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The Next Big Dumb Thing is Here: ‘Warrior Island’

After watching several cartoonishly corny videos (the first above, more of which we will subject you to after the jump) we’re not sure what “Warrior Island” is, exactly, but from the little we can glean it is even more stupid than X-Arm. If you’re not familiar with X-Arm, watch this and realize the magnitude of the above claim.

We’ll mostly let the videos speak for themselves but it appears as if something called Global Proving Ground (GPG, to help this future pop culture phenomenon get rolling) is pitching a reality competition television show that will, in some way, include martial artists pitted against one another on an island. They are holding tryouts – you don’t want to miss the audition tapes below – and we, the ardent GPG fans will vote on who we want to see on the island, or something to that effect.

Oh yeah, they are also trying to bilk “fighters” out of $9.95/month for supposedly expert advice from a tatted up doctor that looks like every annoying guy at any MMA event ever.

In the opening trailer we see several shirtless, fat men running pained and barefoot through some vaguely Polynesian beach forest, at least one emaciated looking dude doing the same, and an unidentified Dan Severn jogging with a gray t shirt on.

The camera cuts to other exotic locations where actors perform the clunkiest sparring demonstrations you’ve ever seen: The world’s least flexible ninja doing Karate, two guys battling ever. so. slowly. with Wu Shu swords on the Great Wall of China, or something, while tinny-sounding sword clashing audio is superimposed over the video. Wait until you see the thrilling Pankration demonstration or the two guys who don’t know what Sambo is, demonstrating what Sambo is.

The audition tapes contain one perfectly nice gentleman that says he’s practiced Kung Fu every day since 1970. As he prances around delicately, completely off balance for fighting at almost every juncture, take comfort knowing that, no matter how bad your day is going, at least you haven’t wasted 42 years of your life doing something useless every day.

Audition tapes and an appeal from Dr. Douchebag after the jump.

The biggest dufus in the videos, however, is the interviewer who, when he comes in to frame, we realize is wearing a camouflage hat, a black gi and an American flag-colored belt. This is the guy in charge, ladies and gentlemen.

They also have a mentally disabled kid auditioning. So there’s that.

Not only is this sham of an organization ok with insulting an audience and trying to swindle perfectly healthy adults, they’re also fine with stringing along mentally disabled folks. That kid is only guy in the video with credibility, as far as we’re concerned, and we hope that off camera he beat the crap out of everyone else in the room.

Looks like he probably could.

Audition Tapes:

Dr. Douchebag:

- Elias Cepeda

Cagepotato Comments

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crappiefloper- October 1, 2012 at 9:51 pm
And I got the Tater over Todd. Sorry man
crappiefloper- October 1, 2012 at 9:49 pm
I got you you good fucker!
TellaTruth- September 30, 2012 at 9:32 pm
Awww the 1st 2 videos are now marked privat. bummer.

Producer looks like an overweight White Goodman in Dodgeball!
Fried Taco- September 30, 2012 at 10:20 am
Just watched the audition videos above: chunky guy trying to act like a pro wrestler, old tai chi master, and Todd. Todd would destroy those other two! I know, I have a nephew with Downs and he is freaking strong, and one of the most awesome people on earth. Go Todd!!!!
GistoftheFist- September 29, 2012 at 8:19 pm
I can't believe the CEO of this thing actually joined the Cagepotato comment section to defend his promotion with the absolute worst spelling and punctuation i've read in these comment sections, even spambots spell better than you. You capitalise random words like Martial Arts and Button, you typed "would of" instead of "would have", and you don't seem to be aware of what a period or a comma is, both of which are useful "Buttons" on your keyboard.

The rambling, nonsensical mess of a message you left isn't really helping your side of the argument. You're going to forward an article to a member of the Gracie family because he was "insulted"? Do you hunt down every comment section on MMA forums or something? You then finish by making the oddball statement "sumo fighters would destroy MMA fighters pretty fast". For someone who claims to know what "Martial Arts" are all about, you sure don't seem to realise that it depends on the person and not whatever style he's trained in. This is UFC 1 all over again, with people making up bullshit fighting styles to sound impressive.

