(Does this look like the face of a man who is going to lose?…Probably. / Photo courtesy of Francis Specker)
By Josh Hutchinson
Well Potato Heads, we are staring down the barrel of what would on paper seem like another absurd mismatch for a PPV main event. (Speaking of which, is it just me or does it seem like freak show fights are making a comeback?) Now I could sit here and try to persuade you that this is a legitimate match-up, Stephan Bonnar totally has a chance, Anderson Silva’s heart is not in it, or some equally stupid defense as to why this fight needs to happen, but I like all of you far too much to insult your intelligence like that. For Christ’s sake, even the UFC’s official promo videos for UFC 153 are split between joking that Bonnar has no chance and not showing Bonnar at all, if that tells you anything. So instead I’m going to take a hypothetical look at what could happen if The American Psycho manages to pull off the unbelievable. Because let’s be honest, if it happens, the fallout will be of nuclear proportions. For instance…
Stephen Bonnar, The New Face of Burger King
Should Bonnar prevail, his stock will rise exponentially with sponsors. A miraculous victory over Silva would have Nike, Burger King, and many others reconsidering the amount of support and money that they have thrown at The Spider. At the same time, it would then be easy to spin Bonnar as a legend killer — and therefore a legend himself — and he can be sure to expect a few more 0’s on his future paychecks. To this point, BK has kept their Anderson commercials in Brazil, since American audiences apparently wouldn’t be able to handle a cage-fighting burger pitchman. Bonnar, with his good-guy-everyman image, could break through that wall. New commercial concept: Bonnar and Forrest Griffin get into a furious Stacker-eating contest that leaves both men exhausted, and the other restaurant patrons howling for a rematch.
Anderson Silva pulls a Gina Carano
This one’s not too far-fetched when you look at the facts. We’ve already seen “Anderson Silva, Entertainer” with his upcoming movie roles, Michael Jackson impersonations, appearances with washed-up action stars, nude photo shoots, and Brazilian ass-contest-judging so he clearly knows how to play the game. Now if the bong hasn’t ruined your short-term memory completely, then you might remember another superstar champion from a few years ago, Ms. Gina Carano. Since I’ve never excelled at anything, it’s hard to put myself in the place of a great coming to terms with their own mortality, but if Gina’s plight is any indicator I could very well see Anderson choosing to earn a paycheck with his name instead of his fists.
Shamed, the UFC revamps format, breathes life into a dying sport
As evidenced earlier this week, apparently I’m not the only one that has been less than excited with the fights this year. In fact judging by the comments about 90% of you agree. Now just imagine if the unbeatable golden boy were to lose to a 14-7 fighter who is nowhere near title contention at any weight class. A black eye to the promotion for sure. Now just imagine that said black eye actually made the head honchos at Zuffa step back, reevaluate, and make an attempt to recapture what made all of us fall in love with the sport in the first place. How they can do that, I have no idea, but if they even gave it a half-hearted try it would be a step in the right direction.
So for better or worse, we have a main event this weekend that has no title implications, no effect on any weight class standings, and one competitor that’s thought to have as much of a chance at winning as Vanilla Ice does to win a Grammy this year. The only thing that is certain is should Bonnar prevail, the shit will be hitting the fan in one way or another. Sound off with all your hypothetical outcomes should Silva lose in the comments section, and have fun with it, because hey, it could happen.