Ricco Rodriguez

(Image courtesy of fleshlightfights.com)

If you spend as much time on the Internet as we do, you've probably come across the Fleshlight, a flashlight-shaped masturbatory device with a vagina-like opening at one end. It's the kind of thing that lonely men might use when normal jerking-off loses it's sense of mystery and romance. (See also: The Japanese Love Egg).

Aaaaaanyway, the self-proclaimed "#1 Selling Male Sex Toy in the World" is getting into the MMA game now, launching a site called fleshlightfights.com. If you go there, you'll see that they're sponsoring King of Kombat 7: Judgement Day, a 10-fight card featuring Ricco Rodriguez, Nick Gonzalez, and Cedric Marks. For $9.99, you can buy an interactive stream of the event on September 29th, that allows you to switch between five different camera angles. And if you order before the 22nd, you'll receive $10 in "Fleshbucks," which I guess can be redeemed towards a new Fleshlight, should you burn through your first one. Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, eh? You're goddamned right it does. There's just one problem...

From the Houston Chronicle, Jared Barnes talks with Tim Sylvia about the state of his career and the potential for WAMMA's legitimacy. Sylvia is under the impression that he'll be fighting on the second Affliction show in October, but won't say who he might face. He also says that he'd eventually like a rematch with Fedor, presumably because it's a great way to get paid without having to be in the ring very long. He also manages to talk a little smack about Ricco Rodriguez. Just proves that no matter how low you're feeling, there's always someone down there for you to kick.

(Rodriguez and Davis. Photo courtesy of the Las Vegas Sun.)

Sad news coming out of Las Vegas today: Apparently, former UFC heavyweight champ/Celebrity Rehab star Ricco Rodriguez competed in a pro boxing match last night at the Las Vegas Hilton, losing a slow-paced four-round decision to a gentleman named Chad Davis. Punishing the scales at 270 pounds, Rodriguez was heckled by boxing legend/rapist Mike Tyson, who was sitting ringside, and who had clearly paid to see blood:

“Are you going to throw some punches or what?” he asked in the first round.

Ricco’s opponent, Chad Davis, from Phoenix, taunted the former UFC champ at the end of the first with a little hip gyration maneuver.

“Come on,” Tyson implored. “Try to hurt each other.”

Rodriguez has one other boxing match under his belt — an October 2006 KO of Brandon Baker — while Davis came into the fight with an 0-1 record (thanks boxrec.com!). The match took place just two weeks after Rodriguez's last MMA bout, a submission win over Chris Guillen at an Ultimate Combat Experience event.

Related: Mike Tyson's Brunch-Out!!

We promise, no more Pit Fighting-related posts after this, but we wanted to officially drive the nail through the bowl-shaped coffin with these two videos.

First, the semi-final match between Ricco "#1" Rodriguez and Travis Wiuff, notable for the classic line "I don't like that jumping stuff." The crowd shot at the 2:37 to 2:40 mark is priceless. (As is Ricco's gut at the 4:45 mark.)

Also, here's the dreadful Scott Ferrall announcing video that broke the Internet when we tried to post it from DojoTube yesterday. It's up on YouTube now, and all is right with the world.

10. ROB EMERSON

Offenses: Was arrested in 2000 for his membership in the Lords of South County, a gang of Orange County rich kids who liked to assault innocent people for fun. Arrested again in 2006 after a dustup at a bar, and pled guilty to two counts of battery. His middling fight record doesn't justify his UFC contract.
Notable quote: "I got bent over and took it up the ass on a lot of bullshit judges' decisions. But fuck ‘em, their faces were fucked up worse than mine. That’s all I care about!"

9. BILL GOLDBERG

Offenses: His inexcusably awful work for EliteXC has brought MMA commentary to new, previously unimagined depths. Was reportedly abusive and obnoxious on the set of The Longest Yard.
Notable quote: "Ladies and gentlemen, I don't give a damn about traditional mixed martial arts."

8. BOB MEYROWITZ

Offenses: Ran the UFC into the mud marketing it as the most outrageous bloodsport on Earth. Currently working to eliminate ground-fighting with the YAMMA pit. Has a history of losing investors' money (see eyada.com).
Notable quote: "On the streets it's against the law — in the pit it is the law." (YAMMA tagline)

7. GILBERT YVEL

Offenses: One of the dirtiest fighters in MMA history. DQ'd once for eye gouging, once for biting, and once for knocking out a referee; laughed when he was arrested after the incident.
Notable quote: "The referee...not a good thing, but memorable."