamOfficial.com)

The return of Kid Yamamoto. Light-heavyweights fighting super-heavyweights. Desperate baseball players possibly dying in the ring. Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to see some crazy shit. DREAM.9 kicks off in a few minutes, and if you're reading this live, God bless you. Round-by-round updates from the HDNet broadcast are after the jump; refresh the page every few minutes to get all the latest. If there's a long stretch of time where there's no updates, it just means that I've fallen asleep. Let's all hope that doesn't happen.
 

(It was at that moment that Jose realized his life had become unmanageable. Photo courtesy of DreamOfficial.com)

DREAM.9 — which goes down tomorrow in Yokohama, and will be broadcast live on HDNet starting at 5 a.m. ET / 2 a.m. PT — is simply too epic for us not to liveblog. If you'll be awake for some reason, swing by and find out how quickly/pathetically Jose Canseco gets his ass kicked by Hong Man Choi — as well as what happens with the rest of the Super Hulk Tournament opening round, the featherweight grand prix quarterfinals, and the Mayhem/Jacare middleweight title fight. If you'll be sleeping like a normal person, just come over when you wake up and get caught up on all the insanity.

Weigh-in results are after the jump, courtesy of MMA Weekly.

(Don't get used to it, buddy. By the way, those aren't real tats — he's wearing one of those queer-ass tattoo shirts. )

With his MMA debut coming in four days, you might be wondering what Jose Canseco has been doing to prepare for Hong Man Choi. After all, we've seen no photos or videos of him training at MMA camps, and he's ignored every interview request from MMA news outlets (us included). It's all a big mystery. Well, it seems like the real answer is the most logical one:

(Image courtesy of DreamOfficial.com)

Maybe the word "epic" is overused on the Internet. Certainly we've been guilty of using it vain when "totally sweet" would have sufficed. But I think "epic" really does apply to DREAM.9 (May 26th, Yokohama) which contains the quarterfinals of DREAM's "Super Hulk Tournament" and Featherweight Grand Prix, as well as a great lightweight feature between Tatsuya Kawajiri and Gesias Cavalcante, and the middleweight title fight between Jason Miller and Ronaldo "Jacare" Souza.

The show will be broadcast in North America on HDNet Tuesday morning at 5 a.m. ET/2 a.m. PT, and while I'm not really down with farmer's hours, I might have to watch this one live (and maybe even liveblog it) — especially since it'll also represent an emotional farewell to HDNet. Right, so DREAM.9's official fight order will be...