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“The Animals, They Can Sense That”: The TUF Report, Episode 9

In last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter, the quarterfinal matches were announced, Mac Danzig upsets the entire animal kingdom, Ray Longo turns out to be one of those guys who pronounces “penalized” as “peenalized,” and Jon Kolosci goes out like a punk. Read on, if you dare…

The episode kicked off with Matt Serra, Dana White, and Ray Longo hashing out the quarterfinal matchups. Serra proposed his assholish idea of putting Mac against Tommy in a quarterfinal match to ensure that one of Hughes’s remaining guys was knocked out of contention, but more judicious heads prevailed and the matches were arranged thusly:

1) Mac Danzig vs. John Kolosci
2) Matt Arroyo vs. Troy Mandaloniz
3) George Sotiropoppawhatever vs. Richie Hightower (Interesting, because Richie specifically told Dana and Serra that he’d least like to fight George.)
4) Ben Saunders vs. Tommy Speer

Then, Dana threw Serra a nasty curveball: In the fights where two of Serra’s guys would face each other, one of them had to be cornered by Hughes. Serra throws himself a lil’ temper tantrum (“The bond between fighter and trainer is something special, and I don’t think Dana gets it”), and refuses to send any of his guys over to Hughes’s camp. As a result, their fates are decided via coin toss, with Arroyo and Hightower getting the shaft. They have a little chat with Hughes to diffuse the awkwardness of the fact that they clearly don’t want to be training with him, which only makes things more awkward.

As much of a crybaby as Matt Serra was during this episode, he did have a point — what other benefit would this arrangement have other than getting Hughes equal face time in the episodes where his fighters weren’t involved?

The rest of the episode belonged to crazy fuckin’ Mac Danzig, who continued to alienate the other fighters with his relentless negativity. Realizing this, he orders a hummingbird feeder and puts it in the backyard to increase his personal karma. When no hummingbirds — or squirrels, or beetles — go anywhere near the feeder or the backyard in general, Mac decides that drastic measures must be taken. He writes this on the wall by his bunk:

Man, am I the only one that got chills? Only a true psychopath would need to remind himself to “have sympathy.” Anyway, Mac makes more of an effort to be nice — particularly to Blake Bowman, who he now treats like a younger sister, insect pranks and all — and he’s appropriately clear-headed when it’s time to fight John Kolosci.

It’s another disappointing and lopsided match in the vein of Saunders/Barrera and George/J-Roc. Before the fight, John said that his wrestling would give him the edge, but his wrestling looked like some truly weak sauce — he was repeatedly unable to take Mac to the mat, and he seemed to not have a Plan B in place when Plan A turned out to be unsuccessful. Overall, John looked tentative, and Mac made him pay for it, sinking in a rear naked choke at the end of the first round. The odds-on favorite moves on to the semis totally unscathed.

Also, the “coaches’ challenge” in the next episode will be bowling. Dana still hasn’t found a proper container to keep the cash in.

Quote of the Episode — Matt Hughes: “If they come out of the meeting and say Mac and Tommy are fighting together, for a lacker term, I would throw a fit.” I think that “lacker” is southern Illinois slang for “lackuvabetta.” Or maybe he means lacquer?

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