Heath Herring

(Kongo dodges Al-Turk's ferocious breakdancing attack at UFC 92. Photo courtesy of boxinginlasvegas.com.)

From a new update on UFC.com:

To commemorate the DVD release of Never Surrender on April 28th, LionsGate has given us five copies of the flick to give away to you wonderful people. Hit us with the plot summary, IMDb:

So it's kind of like this, but with higher production values and a cast of actual MMA stars (Georges St. Pierre, BJ Penn, Anderson Silva, Quinton Jackson, and Heath Herring). You know you want to see that. And to score a copy of the movie, all you have to do is come up with an entertaining caption to the photo after the jump...

#0: Heath Herring vs. Yoshihiro Nakao @ K-1 Premium 2005 Dynamite!! (12/31/05), 0 seconds

Who the hell knows what Yoshihiro Nakao was thinking when he planted a surprise smooch on Heath Herring before their fight at K-1’s 2005 New Year’s Eve show. (Maybe that the Texas Crazy Horse would become blinded by lust, leaving him unable to intelligently defend himself?) Unfortunately, not only is Herring “not gay,” but he resents the implication, and responds by punching Nakao right across his sweet, pillowy lips. Even if the match was ruled a no-contest, it’s still a KO at the 0:00 mark of round 1, earning it an honorary spot on our list of Fast & Furious knockouts. Not since the epic Gracie vs. Howard battle at UFC 3 had there been such a dramatic finish to a fight before it had even technically started. And the nickname “Kiss” still haunts Nakao to this day...

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(People tell him to stop going to that damn epileptic barber, but Heath just won't listen.)

Remember yesterday when we told you that Cain Velasquez was going to be back in action at UFC 99 in Germany, and we were hoping he’d see a step up in competition?  Well, our wish has been granted, as MMA Weekly reports that Velasquez will face noted heavyweight stepping stone Heath Herring in Cologne this summer.

Herring, who is 2-3 since migrating to the UFC, last saw action as a one-man pony ride for Brock Lesnar in a decision loss that left Herring with a fractured orbital bone and Lesnar with a title shot.  Before that Herring won a victory over Cheick Kongo, who briefly thought he was a wrestler, and lost a decision to Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira despite rocking Big Nog with a head kick early on.

If what we saw in Herring’s performances against Lesnar and in his UFC debut loss to Jake O’Brien are any indication (remember what Velasquez did to O'Brien?), getting matched up with another big wrestler that the UFC has high hopes for is not a good sign for “The Texas Crazy Horse.”  Velasquez seemed to have really rounded out his skill-set in his last fight, and he could put a serious hurting on Herring. 

If he does, it’s basically Velasquez’s pass into the upper echelon of the UFC’s heavyweight class.  If he doesn’t, Herring gets to keep hanging around in his win one, lose one fashion.

No word yet on who Velasquez’s AKA teammate Mike Swick will face, but there is this:

(If that's not a man ready to be kissed, then everything I've learned watching "The Pick-Up Artist" is wrong.)

Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva seems intent on proclaiming his innocence on the steroid charge all the way to Japan, where he faces Yoshihiro “Kiss” Nakao on January’s Sengoku card.  But don’t think he isn’t focused on his opponent's not-so secret weapon.  If Nakao tries to put a little love on Silva’s lips, he’ll be in trouble.  At least I think that’s what this bizarre quote is meant to insinuate:

You need to be careful with the kisses too, huh?

Man, we are training this too. We’re training Jiu-Jitsu, Wrestling and that too (laughter), maintain a certain distance not to take that risk. My hands are kind of big and I’ll always take care not to get close. Who did once can do twice, I don’t want to have problems, I want to get there and fight. I don’t like jokes, I have no disinclination to any professional who I’d fought, and thank God I like all of them and they all liked me.

His hands are big?  This is related to kissing?  Did he mean lips or, I’ll just say it, head?  Who knows, but these translated interviews from Tatame are always fun to decipher.  I am a little disappointed to hear that Bigfoot doesn’t like jokes, though.  Has he heard the one about the boy who cried ‘false positive’?  You know what, nevermind.  I don’t think he’s in the mood for it.

As for whether Nakau will try and kiss him, the only advice I can offer is if you feel it, don’t be afraid to show it, man.  You don’t want to go through life wondering, ‘what if I had tried to kiss that big, weird-looking Brazilian guy?’  Trust me, it’s the worst kind of regret there is.