I can't believe i'm saying this, but you make Felony Fights look like a five-star quality promotion. But what do I know? If you attract legions of tattooed chainsmoking TapouT shirt fans "who trane UFC" then by all means, you deserve every dollar they are dumb enough to give you. Forward THAT to Gracie.
Gay Maynard- September 29, 2012 at 7:14 pm
sorry but missed a few points.. "The Todd" is awesome, and i do get it, but why would you actually put his promo on youtube, all thats going to do is hurt the kid, or man, how ever old he is. also, about the Sumo vs MMA, you need to take back that comment, i think someone else on this thread already pointed it out, but, pretty much.. you just spewed bullshit all over your self and what ever Sumo Fatty your defending. and back to Mr. Severn, the only way i'll enjoy watching him on this shit is if he is fighting 20 midgets all at the same time while guys are shooting potato guns at him, and of course Slayers "Raining Blood" playing in the back round. If that is what is actually happening with Danny boy, then I take back all my negative comments i have made and give you Kudos. oh yeah? i was wondering? could i have a Free T-shirt? =)
Gay Maynard- September 29, 2012 at 6:57 pm
as long as we are using this format.. lol

Dear Dumb Show Idea CEO

I read everything you had to say, and it was very heroic of you to defend a bag of shit.. but i still have a few problems with your particular bag of shit... if this is such a great fighting competition, how come the quality of this video is flat out terrible, you say alot of people involved are big time and serious, its hard to take anything serious from that trailer. And why are you throwing around the Gracie name as if anyone really cares? I'm sorry but everyone isn't going to know every god damn butt-hole in the world thats involved with some kind of fighting with the last name Gracie, im sure your "Gracie" is cool, but.. he aint no Renzo, that dude beats up people in New York =). On another note, Good for you, you have Dan Severn.. but on the other hand, i feel bad for you, because you do... lol have dan severn, he lost his relevance about a decade ago. He hasnt fought anything worth a shit in a long time. Theres no reason to make him look all bad ass walking under a boardwalk at night, i felt like i was watching a recent shitty Segal movie...also, lol what was up with that arrow going around the world, that was a pretty bad video filler, just took up to much time, and your "fighting examples" look just as shitty as your trailer. Either way, instead of going out of your way and defending your crappy show on the Cp, just try and prove everyone wrong, until then... you idea looks stupid and i hope "The Todd" wins, because he looks the most bad ass.
Mr_Misanthropy- September 29, 2012 at 6:10 pm
I will let my public relations representative do the talking:
Mr_Misanthropy- September 29, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Elias- September 29, 2012 at 3:35 pm
Just checking in now to peruse comments. haven't gotten to all of them but I see the President of the company posted. I swear I will force myself to read the rest of his comments even though I noticed he said that for the record, many sumo wrestlers would destroy MMA fighters...alright. As a matter of actual fighting record, we already have a great idea of how that would go. Thanks though.
Pen Fifteen- September 29, 2012 at 2:06 pm
This wouldn't happen to be the "creative genius" Ben Parry would it, a guy whose most recent credit as a stunt coordinator comes from 1991?
Pen Fifteen- September 29, 2012 at 2:02 pm
And while I still think this whole thing looks like a big fucking scam, this Stoppani is not a bullshit doctor; he got a PhD from Connecticut in 2001.

