Disclaimer: Here you have it, Potato Nation, the first list article CagePotato ever published. And we turned it into a multi-page just to spite you. MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!

#10 (tie): Chris “The Polish Hammer” Horodecki & Peter “The Dutch Lumberjack” Aerts

Though it has a long, proud history, the nationality + noun combination is always a risky move when crafting a nickname. If it’s “The Polish ____” it can end up sounding like the setup to a joke. (i.e., “You hear the one about the Polish Hammer? They use it to pound fingernails.” Or something like that, but much funnier.) With any other nationality, like “The Dutch ____,” it can end up sounding like a deviant sex act. Marcus “The Irish Hand Grenade” Davis gets a pass because hand grenades are badass.

#9: Sean “ The Muscle Shark” Sherk

Yes, he’s suspiciously well-built, and yes, “shark” almost sounds like “Sherk,” especially when delivered in a thick Yooper accent. The problem is, there’s no such thing as a “muscle shark.” Believe me, I’ve done the research.

#8: Steve “Red Nose” Berger

Is it because his capillaries are all burst from chronic alcoholism or because he’s constantly getting punched in the face? I’m not sure I’d stake my reputation to either one.

#7: Elvis “The King of Rock N Rumble” Sinosic

Get it? It’s because his name is Elvis! And how effective is “Rock N Rumble” as a competitive martial art? Well, judging from his record, I’d put it somewhere between Kuialua and breakdance-fighting.

#6: Frank “Twinkle Toes” Trigg

I actually don’t have a problem with this. Frank’s a limp-wristed sissy, and he freely acknowledges it. He’s owning it, y’know?

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