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The Greatest Erotic MMA Fan Fiction of All Time


(Come up with your own caption, perverts. / Photo via Getty)

UFC Fight Night 56 happened last night and it was pretty boring. During the lull in action, we wondered if there was a prominent MMA fan fiction scene. It turns out there was! The only drawback: A vast majority of the stories featured prominent fighters having sex with other prominent fighters.

We’re not really sure how to say this with our characteristic irreverent tone, so we’re just going to flat out say it: There’s a shit load of MMA slash fic out there. We found it. It’s…well, you need to see for yourself. We don’t like to exaggerate in the headlines but this stuff is far out.

Please don’t construe this as us trying to insult the author. We’re the guys who watch Ultimate Surrender, so we can’t judge how anyone gets their rocks off. We just thought these stories were kind of funny. We think it’s great someone is passionate enough about MMA to write this kind of stuff, honestly. Here are some excerpts from the more wild stories:

Title: UFC 178 Date
Fighters who bang: Nick Diaz and Alexander Gustafsson.
Summary: Nate Diaz pukes on Gustafsson and passes out. Then Gustafsson punches Nick Diaz in the face and Nick gives him a blowjob.
Excerpt:

He leaned over and kissed Nick on the cheek that he punched. Nick turned towards him and kissed him back. Gustafsson took his shirt off. He’d been dying to get it off. It still smelled of Nate’s vomit. Nick kept his T-shirt on and both fighters made out on the sofa.

Check out the full story for the x-rated parts [Ed's note: We'd post the erotic details here but corporate doesn't really like serious, hardcore fetish writing posted on their web properties.]

Title: Mayhem In Stockton
Fighters who bang: Nick Diaz and Mayhem Miller.
Summary: After Mayhem Miller loses to CB Dollaway, he runs into Nick Diaz in the locker room. They have a scuffle and Diaz gives Miller a blowjob.
Excerpt:

He laid still as Diaz hiked up his shirt and started to kiss his chest. ‘Hey Nick how much have you smoked today?’ Miller asked, confused.
‘None, you want me to stop?’ Diaz asked, leaning over on Miller’s stomach and twisting his belt.
‘Fuck no, just making conversation,’ Miller said as he pushed Nick’s hand away and undid his own belt. Miller kind of guessed that Nick hadn’t been the academic type at school and Diaz wasn’t gonna give ‘the eggheads’ a run for their money, but he had to give it to him, the kid knew how to give a good blowjob.

Again, see the full story for more sexy details.

Title: Weidman vs. Silva 3.
Fighters who bang: Chris Weidman, Anderson Silva (with a cameo from Nick Diaz)
Summary: Chris Weidman visits Anderson Silva in the hospital after their second fight and they make out and do some light foreplay.
Excerpt:

‘Now I have to go back to the hotel room…without you. It sucks,’ Chris said leaning over and kissing Silva on the mouth. Silva didn’t have the energy to kiss him back, but he stroked Chris’ arm instead. Weidman and Silva had been seeing each other since early June, before their first fight during UFC 162. Neither of them had planned it. For both of them. It was casual. Chris liked it that way, until tonight. Ever since that kick, Chris had jsut wanted to take Silva home and look after him.

Here’s a link to the full story.

Title: Dana vs. Daley
Fighters who bang: Dana White and Paul Daley.
Summary: Paul Daley gets on his knees so he can return to the UFC.
Excerpt:

Without warning Paul scurried over to Dana on the chair and kissed him. Without thinking Dana kissed him back. They made out on the sofa until Paul started to unbuckle Dana’s jeans. Dana’s leg twitched.

Read the full story.

Those were the most notable stories. And to reiterate, we’re not trying to make fun of the guy who wrote these. We throw shade at Zuffa (and Viacom) brass, not at MMA fans just trying to have fun and share their love (albeit erotic) of MMA with other people. If you’d like more MMA fan fiction, go here — though we can understand if you never want to read MMA fanfic again.

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