infomercial fail gifs
21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

The Fedor Debate

Okay, I’ve got some bitch slapping to do. I can’t stay silent any longer. I’ve sat back and read the message boards around the MMA universe and listened to the lame ramblings of supposed MMA experts on a subject in the forefront of everyone’s mind. It could happen. It probably will happen at some point.

Who can beat Fedor Emelianenko?

While this is certainly a legit question/dead horse waiting to be beaten and should be at the top of every MMA dinner topic – and who hasn’t had several of those, right? – I’m fucking sick and tired of the lame-fucking-ass answers that keep floating around cyperspace and are shit from the mouths of these MMA ‘experts’. Check out some of the answers coming from the MMA world’s message boards:

-”A heavyweight Sean Sherk
-”A bigger BJ Penn
-”GSP, if he were a heavyweight”
-”Chuck Liddell
-”Ricco, in his prime”

I’m losing my faith in humanity.

If we’re to enter into a serious debate on this subject, we should be studying the heavyweight division past Randy Couture and not creating phantom fights that will never happen. Then there are the joke-makers – alas, the funnymen – who just can’t resist throwing in their idiotic drivel and cluttering up my brain. Some of their popular choices:

-God
-Muhammad
-Zeus
-Hercules
-Batman
-Michael Stipe of R.E.M.
-Wolverine
-Possibly Josh Barnett
-Incredible Hulk
-Superman
-King Kong
-Mr. T

Michael Stipe is kinda’ funny, but the others are so unoriginal that I feel the urge to stab myself in the throat with my Hulk Hogan action figure from 1982. I should point out that in the past few months I’ve been watching this subject debated, Josh Barnett has been a popular choice – aside from the normal Randy supporters. I can see the point, but he’s also been out of the game for a while and his recent losses against top competition speaks volumes. Plus, he’s injury prone. I gotta’ go 100% for Fedor there. Cro Cop was the second most popular – in a rematch (even despite his two recent straight losses). Sokoudjou used to be a popular choice, but that got quiet a few weeks ago. None of these fighters – especially not Sokoudjou – are ranked in most people’s top five. Not even in some top tens. But they are winning the popular vote, even though the popular vote doesn’t always win, now does it, Mr. Gore?

Fedor does get some shit for his choice of opponents, although Dana White red tape can’t be blamed on him. Remember what Yahoo Sports said a few days ago about Fedor needing a Josh Barnett fight:

“The more Emelianenko sullies his reputation by fighting cream puffs, the less his long-awaited showdown with Couture will mean, regardless of which promotion hosts the event, if it ever happens. A match with Josh Barnett, the only world-class caliber free agent heavyweight, is the only match that could turn around opinion at this point.”

Take that for what it’s worth, but I don’t see it that way.

The arguments that most chap my ass are the ones putting guys in the octagon that are not even MMA fighters – and some aren’t even fighters at all. This has become an extremely popular argument that bounces between both the phantom fights and the unoriginal jokesters’ entries. Here’s a look at some popular suggestions:

-Mike Tyson
-Jean-Claude Van Damme
-Shaquille O’Neal
-Ronnie Coleman (Mr. Olympia)
-Dalip Singh (7′ 2″ WWE wrestler)
-Various bodybuilders

Okay, I’ll entertain this for a second. In a pose-off, Fedor would lose to most people, including my grandfather. But bodybuilders have zero striking ability. Why? First, they avoid any striking whatsoever due to the fear of a broken hand – which would put them out of work for months because of inactivity. Second, they have so much muscle, their punches would feel like you’re being hit by a Nerf football thrown through molasses. And I can’t get behind a dude who can’t even reach his own ass to wipe it. So the bodybuilder arguments are dumb. Just fucking dumb. Strong does not mean you’re a good fighter.

Mike Tyson? Please. Van Damme? I could see a good fight a few years ago, but not now – maybe because Van Damme would rather visit Brokeback Mountain with Fedor these days than fight him. I can’t believe I’m even discussing this!

