(Nut shots. It’s in the game.™)
Last week, the much anticipated EA Sports reboot of the UFC video game franchise went live in demo form — those fortunate enough to already own a next gen console got to take control of Jon Jones and Alexander Gustafsson and beat the living piss out of each other for as long as that stayed entertaining. And based on the hundreds of user-uploaded videos, it seems like people are indeed entertained…if not always for the right reasons.
We’ve now dug up the 12 best videos created thus far so you can get a closer look at how the game plays when in the hands of semi-competent gamers. Follow me after the jump to see all the best knockouts, tap-outs, and glitch-outs that EA SPORTS UFC has to offer.
A lot of YouTubers tend to upload knockout videos that are 8 minutes long and feature two to three knockouts. This is terrible. So don’t bother with any other allegedly ‘hilarious’ and / or ‘brutal’ knockout highlight videos. Watch this one, which crams over 25 knockouts into less than two minutes. Some compelling ass-kicking music and 1080p rendering really lets you enjoy watching Alexander Gustafsson recreate such famous KO poses as the Etim, the Salmon, and the Quarry. What, no Schaub trying to catch his soul?
I’m still having a hard time getting my takedown defense up to even British levels of consistency, never mind pulling off fancy submissions on the ground. But others have mastered the system and have created a playlist featuring every sub in the game. There’s some pretty fancy ones like the inverted triangle and Peruvian necktie, but my favorite remains the kimura because of the epic poopface fighters make while going for it.
Question for readers: Does Jon Jones’ use of the Five-Point-Palm Exploding-Heart-Technique make him a dirty fighter? Don’t forget to let everyone know what an asshole you think he is in the comments.
There are a couple of animations that seem to pop up a lot in this demo. There’s that pro wrestling body slam that makes up for 33.33333 percent of all takedowns, and then there’s this super stunned staggering business, which can get a little over the top at times. Never give up hope though — Frankie Edgar looked twice as bad during those Gray Maynard fights and still managed to pull out the win.
Just like in real life, video game Jon Jones is poking everyone in their facenuts. Video game Alexander Gustafsson’s response to this is one of the best delayed reaction performances you’re going to see outside of soccer.
On the next page: Sudden paralysis, heavy petting, and the ONE WEIRD TRICK to winning every time…