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The Big ‘What If?’: Stephen Bonnar Shocks World, Defeats Anderson Silva


(Does this look like the face of a man who is going to lose?…Probably. / Photo courtesy of Francis Specker)

By Josh Hutchinson

Well Potato Heads, we are staring down the barrel of what would on paper seem like another absurd mismatch for a PPV main event. (Speaking of which, is it just me or does it seem like freak show fights are making a comeback?) Now I could sit here and try to persuade you that this is a legitimate match-up, Stephan Bonnar totally has a chance, Anderson Silva’s heart is not in it, or some equally stupid defense as to why this fight needs to happen, but I like all of you far too much to insult your intelligence like that. For Christ’s sake, even the UFC’s official promo videos for UFC 153 are split between joking that Bonnar has no chance and not showing Bonnar at all, if that tells you anything. So instead I’m going to take a hypothetical look at what could happen if The American Psycho manages to pull off the unbelievable. Because let’s be honest, if it happens, the fallout will be of nuclear proportions. For instance…

Stephen Bonnar, The New Face of Burger King

Should Bonnar prevail, his stock will rise exponentially with sponsors. A miraculous victory over Silva would have Nike, Burger King, and many others reconsidering the amount of support and money that they have thrown at The Spider. At the same time, it would then be easy to spin Bonnar as a legend killer — and therefore a legend himself — and he can be sure to expect a few more 0’s on his future paychecks. To this point, BK has kept their Anderson commercials in Brazil, since American audiences apparently wouldn’t be able to handle a cage-fighting burger pitchman. Bonnar, with his good-guy-everyman image, could break through that wall. New commercial concept: Bonnar and Forrest Griffin get into a furious Stacker-eating contest that leaves both men exhausted, and the other restaurant patrons howling for a rematch.

Anderson Silva pulls a Gina Carano

This one’s not too far-fetched when you look at the facts. We’ve already seen “Anderson Silva, Entertainer” with his upcoming movie roles, Michael Jackson impersonations, appearances with washed-up action stars, nude photo shoots, and Brazilian ass-contest-judging so he clearly knows how to play the game. Now if the bong hasn’t ruined your short-term memory completely, then you might remember another superstar champion from a few years ago, Ms. Gina Carano. Since I’ve never excelled at anything, it’s hard to put myself in the place of a great coming to terms with their own mortality, but if Gina’s plight is any indicator I could very well see Anderson choosing to earn a paycheck with his name instead of his fists.

Shamed, the UFC revamps format, breathes life into a dying sport

As evidenced earlier this week, apparently I’m not the only one that has been less than excited with the fights this year. In fact judging by the comments about 90% of you agree. Now just imagine if the unbeatable golden boy were to lose to a 14-7 fighter who is nowhere near title contention at any weight class. A black eye to the promotion for sure. Now just imagine that said black eye actually made the head honchos at Zuffa step back, reevaluate, and make an attempt to recapture what made all of us fall in love with the sport in the first place. How they can do that, I have no idea, but if they even gave it a half-hearted try it would be a step in the right direction.

So for better or worse, we have a main event this weekend that has no title implications, no effect on any weight class standings, and one competitor that’s thought to have as much of a chance at winning as Vanilla Ice does to win a Grammy this year. The only thing that is certain is should Bonnar prevail, the shit will be hitting the fan in one way or another. Sound off with all your hypothetical outcomes should Silva lose in the comments section, and have fun with it, because hey, it could happen.

