After watching several cartoonishly corny videos (the first above, more of which we will subject you to after the jump) we’re not sure what “Warrior Island” is, exactly, but from the little we can glean it is even more stupid than X-Arm. If you’re not familiar with X-Arm, watch this and realize the magnitude of the above claim.
We’ll mostly let the videos speak for themselves but it appears as if something called Global Proving Ground (GPG, to help this future pop culture phenomenon get rolling) is pitching a reality competition television show that will, in some way, include martial artists pitted against one another on an island. They are holding tryouts – you don’t want to miss the audition tapes below – and we, the ardent GPG fans will vote on who we want to see on the island, or something to that effect.
Oh yeah, they are also trying to bilk “fighters” out of $9.95/month for supposedly expert advice from a tatted up doctor that looks like every annoying guy at any MMA event ever.
In the opening trailer we see several shirtless, fat men running pained and barefoot through some vaguely Polynesian beach forest, at least one emaciated looking dude doing the same, and an unidentified Dan Severn jogging with a gray t shirt on.
The camera cuts to other exotic locations where actors perform the clunkiest sparring demonstrations you’ve ever seen: The world’s least flexible ninja doing Karate, two guys battling ever. so. slowly. with Wu Shu swords on the Great Wall of China, or something, while tinny-sounding sword clashing audio is superimposed over the video. Wait until you see the thrilling Pankration demonstration or the two guys who don’t know what Sambo is, demonstrating what Sambo is.
The audition tapes contain one perfectly nice gentleman that says he’s practiced Kung Fu every day since 1970. As he prances around delicately, completely off balance for fighting at almost every juncture, take comfort knowing that, no matter how bad your day is going, at least you haven’t wasted 42 years of your life doing something useless every day.
Audition tapes and an appeal from Dr. Douchebag after the jump.
The biggest dufus in the videos, however, is the interviewer who, when he comes in to frame, we realize is wearing a camouflage hat, a black gi and an American flag-colored belt. This is the guy in charge, ladies and gentlemen.
They also have a mentally disabled kid auditioning. So there’s that.
Not only is this sham of an organization ok with insulting an audience and trying to swindle perfectly healthy adults, they’re also fine with stringing along mentally disabled folks. That kid is only guy in the video with credibility, as far as we’re concerned, and we hope that off camera he beat the crap out of everyone else in the room.
Looks like he probably could.