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15 Moments of Instant Regret [GIFs]

The 16 Most Notorious Arrests in MMA History

#5: War Machine
Arrested for: Assault

He beat up people outside of a gym. He beat up people at a gay club. He beat up people at a porn star’s birthday party. But somehow War Machine (formerly known as Jon Koppenhaver) managed to avoid jail time until another violent episode in San Diego, which ended with a spit bag and a one-year sentence. Thanks to his hilariously idiotic prison blogs, it’s like he never left.

#4: Joe Son
Arrested for: Five felony counts of rape, two felony counts of forcible sodomy, two felony counts of sodomy in concert by force, seven felony counts of forcible oral copulation, and one felony count of sexual penetration by foreign object by force.

In May 2008, the UFC old-schooler and actor pled guilty to felony vandalism, which required him to submit a DNA sample. The sample wound up connecting Son to a horrific unsolved gang-rape from 1990. Along with a second suspect, Son was accused of dragging a woman into the back of a car on Christmas Eve, pistol-whipping her, threatening her life at gun point while he counted the bullets in his gun, and raping her repeatedly before releasing her naked with her pants tied around her eyes. We’re not sure where Son is at the moment, but we hope it’s nowhere good.

#3: Jarrod Wyatt
Arrested for: First-degree murder

To be honest, we’d never heard of this dude until he was arrested. 1-0 as a pro and 1-0 as an amateur, Wyatt’s brief MMA career came to an end when he drilled a hole into his sparring partner’s chest, removed his heart, tongue, and most of his face, then cooked the body parts in a wood stove. Wyatt was reportedly under the influence of psychedelic drugs, and became convinced that his friend was the devil. The gruesome story went viral, with every news outlet making sure to include the phrase “MMA Fighter” in the headline. Ouch. On the bright side, it made for a great Taiwanese animated news clip.

#2: Quinton “Rampage” Jackson
Arrested for: Felony hit and run, felony evading arrest.

After losing a light-heavyweight championship bout to Forrest Griffin at UFC 86, Rampage Jackson decided to drown his sorrows at the bottom of countless energy drinks, not knowing what a fatal cocktail dehydration and sleep deprivation can be. And then it gets weird. While behind the wheel of a customized Ford F-350 — which conveniently had his face plastered on the side — ‘Page played bump ‘n’ jump with at least three other cars in a freaked-out joyride through Orange County. Cops tried to detain the reckless prize fighter but he refused to stop, even driving on rims after his tires blew out. Eventually, Rampage was forced out of the truck at gunpoint. Jackson wound up doing just 200 hours of community service and then went on to star in The A Team, which allowed him to cause public suffering on an even larger scale. A lawsuit filed by a woman who claimed she suffered a miscarriage after her vehicle was struck by Jackson’s was later dismissed in court.

#1: Lee Murray
Arrested for: Epic bank robbery

Batman had the Joker. Superman had Lex Luther. Dana White has Bob Reilly. Chuck Liddell, Ken Shamrock, and Jenna Jameson all have Tito Ortiz. Humanity has Lee Murray. In what was the largest bank heist in the history of the United Kingdom, the former UFC/Cage Rage fighter masterminded the kidnapping of a bank worker and his family in the process of stealing £53,116,760 (over $86 million). Man, you’d think with that amount of money the U.K. could hire a few dentists and wrestling coaches. Kidding aside, Murray might have gotten away with it if he hadn’t crashed his car before the robbery and fled the scene, leaving behind his cell phone which contained an accidentally recorded conversation between him and a co-conspirator. After four months on the run, Murray was apprehended in Morocco, where he’s currently serving a 25 years prison sentence. A movie based on Murray’s life is reportedly in the works.

