Tattoos

(In his own words: "Tattoos are my hobby. That is that." Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)

While you're trying to figure out what witty zingers might pass between Aleksander Emelianenko, Vladimir Putin, and Jean-Claude Van Damme in our latest caption contest, you might be wondering to yourself, what ever became of Aleks after he was kicked off the Affliction event amid rumors that he may or may not have Hepatitis B? Well don't worry. According to Aleks, it was all just a paperwork issue, as he explains to The Fight Network:

"I came late, couldn't get my Visa in time and I was not allowed to fight. I'm healthy."

That's weird, because just last week M-1's Raimond Joost said you had "medical issues." Granted, he also expressed optimism that they could be resolved, but he sure as hell didn't try and chalk the whole thing up to Visa troubles. Not to mention, if it was just a paperwork snafu, why would the CSAC's Bill Douglas say this:

“The one thing that I can absolutely say is that he (Emelianenko) was not and will not be cleared to fight in California. He is officially denied a license and that will stand for all of the United States of America.”

Aleks, I'm getting the sneaking suspicion that you are lying to us, and doing a really bad job of it. Couldn't you at least think of something more plausible? The strangest comment of the interview, however, was this one:

From MMAFightGirls

Joe Rogan has a new tattoo (well a few months old) which took over 5 sessions to complete, but it’s pretty amazing. Aaron Della Vedova from Guru Tattoo is the artist who did all of this amazing work. Apparently the sleeve tattoo depicts Joe’s DMT (Spirit Molecule) trip where he hallucinated and saw an Alien Thai Buddha made out of energy telling him not to give into astonishment. If you look at the molecule in the center of the tattoo it’s the DMT, Dimethyltryptamine, molecule.

Don't do it, Joe! DO NOT GIVE IN TO ASTONISHMENT!!!

I can't imagine a bigger hippie move than tattooing your own psychedelic vision on your arm. He's going to run out of body space if he keeps taking up real estate like this. What if he has another, even crazier trip the next time he goes DMT'ing, and one of those machine elves is like "I would love it if you tattooed our little adventure on your left arm, that would really make me happy." Because he's basically screwed at that point.

In other Roganews...

As many of you are probably unaware, there's an IFL event going down tonight in Uncasville, CT, which will feature Roy Nelson defending his heavyweight title against Brad Imes, and Ryan Schultz defending his lightweight belt against Deividas Taurosevicius. (You can watch the action live on HDNet beginning at 8:30 p.m. ET.) And here's something you might not know about the IFL: They require all their fighters to get shitty tattoos on their shoulders. Honestly — the photos from the weigh-ins prove it. My favorite is Matt Horwich's (above left), which is a screaming pencil with musical notes coming out of its eraser. More insane ink after the jump.

He also talks about some other stuff, like his love of steak. But my goodness, if Lesnar can withstand the questions lobbed at him by these boring hacks, he can withstand just about anything. I got to the 4:41 mark before tapping out.

(Props: BloodyElbow)

12. Rich Clementi

Ignore the unfortunately placed head in this picture and focus on the tat on Rich's right pec. Cartoony tattoos are never cool. Ever. I don't care how tough you are, there should be laws against this sort of thing. Write your Congressman.

11. Tim Sylvia

Tim Sylvia: "Dude, I'm gonna' get a tattoo that covers 30% of my arm and shoulder!"
Friend: "Really? What's it going to be?"
Tim Sylvia: "I don't know, just the first design I see in the parlor's portfolio. It'll make me look like one of the cool kids."

10. Joe Riggs

Tattoo Rule #1: Never get your name - or nickname - tattooed on yourself.
Tattoo Rule #2: If you ignore Rule #1, don't use giant block letters when getting said tattoo.

9. Cub Swanson

I saw a cool postcard in Malibu once, but never did I consider tattooing it all over me. Appears Cub Swanson doesn't share the same restraint as I do.