But seriously, James Jefferson, get a fucking clue. No amount of fact-checking could make up for the fact that your promo video is a complete joke, perhaps the most amateurish thing I've ever seen passed off as professional. Elias Cepeda may be a retard, but he's dead on with that one. Also, I went to your website, and the copy looks like it was typed by someone with dyslexia. Sample gem: "We are blessed to have Executive Producer / Director Ben Perry a Black Belt himself in charge of the creative genius of the project." How do you expect anyone to take your product seriously with turns of phrase like that?
Fried Taco- September 29, 2012 at 1:47 pm
Also JamesUrPt, you have to realize this was written by one Elias Cepeda, and most of the CP readers just ignore his articles anyway. He could write an article revealing the secret to the Bruce Lee one-inch punch, and it would still be a secret.
bonerjones- September 29, 2012 at 12:25 pm
I'm glad to see that dipset has decided to pursue his MMA dreams. Go get 'em, Todd!!!
kellyman- September 29, 2012 at 12:13 pm
Shit just got real.
Anhonestmoose- September 29, 2012 at 11:58 am
Dear Mr. Jamesurpt,
Speaking as a representative for absolutely no-one on this site I would like to answer some of your concerns. First of all it seems you have missed the stated goal of this particular domain. See, CP and CP nation pride ourselves on our ability to not take ourselves too seriously. We make fun of all things MMA and MMA related. I believe a quick perusal of the site will reveal that satire is the primary focus, with no harm intended. This may ruffle a few feathers and rub some the wrong way, but that is the price of humor these days.

Second, let's talk exposure. It seems to me you are missing an opportunity here. It would have been just as easy to come here and point out the strengths of your product and clear the air. Insults are only a positive when delivered with a sense of humor. The community here is, in my experience, above the average intelligence of most MMA fans and capable of being brought around to a well reasoned argument. It could have, and may still be, turned into a possibility for drawing fan interest if handled correctly (any press is good press).

Finally, to the MMA vs Sumo argument. This is something that has already been tested. In general it has been the case that Sumo practitioners were not physically suited to the cardio requirements of MMA. Excellent examples of this can be found in Teila Tuli and Cale Yarborough. This is not to say that Sumo is an inferior sport any more than a baseball player performing poorly in basketball would invalidate baseball.

Good luck with your project, I sincerely hope it goes well.
JamesUrPt- September 29, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Very well put and understood. I was only sent the post and should of read more of the web site. In fact we had 40 more people sign up for our YouTube page right after this site posted so you are correct. Humor is very important and encouraged. Now I get it. What do you call a dog with no back legs and metal balls "SPARKY" see I can laugh.....LOL We want to do the best we can and it is hard to make everyone happy but I will take some time to go through the site some more.
Anhonestmoose- September 29, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Thanks for being reasonable. Like I said, I don't represent the site but in general we are a pretty reasonable group here. It's true we can sometimes be harsh, and take things too far. The humor here isn't for everyone either, and I can see how a post like this could be taken at face value. To be fair with the video at the top a subtext with the trainers credentials might be helpful. I am as big a fan of Gracie Jiu Jitsu as anyone (the Gracie clan as well) but could definitely not identify him in the video. I'll check out the other videos you posted, but if you are as sincere as you appear in your posts then I'm confident they'll be good.
JamesUrPt- September 29, 2012 at 11:18 am
Here is that guy you insulted Relson Gracie in your opening remarks

