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The First SFW Trailer for Ronda ArouseMe: Grounded and Pounded Has Arrived

Having just finished watching the first trailer for Burning Angel’s much talked-about Ronda Rousey porn parody, Ronda ArouseMe: Grounded and Pounded, I am irate, Nation. Not because it contains absolutely zero nudity, and not because of any personal bias I have against star Kleio Valentien since she slapped that restraining order on me, but because my long and detailed list of spot-on casting suggestions for the project was completely, inexplicably ignored.

It’s as if ArouseMe director Joanna Angel didn’t appreciate or even take notice of the countless hours I clearly spent researching and drafting up that list, requiring no less than three recuperative naps in the process. Did they think I was only after a few extra clicks on a once mid-tier MMA blog, and not auditioning for a position in the multi-billion dollar industry that is porn casting? This was supposed to be *my* moment, god dammit! This was my chance to be a somebody!! (*kicks can*)

All that said, I’m sure there are a handful of you who’d still like to see the trailer for Ronda ArouseMe regardless of the fact that it took a steaming dump on my dreams, so check it out after the jump.

What, no Bangya Right? No Huge-O Peen LeSwell? Is the Burning Angel Sports Network even a thing? I WANT JUSTICE!!

(Breathe, Jared. Do as Dr. Fontanelle said and just. breathe.)

In the interest of fairness, I will say the trailer did manage to get a couple chuckles out of me — that line about Vin Diesel, especially. The ringside announcing duo of Angel and Small Hands are truly the Pepper and Cotton (or at least the Pepperfield and Redwood) of the porn world. I also appreciate that the entirety of the film appears to have been shot in a dank, humid chop shop, which in today’s age of big-budget, CGI-ridden pornos, is truly a breath of fresh air. (Not literally, of course.)

Break out your credit cards and order your three day limited trials ASAP, Tater Nation, because Ronda ArouseMe: Grounded and Pounded premieres tonight on BurningAngel.com.

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