(“I am not impress wit my performance” – Photo by Esther Lin for MMAFighting)
Schadenfreude is the German word for taking pleasure from the misfortune of others, and aside from scheisseporn it’s pretty much the best word to come out of Germany untranslated. The German fußball team gave us some textbook definition schadenfreude action when they crushed Brazil 7-1 in the World Cup earlier this week, and everyone on the internet delighted in watching the host nation weep like little bitches during the meltdown.
Evil pleasure aside, there’s something fascinating about seeing another human wallowing in sadness. And outside of a choking team’s arena or third world country, I’d argue there’s no better place to stare sadness in the face than at a UFC post-fight press conference.
While most of the defeated fighters on a card get to skip the conference and ruminate on their losses in private, the loser of the main event is expected to show up and answer sharp questions from our crack MMA media like “How do you feel right now?” and “What is next now that you’ve failed?”
The look on their faces as they struggle to answer will hit you right in the feels. Or trigger dat schadenfreude if you’re a dick. Since I am definitely a dick, allow me to be your sadness sommelier on this tour through the saddest sadfaces at UFC post-fight press conferences…
After three failed runs at the lightweight title, Kenny dropped down to 145 for one last attempt at a UFC belt. Unfortunately he ran into the buzzsaw that was prime Jose Aldo and lost the fight 49-46 on all three judges’ scorecards. I’m pretty sure he would have shed a few tears if his body had the moisture to spare after cutting down to featherweight.
It seemed pretty damn obvious to everyone except BJ Penn that he was gonna get tool time’d by Frankie Edgar in their third fight. It wasn’t until the post-fight conference that the reality of his situation hit BJ in the face harder than anything Frankie threw in the cage. “I shouldn’t have come back.” Welcome to everyone’s conclusion from nine months ago, BJ.
Georges is the only winner to make it onto this list for the epic sadface he pulled after his ‘victory’ over Johny Hendricks. First off, you know a guy as OCD as GSP was aware he didn’t exactly perform to his typical flawless standard. Secondly, he not only had those ‘personal problems’ to deal with, his awkward out of the blue retirement in the cage went over about as well as a fart in church. That all led to St Pierre giving us a little glimpse of what things are like in his dark place.
For all the hype and accolades Lyoto got out of this fight, he knows the score: he’s 36 years old, and only managed to secure this title shot by default because the rest of the middleweight division turned out to be on steroids. Unless he’s willing to push his career into Randy Couture territory, we probably just witnessed his last kick at the title shot can.
Here’s a twofer that proves the only thing worse than choking and losing a title fight with two minutes remaining is choking and losing a title fight in the second round. Not pictured: the sad face Chael has now as he sits on his couch with his withered testicles in one hand and a lifetime prescription for TRT in the other.