You’ll notice how a lot of the entries in the “Beat Fedor Pageant” are seven foot plus. The argument has been made that Fedor’s weakness is he can’t take down tall dudes. His fight against Hong Man Choi has been cited as an example. He was taken down by the “Techno Goliath” – dumbass nickname, by the way – pretty handily. No shit. Fedor was outweighed by over 100 pounds and would be to anyone over seven feet tall this side of Manute Bol. Falling onto another person under the guise of a take down…you see where this is going. Get Fedor on the ground with any of those seven footers and it’ll end the same way as the Choi fight did.

I’m now too exhausted from refuting the ideas of the mindless to delve into who might actually be legit MMA opponents for Fedor, so we’ll save that for another time – probably when all this UFC vs. Randy shit is cleared up.

(Have fighters you think will beat Fedor? Leave them in the Comment Section.)

Cagepotato Comments

Showing 1-25 of comments

comments
Sort by : Show hidden comments
Anonymous- May 15, 2008 at 2:53 pm
its always funny to watch people invent fighters.
tim with better ground skills
nog with better takedowns
randy with better submission defence
chuck with better kicks
those people dont exist and even if they did whats to say fedor doesnt just up his game like hes done through every hard fight hes fought?
foolio- March 30, 2008 at 1:19 am
Someone said something about Fedor grabbing the ropes in the lindland fight. Well to that person, go to you tube and watch the fight again...They slow the whole thing down. He did use the ropes to prevent a takedown. Plain and simple. As far as anyone beating him, lmao, I don't think so. Tim Sylvia would not stand a chance. Randy grounded and pounded that guy. Imagine what the best ground and pound fighter in the world would do. Everyone's hero got put in front of Fedor. And he's still undefeated. I don't know but when your undefeated and hold wins over Cro Cop, Barnett, Mark Hunt, Nog-twice, Herring, Randleman, Coleman-twice, Fajita, Schultz....And YES he did beat Barnett. No one in MMA has that kind of record. NO ONE.....So hey, lets hate on the greatest fighter that mma has ever seen. Just because he's not from the ufc... But when he arrives and adds Randy's name to that list with a brutal first round ground and poundthat ends with Randy bloody, twitching, and holding his arm wondering what happened, maybe then some of the so called mma fans will give him his due....
manic- March 29, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Fedor Vs The 300 Spartans
LOL heres the Fedor vs tshirts
http://www.cafepress.com/mmatees/5232151
the guy who isn't stupid- January 23, 2008 at 8:40 am
LYOTO MACHIDA <- You heard it here first that dude has the skills to pull it off, even if he losses to tito or whoever is next. I can't recall but didn't this guy fight at heavyweight at one point? Anyway he's got a elusive striking game in counter to fedor's punch rush and his BJJ is a decent match for Fedor's brutal sambo, that fight would be awesome, but we'll never see it, Couture would be cool, but unless they pull that together he's gonna be gettin to old soon, I mean he's what? 46? even with his phenominal skill age plays against you. Either way whoever it is is going to need a ground game of epic proportions, because it's not a question of IF, it's WHEN they go to the ground Fedor is going to go to work, and since he's better on the ground, (sambo is basically savage wrestling for anyone who has no clue) whoever it is going to need some heavy ground skills, not to mention at least good defense in the stand up otherwise Fedor will punch a hole in their face. Not to say that Fedor is as good as he was in the hayday of PRIDE, but he's still savage enough to be a threat to anyone in the "heavyweight" division of any organization.
Computer- January 22, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Vin Diesel say no more
wooda- January 17, 2008 at 4:17 am
people seem to forget that josh barnett and fedor a pretty good friends. i remember watching an interview somewhere where fedor said he most likely wouldnt fight barnett because of this.
Turdburglar- January 16, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Big Chris that's fucking hilarious, the best one yet! good job.
BIG CHRIS- January 16, 2008 at 6:52 pm
If Fedor was to go into the Roadhouse Bar and start some trouble I think Patrick Swayze would show him who is Boss......I pick Patrick Swayze by way of 2 punches in the stomach and a hollywood style Judo throw down the bar steps....
Turdburglar- January 16, 2008 at 6:49 pm
sorry poeple but Fedor beating japanese jellyheads, washed up ex UFC fighters and no talet/name fighters in europe for 8 years does not make him the best heavy weight in the world. oh and overrated brazillians and ogres too.

