MMA fighters aren’t exactly known for their fashion sense. So it should come as little surprise that most MMA t-shirt companies produce some pretty questionable designs. The rampant abuse of foil print, skulls, chains, tribal designs and nautical stars among most MMA t-shirts is bad enough on its own; even worse when you consider that they sell for thirty bucks a pop.
Which I guess makes it all the worse when a fighter makes his way to the cage covered in an “athletic fit” Old-English mess. Not only is the shirt revolting, but it’s going to sell for an outlandish sum of money, and be worn by every overweight Texas Roadhouse chef, milquetoast tech support geek and muscle-bound frat boy.
Perhaps the reason that we’ve never attempted an “Ugliest Walkout Shirts” post is because ranking these train wrecks is like ranking, well, actual train wrecks. No matter what order you place them in, you’re a total scumbag for attempting to rank a tragedy from most to least depressing. And besides, you’re clearly wrong about which one belongs at number three. For that reason, these will not be ranked, per se, but rather categorized. How you feel these shirts fall into place is up to you.
Let’s start with the most obvious category:
Ugliest Tapout Shirt: Ryan Bader‘s UFC 119 Walkout
Don’t worry, this won’t be the only Tapout shirt to make this list. The company that is responsible for more ILS than Muscle Beach has produced some downright disgusting t-shirts. We’ve said it before: Tapout has become the new Vuarnet or No Fear.
Taking the cake though has to be Ryan Bader’s UFC 119 walkout. I didn’t think it was possible to dislike anything related to ”Citizenship in a Republic“. I stand corrected.
Ugliest Affliction Shirt: Chris Leben‘s UFC 116 Walkout
Speaking of companies you’ll be seeing more than once, here’s our first Affliction eyesore. The only redeeming quality of this shirt is that the edges are already frayed, meaning it will fall apart much sooner than a normal t-shirt. Then again, if you’re the type of person who wears shirts like this, you probably won’t think that’s such a good thing.
Ugliest “Nationality-Themed” Shirt: Cain Velasquez’ UFC 104 Walkout
Cain Velasquez is a proud Mexican-American with “Brown Pride” tattooed across his chest. I get how that means any shirt bearing his name is going to play off of his heritage. What I don’t get is why Dethrone wanted this shirt to look like the totally bitchin’ Myspace background of a fifteen year old from 2006.
Ugliest ”Patriotic” Shirt: Rich Franklin’s UFC 93 Walkout
Sorry Ace, but America’s colors are red, white and blue. And this shirt is hideous.
Ugliest Clusterfuck: Frank Mir’s UFC 107 Walkout
Put yourself in my position for a moment: I am expected to explain to someone with healthy eyesight- someone who is clearly capable of just looking at this mess- why this shirt is ugly. After two hours of trying to write something, I’ve decided that it’s probably for the best that I never look into a career as a guy who writes warning labels for coffee cups.
Ugliest Shirt to Never Be Worn: Aleksander Emelianenko’s “Affliction: Banned” Walkout
No matter what you are doing in life, be it getting tattoos or picking fights with hapless cans, you should never try to out-badass Aleksander Emelianenko. Any attempt you make at it, be it a walkout t-shirt or a fight game plan, is guaranteed to end in disaster. Especially when Affliction is involved.
Most Half-Assed Shirt: James Toney’s UFC 118 Walkout
Judging by his performance at UFC 118, James Toney spent about twenty minutes studying the ground game leading up to his bout with UFC Hall-of-Famer Randy Couture. Judging by the image above, that’s roughly 5x longer than Twistd Apparel spent designing his walkout shirt. Besides, if you’re going to make something half-assed, at least make it realistic.
Hit that “next page” link for that other Emelianenko, the craziest shirt you’ll see all day, and some lifetime achievement awards for walkout shirt ineptitude…