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The Potato Index: UFC 131, TUF 13 Finale, and UFC 130 Edition

(Clay Guida‘s party-animal status: Unchanged. Photo courtesy of

Now that we’re halfway through a six-week stretch featuring a UFC or Strikeforce event every weekend, it might be time to take a deep breath, drag out a semi-retired recurring feature, and assign some totally meaningless scores to some of the notable trends and fighters we’ve seen lately. Who’s up, who’s down, and by how much? Well…

The UFC heavyweight division +113
Some have already labeled Shane Carwin‘s loss at UFC 131 the “end of an era” for gargantuan heavyweights. (Didn’t last long, did it?) At the top of the division, we’re left with two guys who are smaller, faster, and better-conditioned than their predecessors; Velasquez vs. Dos Santos could be an all-time classic. Meanwhile, prospects like Travis Browne and Dave Herman continue to add depth at 265.

Cageside monitors -98
Nope, the judging in this sport still sucks, and the problem doesn’t appear to be technological. When you have shit for brains, every angle is a bad angle.

Demian Maia -184
Ugh. Bro, nobody wants to see you kickbox your way to another decision. Submitting people used to be Demian’s gimmick — and it was a great one. But he hasn’t been able to do that since UFC events were still numbered in the double-digits. Maia is officially a stepping stone in the middleweight division, and it’s a shame to see it.

Sam Stout +250
Meanwhile, Hands of Stone scored the first stoppage victory of his five-year, 11-fight UFC career at “Dos Santos vs. Carwin,” snapped a seven-fight decision streak in the process, and gobbled up his sixth performance bonus, like a boss.

Meaningless rumors -322
That’s the last time you fool us, Internet. THE LAST TIME.

Michihiro Omigawa -62
Yeah, he got his win bonus, but officially he’s 0-4 in the Octagon now. You know who else went 0-4 in the Octagon? Tiki Ghosn. You’re in good company, Michi.

The Ultimate Fighter +138
Season 13 might have been a drag, but with the booking of Bisping vs. Mayhem in the coaching slots and the debut of bantamweights and featherweights on the show, we’ll actually have a reason to watch this thing again.

Trying to win a fight off your back -241
Miguel Torres couldn’t do it against Demetrious Johnson, and Anthony Pettis couldn’t do it against Clay Guida. Top-game rules in this sport. Resistance is futile.

Joe Rogan +300/-300
…depending on your feelings about the word “cunty.”

Quinton Jackson +276
Beats up Matt Hamill, earns a title shot, and mock-motorboats Karyn Bryant without getting pepper-sprayed. Alpha.

Brian Stann +437
An American hero who’s now a legit threat at middleweight. Stann TKO’d former Top-10 fighter Jorge Santiago on Memorial Day, picking up his second Fight of the Night bonus in his last three fights.

Guys who get ranked in the Top 10 by dominating local talent in Japan, then get squashed the first time they fight in (or return to) the Octagon -602
See above.


Cagepotato Comments

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DangadaDang- June 14, 2011 at 8:01 pm
I'm calling it now, Evans v Bones Jones TUF 15 coaches. All the rumored injuries are bullshit.
fatbellyfrank- June 14, 2011 at 6:38 pm
Potato index after every event please, and Joe rogan + A gazillion, cunty is a beautiful word, so evocative, it conveys so many meanings: Positive= thats a nice little cunty my dear Negative= You stupid cunty dropkick of a thing
Get Off Me- June 14, 2011 at 6:21 pm
I think Maia won that fight, if you think that's crazy, one judge scored the fight 30-27 for Munoz, who's crazier?
How long will submission attempts go unaccounted for by the judges?
Jubbie- June 14, 2011 at 3:33 pm
At most, I'd put Omigawa at 0. You can't blame him for judges hating Asians in MMA.

I also don't see the problem with Maia learning how to strike. He just needs to learn how to transition back and forth.
RwilsonR- June 14, 2011 at 1:24 pm
@ Rex - didn't you tell us we had to ask them in the forums? Never been there, and not sure I'd care to go. I'm all Comments fo life!
ReX13- June 14, 2011 at 1:04 pm
We haven't forgotten "Ask the Potato" -- you assholes aren't asking questions.
danomite- June 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm
we never forgot about it, YOU forgot about it! other things you have forgotten about include: caption contests for imaginary shirts/real shitty movies, ask the potato, Ben vs._____, and doing the laundry.
El Guapo- June 14, 2011 at 11:19 am
Mike Russell -1000
BG's article defending his lady friend was the best thing to happen to MRuss since the Department of Homeland Security took him off their most wanted list for liver kicking seventeen Mounties into a coma. Now that the index has pretty much absolved not only Rogan but Rampage.... (Wayne/Garth voice)"Gaaaaame on!"
RwilsonR- June 14, 2011 at 10:30 am
@ intercept440 - so your rufies are in pill form, then?
@ BGold - Great job in bringing this back!
Turbograffix- June 14, 2011 at 10:29 am
Looks like Clay is gonna be working on his lay and spray
bgoldstein- June 14, 2011 at 10:26 am
Glad to see some of you haven't forgotten about the Index. I think we'll make this a monthly thing from now on.
pinkyslayer- June 14, 2011 at 10:18 am
that dude with the sunglasses looks like a really nice guy.
PingPong- June 14, 2011 at 9:59 am
@ manutdfan

Me too, Maia is developing some decent stand-up. He's evolving from just a one-note Jiu Jitsu player into a more well rounded guy.

It might take a while and he's going to stumble on the way but at least he's doing something.
knucklesamitch- June 14, 2011 at 9:26 am
totally unrelated, but I'm too lazy to do my own research...Is Barnett licensed for this weekend yet or not????
manutdfan- June 14, 2011 at 9:12 am
Sorry, but I gotta disagree with the Maia ranking.
intercept440- June 14, 2011 at 9:04 am
@agentsmith lol
i got a few game plans in mind i want to try out on the chick in the orange...

NO.. no... RwilsonR, they dont include chloroform , and a bottle of rohipnol
RwilsonR- June 14, 2011 at 9:00 am
As an addendum to the era of big heavyweights being over, -236 to Frank Mir. Just when the dude bulks up to compete with those giant wrestlers, they are shown to be irrelevant. And they are trying to slim down.
agentsmith- June 14, 2011 at 8:53 am
Fun fact: Guida's "game plan" for that chick was the same as he used on Pettis, just with less shoulder-shrugs.
agentsmith- June 14, 2011 at 8:52 am
It's obviously the ass-chick's right hand, guys. What are you, judges?
jimbonics- June 14, 2011 at 8:46 am
Shit-for-Brains judging: +666
Canseco_MMA- June 14, 2011 at 8:46 am
Jesus. There really is a hand on his dick. Nice observation sloppyspray.
ExpectJesusBro- June 14, 2011 at 8:40 am
Damn it sloppyspray. you got me too. Like a train wreck, can't look away. i think it is that dudes... WTF!?
ExpectJesusBro- June 14, 2011 at 8:38 am
well done Sir. I felt pretty much the same way. War Kenflo! good luck with the brazialian gorilla ninja!
Me likey- June 14, 2011 at 8:36 am
-300 for sloppyspray making me go back to look at guida's junk
Sloppyspray- June 14, 2011 at 8:31 am
There is definitely a hand on Guida's junk in that picture... and it looks like its at too awkward an angle for it to be that chicks, guess it's that creepy dude in the green hat's.