Honorable mentions: Ricco Rodriguez, Chris Leben, Patrick Smith, Wesley “Cabbage” Correira, Hermes Franca, Josh Neer, Melvin Guillard

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kobracom- June 17, 2011 at 1:59 pm
Well why War Machine did not make it is beyond me, BUT the BIGGEST MISTAKE you have done OP is not list Lee Murray (British fighter) BY FAR the most criminal mma fighter of ALL TIME hands down. Anyone who reads this, should really watch the Lee Murray story, the guy is a real lif crazy mo'fo. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kh0pT18OFsw . Enjoy folks.
Shaky- June 16, 2011 at 2:52 pm
@RWilsonR
You'll never know for sure, but I am freaking gorgeous
bgoldstein- June 16, 2011 at 11:03 am
@baconbjj He's with us in spirit...and linked in the first line of the feature. Honestly, those charges turned out to be bullshit so I didn't want to promote the "Blevins is a pedo" narrative anymore.
baconbjj- June 16, 2011 at 10:51 am
How does the Lionheart Blevins get snubbed from this list? Not even given a spot on the honorable mention list. Ouch bro.
djp1988- June 16, 2011 at 10:51 am
It's funny, every time I see War Machine, I always have the thought of pizza'ing when you whould have french fry'd and having a bad time.
2DaDeath- June 16, 2011 at 8:39 am
That was the first time I saw that Tiawanese cartoon. Fucking... awesome! Definitely transcends language barriers.
FrontKick Dentist- June 16, 2011 at 8:38 am
Bisping needs to wear a spit bag.
SnackDaddy- June 16, 2011 at 6:31 am
Great article, guys!
ExpectJesusBro- June 16, 2011 at 6:06 am
Thank you CP. This was excellent.
I was gettin some Tito- June 16, 2011 at 6:05 am
I want to hate fuck Kim Couture.
MMA_Hole- June 16, 2011 at 1:50 am
Seriously, English people have bad teeth jokes? What year is it?

Just for the record, no, I'm not English.
murderess- June 16, 2011 at 12:03 am
i can't believe hermes franca didn't make the top 20--he did some creepy shit..
RwilsonR- June 15, 2011 at 11:23 pm
@ shaky - why is it unattractive people are always rambling on about being less image conscious and shallow?
ruffles- June 15, 2011 at 8:12 pm
Gosh darn, this site is fucking fantastic.
AndyInflammatory- June 15, 2011 at 7:49 pm
I think Joe Son took the phrase "Asian brother can't get no love" a bit too close to heart.
the silver hawaiian- June 15, 2011 at 7:17 pm
I, for one, support Shaky's psychedelic efforts.

Rather, I applaud them.
LBo- June 15, 2011 at 6:33 pm
Batman had the Joker. Superman had Lex Luther. Dana White has Bob Reilly. Chuck Liddell, Ken Shamrock, and Jenna Jameson all have Tito Ortiz. Humanity has Lee Murray.

This is possibly the stupidest and most incoherent series of analogies ever written.
DangadaDang- June 15, 2011 at 5:27 pm
War Machine may be the most appropriate name for a person ever.
hooligun- June 15, 2011 at 5:23 pm
oh and lee murray is a legend!
hooligun- June 15, 2011 at 5:22 pm
well said shaky ;)
Shaky- June 15, 2011 at 5:05 pm
..on psychedelics that is of course, the way I know how to live my life...whilst on psychedelics.
Shaky- June 15, 2011 at 5:04 pm
Yeh...on psychedelics...talking about the bit where he takes a pop at English teeth etc in the Lee Murray bit...but still on psychedelics...so I hope you guys don't think any less of me. Just trying live my life the way I know how.
RSparrow- June 15, 2011 at 3:41 pm
Guapo, he's on psychedelics. Watch your face
El Guapo- June 15, 2011 at 3:39 pm
^Anybody know what Shaky's talking aboot?
Shaky- June 15, 2011 at 3:22 pm
Also, we have free dental care up until the age of 19 and then it remains subsidised. We don't wrestle because wrestling is just a weird, archaic (though effective) institution and we already have the Royal Family for that (not effective, not even entertaining, though you guys seem to love their wacky antics). Go to England, are the teeth that bad? Really? I guess we don't spend massive amounts on unnatural, unnecessary, cosmetic procedures because our society is less image conscious and shallow (I said less, still exists)
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