Wilson Gouveia

(Props: Caposa3 via "CRE" on the UG)

Less than three full months into 2009, and we've already seen some of the most creative submissions and brutal KOs in recent memory; this new highlight comp collects the best of them. Between the slo-mo footage and understated, ambient soundtrack, moments like Demian Maia's triangle choke of Chael Sonnen (1:17-1:47) and Nate Marquardt's devastation of Wilson Gouveia (3:46-4:02) seem even more epic. Enjoy. 

Props to MMA Weekly, UFC.com, The Sun, Martin McNeil, and the "UFC 95: The Aftermath" set on Combat Lifestyle.

(Photo courtesy of SI.com)

Another UFC event is in the books, which means it’s time again to see who’s up and who’s down according to the Potato Index’s arbitrary numerical rankings system.  It’s kind of like Bob Reilly’s poll, only we admit it’s total bullshit.  And at least this particular brand of bullshit is more fun.

Diego Sanchez +123

“The Nightmare” proved he can cut almost forty pounds and still go three rounds at a steady pace.  That could be bad news for some other lightweight contenders, though it would still be interesting to see how he stacks up against one of the better wrestlers in the division.  Sean Sherk’s not too busy, is he?

Joe Stevenson -88

Another disappointing performance for Stevenson leaves us wondering where he can possibly go from here.  He just doesn’t seem to have enough in his toolbox to hang with the top fighters, and secluding himself in Victorville, which is not known for its elite training facilities, certainly isn’t helping.

Demian Maia +204

If you’re going to do only one thing, you’d better do it extremely well, and Maia does.  He forces another quality opponent to fight on his terms and puts him away with impressive ease.  Is there any middleweight not named Anderson Silva who can pose a significant threat to him at this point?

(Props: MMA Scraps)

Diego Sanchez engages in a kickboxing bout, while Joe Stevenson fights a boxing match.  When that happens, you can usually guess who's going to win.  A strong debut at lightweight for Sanchez.  As for Stevenson, instead of considering your own drop in weight, as you may be tempted to, how about getting with a good camp and learning some new tricks?

More videos, including Maia-Sonnen, Koscheck-Thiago, and more are after the jump.

("Look, I'm not saying you have to touch your foreheads together like some of the other guys, but you have to understand how retarded this looks right now." Photo courtesy of Combat Lifestyle.)

Like the light from a distant star that died out millions of years before it can be seen from Earth, here we are about to watch the transmission of a UFC event that already happened, hours away and across an ocean. If you were able to avoid spoilers up until this point, pat yourself on the back. And I'd just like to take this opportunity to warn you that if you want to keep this experience totally pure, maybe stay away from the comments section for a while, because there's always gonna be some sad loser who takes perverted joy in ruining things for the rest of us, when they're not masturbating in their own feces. (No offense to "COOL!" or the guy currently pretending to be "Kadumel." You seem like a couple of interesting dudes and I'd love to get a beer and a burger with you sometime. Please get in touch with me here.)

Live Tape-delayed results and commentary for UFC 95 are after the jump. Refresh the page every few minutes to see all the latest...