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itsgalf- October 10, 2012 at 5:50 pm
If Silva loses, he'll probably go back to Brazil and start his own Bus ranch.
Mr_Misanthropy- October 10, 2012 at 5:43 pm
If Silva loses he'll have to fight the line up he is refusing to fight in the middleweight division so it won't be all bad. I might put a five spot on Bonnar because I'll bet it would pay off nice. I'm not putting twenty down though.
El Guapo- October 10, 2012 at 11:31 am
If Bonnar wins, I'll blow Miss Valentina.
Mr_Misanthropy- October 10, 2012 at 5:40 pm
That doesn't count because you would TOTALLY blow her anyways.
Carlos Conned It- October 10, 2012 at 11:30 am
I pray to the MMA Gods that you guys are right about the UFC possibly revamping a little bit if Bonnar beats Silva. I don't think I can handle too much more of Dana and the Marketing crew trying to convince me that i should be excited for yet another Travis Browne/Bigfoot Silva-esk main event. I don't care how big of a silva fan you are... Deep down in the depths of your fight loving hearts you have to be pulling for Bonnar at least a little bit. Come on, Don't lie.
Gobbleston- October 10, 2012 at 1:59 pm
Not just a little bit, sir.
algiersheadkick504- October 10, 2012 at 11:29 am
everything silva worked for in his life would mean nothing if he lost to bonnar and would only prove fedor is the greatest mma fighter ever...undefeated champions streak broken by a tuf runner up who takes steriods and has rematches with lhw gatekeepers...and dana thought diaz vs silva was stupud...
mattyr31- October 10, 2012 at 10:27 am
Mma would be interesting again
ArmFarmer- October 10, 2012 at 9:22 am
His name is Silva
Ricardo Guitardo- October 10, 2012 at 8:49 am
Silvia has to win big by KO or TKO. If this is a slugfest and Silvia wins on points or decision that is essentially a win for Bonnar. If Silvia loses he can go back to being a gay beach boy in brazil.
J-Dog- October 10, 2012 at 8:48 am
If the Psycho pulls off the upset, it's not a black eye for the sport or the UFC. That's the wrong take. It would just go to prove that in MMA ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. What's the fun of knowing the outcome of a fight just because the oddsmakers favor someone, or because someone "should" win? It's more exciting knowing that MMA is a sport in which every fighter has a puncher's chance. The Psycho has heart and IMHO this one is not over before it begins. If Bonnar wins, look for the excuse train to arrive promptly. I will be cheering for the Psycho.
holeeball- October 10, 2012 at 8:16 am
We all know Bonnar is getting killed. No ifs (big or otherwise) or buts about it. RIP Psycho.
knucklesamitch- October 10, 2012 at 7:55 am
I think if Bonnar were to win, we can forget super fights, GSP would be a dumb fight ... Silva can't beat a lower tiered, on verge of retiring LHW, so he picks on a WW instead ... Who cares. Not to mention Jon Jones, he'd never fight Silva if Silva lost to Bonnar.
RearNakedSpoon- October 10, 2012 at 7:42 am
If Silva lost it would be brilliant for the sport because he could no long justify his prima donna antics. He could no longer refuse to fight and call out fighters from a lower weight class.
Fortunately for Silva his greatest skill is picking fights with guys who present little to no challenge so we can just wait for him to retire.
Bill Clinton- October 10, 2012 at 7:24 am
Just watched the extended preview for UFC 153 and I think Bonnar will retire after this fight no matter what happens in the cage.
2DaDeath- October 10, 2012 at 7:17 am
So what's Bonnar coming in at too win anyway? +10000?
smellypiratehooker- October 10, 2012 at 7:15 am
Since when did McDonald's start scrambling there eggs instead of pouching them? My morning cagepotatoe read was a little less enjoyable.
Barnaby Jones- October 10, 2012 at 7:12 am
We all know that's a very SMALL "What if?", right?
Goog- October 10, 2012 at 7:05 am
Bonnar winning wouldn't change a thing. He'd still be a tough son of a bitch and scrappy fighter, Silva would still be a skilled fighter. If anything, they'd have to figure out how to spin it and market the next fights and capitalize on this... but other than that, it's a fist fight. Anything can happen. Bonnar doesn't become the best in the world and the entire internet doesn't need to wonder if Silva's getting old.

That said, I'd love to see Bonnar put on a good show. Win or lose, I love watching this guy fight.
Casa de los pantelones- October 10, 2012 at 6:54 am
If you vote for Obama or Romney, not only do you not have a mother, but you should be tarred and feathered and then drawn and quartered by the Budweiser Clydesdales. Then, what if scientists reanimated your head for Jason Guida to carry around with him...fOrEvEr. And that's just what would happen on a Monday...you don't want to know the rest.
Fletch the V Stretch- October 10, 2012 at 6:37 am
What if pigs could fly? What if the world was flat? What if CP wrote a meaningful article? I jest, but there is absolutely no way on earth that Bonnar wins this fight. IF Bonnar wins, I will vote for Obama.
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