5. Terry Martin puts up his dukes…sort of
The second round had just started at UFC 54: Boiling Point, when James Irvin went airborne for a flying knee. Terry Martin had battled Irvin for a round already and decided to go all soft and not protect his face. He goes down limp except for his arms, which stay raised in an “I’m not worthy” position. Moments like this should serve more as a warning to never lower your guard for even a second — it’s very likely that you’ll end up on your back looking like a chump.
4. Johnnie Morton thinks he’s playing football
Johnnie Morton was a good receiver in the pros and at USC. But does that translate to the ring? Apparently not. Especially when it appears he’s just trying to go for a weak tackle the entire time. Morton debuted his new career at K-1 Hero’s in June, displaying some of the worst technique and defense seen all year. Bernard Ackah’s nothing special, but he was good enough to see when Morton left himself exposed, and knocked homeboy out in 35 seconds. Don’t quit your day job, Johnnie — oh wait, no one wants you in the NFL these days, either.
3. Matt Lindland KO’s himself slamming Falaniko Vitale
This one went down back at UFC 43: Meltdown, where everyone thought it was just a matter of time before The Law brought Niko down. But nobody expected Lindland to misjudge the turn on the chest-to-chest slam. Lindland gets his head wedged between Niko’s falling melon and the mat, taking himself down for the count. What, A, Loser. We should mention that five months later, Lindland got his revenge and took Vitale out, not that it redeemed the shamefulness of this particular night.
2. Bo Cantrell hits the mat tapping
We covered this 19-second shitshow to death in November, but it’s gotta be on the list. At EliteXC: Renegade, Kimbo Slice roared in on the out-matched (possibly food-poisoned) Bo “Redrum” Cantrell and quickly caught him with a monster right. By the time Cantrell hit the mat, he was tapping like Savion Glover. Pathetic — ban that yellow-bearded son-of-a-bitch.
1. Bob Sapp cries like a baby
Sap has already made our list of Ten Fighters Who Should Hang Up Their Gloves, and this KO loss against Mirko Cro Cop is exhibit fucking A. Fine, Bob, it hurts getting jacked in the face, and maybe you did break something. But you chose the sport, so be a man and stop weeping like a Japanese schoolgirl. Bitch…