infomercial fail gifs
21 Humans Who Make Being Human Look Really, Really Hard

The Final Countdown: Chael Sonnen’s Last Attempt to Hype UFC 159 Main Event

(“Each of us has the same quantity of the most precious commodity in the world… time. Except for you, Jon Jones, you’ve only got a few more hours left on the ticker than Daniel Cormier’s nutritionist.”  I’m  Pic Props: BleacherReport.com/MMA)

By Jason Moles

Since August 2012, Chael P. Sonnen has been pining for a fight with Jon Jones. In that time, Sonnen named a pizza after the UFC light heavyweight champion, wrote him a poem, and rendered masterful performances of his soliloquies at every turn along the way.

Considering we live in a tech-crazed world, it’s no surprise that the beef between the two UFC standouts spilled over into social media. Because Twitter was invented with MMA in mind, it was the perfect place for this feud to play out, with hundreds of thousands of fans hanging on every word. It is there that the “bad guy” ratcheted up the intensity of his verbal assault on Jones, moving from his running commentary on the young champ’s latest headlines to putting “Bones’” title reign on the clock. Here’s what the countdown looks like, via @SonnenCH:

30 – the days left until the fall of your champion and the rise of the DARKSIDE #4/27/13

29 – the year AD in which King Dionysius died and was succeed by Spartacus. 29 days and I too take what is rightfully mine #4/27/13

28 – The IQ of anyone who questions that I’m the baddest man walking around this or any other planet. My coronation awaits. #4/27/13

27 – the number of unfortunate souls collected on my path to immortality #4/27/13

26 – the day in 1560 in which Nostradamus predicted Chael P Sonnen would be the greatest to have ever done it. He was right #4/27/13

25 – the minutes Jon Jones will spend on his back having a make out session with my fists #4/27/13

24 – the show based around what happens when you mess with Chael Sonnen. Take notes Jonny #4/27/13

23 – the number of veins that will throb through Joe Rogan’s neck when he calls this fight #4/27/13

22 – What you’ll need to take me down. Scratch that, you’d need two. #4/27/13

21 – the age you were legal to drink, the morning after felt similar to what’s its like being in the cage with me #4/27/13

20 – Years ago Royce Gracie made the UFC real. Chael Sonnen made it cool. #4/27/13

19 – The age I started my MMA career. 16 years later still not a blemish on my face… Or my record #4/27/13

18 – The age I became an adult, but I became a man at 14… Twice #4/27/13

17 – pieces the body of Osiris was torn into by his brother Set. All mythical figures fall. History awaits my arrival. #4/27/13

16 – Lincoln, our sixteenth president. He had a belief that the mind is controlled by a higher power. You’re looking at it. #4/27/13

15 – the number of letters in the word hydropneumatics as well as Chael beats Jones. #4/27/13

14 – the number of Stations of the Cross. I hope you’re praying to every one of them. #4/27/13

13: The number of Apostles (including yours truly) #4/27/13

12 – zodiac signs. All which read, hold tight to your greatest possession, soon it’ll be taken at the hands of a Bad Guy. #4/27/13

11 – 21 Dec 2012 = 21/12/2012 = 2+1+1+2+2+0+1+2 = 11. The code has been deciphered. The end is near. 11 days… #4/27/13

10 – days until the headlines across the nation read, Chael P. Sonnen… Spelled C-H-A… M-P. #4/27/13

9 – the age I stopped believing in the Easter bunny and soon calling you champion will become as real as him. #4/27/13

8 – the number where your winning streaks ends and your losing streak begins. #4/27/13

7 – on the seventh day he didnt rest, he made Chael P Sonnen. #4/27/13

6 – 6 to 1 odds Vegas gives me to beat Jon Jones. Screw what the dummies say, smart money is on Chael Sonnen. #4/27/13

5 – the average star rating on Yelp for Mean Street Pizza. #4/27/13

4.2 – fastest 40 time in NFL combine. I’d be impressed, but I play real sports, not trying to be best at exercising. #4/27/13

4 – the number of moves it takes me to solve a rubics cube. Think I can’t solve Jon Jones? #4/27/13

3 – New Jersey, the 3rd state in the United States and the home of my coronation. #4/27/13

2 – your official ranking as long as I’m around. #4/27/13

1 – the number of times Chris Brown needs to look at me funny before I slap him silly. You and me tomorrow Jon. #4/27/13

Should Chael Sonnen lose on Saturday night at the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey, will that be the last we hear from him? Will he collect his $10 million and drive off into the Oregonian sunset or will he do the unthinkable and call out another superstar?

Cagepotato Comments

Showing 1-25 of comments

comments
Sort by : Show hidden comments
Mr_Misanthropy- April 27, 2013 at 6:16 pm
Fucking kook!
2DaDeath- April 27, 2013 at 10:06 am
The smart money is on sonnen calling out gsp next.
teep- April 27, 2013 at 8:25 am
We will never hear the last of Chael. Maybe Chris Brown should call out Chael and they could do an old school street fight. Then maybe Chael would have better odds of winning a fight he asked for.
CagePotatoMMA