Here are some of the Top Rated Tryout Video's watch these and then tell me if you think we do not have good fighters involved....
Anhonestmoose- September 29, 2012 at 1:23 pm
It does look like you have a mix of some vets and prospects. Will this be an actual tournament or more of challenge/voting reality format?
JayPeazy- September 29, 2012 at 11:18 am
As God as my witness, I am the owner of an personalized autographed 8x10 K-mart Portrait Studio photo of The Todd. Jealous?
JamesUrPt- September 29, 2012 at 11:01 am
For us to be ethical we are allowing everyone to enter their won video. The fans will vote for the best real fighters and the Grand Masters will not allow anyone on the Island that is not able to defend themselves but if someone gets enough votes to go but is not good enough the Masters of the Island will bring them as a guest to sit fight side during the fights. The Top 16 Fighters Worldwide will fight for $500,000.00 and we have real good fighters who have fought in the UFC, Bellator, Strikeforce, Dream, Olympics and more. We have other projects, tv shows and movies the tryout videos are for Martial Artists to promote what they do and why they do it. I am sure Dan Severn is going to be happy with your comments about "the TODD" who is a member of his Michigan Sports Camp and trains every day to be a better person. Look deep inside yourself and ask yourself if you had Down Syndrom would you feel better about yourself if someone asked you to participate in this or told you that you could not. Shame on all of you. Oh and for the Record Sumo Fighters would destroy most MMA Fighters pretty fast. Martial Arts has many forms and styles. Give us a chance Global Proving Ground and Warrior Island are still forming and will make all of your proud and inspire you.
Anhonestmoose- September 29, 2012 at 11:32 am
Ever heard of a man named Teila Tuli?
RearNakedSpoon- September 29, 2012 at 11:00 am
Where's Tater Williams tryout video where he explains the "5 of these across the sneeze" style?
JamesUrPt- September 29, 2012 at 10:53 am
Well you may want to re post your comments after speaking with me since you have now offended Relson Gracie Ron Van Clief and Dan Severn all owners of Global Proving Ground. The smaller guy running through the jungle is Grand Master Relson Gracie you may of heard his name before I am sure a large portion of your fans and followers respect the Gracie family and now that you have insulted him and his new show I will forward this posting to him in Hawaii. You hand picked a few of the tryout video's to put on your page and I am sure if you would of spent some more time going through the video's or click the You Tube Button to show the top voted video's but we are leaving this voting up to the fans. There are many quality MMA fighters and martial artists involved in the process and only true quality fighters will go to Warrior Island to represent all martial arts. You can call me on the phone directly to discuss the project at 609-923-2663 any time. The same people that build the original UFC are behind this and you will enjoy it and be proud. Your comments are your opinion and you are entitled but try not to give opinions without all of the facts, Global Proving Ground is trying to make an impact on all people, beginners, Pro's, special needs, families. See Martial Arts is for everyone at all levels it is about Respect, Honor and helping each other to get better. Again I would rethink your comments and post until you get all of the info about what we are putting together and the Global Proving Ground Fighter Association will be providing discount insurance, legal and accounting and education for Martial Artists and Fighters all over the world why that would bother you I am not sure but it is not mandatory. Best Regard, James Jefferson President CEO Global Proving Ground
SethF- September 29, 2012 at 10:29 am
Not to judge a book by its cover, but Dr. Jim Stoppani looks like he won his PhD from the same box of Cracker Jacks I got my journalism degree from.
JamesUrPt- September 29, 2012 at 11:09 am
If you are not sure who Phd Jim Stoppani pick up any copy of Flex or Muscle and Fitness Magazine and look inside the front cover he is the Senior Science Editor with a PHD in Exercise Physiology and has over 6 million fans, books, videos etc and is also a martial artist. Why everyone on this site needs to insult people is beyond me. Grow up children or would you rather watch more of the garbage the Network TV is putting out there.
GistoftheFist- September 29, 2012 at 10:20 am
Ok, I was pretty sure you guys were exaggerating parts of this article, but I am wrong. There really is a kid with Down's auditioning. The video was even more pathetic than you described. This is like if the movie Bloodsport happened in real life, but taken place 40 years ago. A geezer doing jazzercise, a twitchy kid in a wrestling singlet, and a chubby short guy wearing his most intimidating Nordstroms sweater are auditioning to be fighters? Combine that with footage of the island's deadliest cake eaters and and a volcano erupting..i'm honestly surprised I didn't see someone claiming to represent Rexkwondo in an audition video.
Pen Fifteen- September 29, 2012 at 10:12 am
Never go full retard.
Darkside- September 29, 2012 at 9:18 am
So, how long until Karma starts begging for bus fare to go try out for this thing?