Fedor would definitely fall to Couture (now, not just in prime).

one of the main factors everyone seems to forget is that UFC actually has a strict policy on riods. hence all the pride fighter busts in the recent months. (and no, Anderson Silva is not a pride fighter just because he had 3 matches with them)
everyone from pride has been a very dissapointing bust except for Rampage.

Fedor would probably loose to Gonzaga too.
TitoG- January 16, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Joe Rogan
lolwut- January 16, 2008 at 6:40 pm
damn i thought i was gonna be a real witty fuck and put down chuck norris but then i see people already beet me to it :(
Jeremy- January 16, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Chuck Norris wins in round one :31, KO coming by way of roundhouse kick!
Olie- January 16, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Anyone else surprised Chuck Norris hasn't been mentioned? /confused.
RTFirefly- January 16, 2008 at 4:27 pm
I think Cheik Congo could beat Fedor.
enam- January 16, 2008 at 3:52 pm
id like to see a rematch between Sem Schilt and Fedor if Sem uses the right tactics he could be dangerous for fedor
Olie- January 16, 2008 at 3:01 pm
There are a couple of people who would give Fedor a good fight, but only a few IMO. I’d love to see Fedor vs Kimbo. Both fighters with a lot of heart. However I don’t think Fedor would take the match-up as he has a lot to lose and not a great deal to gain in beating some internet video ‘prophet’. I’ve no doubt Kimbo would like that match up.

I honestly couldn’t say who would win. To be honest I’d love to say Fedor as I have a lot more respect for him than I do Kimbo (who incidentally I just think is a thug). However I think Kimbo would knock him out with punches. If it went to the ground and Fedor was still breathing then I could see Fedor winning by submission.

Interesting thought but for fuck sake, can we see Fedor fight a ‘big name’ rather than someone who has as many losses as they have wins!
Marks- January 16, 2008 at 1:26 pm
I think that Fedor is the best fighter in the heavyweight division. Having said that i think Arlowski is better than sylvia, but has had his bad days with him, as sylvia was either better on the day or got lucky. The same could happen to Fedor. He could fight somone and slip and get armbarred or something, and lose his title and recognition in a second. We shall have to wait and see.
Dan- January 16, 2008 at 6:18 am
no one in the HW division can touch him, he has the tools to get out off most situations. the type of fighter needed to beat him is a striker like Anderson silver but with much better take down defence or some own who can blanket wrestle him to a decision and there are no HW out there who can do either of those things.

All that said if you get caught big you lose...........though banking on a wonder punch probebly not the best stratagy to take in to a fight with fedor?
tipsyrockero- January 16, 2008 at 4:13 am
I say lets see the randy/fedor. Get it over with. Then all will be good. I am a randy fan, what can i say.
Destro- January 16, 2008 at 4:01 am
Nobody will beat Fedor. There, I just saved you 5000 words.
Damian- January 16, 2008 at 3:53 am
Did anyone see the Lindland fight? If Fedor didnt grab the ropes like a bitch he would have been down. Matt isnt a bitch either I seriously think he had a shot at beating him but it was a cheap move on fedor's part.
Beqwith- January 16, 2008 at 3:29 am
I can't believe you dragged a whole article out of people's joke responses to "Who could beat Fedor". Do you really think anyone believes Shaq, Tyson, or Batman are resonable responses? They are lame jokes. You needed a topic and you took one. Why don't you write an essay everytime some random joker posts that he could beat Fedor? Here's your next one....Recently I recieved a letter from a mister Heywood Jablowme, and he thinks Fedor should fight George Bush. George Bush...he rarely even trains he has no stand up and he is 65 years old......
I hate tim sylvia- January 16, 2008 at 2:31 am
I really do not like him but i think Tim Sylvia would bore his way to a decision victory.....
CagePotatoMMA